Authors: Renee Ryan
T
en days, seven hours and twelve minutes after Hailey kicked Wolf out of her home, he paced through his town house.
His steps were jerky and out of sync, not so much because his leg ached but because his heart ached. He shouldn't have honored Hailey's demand to stay away from her until after she returned from Haiti. He shouldn't have let her leave the country with so much unsettled between them.
What if she got hurt while she was away? What if she were kidnapped? The muscles around his heart clenched in helpless agony.
What if she didn't come back at all?
Gritting his teeth, Wolf prowled into the living room and turned on the television. A twenty-four-hour weather report popped onto the screen. For the last six days, Wolf had alternated between this station and various news channels. If anything disastrous happened in Haiti, he would know as soon as it occurred.
Unfortunately, having immediate access to vast amounts of information only made him feel more uneasy, not less.
This was what came from caring. This dark sense of foreboding. This inability to calm down as he waited anxiously for news from the troubled region.
Though military husbands and wives had to cope with this every day, it took a great amount of courage and love. And wasn't that the bottom line? Wolf loved Hailey enough to suffer through these moments of fear and helplessness.
So what was holding him back from committing his future to hers? His promise to Clay? His brutal childhood? Maybe a combination of both?
He thought back over his last conversation with Hailey. She'd claimed she didn't care where Wolf came from, and had scolded him for suggesting that Clay might have held his past against him.
Wolf smiled at the memory of her fierce reaction. Hailey was quite the little warrior in her own right.
And now, when it might be too late, Wolf realized he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Hailey O'Brien. He wanted to build a family with her, to serve beside her, to grow old with her.
But did he deserve her? Could he make her happy?
Perhaps the answer was in Clay's e-mails, as Hailey had claimed. Wolf glanced over at the box she had given him. It sat on the coffee table, in the same spot he'd left it ten days ago.
The time had come to read Clay's words to his sister.
With a mixture of impatience and dread, Wolf sat on his couch and placed the box on his lap.
Keeping his emotions in check, he took a deep breath and pulled off the lid. Retrieving the large stack of papers, he tossed the box aside and read the first e-mail. Then he read the next one. And the next.
By the fourth, grief clogged in his throat.
Clay was all over these e-mails. His sense of humor and love of life jumped off the pages. The pain that came from remembering his friend was almost too much for Wolf, like someone had slammed a dagger in his gut and twisted.
Releasing a hiss, he leaned his head back against the sofa. A shudder slipped down his spine. Though he didn't want to continue, he had to keep reading. For Hailey. And maybe for his own sake, as well.
He grabbed another page, skimmed the e-mail until he came to Clay's suggestion for Hailey to think bigger than her current charity work.
“There are people all over the world who need the love of Christ,” Wolf read aloud. “You could be the one to carry that hope beyond Savannah, Hailey. With your faith in God and your gift with people, you could make a difference in the Middle East. More than I can as a soldier.”
Breathing hard, Wolf crushed the paper in his hand. Hailey hadn't misunderstood her brother after all. Clay had encouraged her to go into ministry. In the Middle East.
No wonder she'd been so filled with conviction.
Wolf squeezed his eyes shut and forced his mind back to that fateful day on the Iraqi roadside.
He would never forget his friend's last words. “Noâ¦mission work,” Clay had said. “Not here. Not by herself.”
Not by herself.
Clay's change of heart had been about Hailey's safety. He'd wanted to guarantee his sister didn't put herself into unnecessary danger.
Wolf would never let that happen.
If the Lord called Hailey to the Middle East, he wouldn't stop her. He would go with her.
But would Clay approve?
At this point, there was only one way to find out.
Wolf swallowed and read the next e-mail. There was a lot of nothing in this one, mainly gripes about the dry desert heat and having to fill out situation reports that were long overdue.
Wolf chuckled. Clay had always been behind on his paperwork.
Still smiling, Wolf returned his attention to his friend's words. He read his name and everything in him froze.
Wolf is the brother I never had and the best man I know. When you meet him, you'll think so, too.
Wolf flipped through the stack until he found another one about him.
Wolf saved a child today. He jumped in front of a fast-moving car and whipped the kid into his arms. He never hesitated. He'll make a great father. When you meet him, I know you'll agree.
Wolf read three more e-mails. And then another five. In all the ones where Clay mentioned his name four words showed up, as well.
When you meet himâ¦
Clay had been matchmaking. Almost as if he'd known he wouldn't get the opportunity to introduce them to each other himself. Had he sensed his imminent death?
Wolf's breath hitched in his throat. No matter how many of Clay's e-mails he read, guilt still held its nasty grip on him. Would regret always rule him?
Somehow Wolf had to find a way to surrender this to the Lord. He went in search of his Bible. Something he
should have done months ago, but had been too angry at God to bother.
After nearly an hour of searching, he found the weathered book at the bottom of a box he'd yet to unpack.
Hands shaking, he sat back down on the sofa and flipped through the pages at random. He read aloud the first Scripture that caught his eye, one in the book of Acts. “Everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins through His name.”
Wolf looked up to heaven. “Is it really that easy, Lord? Do I simply believe and this terrible feeling goes away?”
If that were true, healing would have already come. He turned a few pages to his left. Still in Acts, he read, “Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out.”
Believe. Repent.
There had to be more to it than that.
Wolf flipped the pages in the opposite direction, stopping in First John this time. “This is love; not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
Finally, Wolf knew what he had to do to move past his guilt. He had to believe. Repent. And then receive the gift that had already been given to him.
He lowered himself to his knees and buried his face in his hands.
“Lord, thank You for covering my sins with Your sacrifice. Help me to receive Your forgiveness so I can forgive myself.”
Lowering his hands, Wolf took a deep breath. A sense of peace spread through him.
Although he knew God still had a lot of work to do in him, Wolf rose to his feet. Smiling.
Â
Hailey headed toward baggage claim, exhausted, filthy and emotionally wrung out. She'd rushed off the plane ahead of her fellow team members, determined to get to Wolf's town house as quickly as possible.
Despite this sense of urgency, there was joy in her heart, too.
She had gone to Port-Au-Prince determined to make at least one personal connection. She'd made several.
Her time in the Haiti slum had changed her. The people at the Savannah People's Mission had changed her.
Wolf
had changed her.
She had so much to tell him about her trip, about the children she'd met. And the old man who'd accepted Christ right before he'd succumbed to cancer. But firstâ¦
Hailey just wanted to see Wolf, tell him she loved him and have him hold her in his strong arms for a while.
She wanted to be with him, always. No more obstacles. No more uneasiness between them. Just together. They'd work out the rest of the details as they went along.
Eager to get to him, Hailey picked up the pace but stopped in her tracks when she saw his familiar form several yards on the other side of security.
Wolf had come to the airport to meet her.
Relief, joy, pleasure, all three rushed through her, making her heart stutter in her chest.
Since Wolf hadn't noticed her yet, she drank in the sight of him. He wore black pants, a plain white T-shirt and his trademark leather jacket. He looked good. Really good.
He was standing next to J.T., completely caught up in
their conversation. They were both broad-shouldered, lean, handsome men. Hard men with soft heartsânot that either one of them would admit to that last part.
Wolf looked up at last. The moment he caught sight of her, a smile spread across his lips. It was his wolf smile.
Hailey's blood thickened in her veins. Wolf was her man. Her future. Her bold warrior. Hers. Hers. Hers!
So what was she doing standing here staring at him? He gave her a look that asked the same question.
She dropped her carry-on and set out at a dead run. On something between a sob and a laugh, she launched herself into his arms.
He caught her hard against his chest, then buried his face in her hair. “Welcome home, sweetheart.”
“Oh, Wolf, I missed you.”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
They clung to each other, ignoring everyone around them, pretending it didn't matter that the last time they'd seen each other Hailey had kicked him out of her house.
She pulled back, went in for a kiss but froze when J.T. cleared his throat.
Far less embarrassed than she should be, Hailey stepped away from Wolf. But she kept her hand on his arm, half-afraid he might disappear if she gave him the chance. “Hi, J.T. Iâ¦I didn't mean to ignore you.”
“Sure you did.” His eyes gleamed with amusement. “But no offense taken. You had other⦔ He gave her a knowing grin. “Priorities on your mind.”
She let out a little laugh, glancing at Wolf sideways. Their eyes locked and they shared a brief moment of homecoming.
Wolf moved behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist then rested his chin on her head.
Still grinning, J.T. lifted his eyebrows. “Okay. I see you two have a lot of catching up to do. And I have the rest of my team to welcome home.”
Wolf pulled Hailey tighter against him. “You're not intruding, J.T.” His voice said differently.
“You're not,” Hailey agreed halfheartedly. “We just haven't seen each other in a while and we⦠Oh, my carry-on. I left it⦔ She shot out of Wolf's arms and looked helplessly around her. “Somewhere.”
J.T. chuckled. “It's over there, on this side of security. I'll bring it down to baggage claim for you.” He turned in the direction Hailey had just come. “I'll meet you two downstairs in a few minutes.”
“Thanks, J.T.,” she called after him.
He tossed a wave over his head. “My pleasure.”
An uncomfortable silence fell in his wake.
Now that Hailey was alone with Wolf, and the initial pleasure of seeing him had worn off, she felt a flood of uncharacteristic shyness wash over her. Sighing, she twisted her hands together.
When five long seconds passed and Wolf didn't speak, either, she lifted her gaze to his. Relieved at what she saw in his eyes, she relaxed. Wolf loved her. He wanted to be with her.
Everything was going to work out just fine.
Tugging her gently toward him, Wolf lowered his forehead to hers. She clutched at his arms.
“Let's get the rest of your luggage. And then we'll head home.” He stepped back and caressed her cheek. “I have a lot to tell to you.”
“Oh, Wolf. Me, too.” She tipped her face up to his. “I loâ”
“Not here.” He pressed his finger tenderly to her lips. “Let's wait until it's just the two of us.”
Just the two of us.
She liked the sound of that.
A lot.
H
ailey entered her living room with anxious excitement nearly busting out of her. She was home. Wolf was here with her. The rest would work itself out in time.
She moved through the room, turning on lights while Wolf set her bags at the bottom of the stairs.
Once he joined her again, she went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
Feeling at peace, she smiled up at him. He was her big, handsome warrior. His blue, blue eyes were filled with genuine tenderness, the kind of look every woman dreamed she'd see in the eyes of the man she loved. “I'm glad you came to the airport to pick me up. Iâ”
“You're different.”
“I am?”
He hesitated, just a little, then ran his hand down her hair, hooking a tendril around his finger. “I mean that in a good way.”
There was affection in his eyes, and a deeper emotion.
Love.
He was through fighting the inevitable, through fighting the notion of them being together.
Hailey's stomach fluttered in anticipation of the future that lay ahead of them. But first, they had to deal
with the obstacles that still stood in their way. “You look different, too.” She angled her head. “More at peace.”
“I am. I⦔ He stepped away from her, giving her the opportunity to read his expression as he spoke. “I'm not drowning in guilt anymore.”
She could see the truth of his words, in the way his gaze held hers without faltering, in the way his shoulders remained straight and unflinching.
“Oh, Wolf, you've forgiven yourself.” Tears of joy welled in her eyes.
“I don't know if I'd go that far.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But I've given it up to God.”
She wiped at her cheeks and sighed. “That's the first step.”
“I'll always regret what happened to my men.” The slight catch in his voice revealed his continued grief. “But I'm done questioning things I can't change. I can't keep looking backward.” He shut his eyes a moment, then shook his head and reopened them. “I have to start looking forward.”
He was so courageous, so strong. Was there any wonder she was in love with him?
With another sigh she moved forward, and placed her palm on his chest, near his heart.
He covered her hand with his, but didn't speak again. He didn't have to. His eyes said everything. He was right here with her. In the moment. Present and awake. Ready for whatever came next. “Looking forward,” she whispered. “I like the sound of that.”
He smiled at last. “Tell me about your trip.”
She'd give him the details later. For now she wanted to focus on the lesson she'd learned. “I discovered something very important while I was gone.”
He lifted an eyebrow.
“I learned that there are hurting people everywhere, people who need compassion and grace, understanding and mercy. The things I can give them as a servant of Christ.”
His hand dropped away from hers. “What are you saying, Hailey?”
“I'm saying⦔ She let her own hand flutter to her side. “That I don't have to go to the Middle East to do the Lord's work.”
“Does that mean you're not going to pursue a posting overseas?” His voice remained neutral, as did his gaze. The only clue to his thoughts came in the slight tightening of his jaw.
Grateful for his subdued reaction, she answered him frankly. “No. It means I'm not going to serve the Lord with blinders on anymore. I'm going to go where He sends me, whether that turns out to be here in Savannah, or a Caribbean island, or the Middle East.”
Wolf frowned faintly, shaking his head. “Is this change of heart because of me?”
“Not
because
of you, no. But you did play a role in my decision. You helped me see past my grief over Clay's death to the truth. I don't have to go to the Middle East to honor my brother's life.” She walked over to the sofa, then perched a hip on the arm. “I can do that anywhere.”
Nodding, he shifted to face her head-on. “I want you to know that
if
you're called to the Middle East,” he said, “you won't go alone.”
She instantly understood his meaning and loved him all the more for it. “And who, might I ask, would go with me?”
“Someone who knows the region and the culture.” He stepped closer, staring at her with a serious expression
on his face. “Someone who understands the enemy, as well as the locals.”
“Someone likeâ¦oh, say, a United States Army captain?”
He smiled at last. “That would be the ideal choice.”
What a generous, selfless man he was. Hailey had found something richer and stronger with Wolf than she'd ever dreamed possible. “But that would mean quitting the Army.” She grimaced as the realization sank in. “I would never ask you to sacrifice your future for me.”
“
You're
my future, Hailey.” He moved closer still, close enough to reach down and cup her cheek. “God has a plan for both of us, together. We'll make our own family, always looking ahead of us and not behind. That might involve me quitting the Army, or it might not.”
She closed her eyes a moment and leaned into his hand. “You're sure this is what you want, Wolf? Are you sure you want me? Us? No more worries over whether or not Clay would approve?”
“I read his e-mails.” Wolf dropped his hand. “He wanted us together.”
She smiled and nodded.
“He also wanted you to go to the Middle East. As long as I keep you as safe as humanly possible, I will have fulfilled my duty.”
“No more guilt over his death?”
“I'll always wish things had turned out differently, but I'm learning to accept that there are some things I can't control. Accidents happen.”
Hailey had never been more proud of him than in that moment. He'd come so far. “Oh, Wolf, I love you.”
“I love you, too, Hailey.”
She rose, lifted onto her tiptoes, and then pressed her
lips to his in a fleeting kiss that left her mouth tingling when she pulled away.
“I still have a few years of active duty left.” He placed his hands on her waist, but then let them drop just as quickly. “I will be deployed again in that time. After all you've been through, all your losses, waiting for me is a lot to ask of you.”
She gave him a soft smile. “If there's anything I've learned in the past few years, it's to take whatever joy I can today because there might not be a tomorrow.”
He kissed one of her hands and then the other. “You're amazing.”
“I want to be with you, Wolf, however long that turns out to be.”
“I may never leave the military,” he warned.
She wouldn't ask it of him, ever. That was between him and the Heavenly Father. “We'll take each day as it comes.”
“I'm thinking about going back to school part-time. I want to take a few seminary classes, see if that's where God is leading me.”
“I'll support you, no matter what.”
“Even if I become an Army chaplain? Despite what you might think, Hailey, it's a dangerous job, especially in wartime.”
“Maybe I haven't made myself clear. I want to be with you, whatever that means, wherever it takes us. You are my family now, and I'm yours. We'll face the future together, as a unit.”
“Even knowing our future is uncertain?” he asked, stepping back so he could stare into her eyes.
“No one's future is certain. Whether you're a soldier or a minister, whether I'm called to stay in Savannah or
travel to the Middle East, I want us to serve the Lord together.”
“So we go where God leads us?” he asked. “No personal agendas, no firm plans, just open minds and open hearts?”
“That sums it up nicely.”
He lowered to one knee, and then smiled up at her. “Hailey O'Brienâ” he took her hand and kissed her knuckles “âwill you marry me?”
“Yes.”
Laughing, he drew her into his arms and then lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was slow, sweet and full of silent promises for their life together.
She couldn't have asked for a better homecoming.