Hooked (24 page)

    
“What the hell
,
man?
  Get out!”
Cash yelled.

     Chase held up his palms
,
but was still staring at me with his eyes bugged out.

     “Stop looking at her and get the hell out of here!”  Cash yelled at him.

     “Okay, okay
,
man, I’m sorry.”
  Chase turned to leave.

     I jerked my top on.  Cash started out of the tent to go after Chase.  “Cash wait, it wasn’t his fault.  I told him he could sleep with us because he didn’t have a tent.”

     “You did what?
  No, hell no!  He’s not sleeping with us
,
Millie.”

   
“Cash, he doesn’t have anywhere else to go,” I pleaded.

     “Millie, that’s ridiculous.  He can sleep outside for all I care.”

     “Cash don’t be mean.  It will be ok
ay
if he sleeps in the corner.”

     “No
,
Mil, this is our first time to sleep together.  I don’t want some pervert in the corner while I’m trying to talk to you and hold you
.”

     I thought about Cash’s words.  He was right
.
I wanted to be alone too
,
but I felt bad for Chase
and
I wasn’t about to let him sleep outside just because I wanted to be alone with Cash.  “Ugh, well go find him somewhere to sleep then.  I’m not going to have him outside.”

     “Damn it, this is stupid.  He can find his own place to crash, you are not his keeper.”

     I put my head down at his harsh words.  Cash had never really raised his voice to me before.  He didn’t understand why I felt sorry for Chase
,
but I did.  About the time I was feeling sad, I started to really think about the situation and I got angry.

     “You know
,
I was just being nice to him.  You don’t have to yell at me.  If you don’t like
it
,
maybe you should find somewhere else to sleep!”  I got up and started out of the tent.

     “Millie
,
wait!
I’m sorry I raised my voice
.
I wasn’t trying to yell at you.  I just had my hopes up to be with you alone and I wasn’t expecting you to invite someone to stay with us.”

     I sat down and crossed my legs in the tent.  I looked up at him and didn’t say anything.  I just watched him to see what he
w
ould do.  He sat down beside me and took my hand into both of his.

     “Millie
,
please say something.  I don’t want to be the reason your upset.”

     “I don’t know
,
Cash.  You surprised me by getting mad.  It wasn’t that big of a deal and yet
,
you were yelling at me and ready to rip Chase’s head off.” 

    He sat there and hung his head.  I knew that was a low blow
,
but it did kind of worry me.  He let go of my hand and looked straight ahead.

     “I won’t be mad at you if you don’t want to be with me anymore.  You
’
r
e
light and carefree, sweet.  You like to be happy and nice all the time.  I’m the total opposite, trust me
,
I’ve thought about this and I’ll understand.”

     I couldn’t believe he was saying all of this.  Yeah, I was mad at him
,
but I didn’t want to break up.  I never wanted to
envision
a world of mine where he wasn’t in it.  I felt a ping of disappointment because I couldn’t believe he was going to give up so easily.

     “Are you telling me that you want to break up with me?”
I asked in a hushed whisper.

    
“What?
No!  I don’t want to lose you.  I just didn’t want you to be with me if you didn’t want to.  I love you and I’m sorry I’m such a jerk sometimes.  I’ve never had a real girlfriend.  I’ve never loved anyone before
,
Millie, you
are
it
for me
.  I know I screw up a lot
,
but I’m trying.  I want to be with you always
.
”

     “Me too
,
”
I said
tearing up.  I didn’t want to cry
,
but I couldn’t help it.  I loved him and I didn’t w
a
nt to ever be without him.  He wiped my tears away from my face.

     “Don’t cry
,
baby.  It was my fault and I’m sorry.  Do you want me to go and find Chase and tell him he can come back?”

     “Well
,
why don’t you just go and see if someone else can take him in?”  He chuckled.

     “I’ll see what I can do.”

     He left out of the tent and I laid my head on the pillow.  I realized in that moment that I can’t be without him.  After a few minutes
,
he came back in the tent.  “Chase passed out in someone else’s tent.”

     “I’m sorry I got so upset and started crying.  I don’t ever want to lose you.”

     He hugged me tight and said, “You’ll never lose me
,
sweetheart, I promise.”

     He kissed me and we fell back into the sleeping bags.   My hands were tracing his back and I could feel every muscle through his shirt.  Our kiss deepened and his hands started at my legs and moved
very slowly up my legs, then my thighs, brushed over my hips, and finally rested on
my rib cage.  I sucked in a huge breath trying to decide if I was breathless or just losing my mind.  I felt so charged
,
like I was having an out of body experience.  I tried talking to myself to calm my nerves.  Nothing was working, I felt like I was in overdrive and my head was having trouble forming thoughts.

     His hands made me feel important
,
like every place he touched he was forming a memory.  He touched me so delicately
,
like he was afraid he would break me. 
We
rolled
so that
he was on top of me. 
Most
of his weight
was
on his forearms that were rested on each side of my head.  He started to kiss me and it turned so intense
,
I couldn’t remember where he stopped and I began, it was like we were one. 

    
When we both started breathing hard he broke the kiss and said, “We need to stop before I can’t.”  He went to roll off of me and I caught his waist.

    “No, I don’t want to stop.” 

    
I looked at him, really looked at him.  I sea
rched his eyes.  They were so vulnerable
that I knew in that moment we really didn’t even need words at this point.  He was hearing me without me having to say anything.  When he looked at me
,
he was really seeing me.

     “Millie, I need you to be sure.  This, what we have
,
is the only thing I care about in my life.  I don’t want to mess it up.  I don’t want you to have any regrets about me.”

     “Cash, I love you so much.  I’ve never wanted a
nything so much in all my life.

I have absolutely no doubts because I know you love me, it’s in the way you protect me and how you show me.  You were willing to be with me even w
hen
my dad arrest
ed
you. 
You came to my house even though it was probably one of the most uncomfortable things you’ve ever done and y
ou
’
r
e
always respectful to my mom
.  Y
ou treat Eli like he’s one of your friends
and I know that if he ever needed you, you would help him out anyway you could.  Last, but not least, you’ve shared your past with me and I know that was very difficult for you, you trust me.  You gave me a part of you that you have rendered to no one else and I want to do the same.  I’m giving you this part of me because you are worth it, we are worth it and I want to share something with you that no one else has been worthy of simply because they weren’t you.”

   
He looked at me and smiled, really smiled.  He nodded his head and started kissing me again.  “I promise I won’t hurt you
,
but if you are ever uncomfortable with what we do please tell me.  If you want to stop please tell me
,
ok
ay?
  I’ll never hurt you
,
Millie, you are all I’ll ever want or need.  I thought me moving here was going to ruin my lif
e, but you saved me
,
sweetheart.  I love you so much.”

     I nodded at him as one single tear rolled down my cheek.  I was in the midst of a situation I had never been in before
,
but I somehow felt the weight of what this meant.  I got every meaning of every word he spoke to me and every touch that caressed my body.  I was thinking of how young I was and how I had had so little life experience
,
but I knew in that moment this was the guy I was going to marry.  I didn’t know when or where
,
but I knew I would walk through this life with him. 

    
“I love you too
,
Cash, I always will.”  He wiped the tear from my cheek with his thumb and rubbed his forehead over mine and continued so softly down the side of my cheek. 

     “I know what this moment means to you and I
recognize the significance of this moment
,
too.  This is something I’ve actually dreamt about for quite a long time and I’m so happy it’s finally coming true.”

     “Me too,” I whispered as he kissed me so deeply I lost all concentration.

    
We woke up early the next morning.  I smiled to myself before I even opened my eyes.  Cash had me wrapped so tight in his arms
,
I could hardly breathe.  This was the most vivid, heart
-
swelled, happ
iest
moment I’ve ever had in my life.  He was so sweet and gentle with me
,
I knew he understood how special everything was for me because he felt it too.  I tried to move his arm
,
but he just tightened his grip.

     “Cash, I need to get up
,
”
I whispered.

     “Nu uh, I don’t want you to,” he mumbled into my hair.
 
I giggled at him sounding like a little boy.

   
“I need to go to the bathroom
unless you want an ending to our spectacular night that will forever and always be: 
A
nd at the very end of the most romantic night of my life
…
she peed on me.”  He started laughing at me. 

    
“Baby, I’m all for trying new things, but I draw the line at bodily fluids
.
”
H
e laughed.

    
“Oh, you think you are funny
,
huh?” I said as I tickled him.

    
“Sometimes,” he smiled so sweetly and turned his face into my neck.

    
“We need to get up anyway
.
I have to go home early.”
I smiled at him.

     “I’m so glad we got to have last night.  It means the world to me.  I never thought
I could love you more
,
but I do,” he said as he pushed my hair out of my face.