Authors: Carrie Thomas
“Cash, why did you do that? I know it wasn’t a good picture and you better erase it!”
“Never sweetheart, you
are beautiful.”
I stand on my tip toes and give him a kiss. “Come on, let’s get this movie started so I can fall asleep,” I say smiling to myself.
“What? How can you say that? It’s freaking Bruce Willis!”
I laugh at him and put the
movie in
. We get comfortable on my bed. I
lay
on top of Cash’s left arm and his right arm encircled my waist. About halfway
through
the movie, we started kissing
and within seconds, Cash had me pulled on top of him, our bodies completely in sync
. We were both breathing pretty hard. His hands started moving from my waist up my sides to my rib cage. I sucked in a sharp breath. I couldn’t even think about my feelings right now. Everything was so intense, so new. It felt so good to be in his arms and kissing him. Every touch felt so deep, like he was telling me how he felt for me without words. I reached around him and ran my hands up his strong back. He felt so strong in my arms and I didn’t want to let him go. I loved this feeling
,
but at the same time, I started getting a little nervous because we were moving so fast and my parents were just down stairs.
“Cash?” I mumbled around his lips. He slid one hand across my
bare back under my shirt
and his kisses went from my mouth to my neck.
“Huh?” he mumbled in my neck.
“Umm, we, I think we are moving a little too fast.” He stopped what he was doing and put his forehead on my shoulder. He didn’t say anything for a minute.
“I’m sorry. Are you upset with me?”
He rolled me over to the left and took his place on top of me and
looked
down
at me
as he
put his weight on his elbow. He was just there hovering over me and he looked me right in the eyes. “Millie, you have nothing to be sorry for. I am not mad or upset with you baby, I just need a minute.”
“I’m sorry, I think we were just going
too
fast
,
” I said quickly because I didn’t want him to think I was leading him on. Then
,
I
realized what he said about needing a minute and blushed.
“Sweetheart, you don’t ever apologize to me for that. We can move at whatever pace is right for you
,
”
h
e said as he rubbed my hair back from my forehead.
“Well, what about your pace?” He chuckled and put his hand on my cheek.
“I go from 0 to 60 when I’m around you. I don’t have a pace.”
I punch him in the arm playfully. “Cash, I’m serious
,
I feel bad for not being ready.”
He kept holding me and looked at me so intense, I was beginning to wonder if he was going to say anything. I got
so
lost in his eyes as he was laying there half on top of me.
“Don’t
,
Millie, I mean it. I will wait for as long as you need me to. This, us, it’s too important to me. Millie, I love you.”
I looked up at him and I knew he meant it. “I love you
,
too. From the first moment I
saw
you, I knew you were someone special.”
He kissed me deeply for a couple of minutes then
,
he broke the kiss. With his lips still on mine he said, “Okay, Mil we
gotta
stop,
‘
cause
I’m about to get wound up again and I don’t want your dad walking in here with me on top of you. We will just finish the rest of the movie and keep our make out sessions more private, ok
ay
?” I laughed at him trying to be serious about making out.
“Our make out sessions? You are pretty confident there
,
sir
,
” I say winking at him.
“No confidence needed. That is a fact because now that I have kissed and touched you, there’s no way I can just be around you all the time and not touch you
,
”
h
e said as he ran his hand over my hair.
We
laid
there and finished the rest of the movie with my head on his chest and him playing with my hair absently. I loved it when he played with my hair. His hands were so big
,
combing through my hair. He wasn’t exactly gentle with it, but I could tell he was doing the best he could.
It made me feel like he wanted to touch me all the time.
It didn’t have to be us making
out;
it could be something as little as my hair.
When the movie ended, I had dosed off. “Millie, Mil,” Cash whispered.
I opened one eye. “Hey
,
sorry I fell asleep,” I said shyly.
“I loved watching you sleep
,
but your snoring is atrocious.”
“Ugh, I don’t snore!”
“Umm, okay
,
but has anyone ever slept with you to tell you?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, uh,” I
stammered while
look
ing
at him intently…was he trying to find out if I had ever slept with anyone? Why wouldn’t he just come out and ask me. He told me he had and I didn’t ge
t
upset. I knew he had a past, even though I didn’t want to think about it. I decided to just ask him.
“Are you asking if I’ve ever slept with anyone?”
“Yeah, no, I don’t know.” I giggled.
“Which is it
,
Cash?” I was kind of enjoying watching him squirm. He was always so controlled and it didn’t seem like much affected him.
“I guess I am.” He looked at me like he didn’t want t
o
hear the answer.
“No, I’ve never had sex.” He let out a sigh of relief then grinned at me like I had just made him really happy.
“Cash, I’ve dated other guys. I am seventeen years old, so yes, I’ve made out before. I’ve gotten close before
,
but couldn’t go through with it because my gut was telling me it wasn’t right. I knew I didn’t love them and I didn’t want to share something that I felt was special with guys that I knew would be perfectly happy making out with which ever girl told them yes that night.”
“Millie, I don’t need to hear the details
.
”
H
e scrunched his eyebrows together.
“Sorry, I was just trying to be honest.”
“I didn’t mean to snap at you, I just don’t want to think about you and some asshole with his hands all over you feeling every dip and curve that
was made for me
,” he said trying to justify his attitude.
I think I just melted. I concentrate on joking to keep me from wanting to kiss him again.
“I thought you were
gonna
work on you language
,
” I said keeping a straight face so he would really think I was serious.
“I’ve only said three in the past two days, that’s improvement.”
I giggled at him. “I was teasing you
,
nerd!”
“That’s it, when you start calling names
,
I tickle!”
He straddled me and pinned me down with both legs on each side of my hips.
“No, please I’m super ticklish. Please Cash
,
don’t!”
“Sorry
,
I’ll have to get you this time and maybe next time you’ll think about this moment before you call me names again.”
He proceeded to tickle me so hard that tears were streaming down my face. He was straddled on top of my and holding both my arms above my head with one of his hands and was tickling my sides with his other.
“PLEASE!”
“Alright baby
,
say you are sorry.”
“Okay
,
okay, I’m sorry.”
“And you love me…”
“I love you, I love you!” I say in between my breaths and fits of laughter. He let go of me and stood up.
“I better get going before you
r
dad comes up here and throws me out.”
“Okay,
I can’t wait for tomorrow at Cara’s. We get to spend the whole night together!” I jump up next to him because I’m so excited.
“I
know,
me too.”
We walked down stairs to the door. “You don’t have to walk me out,” he says as he ran his hand up my leg
.
“You only have on these shorts
and
you’ll get cold.”
I leaned in to kiss him
. “Text me and let me know you got home ok
ay
.”
“I have to work tomorrow during the day. What time are you going to Cara’s?
”
“I’m not sure yet
,
I’m going shopping with mom in the morning
,
but I’ll call you and let you know. Love you.”
“Love you
,
too.” He gave me a light peck and a big hug and left. I turned around to see my mom standing in the hallway.
“Hey, mom, you scared me. I thought you were in bed.”
“You look good in love.”
“Mom!
What are you talking about?” I asked embarrassed.
“I see you
,
Millie. Please
,
just make sure he treats you well and respects you.”
“Mom
,
he does, I promise.”
“Millie, you are a senior in high school and I know you are going to be tempted with him. Please just promise me that you’ll be safe.”
“I promise and since we are talking about this, I
,
um, I think I should probably go on birth control.” My mom started tearing up.
“Okay, I’ll make you an appointment on Monday
,
alright? Just remember
,
Mil, once you do it you can’t take it back. I want you to be sure and trust me
,
you will know in your gut if it’s right or not. I’m really proud of you for talking to me. It’s just a lot to take in honey, I’m sorry for crying.”
“I love you mom and thanks.”
We hugged and I headed up to my room. It felt weird having that talk with my mom. I mean, I knew it was the responsible thing to do
,
but I didn’t like admitting to my mom that Cash and I were thinking about having sex. It was private and I hadn’t even discussed any of this with Cash yet. I didn’t have to, I mean
,
it’s my body
,
but I figure he will want to know. He has a right to know I’m on birth control. I will talk to him when I get a chance, maybe tomorrow. When I get to my room
,
I flip on my TV and lay down. I’m really tired for some reason and I have to get
up early. When I roll over my phone beeps because of a text from Cash.