Honest Love (2 page)

“Okay.  Okay.”  I didn’t want to tell her that I really didn’t have anything to do. 

Matt, Jenna and Jon had flown to Houston to spend their Christmas break with Jake.  They’d only been a few times since the start of school because of Matt’s football schedule.  But with the three-week long break, it was a good opportunity to go be with their dad.  So, I pushed for Jake to have them even as he protested that he didn’t want me all alone during Christmas.  I tried not to act too upset about being away from them.  Morgan saw passed it, though.  That daughter of mine was always so perceptive.  Some women didn’t understand it.  But keeping my kids from Jake, as much as I wanted to punish him, only punished my children and they’d been through enough.  Besides, I’d made the decision that the break from being ‘mom’ would do me some good.  They’d only been gone a few days and I was already lonesome.

“So, are you leaving or what?”  Allison was still standing in my doorway.

“Has anyone ever told you what a bossy, pain in the ass you are?”

“Yep!  And I proudly accept that honor.  Now, go.  Enjoy some time to yourself.”

I rolled my eyes at her and huffed as I packed up my rather large bag and walked toward the door. 

“Thanks, Allison.”  I called out as I was about to step outside. 

“You’re welcome.  Call me if you need anything.”  Her sassy smirk had turned to a genuine, soft smile. 
She knew.

*****

Our house wasn’t too far from the clinic, which was nice.  Now that I was a single mom, I needed to be close to my kids while they were in school.  As I pulled into my drive and parked my car in the garage, I started thinking about the man I saw in the waiting room and felt a small smile creep across my face.  Allison was right. 
Not dead yet.

My phone rang right as I stepped through the door.  Seeing it was Matt, I answered.

“Hi, honey, how’s it going?” 

“Hey, Mom, it’s good.  I just wanted to call and check on you.”  He was worried. 

“Matt, I love that you worry about me, but you don’t have to.  I’m fine.  Promise.”

“I know, Mom.  But I just…” 

I stopped in my tracks as I was headed up the stairs to change my clothes.  “Matt.  Stop.  I know you feel bad not being here over Christmas, but don’t.  I want you to spend some time with your dad.  He misses you guys.”  And I missed
him
and our family.  But I couldn’t tell my son that.  I was adjusting the best I could.

“Okay, okay.  How about I say, ‘good night, I love you, Mom.’  Better?”  I let out a little laugh to keep the tears away and sat down on the edge of my bed.

“Yes, better.  And I love you, too.  Now, go tell Jenna and Jon I said, ‘good night’ and that I love them.  You can call me tomorrow night to do the same.  Go enjoy your time in Texas.”

“Good night, Momma.”  I chocked up at hearing my eighteen year old son call me ‘momma’ instead of just ‘mom.’  He didn’t do it very often anymore, so it meant a lot to me.

“Night, baby, love you tons.”  And with that, we hung up and the tears came.  I laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, too drained to do anything else but cry.  This was going to be my first holiday without my kids…without Jake…without our family.  What in the hell was I going to do?  The sound of my phone alerting me of a text, drew me out of my momentary pity party. 

Jake:

Matt was worried about you.  You okay?

I knew he meant well and having my ex-husband check on me was noble, but unnecessary.  It made me feel pathetic.  I set up straight, wiped my eyes and answered Jake. 

Claire:

I’m okay.  Thanks for checking.

I needed to go do something, anything.  I tossed my phone to the other side of the bed and walked to the bathroom, shedding my clothes along the way.  I heard another text come in, but didn’t turn back to get my phone.  Jake could wait.  I stepped into the shower and let the hot water ease some of the tension in my shoulders.  I’d survived all these years with my husband loving another woman.  I’d survived him having an affair that led to a pregnancy.  And now, I’d survive starting my life over again without him.  I was sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself.  I had to find a way to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and live again because what Jake wanted was no longer my concern. 

As I stood there under my shower, I made a plan, one that started with surviving the three week separation from my kids.  First thing Monday morning, I was going to make sure I was fully booked at the clinic every damned day so that not one idle moment went by.  I was going to offer to fill in with any other patients so that my co-workers could enjoy their holidays.  It wasn’t about me being a good samaritan.  It was all about me and my sanity.  No doubt they would see right through me, but knowing what I did about the wonderful ladies and the two guys I worked with, they wouldn’t say a word.  They’d smile, pass me the patient file and run like hell before I changed my mind.  Yep, this plan of mine was going to work just fine.  I already had a renewed sense of optimism and Monday couldn’t get here fast enough.

Chapter 2

Claire

Jake:

Always, I’ll always check on you, Claire.

I didn’t answer Jake back when he’d sent his last text the night before.  I’d gotten out of the shower, dressed for bed and made myself a glass of wine before finding a movie to watch.  It wasn’t until the next morning when I’d picked up my phone to plug it into the charger that I saw the text from Jake.  I’d forgotten about the alert I’d heard before walking into the bathroom.  I knew that he meant well, but he had to stop being so ‘concerned’ about me.  He’d made his choice, so he needed to stop toying with my emotions. 

The rest of my weekend was fairly quiet.  Other than taking a little time to wallow in my lonely house, I got outside and explored a little more of San Diego.  I drove several miles along the 59-Mile Scenic drive and toward Sunset Cliffs.  I’d taken the drive before and loved the calmness that settled over me as I drove.  San Diego was a beautiful city and I was grateful I’d made the choice to move here.  By Monday morning, I was ready to sacrifice myself for the greater good of…well, me.  I’d arrived first and went to my office to look over my scheduled patients.  Several were leaving town for the holidays or had preferred to schedule their appointments for after the New Year.  I went to Allison’s desk and logged into the clinic’s overall schedule and made notes on who was booked up and their patient’s names.  I wanted to do what I could to help and stay busy. 

At 7:45am, I heard the back door open.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s just me here, Allison.”  I yelled from the desk.

Making her way down the hall and around the corner to the front of the clinic, she said, “What the hell are you doing here before me?  You robbing the place?”

I snorted out a laugh.  “You caught me.  This is totally the place to make my fortune…right here!”

“No, really, what are you doing here so early?”  The look of concern on her face made me annoyed.

“Stop!  I’m here because I wanted to look over everyone’s schedule and maybe take over a few patients so other therapists could actually enjoy their holidays.  I have nothing going on with the kids gone.  They’ve only been gone a week and I’m going insane.  I need to stay busy.  So instead of interrogating me and looking at me like I’m some pathetic, lonely sack of shit, how about you help me out.  Let’s see who could use my expertise and which of our therapists need the time off.”

“Calm your sad little tits, Mama!  Damn.  It just freaked me out that someone was here before me.  I really thought you were resigning or something and I was about to kick your scrawny ass.”

“Oh, please, think again.  Look who is pregnant and who is closing in on forty and in the best shape of her life!  Kick my ass…right!” I mumbled.

Allison laughed as she rubbed her belly and said, “Well, just wait till I have this little monster.  You’ll see.  I’m one mean bitch.”

“I already know that.  Now, come on.  Let’s take a look before everyone else gets here.”

We spent the next hour working through schedules rearranging where we could.  I had chosen to not only continue seeing my patients, but also as many of the other therapists’ patients as I could fit in.  I knew that several ladies around the office were stressed about working over the long Christmas break while their kids had off from school.  Three weeks of sitters and then all the holiday stuff would be pretty stressful.  It really was a win-win for all of us.  I just hoped the patients would go for it. 

Melissa was first through the door, just as I’d expected.  She was great to work for and knowing what I did about her, she didn’t want all the details of what I was doing.  She’d want the final plan and all would be just fine with her.  She hated when people talked her to death about what they were ‘going to do.’ 

“Well, what are you two ladies up to?  I can tell it’s no good by the shocked look on your faces.”

We both laughed and I started my speech.  When I was done, all Melissa had to say was, “Are you sure, Claire?  Make sure you really want to take this on.”

“I do, Melissa.  I need to stay busy these next few weeks.”

“Okay.  Well, I know the rest of us will appreciate it.  I want you to promise me that if it gets overwhelming, you’ll tell me.  Please.  We haven’t known you long, but we all care about you and want to see you happy.”

I barely held back my tears hearing her say that to me.  My mostly stoic boss was never emotional.  For her to admit that out loud, was pretty huge.  “Thank you, Melissa.  That means more than you know.”

She gripped my forearm and said, “I’ve never been one to share much about my life, but trust me when I say I understand.  Starting over is incredibly hard and can even be humiliating at times.”  She paused.  “Just promise me you’ll talk to me if you need anything.”

I reached out and hugged my boss…my friend and whispered ‘thank you.’  That was all I could muster.  Melissa squeezed me back and I felt her sincere affection for me.  Then with a gentle push, she leaned away and gave me a smile before she turned to Allison and said, “Just print me out a copy of all the changes.” 

Allison nodded, not saying a word.  That was when I noticed her tears.  I guess it was true that they rarely saw the softer side of Melissa.  “Claire, I’ll make sure the other therapists graciously take this gift you’re giving to them.”  And with that, she walked away, down the hall to her office…closing the door without another word. 

I let out my breath and grinned at Allison.  “Shit.  That was a little more intense than I expected it to be.”

Swiping the tears away, she said, “I’ve worked for her almost five years and have never heard her talk about any kind of old heartache.  She’s so crazy in love with her hubby, who would’ve ever guessed she had what sounded like some serious history.”

“Really?  Well, I’m grateful she understands without me having to explain it over and over.”

Allison patted my arm and said, “Let me get all this put together and I’ll make sure your schedule is ready.”

“Thank you.”  I was blessed.  I couldn’t have asked for a better place to work.

*****

My first patient of the day was a regular.  Andy Stephens was a thirty-eight year old ex-professional baseball player that tore his shoulder up in a skiing accident.  It was sad, really.  Here the guy went his whole professional career without injuries and on a ski vacation with his wife and kids, he’d torn his rotator cuff.  I’d been taking care of him for the last month following his surgery and although he was slowly getting better, he was impatient.  Unlike some of the other athletes I’d helped over the years, he was kind and respectful—never allowing his frustration to be directed at me. 

“Hey, morning.  How ya feeling?”  I loved turning on my Texas accent with some of my patients.

“Good…I think?”

I turned to glare at Andy.  “What did you do?”

“Well, I had a bit of yard work to take care of over the weekend.  I may have overdone it a bit.”

I growled…yes, growled. 

“Andy?  I’m a professional, but I may have to kick your ass if you destroyed all the hard work we’ve been doing on your shoulder.  Aren’t you some rich baseball player who could hire anyone to take care of your yard?”

He laughed.  “Well, I might have a bit of money, but I’m no fool.  I don’t waste it on hiring people to do things I’m perfectly capable of doing.”

“But the difference is
you are hurt
right now.  That trumps all this macho crap.”  I waved my hand up and down at him.

“You’re right.”  He said, holding his hands up in surrender.  “And just to make you feel more powerful, Karen is pissed as hell at me too.”

“Well, that does make me feel a bit better.  Now, let’s see how much of my wonderful work you’ve screwed up.” 

I spent the better part of the hour-long session re-evaluating Andy’s shoulder.  He hadn’t done too much damage, but enough that it probably set his recovery back by a few weeks.  I didn’t scold him like I wanted to.  He was just such a
man
!

“So, Claire, how are you?”  Andy was a nosy, busy-body.  He knew the ‘Cliff’s Notes’ of my story and was always asking how I was doing.  His wife, Karen did too.

“I’m good.  The kids are off to Houston to spend the holidays with Jake, so it’ll be a little lonely for me, but I’ll be okay.”

“Well, you know you’re always welcome to come hang out with our rowdy bunch.”

“Thank you.  I’ll be fine.  I plan on doing a little sightseeing, some reading and who knows what else.  Hell, I haven’t been able to just relax and take a breath in years, you know?”  I was full of shit and he knew it.

“Yeah, well, the invitation is open and if you need to just escape, get out of town, we have a huge, really nice place in the Bahamas.  I know…ridiculous, but it’s actually a house I inherited when my grandparents died.  I was an only child and my parents didn’t want it.”  He shrugged, almost embarrassed.  That was what I loved about Andy and Karen.  They were the most down to earth people, considering they were filthy rich and he was famous in the sport world.