Honest Love (8 page)

I blinked slowly and took a deep breath.  He felt it because he did the same thing.  I shifted a bit and he let go of me.  His face was almost sad…might have been my imagination, though.  I smiled, took his hand and as I led him out of the kitchen I said, “Come on.  Let’s watch some gangsters kill each other.”  Derek followed, continuing to hold my hand.  This time when we sat on the couch, he sat on one end and I sat next to him.  I looked up at his face when I leaned against his side.  He smiled and gave me a little wink, letting me know he was okay with it.  The movie started and I got sleepier and sleepier and I fought like hell to stay awake, but could feel myself drifting.  All my sightseeing and shopping had worn me out, not to mention the fact that I usually didn’t stay up very late and the wine didn’t help matters, either.

At some point, Derek must have put his arm around my shoulder because I was snuggled next to him.  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but I woke when I felt my whole body lifted up.  Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around the neck of my carrier.  “Derek, as much as I love this feeling, you need to put me down.  This is too much for your knee.”  I yawned and wiggled to get him stop.

He set me on my feet, his arms still holding me next to him and said, “I was just going to take you to your bed and sneak out.  You’re tired.”

I leaned against his chest and he pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. “Sorry I fell asleep,” I yawned. 

“Hey, I got to have a beautiful woman snuggle against me.  Don’t be sorry.  Hell, I let the whole movie run just to feel to next to me.”

“Creeper.”

He laughed.  “Yep, only with you, though.”

I looked up and said, “Thank you for tonight.  It really meant a lot.  You’re a good man, Derek London.”

“Well, you just keep thinking that because I’ve had a tough time all night knowing you weren’t wearing a bra.” 

I stiffened, but he held me tighter.  “What?”

“You heard me.  I’m a guy.  We notice these things.”  He smiled, then kissed my forehead and I relaxed against him, my cheek on his chest.

“Creeper,” I mumbled.

“I should leave, but I don’t want to let go yet.  You feel pretty nice in my arms, Claire.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.  Feels good to be held.”

We stood there in my living room just holding each other for a few more minutes before I asked, “Is your knee okay to drive your motorcycle?”

“Yeah, it’s not that far.”

I was about to ask him to stay a little longer when a phone dinged, alerting us of an incoming text.  Both phones were in the kitchen, so as I started to walk toward them, I asked, “That your phone?”

“No, my phone is always on silent.”

“Huh.”  As I touched the round button at the bottom of my iPhone, making the screen come to life, I saw his name.
Jake. 
I could only see the first few words across the locked screen and tried to turn it off quickly.  I felt Derek press his body against mine, as he looked over my shoulder.  Derek had admitted he didn’t understand my relationship with Jake.  I had a feeling it was about to get ugly.

Jake:

Thought about you a lot…

“Claire?”

“It’s Jake, my ex-husband.”

His brows furrowed as he studied me.  “What could he want this time of night?”

“Who knows?  I’ll read it later.”  I placed my phone upside down on the counter and turned to face him.  He rubbed a hand down his face again and I grabbed it, shocking him.  “Hey, he’s married to another woman.  He’s moved on, but his guilt feeds a need to…I don’t know, make sure I’m okay.”

He stared straight into my eyes and said, “He’s fucking with you.  Just the few words I saw tell me that’s what he’s doing.  It’s his way of keeping tabs on you.  He’s stringing you along, Claire and I’d like to know what I’m up against.  “

I let go of his hand and stepped away from Derek. “First of all, it’s none of your business.  Secondly, I know Jake, you don’t.  What he says doesn’t matter anymore, not unless it’s about our kids.”  Derek stared at me, then grabbed his keys, wallet and phone and said, “I have to go” as he brushed past me.  I was so shocked that I just stood there and watched him leave.  We were just having a nice time.  We were snuggled together and comfortable.  What the hell was all that?  I felt a heavy sadness wash over me.  It wasn’t until I heard his motorcycle start up that I reached for my phone to see exactly what Jake said that had our very new, very fragile friendship falling to pieces.

Jake:

Thought about you a lot today.  I’m sorry, Claire.  I hate that you are alone on Christmas.  I shouldn’t have let you talk me into having the kids over the entire break. 

Jake:

Kids are doing okay, but miss you like crazy, although they don’t want to tell me that.  Call if you need anything.  You know you can, right?

It was a typical ‘Jake’ text.  I was used to them.  I knew he still cared a lot about me and wanted me safe and happy.  I didn’t have the foggiest idea what was in Derek’s head or in his past that had him pissed off enough to just storm out.  His reaction was over the top and strange.  Maybe I should have just opened it and let him read it.  Then, he would have seen that
I
was the one who’d pushed Jake to have our kids over the break and he was feeling bad about me not having them here.  I sat the phone down and walked to the front door to lock up my house.  For someone who ‘cared’ about me, Derek didn’t even lock my front door in his fit to leave. 

I straightened the living room, grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and my phone off the counter before I went upstairs to brush my teeth and go to bed.  I didn’t have the energy to think about anything.  I couldn’t do more drama.  Jake had sucked it all out of me for the last year…hell, for the last twenty years.  I was sad and could feel myself on the verge of tears.  I hated it. 

Just before I snuggled under my covers, I found my phone and turned on my side to plug it in.  The screen illuminated showing a text from Derek.

Derek:

I’m sorry. 

I didn’t want him to know how much his reaction affected me, so I texted back with clear, concise words.

Claire:

No big deal.  See you Monday at the clinic.

Tears. 
I hated tears.  They were for the weak and I wasn’t weak. 
No, I refused.

Derek:

Claire.

Claire:

Good night, Derek.  Thank you for everything.

Derek:

I’m sorry. 

Claire:

No need. 

Derek:

I’m at your front door.  Can I please apologize to your face?

I didn’t answer him.  I didn’t want him to see my stupid, red eyes.  Couldn’t let him see how it affected me.  All the lights in my house were out and I was in bed.  I needed sleep, not conversation.  Besides, I had no intention of engaging in whatever the hell he was dealing with at the moment.  He’d ruined the night, not me.  And I wasn’t going to be the one to fix it.  I was done fixing things that didn’t benefit me in the least. 

Derek:

Please.

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks.  So, I’d had a friend for a week and now what? 

After a while, I heard his bike start up and drive away.  I closed my eyes and shook my head. 
I was a fool.

*****

Sunday was a numb day filled with emptiness.  Not only was I alone without my kids here, but it was the day before Christmas Eve.  I did what I could to occupy my time.  Everything in my whole house had been cleaned twice.  By two o’clock, I was stir crazy, so I decided to go up to my office and prepare for the week.  As I backed out of my driveway, I noticed a large black Ford truck parked across the street.  I hadn’t seen it there before, but lots of neighbors had family in for the holidays. 

I backed out, closed the garage and took off out of the neighborhood.  In my rearview mirror, I watched the truck follow me and it freaked me out, making me feel really uncomfortable.  So, as I made my way toward the clinic, I decided to take a few small detours to see if it followed.  The truck stayed closely behind me the whole way.  I didn’t want to lead whoever it was to the clinic where I’d be all alone, so I ended up circling back toward my house where I could slip inside the garage, shut the door and feel safe. 

As soon as I entered Torrey Highlands, I did my best to gain a few minutes on the truck.  I lucked out at one stop sign that delayed Mr. Creepy by several seconds, so I floored it and raced home.  I pulled into the garage and shut the door seconds after I was fully parked.  Just as the door was nearly completely closed, I heard and saw the truck pull up next to the curb.  I was happy to be safe in my home, but scared out of my mind.  If it was Derek, why didn’t he text or call me to say it was him?  He obviously would’ve known I might be scared. 

I peeked out at the truck through the living room window, but no one got out.  So, I walked around my house making sure every door was lock, every window was securely closed and the alarm was set.  I startled when I heard the doorbell ring and a heavy knock pound on the wrought iron front door.  I was grateful for the frosted, opaque glass, but still stood frozen in the middle of my entryway, trying to decide what to do.  “Claire, open the door.  Please.”  It was Derek.  I was glad it was him, but still confused and a bit pissed all at the same time.  So, instead of opening the door or even talking to him through the glass, I grabbed my phone and took the coward’s way out.

Claire:

Derek, go home. 

Derek:

Really?  Texting me when I’m at your door?  I spent the whole night outside your house in my truck.  And, just now…I followed you hoping you would stop and talk to me.  Please.

Claire:

You scared the hell out of me.  You really are a creeper, aren’t you?  I’m fine.  So are you.  Let it go.  No harm done. 

Derek:

I don’t feel like that.  I messed up and need to say I’m sorry to your face. 

Claire:

I accept your apology.  Now, go live your life.  Enjoy your holidays.  Please.  For me. I’m good.  Promise. 

I didn’t say anything about seeing him at the clinic the following day.  As I walked away from where I was standing in the entry, I heard a loud bang on my front door.  He was pissed, but that wasn’t my problem, at least that was what I told myself as I melted into a puddle of tears right in the middle of my entryway.
  I. HATE. TEARS.

I heard him drive away in his truck and felt a little sick.  I went upstairs and crawled into bed.  I didn’t care that it was the middle of the afternoon.  I was sad and wanted to curl into a ball and shut the world out. 

Chapter 11

Derek

‘Go live your life.’  What the fuck did that mean?  I totally screwed everything up and now I had to make it right.  I’d gone off the deep end twice in one night.  First, when she’d received a call from that Rob guy, who had no business contacting her from what I understood.  Then, she got what appeared to be a sappy, misleading text from her ex-husband, Jake.  We’d had a fantastic night.  Claire had let me come over, which I hadn’t planned for or expected.  We spent the evening watching movies and touching…that part had tested every damn bit of restraint I had in my body.  She felt good in my arms and had my cock hard as hell.  I was glad she was sleeping through most of the movie since I needed time to calm my body down before she saw my reaction.  The feelings she invoked scared the shit out of me. 

Then, I fucked it up!  I saw part of the text from Jake and went mental.  I was jealous.  I was angry.  And I was confused.

Truthfully, I didn’t know what the hell to do, so I left.  I needed space to clear my head and think.  I didn’t want to
want
a woman that was in love with someone else and I didn’t want a woman that could be so manipulated by her ex the way I had been.  It all hit me at once and I’d acted like a jackass, then left Claire standing there feeling God knows what.  I’d apologized, but she obviously didn’t want to hear it.  Even in her texts, I could tell she was still upset and I wanted her to understand.  I
needed
her to understand.  Of course, I was immediately remorseful for hurting her.  I knew I had by the look on Claire’s face the second I questioned her about the relationship she had with Jake.  When she wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t open her door for me to say I was sorry,  I rode my bike home, got in my truck and spent hours just driving around town.

Around 2:30am, I finally went home and tried to sleep, but couldn’t.  I’d come to the conclusion that I wanted Claire in my life.  I needed her in my life.  She was truly the first person I’d felt could understand me…what I’d been through with Abbi and I wanted her friendship, maybe more than friendship, with her.  So, there was only one thing to do.  I needed to get her to talk to me.  I parked outside her house about 4 o’clock in the morning and watched.  It was Sunday and I had a feeling she’d leave just to break the deafening silence of an empty house.  I thought she might go to the office, but I wasn’t completely sure.  Then, I saw her leave and I followed.

“Fuck!  Now, I’m a stalker.” 

After following her toward the office then back home, at a high rate of speed I might add, I ended up at her door…ringing the doorbell and knocking.  Hell, I would’ve texted her to say it was me in the truck, but who had the time?  She was like a crazy woman zigzagging all over the road.  But yet again, I left her house pissed off and more determined than ever to get through, to break down her wall the way she had mine.  She didn’t know it yet, but I had plans and she was at the very core of them.  All.  Of.  Them.  She was My Claire.