Hope Rekindled (17 page)

He shook his head. “Folks are suffering, Deborah. The bad winter up north helped some of the cattlemen to sell their stock, but many did so either in trade or selling on agreement. Not much cash actually changed hands.”

A sinking feeling came over Deborah. He wanted to leave this area—to move elsewhere. He knew she wouldn’t like it, and he was anticipating the conflict. For a moment, she felt guilty. This was because of her, not Jimmy. She was the one who’d made it clear she didn’t want to leave Perkinsville again. She was the one who wanted to practice at his side when there wasn’t enough work for one doctor, much less two.

“And now Jimmy wants to go to school back East. How could I ever help him with that when I can’t even afford to take care of food and clothes—or put a roof over their heads? I was almost relieved that Tommy wanted nothing more than to go to work and help with expenses.”

Questions wormed their way to the front of her thoughts, but she dared not give them voice: Was he going to tell her they needed to leave Perkinsville? Would he suggest they all move east so that he could practice medicine and Jimmy could attend school? Did he want to forget about the wedding—put aside their love until the financial issues could be resolved?

She longed for answers and feared them at the same time.

“I don’t know what we’re to do, Deborah. I can’t rely upon your folks’ charity forever. The children seem happy—happier than I figured they’d be having just lost Ma and Da.” He shook his head. “I know that has to do with the love your mother has given them. They need someone like her—not me.”

“Are you actually thinking of giving them up to be adopted? You would send them to an orphanage?” Deborah asked. While she didn’t particularly relish the idea of the responsibility right now, she certainly didn’t want the family split up or sent to strangers.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what they need.”

“They need you. They need each other. You can’t send them away,” she said, sounding harsher than she’d intended. She reached out to touch him, but he surprised her by pulling back and getting to his feet.

“That’s the problem. Don’t you see? There is no answer here. Nothing that will satisfy everyone. You don’t want to move away. The children don’t want to be separated. Jimmy wants to go to college, and there is nothing here to help with any of our needs. Tommy is only fifteen, yet he has better chances at making a living than I do!”

He stormed off the porch, leaving Deborah to stare after him, her mouth open. She’d never known Christopher to act in such a fashion. She wanted to run after him, but perhaps it would be better to wait until he cooled off. He probably just wanted to take a walk and think through matters.

Instead, she was shocked a few minutes later when Christopher came riding past the house, headed for town. He was leaving. Without saying a word to her or anyone else, Christopher was going back to Perkinsville.

Was he giving up? Did he just need to be alone?

Deborah walked to the edge of the porch and hugged her arms close. What was happening to her perfect dream—the dream of practicing medicine at her husband’s side? The dream of living in this community and helping the people she loved? Hope flickered like a dying ember.

She felt rather ill as answers crept into her mind. She had deluded herself. There was no dream. Her desires were too many, and she could not have them all.

Foolish woman,
a voice condemned from within.
You refused to stay in your place and do what was expected. You had to have an education and take on more responsibility than anyone wanted you to have. People tried to advise you, but you wouldn’t hear them, and now you’ll have no chance for happiness unless you are willing to give up your own way.

“But can I be happy in compromising what I believe to be so very important?”

She stared into the darkness, her gaze still fixed on the road. There was a slim chance that Christopher might come back. But even if he did, what could she say? What could either of them do to make this right?

A
lthough Stuart and Jael were in attendance at church the following morning, Deborah had no chance to speak to her friend. Stuart ushered Jael in after the singing began, and as soon as Pastor Shattuck said the last amen, the Albrights quickly walked from the building. Deborah found it curious that they should even be there. After all, neither were particularly interested in church, and Stuart even boasted of despising religious practices. Their presence had taken Deborah’s focus all morning, along with her worries about Christopher. He hadn’t even shown up for the service.

“Where’s Christopher?” Darcy asked as they left the building.

“I don’t know,” Deborah admitted. “I thought he would be here.”

“Maybe he’s sick. You should go check on him,” the astute thirteen-year-old suggested.

Deborah wanted to do just that, but thought better of it. “I’ll have Jimmy and Tommy go see if he’s at the house. Could be he was called out to attend to someone who’s sick.”

Darcy nodded. “I’ll get the boys.” She took off before Deborah could change her mind.

Fanning herself against the growing heat of the day, Deborah watched Zed Perkins talk in low hushed tones with her brother and stepfather in the shade of a tree. His brows were knit together and his head downcast. Arjan put his arm around the older man’s shoulders. No doubt this had to do with Stuart and his plans to buy out Perkins’s interest in the sawmill town.

“Here they are,” Darcy said, pointing to Jimmy and Tommy. “I told them we were afraid Christopher might be sick.”

Deborah looked to Jimmy and smiled. “Could you two just go over to his house and check? He might have gone out on a call, but if he’s not feeling well, then I want to be able to help him.”

“Sure. We’ll go,” Jimmy declared. “Come on, Tom.” They made their way through the folks lingering in the churchyard.

Looking up, Deborah saw G.W. motion her over. Deborah crossed the space and joined her brother and the other men. “What’s wrong?” she asked at the sight of their somber faces.

“Albright is forcing Zed out,” Arjan said in a whisper. “It’s worse than we figured.”

Deborah could imagine that anything having to do with Stuart would only benefit one person—Stuart. “How so?”

Zed shook his head. “Albright says I owe more than I have assets to support. He says there’s not much I bring to the table anymore.” He looked to the ground. “He says he’s taking over the business affairs, the buildings and inventory that’s remaining, and that he’ll give me only a small amount of money in return. This is because of all the money I owe him for the loan on the mill.”

“But I thought,” Deborah interjected, “that he had insurance on the mill and had already been reimbursed for the costs involved. He should have paid the loan off with that money.”

“It was his insurance though,” Arjan replied. “Not Zed’s. He can do with it as he pleases.”

“But surely the bank would expect him to repay them,” Deborah countered.

“The loan wasn’t through the bank,” Zed explained. “It was a personal loan between me and them—Albright and Longstreet. They took on the amount I owed the bank and paid it off. That’s why they have the controllin’ say over what happens now.”

Deborah looked to her brother. “We should get ahold of Lizzie’s father and let him know what’s happening.”

Zed shook his head sadly. “I already talked to a lawyer in Lufkin. He said that Albright has some big city lawyers handlin’ things for him and that they’ve got folks runnin’ scared—seems politics are involved. It’s pretty well figured that he’s got some of the judges in his pockets, too. That’s why he’s not afraid to do whatever he wants. It’s why he’s treatin’ you folks like he is—he ain’t afraid of being told no.”

“I can believe that just from what he said when I mentioned the idea of us suing him for breach of contract,” G.W. affirmed. “He made it clear that we’d be the ones regrettin’ it.”

Deborah fanned herself all the more furiously. “It’s not right. This state used to be better than that. You could count on folks to do what was decent and lawful.”

“Money makes folks whistle a different tune,” Arjan said in disgust.

“And not havin’ money leaves you with no choice but to dance to the song bein’ whistled,” Zed said with great sorrow in his voice. “I never thought I’d see this day. Rachel and me . . . well, we figured we’d be passin’ the business on to our boys about now. We figured that we’d be takin’ life a little easier. That’s not even possible now. We’ll have to move, and I’ll have to find work. Sawmilling is all I know.”

“What about startin’ up again?” Arjan asked. “If you’re free of Albright, then you could put your own business together, and he’d have no say in the matter.”

“I don’t have the money for it. Once Albright is done with me, I’ll be lucky to have the clothes on my back.”

Deborah felt consumed by sadness and guilt. Her stomach tightened. If she hadn’t encouraged Lizzie to leave Stuart, none of this would be happening. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Perkins. I still say we need to talk to Lizzie’s father. He might have some suggestions.”

“You can talk to him if you’d like,” Zed said, “but I figure the answer will be the same. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I reckon I’d best collect Rachel and head home. We need to spend some time in prayer about what to do next.” The man headed for his wife after shaking hands with G.W. and Arjan, shoulders slumped forward in defeat and his head down.

“That poor man. I cannot believe Stuart will be allowed to get away with this,” Deborah said, pushing down her anger. “Can’t we do something?”

“You know we can’t. Our hands are tied,” her brother replied. “Albright knows that better than anyone ’cause he’s the one who tied ’em.”

“But surely we know some honest people who could help. Not everyone can be bought.”

“Christopher isn’t at the house,” Jimmy said from behind her. Deborah turned and met the boy’s shrug. “Guess he’s out doctoring like you said.”

Deborah hoped that was all he was doing. She had a bad feeling about the way things had been left between them. It wasn’t like Christopher to lose his temper and leave without a word.

She thanked Jimmy and made her way out of the church. Outside, the slight breeze made things marginally cooler than inside. Deborah was grateful she’d worn her lightest gown. The yellow gingham had been sewn into a fetching creation that brought many compliments, but at this moment Deborah would have just as soon jumped into the millpond—dress and all.

“Goodness, but if it’s this warm in May,” Olivia Huebner said as she joined Deborah, “imagine what the rest of the summer will hold in store.”

“I’d rather not,” Deborah replied. “I was just thinking of how nice it would be to go swimming.”

Mrs. Huebner nodded. “I remember days when I was just a girl. We would slip off—just me and my sisters—and strip down to our unmentionables and go swimming in the creek by our place.” She gave a nervous laugh. “I don’t suppose I would want to share that with just anyone.”

Deborah smiled. Mrs. Huebner was the epitome of propriety and, no doubt, figured such a comment might ruin her reputation. “Your secret is safe with me. I’ve been guilty of the very same thing, only it was girlfriends instead of sisters.”

Over by the wagon, Mother laughed and chased after Jonah. Olivia and Deborah seemed to catch sight of her at the same time. Mother had never seemed happier—at least she hadn’t laughed this much in a long time.

“You know, I think those children have taken twenty years of longing off your mother’s age.”

“What do you mean?” Deborah asked. She had never thought of her mother as longing for anything.

“Well, you know she always wanted more children. She could only have the three of you—oh, there was the other baby that died before you were born.”

Deborah nodded. “Yes, our sister Janna.” The infant had been stillborn, and Mother seldom talked about her. In fact, it wasn’t until Lizzie found out that she had been the twin of a stillborn child that Mother spoke openly of the matter.

“Well, she couldn’t bear any more children after you were born, and I know it bothered her a great deal. She wanted a large family, and for many years, it tormented her. I suppose now with Dr. Kelleher’s siblings, she can enjoy mothering young ones again.”

Deborah turned her attention back to where her mother was now swinging Jonah by the arms. She twirled in a circle; both of them laughed.

“I never knew,” Deborah murmured.

Mrs. Huebner waggled her finger at Deborah’s face. “Well, don’t you be tellin’ her that I told you. I wouldn’t want her to think I was gossiping.”

“No, ma’am. I won’t mention it.”

“She does seem mighty happy,” Mrs. Huebner added. “Oh, there’s Curtis. I must run along now. Try to stay cool.”

“You, too, Miz Huebner.”

Deborah watched Mr. Huebner take his wife by the arm and walk down the road toward their house. She then returned her attention to Mother. She wasn’t that old.
Goodness
, Deborah thought.
Mother will be but forty-five at the end of June
.

“You looks to be ponderin’ deep thoughts,” Sissy said, coming to stand beside Deborah.

“I was just thinking about Mama and how she’ll be forty-five next month.”

Sissy nodded. “Have to have a nice party for her. ’Course, I was reckonin’ we’d have a weddin’ in June.”

“I don’t know if that’s going to happen.”

“Is there troubles betwixt you and the doc?” Sissy asked.

With a sigh, Deborah found herself explaining to the older woman what had happened. “I think he’s more worried about my feelings than anything. He knows I have no desire to leave this place.”

“Women go where they men go. That be the way of things. Iffen you ain’t of a mind to be a wife and let him lead, you best not marry.”

Her words hit Deborah hard. “I suppose I’m afraid,” she said honestly. Speaking the truth aloud didn’t come easy. “I love him so much, but I worry that I won’t be a good wife. Especially since I’m such an unconventional woman.”

“Bah! You follow the Lord, and you be good ’nuf. It be God’s way what matters—not ours. The good Lord ne’r said you couldn’t work with your hands; fact is, He ’spects you to. But He ’spects you to trust Him first.”

“I know you’re right,” Deborah said. She gave Sissy a brief hug. “You always seem to know the right thing to say. Sometimes I feel so foolish. Here I have all this book knowledge and yet I struggle.”

“Book-knowing and heart-knowing be two different things, Miss Deborah. Bein’ smart ain’t the same as usin’ your smarts.” Sissy gave her a big smile. “I had to learn that the hard way—sounds like it be the same for you.”

Deborah nodded. “I guess so, but I’m hoping to change for the better.”

“The good Lord be all about that.” Sissy pointed. “Looks like your mama is loadin’ up.”

“Deborah!” Mara called, making her way from the church. “Hold up, please.”

“You go ahead, Sissy. I’ll be right there.” She crossed the distance to meet Mara. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just wondered if it would be all right to pay you all a visit tomorrow and discuss the plans for Rob’s birthday party.”

“Mother is just over there at the wagon. Why don’t we go ask her?”

Mara leaned closer as they walked. “I saw that Mr. Albright pulled his wife out of church before she could speak to anyone. Such a pity he’s so harsh with her.”

“I know. I’m praying things might change for the better. Jael wants a divorce, and you know what kind of ostracizing that could bring. She doesn’t even care, she’s so miserable,” Deborah said, careful to make sure no one else overheard. “Please pray for her. I don’t know for sure what God would have her do, but she’s so very unhappy.”

“We’re nearly ready,” Mother announced as Arjan helped her into the wagon. “Are you riding with us or G.W. and Lizzie?”

“I’ll come with you,” Deborah replied. “However, we have a question for you. Mara wants to know if she might visit us tomorrow and discuss ideas for throwing Rob a surprise birthday party.”

Mother beamed. “I would like that very much. Please do come whenever is convenient.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Vandermark. I’ll speak to Father and see when he might be available to bring me out.”

“You are both more than welcome to join us for dinner. We’ll eat around noon.”