Hope Against Hope: The Hope Brothers Series (8 page)

“Oh, I hear you loud and clear big brother. But listen, you won’t have to worry about that at all,” he replied, his eyes wild with anger.

“Hmm…” he stopped, looking me up and down, “maybe you have eyes for her yourself? Is that why you’re so pissed? You want a piece of her, Beau, now that she’s all grown up?”

My fist flew up before I could stop it, hitting him squarely in the jaw. He flew backwards, landing on his ass on the sidewalk.

“You motherfucker!” he roared, jumping to his feet and charging at me. I put a hand out in front of me.

“Don’t you fuckin’ touch me, Lee, I swear to God you don’t want to do this!”

He stopped in his tracks, his eyes clouded with alcohol and fury.

“You know what, Beau? I’m your fuckin’
brother
. Your fuckin’
family
! You’re supposed to stand behind me, no matter what. Even if I did fuckin’ do it, I’d expect you -
my fuckin’ brother
- to support me.”

“How could I support you, Lee?” I said, my eyes trailing up and down his body. “Look at you. You’re fuckin’ pathetic.”

“Fuck you!” he spat the words in my place. “I’ve never gotten support from you, from our folks, from anyone in this God-forsaken fucked-up town! Nothing but blame and pointing fingers. Well, fuck this shit!” His voice was echoing down the empty street as his voice rose to deafening levels. “You know what, Beau? I don’t give a shit! I don’t need anyone - not you, not our parents, not one fuckin’ soul in this town! You can all go fuck yourselves. I don’t care about any of you. I’ll burn this whole goddamned town to the fuckin’ ground, do you fuckin’ hear me, Beau?”

“Fuck you, Lee,” I said, getting in his face again, my voice lowered and filled with fury. “You stay the fuck away from George, you understand?”

“Yeah, big brother, I hear you loud and fuckin’ clear!”

He stomped away, and I watched him march down the street, his fists clenched, his head shaking. When he reached the convenience store at the end of the block, he grabbed a full metal trashcan that was on the corner out front and threw it, trash and all, back towards me.

With both hands in the air, he flipped me off before he rounded the corner.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

The next morning, I was up at dawn. I couldn’t sleep at all, tossing and turning in my bed all night, as I continued to beat myself up about telling Finn about Lee.

Hell, it’s not like what happened with Lee was the end of the world. It’s not like I hadn’t been touched before. I wasn’t even a virgin, as all my brothers, and the Haggard’s, seem to want to think.

I probably would have gone even farther with Lee, if he hadn’t been so forceful and gone so fast. I didn’t even have time to think, and then when he didn’t listen when I said no, I wasn’t about to tolerate that from him, or anyone, for that matter. I wasn’t a naive girl. I had made it through high school and college. It was impossible to do that and have much innocence left.

I had had a few boyfriends, but they didn’t last very long. And sex had been pleasurable with them, if not awkward and quick. I had long ago learned to take care of myself in that department.

The thing with Lee, though, it just rubbed me the wrong way. He was Lee Haggard, for god’s sake.

After staring at the ceiling for an hour, I couldn’t stand listening to the thoughts spinning around my head any longer. I got up, showered, dressed and started my chores early.

When I walked in the barn, I was greeted by the usual welcome chorus of whinnies from the herd. Cherokee, always the loudest and most demanding, had me trained. I walked straight over to him, and kissed him between his clear, chestnut eyes, inhaling the comforting scent of him. He raised his head, and I ran my hand along his long, sleek neck. His tail swished around, and his ears moved forward as he leaned into me.

“Morning, boy,” I whispered. I set out, as I did every morning, performing the steps that I had methodically performed almost every morning for as long as I could remember. My parents had bestowed this lovely chore on me at a young age. In part, to instill a sense of responsibility. But at the time, I was sure it was just an easy way to get me out of bed in the morning.

They knew I’d never leave the horses unattended. Eventually, though, I was thankful for it. Sleeping in was an easy thing to give up in exchange for what I received from the horses, all alone with them, in the quiet, peaceful solitude of the early morning.

I had a special bond with the horses because of it. At this point, communication between us was silent most of the time. A move of my hand or body, and they were able to understand exactly where I wanted them to go or what I needed them to do.

It was truly the most special relationship I had in my life. Especially, now that my parents were gone.

So, even though I was distracted with the entire Lee situation, and worried about my over-protective brothers doing something stupid, I was thankful for the warm wave of peacefulness that the horses provided.

I was in the barn sweeping when Beau walked in.

Beau Haggard had always been kind to me. He was gentle, funny, and my favorite of all the Haggard boys. He was solid. In a way, he reminded me of Crit. There was a rooted sense of self in both of them that I envied. They knew who they were, and they didn’t question it, and both of them moved through life like they were exactly where they were supposed to be.

Lately, I felt just the opposite. Sometimes, I feel like a boat at sea, totally lost, with no shore in sight and nothing to anchor to. Just floating around, mindless, restless, and empty.

Beau wasn’t always like that, though. Before the tragedy that he went through when he was a teenager, he had a wild streak. He’d been a whole different person since then.

While Beau was someone I saw often, he rarely just stopped by the barn. I knew right away that Finn had opened his big, fat mouth.

“Howdy, Georgie,” he said, giving me a little wave. His blue eyes crinkled with a soft smile, and he tipped his black felt hat my way.

“Morning, Beau,” I replied. “What brings you here so early?”

He didn’t reply at first. He avoided my gaze for a moment, walking over and sliding his big hands over Cherokee’s nose. He pressed his head into him, and he scratched between his ears. Cherokee could have walked out of the back of his stall and into his long run outside, but he had been inside watching me sweep instead. There were days I sure he had been a puppy in a past life or something, because he always preferred to be by my side, and now, seeing him swoosh his tail and rub as much of his body against Beau as he could, I almost expected him to turn over onto his stomach for a couple of belly rubs.

“He’s the puppy of the family,” I said.

“I’ve always liked Cherokee,” he said, nodding and smiling. “We’ve always had a special bond,” he said, winking at me, his blue eyes crashing into mine at last.

“I had no idea,” I replied, taking a deep breath.

Silence filled the air as I waited for him to speak. He looked away and his eyes swept around the barn.

“Everything’s looking good over here,” he said. “Y’all got everything under control?”

“Crit does. I guess we’re doin’ okay,” I replied.

“Glad to hear it,” he nodded. He took off his hat, and ran his hand over the short brown hair that was left after his latest cut. Beau was a no-nonsense kind of guy, he’d never kept his hair long. Not like his brother, Lee. My eyes trailed over his body, the pearl-button snaps of his black shirt straining to stay fastened over his muscular chest. He was the biggest of the Haggards and while he was more ruggedly handsome than Lee’s pretty-boy good looks, it was his gentle confidence that drew me to him.

“Congrats on making it to State,” I said, trying to delay the inevitable uncomfortable conversation that I knew was coming. The competition was only a few days away and I knew it was all that was really on his mind. Like I said, he was just like Crit, and if Crit hadn’t been forced to be spending all this extra time running the farm, it’s all he would have been thinking about, too.

Which only served to make me feel even worse that I had ever told Finn about Lee. Beau and Crit had other things they needed to be thinking about.

“Thanks, Georgie. Listen, can we talk?”

“We are talking, Beau,” I said, teasingly. Beau grinned at me again and I felt an low electric pulse begin to throb deep inside my gut.

“Yeah, we are, huh?” he winked. “Georgie, Finn told me about Lee. And I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I’m mortified, actually,” he said, his eyes flashing with anger, the gentleness fading quickly. “I can’t fucking believe him. I know it’s no excuse that he was drunk.”

“Beau…” I began.

“I mean, it’s really unforgivable, I know. But I want you to know that I believe you.”

“Beau…” I started again, trying to stop him as he rattled on.

“Georgie, seriously,” he said, his eyes peering into mine with something new, something I had never seen directed at me before. “I want you to know I talked to him, for what it’s worth. He won’t be coming near you again.”

“Beau, it’s okay,” I said.

“No! It’s not okay, it’s never going to be okay, not in my book,” he said. “And Lee’s…well, he’s gone now, and I don’t think he’ll be coming back for quite a while. I just wanted you to know.”

“Thank you, Beau, but it’s not necessary. I took care of it. I shouldn’t have said anything to Finn, I never meant to, but it just came spilling out of me. I suppose I needed to tell someone, but I never meant for Lee to leave town or anything.”

“It’s probably best for everyone that he’s gone. He never does anything but stir up shit.” His eyes darkened, and I reached out and laid my hand on his arm.

“It’s okay, Beau, really,” I said. He looked down at my hand like I’d shot him and I pulled away quickly.

He looked up at me, his blue eyes meeting mine again, peering into them curiously.

“You’re really something, aren’t you, Georgie?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re the one who was attacked, on the worst night of your life - and you’re comforting me?” He shook his head and his eyes softened. I swallowed hard, my heart quickening in my chest.

“I know you love Lee, Beau,” I said. “He was drunk, and yeah, it’s not an excuse, but it makes people do stupid shit.”

“Yeah, Lee likes to drink. Lee’s done a lot of stupid shit.”

I smiled and nodded.

“That’s true,” I replied, laughing softly.

“You okay, George? Really?” he asked, once again looking at me like he was trying to stare as deep into my soul as he could. Like he wanted to make sure I was really alright. “You’re going through so much, it’s just not fair…your folks…fuck, I can’t even imagine how you must feel.”

“Yes, Beau. I’m okay,” I whispered, as my eyes filled with tears. He pulled me into his arms, and I settled into his warmth, inhaling the leathery scent of him as the tears slid down my face.