Hope Against Hope: The Hope Brothers Series (12 page)

I had run around with every girl I could when I was in high school, before I met Marisa that was, but that was then, and this is now. I was a whole different person now. Without the drugs, drinkin’ and partyin’, my sexual conquests had become less and less frequent.

But Georgia Hope? Well, she was awakening a monster, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep him caged.

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Every time I stepped into our kitchen, I felt my mother’s presence. It was her favorite room in our house, and she was constantly flitting around, cooking, baking or cleaning. It was hard to accept that she was gone.

I looked up at the clock above the dining room table as I set the table for dinner, wishing I could reach up and turn it back and have them both alive again. I sighed, for the millionth time since they died, as I tried in vain to release the turmoil churning inside of me. I had never known pain like this.

I had been cooking for hours, making our family’s favorite dish. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans and rolls. All made from scratch, exactly as Mom had taught me when I was ten.

I finished right on time, with five minutes to spare. I walked out onto our deck as I waited for the boys to come to the table. Crit was working in the barn, Seth and Jesse were upstairs in their rooms. My gaze wandered over to the Haggard’s place, and then to Beau’s little cabin out back, and I bit my lip as I thought about Beau’s kiss.

It had been so light, so gentle, that if I had my eyes closed, I would have wondered if it actually happened. It was sweet and gentlemanly, just like him.

But I wanted more.

I wanted something else.

I wanted passion. I wanted to find someone to lose myself in, to escape into bliss with. I had listened to Ruby describe her sexual escapades so many times, and I hated that I had never felt anything like she described.

The few guys I had been with had been awkward and uncomfortable and hadn’t really spent any time worrying about me or my pleasure. It had always been more of a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kind of experience.

I felt guilty thinking about how much I missed my parents and Beau’s kiss all in the same moment, but I had to admit that thinking about Beau was a great distraction from the miserable reality I was enduring right now.

It felt good to think about something nice.

I walked back into the kitchen just as Crit walked in the back door.

“It smells amazing in here, sis! I’m starved, thanks for cooking,” he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. The house began rattling as Seth ran down the stairs.

“Is that fresh bread I smell?” he asked, his booming voice echoing off the walls as he entered the kitchen. Seth never entered a room quietly, and I smiled at how predictable he was. There was something comforting in that.

“I made rolls,” I replied.

“Damn, this looks good! Let’s eat!” Crit said, as he sat down at the table.

“Where’s Jesse?” I asked.

“Jesse!” Seth called so loudly that I winced in pain.

“Seth, a little lower, eh?” Crit said. “The Haggards probably heard that.”

I felt my nipples stiffen as Beau’s face flashed in my head. Resisting him was not going to be easy.

“I’ll go get him,” I said, after no reply from upstairs. I walked up the stairs and knocked on Jesse’s bedroom door. “Jesse? Dinner’s ready.”

I waited a moment but was greeted by nothing but silence. I tried again, knocking and calling. Nothing.

I tried the door knob, turning it slowly and peeking in.

“Jesse?” I called. His room was dark and empty. And incredibly messy. Clothes were thrown everywhere, there were dirty dishes on the floor, and the smell made me wrinkle my nose.

“What the hell?” I murmured to the empty room, before closing the door and walking back downstairs.

“He’s not here,” I said to Seth and Crit. “He was here a little while ago and I didn’t see him leave.”

Seth stood up and looked out the living room window into the driveway.

“His truck is gone,” he replied. “I didn’t hear or see him leave either.”

“Crit did you tell him we were having dinner?” I asked.

“Yep. He said he’d be here,” he nodded.

I picked up my cell phone and dialed Jesse’s number. It rang three times and went to his voice mail.

“Hey Jesse, call us. We’re having dinner.” I hung up the phone and sat down at the table.

“Well, that’s disappointing. I guess it’s just us,” I said to Seth and Crit. We all paused and looked at each other, our parent’s empty chairs at the ends of the table screaming at us, a very loud reminder of what we had lost.

“We’re enough,” Crit said, grinning. “More for us to eat!”

I nodded and smiled, pushing away the pain for just a little while so I could try to enjoy the dinner I had prepared.

“Dig in, boys,” I said. “I made peach pie, too.”

***

Later that night, Ruby and I sat on the front porch, sharing a bottle of wine and staring up at the stars.

“So, you going to tell me what the hell is going on now or what?” she asked, her always present bluntness making me smile.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, for starters, you can tell me what happened with Lee. Then, you can tell me why you have that shit-eating grin on your face. I suspect it’s related to why you can’t stop looking over at the Haggard’s place.”

“Well, aren’t you the observant one?” I giggled, drinking another sip of wine.

“Give it up,” she said, feigning mock sternness.

“Alright, alright. The Lee thing sucks. He tried to kiss me…and some other stuff…the night of the party.”

“Other stuff?”

“He was drunk. He was being really rough. He wasn’t taking no as an answer.”

“That snake!” Ruby replied, her green eyes flashing with anger. “What did you do?” “Well, at first I kissed him back, but then, he just turned creepy, and when he wouldn’t stop, well…I just kicked him in the nuts. Hard.”

“Oh!” she said, “that’s excellent!”

“It sucked. I hated hurting him.”

“Sounds like he deserved it. What else could you do but defend yourself, George?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” I said.

“So what else? I know there’s more.”

“Well, I didn’t tell anyone. Until I told Finn, and then he told Beau, and then I had to tell Crit before he heard it from someone else. Beau confronted Lee, and I guess Lee left town. At least that’s what Beau said.”

“I see,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, Ruby. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it. And then, everything happened with my parents. It just didn’t seem important.”

“So why tell Finn, then?”

“It just sort of fell out in a moment of weakness.”

“You could have told me,” she said, her voice sad. “I’m your friend, George. You can talk to me about anything.”

“I know, Ruby, I’m sorry,” I replied.

“It’s alright, I understand,” she said, smiling at me.

“So, what going on with Beau?” she inquired.

“Nothing, really…” I murmured.

“That means something. Tell me! I’m dying for some juicy gossip!”

“I’m not telling you this so you can gossip, missy!”

“I know, I know! I promise I won’t tell anyone,” she said. “Cross my heart.”

“So….” she nudged me with her elbow.

“Alright, alright. I don’t know what’s going on really. He kissed me.”

“What!”

“Shh! I know! I wasn’t expecting it myself, but he did. He said he’s been thinking about me.”

“What!”

“Ruby Rae, I swear if you tell anyone!”

“I won’t, George, but oh boy, that’s so great!” she said, laughing. “Now all you have to do is kiss Finn and you’ll have gone through all the Haggard boys!” She roared with laughter.

“That’s not funny. Finn’s my friend. He’s like my brother, I’m not interested in him.”

“Oh, but you’re interested in Beau, are you?”

“I don’t know! Yes? Maybe? It’s all too soon, Ruby. I don’t know what to think.”

“Well, did he ask you out?” her eyes sparkled with excitement, or perhaps too much wine, as she looked over at me.

“No, for goodness sake, Ruby,” I replied. “It was just a little kiss.”

“Well, was it a good kiss?” she winked.

“It was brief and delicate and gentle,” I replied.

“That sounds delightful to me,” she said.

“Then it was delightful, yes,” I said, my eyes trailing over to the Beau’s house, my heart filled with yearning for just a glimpse of his handsomeness.

“What about you?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Me? Oh, I’ve been hanging out with someone new. He’s um…he lives near the college. I met him at a party.”

“You went to a party without me?” I asked. “When?”

“Oh. Um, yeah, it’s been a few weeks. I didn’t think you’d be up for a party so soon after…you know,” she looked away from me guiltily.

“It’s okay, Ruby, I understand,” I whispered, letting her off the hook. “I’m glad you met someone.”

“Thanks,” she whispered back.

“When do I get to meet him?” I asked.

Her face flushed and she stammered before answering.

“I, um. Well, he’s really busy. And you know, it’s all new, so maybe later?”

“That’s weird, you usually want me to meet them right away,” I said.

“Well,” she replied, avoiding my eyes. “This one’s different.”

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I sat in my truck, the sweltering heat doing nothing to help my sweaty palms. I don’t know why I was so goddamn nervous, but fuck if I wasn’t stricken with anxiety like a cow on the slaughter line.

After days of debate, I had decided the only acceptable thing to do was to ask Georgie out on a proper date. My brain, and the rest of my body, seemed to have gotten together and decided to do nothing but obsess over her, and if I didn’t do something about it soon, I was sure to explode.

Kissing her had lit a spark inside me that I couldn’t ignore.

What if she says no?
I thought for the first time.