Hooked (35 page)

     “Do you love me?” I ask him out right.

     “What?  Of course
,
I love you!  You are the only constant and good thing in my life right now
,
Millie.”

     I look down at my hands which are now playing with the h
e
m of my shirt
and asked
, “Is it real love, lasting love?”

     “Wh
ere is all of this coming from?
 
Because I didn’t talk to you for a couple of days?
 
Look, I’m sorry that I had this pile of shit that’s also known as my life to take care of
,
but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.  I know you don’t understand and honestly, I’m glad you don’t understand what I’m going through or have gone through.  Not only is my mom fighting a battle that she will have for the rest of her life, now I’ve got to figure out how to stay in school, pay the bills, eat, somehow figure out a future for myself in the middle of all this and the biggest pressure I have now is you.  I love you more than anything.  It’s real,
”
he took my hand and put it over his heart, “I feel you here.  You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  I am trying like hell here to actually be able to offer you something worthwhile in six months instead of the bullshit I’ve brought to your door so far.”
 

     How could this boy have
me
in tears at his sweet comments one minute and mad as heck the next?  “Are you freaking serious right now?”  I turned away from him and started pacing.  “I felt so bad the other night that I cried myself to sleep.  I worried for you for
two
freaking days without one word from you!”  I put my hand on my forehead.  I couldn’t even think of what to say next because I was so frustrated.  “I’ve been ter
rified for you and your mother.
  You are seriously going to tell me in a text not to worry about your problems, that you can handle them on your own, push me completely out of your life for
two
days and then tell me today that you love me m
ore than anything and its real?
  How am I supposed to respond to that?  I thought we were on the same page, that we had each other’s backs.  Every time things get tough, you bail.  Every time something happens that you don’t w
ant me to know about, you bail.
  Every time you have any kind of problem instead of including me and letting me help you, you bail.  I want us to be partners
.
T
hat’s life Cash, it isn’t a
lways rainbows and butterflies.
  I don’t want to only be your girlfriend when things are going good, I want a real life with you, one that includes trials and struggles that everyone in the free world goes through
,
you big dope!”

     He walked over and sat down on the couch.  He didn’t say anything for five full minutes.  I finally turned around
and
went to kneel down in front of him
.  I
put my hands on his knees
and said,
“Cash
,
I’m sorry I went off on you like that.  I said some things that weren’t nice and I know you’ve had a hard time lately.  It just upsets me that you won’t let me in
emotionally;
I don’t know how to make you.  I want to help you.  We are in this together
.
I will never love anyone else the way I do you.  I want you to trust me
like I trust you.  You are not a burden to
me
,
it makes me feel good to help you
.
I feel like I’m giving you something back for everything you do for me.”

     He raised his head up to look at me and for the first time since I’ve known him, I saw him cry.  With tears streaming down his face he said, “Millie, you are the best person I’ve ever known.  I guess I mess up a lot because in truth, I’ve never had anyone I could count on.  I’ve never known what it is like to ask someone for help and actually have
them
come through for me.  I’m sorry you felt like I didn’t trust you, it’s not that
,
I promise.  Honestly
,
I didn’t want you to have to deal with all of this because you shouldn’t have to.
  I guess I didn’t think about you worrying about me in all of this because I knew I would be ok
ay
, I just had to figure out a plan for my mom.”

     I put my forehead on his and
rubbed his arms all the way up to his face.  I didn’t realize I was crying too
,
until he wiped my tears away as well.
 
“From now on
,
can we agree that we are in this together and that sometimes I may have to be there for you instead of you being there for me all the time?”

     “You
bet
,
a
nything to get you in my arms again.  Please just say you forgive me
,
so I can just lay here on the couch for a minute and hold you.”

     “Yes
,
I will forgive you and I love you.”

     “I love you too
,
sweetheart and thank
you for being patient with me.
  Are we good?”

     I tackled him on the couch and got in front of him so he could hold me from behind.  I closed my eyes at the warmth I felt as he held me.
 
“Yeah
,
were good
.
”
I smiled as we laid there in silence just holding each other.

    
For the next month, Cash tried to make everything up to me.  He wouldn’t even let me carry my own lunch tray at school.  He was always asking me if there was anything he could do for me.

     “Cash you’ve got to stop this, I told you we were good and we are.”

     “I know
,
but I still feel bad.”

     “Don’t, it’s over
,
let’s move on.  All I need for you to do is act normal
.
”
I laughed at him.  “What time do you want to go fishing tomorrow?”

     “I can’t believe you are making me go fishing
.
”
  H
e rolled his eyes.

     “Well, I can’t believe you have never been fishing.  Yo
u’re
gonna
love it, trust me. 
Besides
,
for it to be December
,
it is unseasonably warm right now
,
which probably means it’s going to storm before too long
,
so we’ve got to get up early in the morning and go.”

      “You do realize how hillbilly this is…fishing in December?  Are we going in a boat or fishing off the bank?”  He teased me.

     “Look city boy, this is the way we do things around here.  We will fish off the bank down by the river and I don’t care how much you cry, I’m not baiting your hook for you.”  I giggled at him.

     “Alright, I see how it is.  Just because I’ve never been fishing before doesn’t mean that I won’t be good at it.  I feel a wager coming on here.”

     “Okay, I’m in
.  W
hat do you want if you win?”

     “Slow down
,
sweetheart, we need to know what we’re betting for first.”  He smiled so big he showed me his dimples.

     I snorted, “Babe, the fact that you didn’t know what we were betting on makes me feel very confident about this thing.  We are so betting on the biggest catch of the day.”

     He scowled at me because I had him on that one and he knew it.  “How was I supposed to know that?  Anyhow, that won’t be a problem, I got this.  Now
,
about this bet…If I win
,
I get one night with you all to myself
.
N
o parents, no restaurants, no movies, no music, and
absofreakinglutely
no friends
,
”
h
e said as he sauntered away.

     “Where are you going?  What if I win?”  I yelled down the hall to him.

     “You should know by now
,
baby that I don’t worry about things that probably won’t happen.”  He kept walking
,
but I could tell he was laughing.    

     “We shall see big guy
,
” I said mostly to myself.  I guess he didn’t realize how competitive I was because I will win this thing if it’s the last thing I do.

     The next morning
,
Cash was at my house by six.  I told him last night that this would be a long day, so I packed us a lunch.

     “What have you got there
,
Mil?”
h
e
asked
as I was putting our food in the back seat.

     “I brought us chicken salad sandwiches,
chips, strawberries and grapes.  Mom also had some pound cake left over from last night’s dessert that I brought because I know you’re not big on
fruit,” I
told him.

     “Thank you, that sounds really good.  I’m guessing it’s too early to start eating it now
,
huh?”

     “You are a bottomless pit
.
I swear, I don’t know how you can eat so much and still
have your body looking like that,
” I told him.

     “I just got good genes sweetheart, you’re not
gonna
want to wa
ste
these.  I guess that means that one day we’ll just have to have a couple of kids of our own
,
so you can be proud.”  He smiled at me.

     How could I resist that?  I leaned over and kissed him.  “I love you and you’re right, we will have to have a couple of kids so that you can pass your gene on to them
,
” I joked with him.

     He scowled at me because he realized I was making fun of him.  “You know, what happened to the Millie when we first started dating, the one that got embarrassed every time
I talked dirty or cussed?
Now
,
all of the sudden you’ve become this feisty, don’t take any bull crap and dishing out whatever she can come up with on the spot girl.”

     “Well, I just happen to like that girl so she’s staying.  You know you love
it,
you’re the one that made me this way
.
I personally think you’ve been a bad influence on me.”  I gave him my best innocent face.

     He leaned over the console and kissed me soft and slow.  “You’re right, I love everything about you.  I don’t think you could ever do anything I don’t like.”

     “Alright, let’s get this show on the road!  I’m ready to win this bet so I can get what I want.”

     When we pulled up to the bank, Cash got out our fishing poles and the tackle box.  It was a funny feeling because usually he was the one teaching me things.  Like when I would sit outside with him at his apartment while he worked on his car.  Honestly
,
I wasn’t that interested
,
but I could tell he liked explaining things to me
,
so I let him.  Today, I would be the teacher and I would do my best
to help him…
AFTER, I won the bet.

     We went down to the bank and sat all of our stuff down.  I
got the fishing pole that Cash was going to use and I handed it to him.  “Now just get a worm ou
t of the can and bait the hook.
  After you do that
,
you’ll cast your pole and you do that by pushing this little lever down and swingi
ng the line out into the water.
  When you see the bobber go under, you’ve got one, and then you’ll pull and reel at the same time.”  I looked up at him smiling
.
“Got it?”