Honesty - SF8 (22 page)

"It’s
your
baby when you carry it in
your
uterus for nine months, Conor. Having an orgasm doesn’t give you the final vote here, ya know. I’m not ready to have a child, and I’m not going to be ready for a long, long time."

He finally allowed his brain to take in her message. "How long a time?" he asked slowly.

"I’m not sure, but I think I’d like to stay single until I’m around 30."

"Jeez, Mia, that’s nine years! I’ll be 37 then. I don’t want to wait that long to start a family!"

Realizing that something was going horribly wrong, she went to her closet and shrugged into a flannel bathrobe, suddenly feeling quite exposed. "Um, Conor?" she asked, sitting down on the bed and patting the surface so that he would join her. "I thought we were just casually dating," she said. "Do you have something more in mind?"

"Well, I don’t know," he decided, looking awkward and a little adolescent. "I hadn’t really given it a lot of thought, but when you talk about having a baby, I start to think about it, and I realize that you’re the kind of woman I’d like to be married to."

She took in a breath, letting this startling information sink in. Deciding to be completely honest she said, "You’re the kinda guy I’d like to be married to," she agreed, placing her hand on his impossibly hard triceps. "In about ten years." Her point was clear, and the determination in her brown eyes made it obvious that it wasn’t up for further discussion.

"So, you’re only interested if this is just a casual thing, huh?" he asked softly, his eyes showing hurt.

"Yeah. That’s all that I can handle at this point in my life, Conor. I just want to play."

"I’ve been playing since I was 16," he said sadly. "I’m a little tired of it."

She scooted up behind him, wrapping her arms around his broad back. "I don’t think this is going to work out, Conor," she whispered. "Maybe we should stop before it gets complicated."

He nodded, knowing that she was right, but not wanting to give her up before they really had a chance to get started. "I guess you’re right," he said. He got up and drew back the covers, motioning for her to get in. "Let me give you that tummy rub."

She looked at him carefully, not sure if he had understood her or not.

He smiled gently and helped her to her feet, grasping the tie to her robe and unfastening it with a confident touch. Slowly sliding the soft fabric from her shoulders, he guided her to the bed.

Even though she had decided not to sleep with him, there was something so arousing about the self-assured way he was directing her that she decided she’d gladly submit to his touch one last time. She slid in between the sheets, smiling confusedly as he pulled the desk chair over and started to rub her, his large, warm, callused hand making small, soft circles on her tender belly.

"This is a freebie," he said softly, his deep honeyed voice sending chills up her spine. "I don’t want to make love to you if it can’t go on." His deep blue eyes locked onto hers as his heart clenched in pain at the sadness he felt over not being allowed to get to know her better. "It would be too hard to let you go."

"Will you hold me, Conor?" she asked hesitantly. "I feel really sad."

"Of course," he smiled, slipping into bed behind her, his strong hand continuing to knead her abdomen. "If I’m still single in nine or ten years will you give me another chance?" he whispered, his voice a little hoarse with emotion.

She placed both of her hands onto his and squeezed gently. "In a heartbeat," she promised, hoping that their romantic paths would one day cross again.

"Hey," Ryan said in greeting when she saw her brother sipping a cup of coffee in the kitchen just after five the next morning. "What’s going on?"

"Not much," he sighed, his gaze remaining relatively unfocused. "I have to get going, but…"

He looked so bereft that she approached him and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"She doesn’t want to see me any more," he said, looking remarkably hurt.

"What? Why?" Ryan was more than a little puzzled, thinking that they had looked pretty cozy just a few hours ago.

"She’s not ready to settle down," he said glumly, his shoulders shrugging appreciably.

"And you are? Since when?"

"I don’t know," he said, his hand scrubbing at his closely cropped hair in an irritated gesture. "I just think she might have been the one, Ryan."

"The one?" she asked slowly, thinking she must still be dreaming. "THE one?"

"Yeah." He gave her a scowl, asking, "Is that impossible to believe? I can love someone too, ya know!"

"Hey, hey, don’t get mad at me. I know that you can fall in love, Conor. I just didn’t think you’d had time to do so. I mean, you basically had two dates."

"She fits, Ryan," he said slowly. "I’ve got a list, and she fits it better than any woman I’ve known."

Now thoroughly fascinated, Ryan gazed thoughtfully at her brother, placing her hand on his arm. "Tell me about your list, Conor."

He shrugged and waited a few seconds, obviously trying to determine if he should reveal something so private. He must have decided in the affirmative because he got a very thoughtful look on his face and said, "Okay. First off, she has a smokin’ hot body."

Ryan nodded, her illusions about her brother’s emotional depth flying out the window. "She does indeed. Fabulous ass," she added, just to show that she understood the depth of his loss.

"Wo!" he agreed solemnly. "It feels better than it looks, too. Second, great face. That’s a tough combo, you know. Most of the really pretty girls I’ve dated have something scary wrong with their bodies.
Mia’s got the whole package."

"Nice eyes, full lips." Ryan could have gone on, but she didn’t want to compound his pain.

"Right. Third thing. She’s amazingly low maintenance. Her hair looks nice after she just runs her fingers through it a few times. Not much make-up. She looks really great, and she gets that she’s dressing for the guy, you know? I hate those women that spend hours getting ready and they don’t look one bit hotter. What’s up with that?"

"Got me," Ryan shrugged, coincidentally agreeing with her brother on this point.

"Last point—and it’s a big one," he warned. "She’s totally relaxed about sex. She acts like it’s supposed to be fun—not some big religious experience."

"Big one indeed," Ryan agreed. She shook her head slowly, sparing a sympathetic look for her brother. "I didn’t realize that Mia was four for four on your list, Conor. No wonder you’re bummed."

He gazed into her eyes, so similar to his own. "Thanks, Sis. You’re really great to talk to about this kinda stuff."

"Any time, Bro. That’s what sisters are for." Getting up to get the juice she had come down for, she wrapped her arms around him from behind and kissed his cheek. "I know she was special, but I guarantee that there’s another woman who can meet your requirements. I mean, there are two of them living in the same house, for God’s sake! How hard could it be to find another?"

After a short talk, the coach and Jamie decided that Ryan would not be allowed to practice until the following week. Luckily Ryan accepted this decision and was content to attend the Saturday night game and sit in the stands. The five-game loss was too much for her to bear stoically and she groused about the game the entire time, not even going to the floor to speak to her teammates. Luckily, the exertion took so much out of her that she fell asleep almost as soon as they hit their room, so Jamie was spared any further complaints.

Jamie’s first golf match was on Monday and Tuesday in Oregon, and while Ryan was heartbroken about not being able to attend, she couldn’t miss any more classes. She also thought that she would be able to practice on Monday, and there was no way that she would let the team down. On Sunday afternoon Ryan suggested they take a nap together before Jamie had to leave for her flight. Jamie was a little concerned, hoping that Ryan’s need for naps had diminished, but she accepted the offer just to be close. Even though they had been close physically during the illness, there was still something missing between them—some indefinable spark that their lovemaking provided.

She had been quite worried when even her blatant propositioning of Ryan in the kitchen a few nights earlier hadn’t resulted in sex. The tall woman had let her climb her body like a jungle gym, even managing to adopt the cool dispassionate look she used to use to lure women into her lair. But as soon as they got upstairs, Ryan had climbed into bed and drifted off before Jamie even got her teeth brushed.

Jamie knew that some intimate contact would give them a little sustenance for their separation, but she didn’t want to rush Ryan, so they took off their clothes and snuggled together for a while. She was nearly asleep when she felt a hand slowly crawling up the inside of her thigh. She turned her head and saw twinkling blue eyes framed by one raised eyebrow and a delightfully crooked grin. "You’re back," she cried as she flung her arms around Ryan’s neck and kissed her deeply.

"I am," Ryan agreed. "I might be a little rusty, but I think I remember how to do this." She slipped her hands down and cupped Jamie’s smooth cheeks, murmuring, "Everything seems to be right where I left it." As Jamie’s thigh lifted and slid around Ryan’s waist her hand snaked downward a few inches, feeling the moist humidity of her favorite spot. "Oh yeah," she whispered. "Everything seems to be in working order."

"Everything works because of your touch," Jamie said softly. "My body is so attuned to yours…sometimes it feels like we’re one."

""It feels like that to me, too," Ryan whispered. "And when you get on that plane tonight, it’s going to feel like you’re taking half of my heart with you."

"Let’s not think about that now, Sweetheart," Jamie begged, placing the tips of her fingers against Ryan’s soft lips. "Let’s just fill each other up with love. That’ll get us through the next few days."

"Your love will see me through all of the days of my life, Jamie," Ryan murmured, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "You’re the best part of me."

With a soft smile, Jamie gently corrected her, "No, you’re the best part of me."

Reaching an immediate compromise, Ryan decided, "We’re the best part of each other."

"That I can live with," Jamie agreed. She dipped her head and started to kiss her partner, working on Ryan’s mouth with an unwavering focus. The larger woman seemed lazy and lethargic in her responses, and Jamie realized that she was waiting to be seduced. Always willing to comply with Ryan’s silent requests, she changed her mindset and took the lead, glad to have the opportunity.

Ryan was naturally dominant, and she usually led the erotic dance, but occasionally she just lay back and opened herself to Jamie’s desire. It didn’t happen often--just enough to make life interesting. One of the things Jamie most appreciated about her partner was her versatility, in life and in their lovemaking, and she was grateful that Ryan encouraged her to explore every facet of her own desire.

Often when Jamie led it was because she was beside herself with need and was completely unable to control herself or wait for her partner to satisfy her. But today they were both just a little tentative, a little unsure of how to touch one another after such a long absence. It had been more than two weeks, and she thought back to their frenzied couplings after she had been in Rhode Island for just a week. Even though this was more than twice as long, she was startled to discover that she wasn’t thrumming with desire. In fact, her need was more to investigate and rediscover the pleasures of Ryan’s body, and she set out to do just that.

Shifting the taller woman onto her back, Jamie crawled up her body until their noses touched. Holding onto Ryan’s face with both of her hands, she tilted her head until her lips were just where she wanted them. She played with the deep pink flesh, trailing the tip of her tongue over them, tracing their shape, their softness. With a slight pressure on the lower lip, she bade them open, smiling gently as they did so. Her tongue slid into the warm space, and she let out a little growl as she was enveloped by the moist heat.

Ryan’s mouth felt so clean, so fresh and sweet, she was tempted to stay right where she was and just feast upon her lips until she had to leave for the airport. But her desire was beginning to grow now that she was taunting and teasing the pink flesh, and she knew she would have to put out the fire.

Wringing every bit of pleasure she could from the tender kisses, she started to move down, using her mouth to build her lover’s need. It felt like it had been a lifetime since she tasted the firm flesh that covered her neck and shoulders, and Jamie fed hungrily, trying to imprint the sensation on her tongue.

Her mouth sought out the always-alluring breasts, gasping in surprise when she could pull most of the warm flesh into her mouth, highlighting the dramatic weight loss that Ryan had suffered. Even though the volume had been reduced, the sweetness remained, thrilling Jamie to the core as she licked and sucked at the quivering mounds.

Pausing to linger at the well-defined abs, she sighed when she saw that most of the cushioning layer of flesh had disappeared, leaving a rock-hard belly that was slightly concave. Her tongue traced each depression and dip, and she smiled to herself when she noticed that Ryan was tensing the taut muscles.

Continuing to move down, she was struck with a desire and moved quickly to fulfill it. She scooted up to the head of the bed, supporting herself with a few squooshy pillows. Tugging Ryan along with her, she spread her legs and urged her lover to nestle into the space she had created for her.

When Ryan was settled against her, she spent a few moments nibbling on a tempting ear and nuzzling against the smooth neck. "I want to be able to see your body react when I touch you," she whispered. "I need to see your breathing start to increase, watch your breasts rise and fall when you cry out."

"Mmm," Ryan moaned, "you’ve never held me like this when you touch me. It feels nice…
intimate."

"I feel intimate," Jamie whispered. "I want to crawl right into your skin and be a part of you."

"You are," Ryan pledged. "You are a part of me."

Jamie's hands couldn’t avoid the perfect breasts that beckoned to her, so she began to gently knead them while she continued to play with Ryan’s sensitive ears. In mere moments the dark woman was moaning softly, her head tossing back and forth against her partner’s torso. The dark hair skimmed across Jamie’s chest, the inky blackness splayed over her fair skin.

"Watch my hands," the blonde whispered. She could feel her partner take in and hold a breath as hands slid down her body, inching towards their ultimate goal. Two pairs of eyes were glued to the small hands as they found their target and Ryan’s legs reflexively spread wide to welcome them.

The breath slipped from Ryan’s lips as a sibilant hiss when two determined fingers slid into her wetness, re-igniting nerves abandoned for too long. Her hands automatically raised and latched onto Jamie’s forearms, ready to redirect her should she lose her focus.

"You feel like liquid velvet," the smaller woman sighed directly into Ryan’s ear. "I’ve missed this so very much."

"Mmmm, me too," Ryan moaned. "Oooo…I’m so sensitive…it feels like it’s been years." Her head was lolling against Jamie’s shoulder, but she couldn’t stop from staring at the hands that possessed her so completely. Seeing her lover’s hands caress and stroke her so intimately was driving her arousal, making her feel like she couldn’t hold back for long. "Almost there," she gasped out in warning.

"Relax, Baby," Jamie soothed, picking up the pace just slightly. "Just relax and let yourself go. I’ve got you."

Ryan felt herself crest and hurtle over the edge, her orgasm hitting hard as Jamie’s arms cradled her. The physical sensations pulsed and thrummed through her body for long minutes, but the emotion continued to build as she felt all of her defenses crumble as she welcomed her partner back into the place in her heart reserved especially for her.

Feeling more anxious than she could ever remember being on a golf course, Jamie tried to limber up before the start of her first intercollegiate golf match. She had slept poorly, partly from anxiety, and partly from Ryan’s absence. She wasn’t used to traveling on the economy plan and was a little surprised at their meager accommodations. The hotel was decent enough, but the sheets were rough and remarkably short for the queen sized bed. Each time she woke during the long night, her feet were completely exposed by the top sheet that refused to stay tucked in. Even the towels had been rough, as though they had been washed in strong soap with a healthy dose of bleach.
Come on, Jamie
, she had chided herself repeatedly.
The place isn’t that bad—it’s probably as nice as any business travel place in the country. If you’re going to be a member of this team, it’s about time you learned how the other half lives. Or other ninety-nine point nine percent
, as Ryan often reminded her.

She was concentrating hard on stretching out her tense back when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. She turned, letting out a squeal of delight as she came face to face with her mother, who was grinning widely.

"Mom!" She threw her arms around the smaller woman, startling her a bit with the enthusiasm of her greeting. "God, I’m glad to see you!"

"Oh," Catherine sighed, "I was a little afraid I’d be intruding, Sweetheart. I don’t want to upset your concentration."

"No! Not at all!" Jamie cried, relieved to have some companionship. "I actually do better when someone I love watches me play." She looked a little sad as she said, "It’s been hard not to have Ryan here."

"I’m sure it has been, Sweetheart. I assume that you were even more reluctant to leave her after her illness."

"Yeah, it was tough," she admitted. "She’s better, and I’m sure she’ll be fine eventually, but this really took a lot out of her. I’m worried about her not taking care of herself while I’m gone."

"Oh, Jamie, she grew up nice and strong all on her own. I think she’ll be fine for two days."

Blushing slightly, the younger woman confessed, "I just miss her, Mom. It’s so hard to sleep without her."

An image flashed in Catherine’s mind of the many years she had shared her bed with Jim and how calming it had always felt to know that he was close by. Even when things were going poorly between them, they had often bridged some of the distance by holding each other in the night. Shaking her head to dispel the longing, she put on a bright smile for her daughter. "One more night, Dear. I know you can get through another night."

"Yeah," she smiled sheepishly. "I guess I can. Are you staying over?"

"No, Honey, I have a board meeting tomorrow that I can’t get out of. I’m taking the last flight out tonight."

"Maybe we can have dinner?"

Catherine thought about the offer for a moment, and then politely declined. "I think you should spend some time with your teammates, Honey. I’m just here to support you, not monopolize your time."

Leaning over slightly to compensate for the two-inch difference in their heights, Jamie placed gentle kisses on both of her mother’s cheeks. "You’re a very, very good mom," she said softly. "I’ve gotta go now, but I want you to know that your coming today means a lot to me."

"It means a lot to me to see you participate in something that gives you pleasure, Honey. I know you’ll do well."

Giving her a hug that squeezed most of the breath from her lungs, Jamie added another kiss and grabbed her bag to walk to the first tee.

Catherine watched her go, shaking her head in wonder as she considered the athletically built young woman. There was a confident, rolling muscularity to her stride, and that confidence extended to her carriage. She looked healthy, and happy, and quietly determined, and Catherine thanked God for allowing her to share this moment with her child.

She pulled her tiny cell phone from her purse and speed-dialed a number, waiting for the machine to pick up. "Hi, Ryan, it’s Catherine. I’m in Oregon, watching someone you love play a little golf. Call me on my cell if you’d like a live course update. Oh, and Ryan? Make sure you eat a good lunch. Jamie’s orders!"

Catherine diligently walked the course, staying well in back of the foursome to remain out of Jamie’s peripheral vision. She knew what to do because she had attended most of her daughter's high school matches and Jim had advised her on the proper etiquette to allow Jamie to concentrate.