Home Sweet Home (20 page)

A
ndi felt shy with Nate, shyer than she should have after their past two nights together. It would have been easier if he had reached for her, if he’d kissed her first and eased her into their lovemaking. But just as he’d needed her to make the choice to come inside with him, she knew he needed her to make this choice, too.

To make love to him not simply because she couldn’t resist…but because he was what she wanted. Past. Present.

And future.

She put her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. He was so strong. So steady. So warm.

She could feel how much he wanted her, but he held himself perfectly still, letting her lead their dance this time. She pressed her lips against his skin, kissing him where his pulse had leaped to life. She moved her hands to his shirt, pulling it free of his jeans, and as she ran her fingers over his rippling abdominal muscles, she could feel his growl of pleasure rumble up from his chest.

Both of their clothes were soon gone, leaving them to ride a wave of pure instinct, no thinking, no second-guessing, just a man and a woman who couldn’t get enough of each other. She relished every touch, every brush of his lips against hers.

Everything she wanted was right here, right now, in his arms.

Pulling him down with her to the bed, she was so glad to be pinned beneath the hard heat of his body. And then he was filling her until she was bursting with him, with all the emotion she couldn’t manage to hold back. She cried out into his mouth as he kissed her, just as they both reached the peak, then fell long and hard.

And when it was over, when she was on the verge of falling asleep in his arms one more time, she heard him say it again.

“Andi, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you.”

Andi was out on the carousel. It wasn’t old or peeling or cracking. The horses were shiny and new, and it was spinning around and around, circus music playing as she rode a big white horse.

Holding on to the gold bar that moved up and down in time with the music, Andi wondered how the carousel had gotten fixed up so quickly and why she was out here alone riding it? But the thought wouldn’t stay in her head. Not with the music playing, not while she was spinning.

And then a moment later, she was sitting on the sleigh behind the matched pair of horses, holding knitting needles and yarn. The his-and-her horses shared a tender look as they ran forever in front of their sleigh.

Her heart warmed as she thought about how happy Evelyn must be to have her beloved carousel looking brand-new again, to know that children would be able to experience the joy that had been such a big part of her childhood.

And then Andi looked down and realized her hands were moving. She was knitting something out of yellow yarn, the perfect color to match the marks on the carousel horse directly in front of her.

For a moment, her hands looked so much like her grandmother’s that she got confused. How could that be? She and her grandmother had so little in common.

Nate’s words floated into her brain. “Seeing you with those needles makes me realize how much you look like your grandmother.”

He would never lie to her, she knew that even out on a spinning carousel, so maybe it was true.

Maybe she was more like her grandmother than she’d ever realized.

As the shock of how quickly, how surely, her hands were moving over the needles and yarn receded, she looked closer at what she was making. Somehow without needing to think about it, without needing to consult any kind of pattern, she cast off the final stitches.

She had never felt like this, so completely out of her body, almost as if she was floating.

No, that wasn’t true. Every time she was in Nate’s arms, every time he loved her, she had no choice but to let go of the thread that connected her to who she thought she was.

Being with him was like flying, floating on a cloud of pure pleasure.

And boundless love.

She looked down again and saw that her hands were moving again, draping the garment she’d knitted over the horse’s mouth. The bridle was a perfect fit as was the knitted saddle that magically appeared on the horse’s back.

When she looked more closely at the carousel, she realized all of the horses were wearing knitted bridles and saddles.

Who had made them? She still barely knew how to knit and was far too slow to have done all of this. Had the women in the knitting group done this to surprise her grandmother?

The carousel suddenly stopped, so suddenly that she had to grip the horse beside her so that she didn’t fall down.

A moment later everything started to fade, the horses disappearing one by one until the carousel was gone completely and she was left standing in the middle of the building site, still holding her needles and yarn and the bridle and saddle, but not needing them anymore.

“Andi, sweetheart, it’s just a dream. You’re okay now. I’ve got you.”

She woke up to feel Nate’s hands stroking her damp hair back from her face. She worked to catch her breath as she came back to reality, naked and warm with Nate in his big bed.

She’d been dreaming about the carousel.

She pressed her palm against his chest, letting herself be comforted by the strong, steady beat of his heart. She felt so safe with Nate.

More safe than she knew it was possible to be.

“Every time you touch me,” she whispered, “I forget everything. Everything but how you make me feel.”

“Tell me how I make you feel, Andi.”

His eyes were filled with so much love in the moonlit room that even though she knew better, she had to whisper, “You make me feel pleasure like I’ve never known before.”

She closed her eyes, relishing the simple touch of his hands on her skin, the way his thumb had begun to brush lightly across her lower lip. “You make me feel comfort. Warmth. Happiness.”

She opened her eyes again and met his intense gaze. “And love. So much love, Nate.”

Suddenly, so suddenly that it took her breath away, she realized that holding back the words from Nate didn’t make them less true.

“I love you.”

His chest stilled beneath her hand, even as his heartbeat jumped. “Tell me again so I don’t think I’m dreaming it.”

Fear hit her like a sledgehammer, but this time instead of pushing Nate away, she worked to push the fear away instead.

She placed her hands on either side of his face, her mouth on his, and she kissed him. He was so warm, so real, the most solid man she’d ever had in her life.

“You were right all along.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until he began to kiss away the wetness over her eyes, across her cheeks.

“I’m scared, Nate. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a partner, how to put anyone but myself first.”

Now that the floodgates had opened, she couldn’t stop talking. “You’re my best friend, and I’m so afraid of losing you again. Of losing our friendship forever this time. I tried to stop myself, tried to tell myself we could be lovers without ruining everything, but it was the biggest lie I’ve ever told myself.”

“Just tell me again, sweetheart. That’s all you need to do.”

She took a shaky breath, the words on the tip of her tongue. But now that she knew for sure just how big the floodgates of emotion were that came with them, renewed terror kept her silent.

“Saying it the first time was the hardest part,” he told her in a gentle voice. “We’ve got all night for you to get there again,” he teased.

It was when the hint of a smile slid onto his lips, just visible from the faint moonlight coming through the window, amazing her that it could come when she was almost paralyzed with terror, that she realized he was right. She could do it.

He needed her to do it, to say the words aloud again.

“I love you, Nate.”

His mouth found hers, stealing what was left of her breath. “I’m never going to get tired of hearing you say that, Andi.”

It was easier this time, as if she knew how to unlock the keys to the prison the words had been locked up in for so long.

“I love you, Nate.” The three words settled down deeper into her as shock began to recede.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that again?”

“Two days?”

His laughter moved across her skin. “Ten years. And before that, twenty.”

Only Nate could have her confessing her love in one breath and laughing in the next.

“You’ve been waiting for me to say that since we were infants?”

He moved his lips across her face, dipping onto her mouth and then down her neck, her shoulders, the tops of her breasts.

“Longer than that.”

His mouth closed over the tip of her breast, and “I love you” came out of her mouth again, this time on a gasp of pleasure. His tongue rewarded her admission, and she arched her back into his mouth, her hands threading through his soft hair. He moved to lave her other breast, and she said it again, amazed by how much easier “I love you” was every time she said it.

And as they came together one more time, as he slid into her and took her breath away just as he always did, when he bent down to kiss her, the “I love you” she whispered against his mouth was all either of them needed to jump off the edge.

Together.

She was still scared, still twisted up, still knocked as far off center as she’d ever been, still completely uncertain about how they were going to work out a future together, but at least here, in the private cocoon of his bedroom, the love Nate gave her temporarily overpowered her doubts.

G
ood news, honey. I’m coming home today.”

Andi whooped with joy behind the Lake Yarns register, not caring that she’d just startled a customer into dropping a handful of yarn on the floor.

“I’m so glad you’re all right, Grandma.”

Maybe everything was going to be okay after all.

All morning Andi had been on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because it couldn’t possibly be that easy as two childhood sweethearts falling back in love with each other, could it?

No, she told herself for the hundredth time that day, she was just being silly. Trying to throw roadblocks up on an otherwise smooth track.

Still, before her grandmother had called from the hospital, Andi had been preparing for the town hall meeting. Her notes were spread out all across the counter, her laptop open so she could make last-minute changes to her presentation. But she hadn’t been able to concentrate on her presentation. Heck, she had barely been able to concentrate on her job—the one thing she usually gave everything to—for the past week.

That lack of focus had her saying, “I had the strangest dream, Grandma, about the carousel. I was knitting bridles and saddles for the horses.”

“Andi, honey, you’re a genius! What a perfect way to raise money to move and restore the carousel.”

Andi had spent her entire career making other people money, but this time she couldn’t see where it was going to come from. “I don’t get it, Grandma.”

“We’ll have a knitting contest. People will pay a fee to enter.”

“You know what?” Andi had to smile at the excitement in her grandmother’s voice—and in her own. “That might actually work.”

“Of course, it will work,” Evelyn said in a no-nonsense voice. “In any case, I’m glad to hear it’s finally happened.”

“What’s finally happened? Apart from me losing my mind, that is.”

“You’ve found your reason to knit. I thought maybe falling in love would take you there. But this makes much more sense.”

“Nothing is making sense anymore,” Andi muttered into the phone.

She’d never dreamed about knitting or anything else even slightly artistic. She’d always been one of those people who dreamed about tests and school.

“This does. Of course, you would have to knit toward a goal. Something tangible like saving the carousel. Have you started making a saddle yet?’

“Of course I haven’t,” Andi all but snapped. Even though the truth was that all morning she’d been looking at different skeins wondering how they’d knit up for the horses, fighting the urge to pick up a pair of needles to try and knit a saddle. “How could I possibly knit something like that without a pattern?”

“Well, if you don’t think you’re up to the challenge, honey, I understand.”

Feeling cornered, Andi came back at her with, “You’re not much for subtlety, are you, Grandma?”

“I’m too old for subtlety. Speaking of which, how’s that boy who’s so in love with you doing?”

Andi didn’t bother to deny it. What was the point when her grandmother obviously saw everything? Even the things Andi had tried so hard not to see.

“He’s fine.” That same dark premonition she’d been trying to run from all morning weighed back down on her as she said, “We’re going to be facing off against each other tonight at the town hall meeting.”

“I sure wish I felt up to attending, honey. I’d like to see the fireworks. Be sure to drop in to the cottage tonight to tell me all about it. And I’ll let my friends know about your knitted saddle idea so that we can get started on them right away.”

Andi was still staring at the receiver wondering how her life had managed to get so crazy in such a short time when Rebecca walked in.

“I’ve been meaning to come by for the past few days, but things have been crazy at the inn.”

Andi smiled or tried to anyway. “Don’t worry about it. Things have been nuts with me, too.” She thought about Nate, about her dream, about her grandmother knitting a saddle for a carousel horse. “Really nuts.”

“It’s not your grandmother, is it?”

“No,” Andi said quickly. “She’s coming home from the hospital today.”

“That’s great news.” Rebecca gave her a half smile. “You should know, rumor has it that I’m a great listener if you ever want to talk.”

Andi had never really had a girlfriend who she could talk about dating or guys with. Not since she and Catherine were kids actually. Now, for the first time, she found that she desperately wanted to sit down with another woman and talk about her…feelings.

But before she could take Rebecca up on her offer, the door opened and Catherine walked in. “Here’s the schedule for the town hall meeting tonight.” She dropped a printout on the counter before turning to Rebecca with a smile. “Hey there. How are you?”

“Good. Taking a much needed break.”

Jenny walked in next. “Sorry I’m late, Andi. Blood and kids is all you want me to say about it.”

“Are your kids okay?”

“They’re fine. Just stupid. Hi Rebecca, Catherine.”

“I was just going to get a cup of coffee at Moose Cafe,” Catherine said to Rebecca. “Care to join me?”

“I’d love to. Andi, come with us.”

Before Andi could gracefully decline the invitation, Jenny jumped in with, “You’ve been chained to the register all week. Even for those of us who were born with knitting needles in our hands, all this wool and alpaca can start to make you crazy after a while. I can man the store solo for a while. Go.”

Andi knew when she was cornered. Not just by Jenny gently kicking her to the curb, but because Rebecca clearly wanted to try and mend things between her and Catherine. And yet as she followed after the other women, she was surprised to realize that she wasn’t overcome with relief at getting a chance to escape Lake Yarns.

The truth was, she liked working in the knitting store, liked talking with women, liked helping people with something fun that truly got them jazzed. And then there was the yarn itself, which she’d fallen head over heels in love with too.

The three of them ordered their drinks, then sat down at a table by the lakeside window.

Looking out at the blue lake, the patchwork quilt of colored leaves spread across the mountains, Andi said, “It really is beautiful here.”

“Don’t bring those condos in and change everything,” Catherine suddenly said.

As Andi turned her gaze from the water to her old friend’s face, Rebecca jumped in again. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that, did you, Catherine?”

But Andi knew she had and found herself saying, “I always admired you so much when we were kids, Catherine. You were never afraid to say what you thought. What you really meant.”

Catherine blinked at the unexpected compliment. “Neither were you.”

But Andi was just starting to know better than that. “It may have looked like that, but lately I’ve been wondering if I was just trying to make everyone happy.”

Her father, of course, but she hadn’t stopped there. She’d spent years trying to please every teacher, every boss.

When, she suddenly wondered, had she tried to please herself?

Catherine’s face softened slightly, just as Rebecca murmured, “It’s pretty darn easy to fall into that people-pleasing trap.”

Andi shifted her gaze to her pretty, new friend just as Rebecca twisted her diamond engagement band. Maybe one day soon she would feel close enough with Rebecca, comfortable enough doing the girl-sharing thing, that she could ask Rebecca about her relationship with Stu. And if everything was okay.

Andi picked up her cherry-red mug but didn’t take a sip. “I never meant to come back here and upset everyone. So many times I’ve wondered if I did the right thing coming back at all.”

Andi expected Catherine to jump all over her admission, to agree with her that she shouldn’t have come back to town, to maybe even pack her bags and drive her back to the city to make sure she really left.

Instead the woman said, “I know I told you that you coming back into Nate’s life has been bad, but I’m not sure I got it completely right. It’s more that he’s been different since you’ve been back.”

“Different how?”

“After years of seeing someone be up and energetic all the time, you sort of forget they’re ever any other way. These past couple of weeks, it’s like his outer layer has started to drop away. Sometimes he looks terrible in the morning. And other times it’s like something has changed inside of him, way down deep, like I’m finally seeing the real Nate Duncan.” Catherine shook her head. “I’m more than a little ashamed that I didn’t realize he was covering part of himself up all this time. You touch him, reach him in a way no one else has, Andi. In a way no one else ever could.”

Andi was afraid everything she felt for Nate was written on her face. She started to try to contain it out of sheer habit, but then it hit her: What was she doing? Why was she always trying so hard to hide from what she really felt? Where was the gain in that?

“I love him, Cat.” The childhood nickname slipped out right alongside her true feelings for the man they’d both been friends with as children.

Surprise flashed across Catherine’s face a split second before she said, “I know you do.” She paused, almost as if she was giving Andi time to catch her breath. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Andi gripped her mug tighter, tried to still the panic rising inside of her. “I’m going to try to make it work.”

She’d never moved forward on anything without a plan. Not until Nate had touched her. Not until Nate had kissed her. Not until they’d made love as adults.

But the truth was, she simply hadn’t had a choice. Not in any of it.

Because she loved him.

When Catherine’s voice came again, it was softer. Gentler. She reached out her hand, put it on Andi’s arm, regret mingling with shame in her pretty eyes.

“I’m sorry I’ve lashed out at you so many times. I had no right to say those things I said to you at the knitting group on Monday night.”

Andi looked down at Catherine’s ragged nails, a Band-Aid wrapped around her thumb, the same friend who used to spend hours on her manicure in high school.

“You’re Nate’s friend,” Andi said slowly. “You just want what’s best for him. I can understand that.”

“Just because I’m his friend doesn’t mean I should be acting like this. Not when I know firsthand how hard love is.”

Andi could almost see the olive branch being extended out across the table. It was habit to proceed cautiously, to make sure she didn’t connect too closely with anyone—and to make sure she didn’t let Emerald Lake or the people in it reach out and grab hold of her. Of her heart.

But she didn’t want to live that way anymore.

“What happened, Catherine?”

“I married the wrong guy is what happened.”

Andi frowned. “When did you figure it out?”

“When I found him in bed with another woman, that’s when.”

“Men suck.”

Catherine raised her eyebrows at Rebecca’s statement, obviously just as surprised by it as Andi was.

“What are you talking about, Rebecca?” Catherine asked. “Stu’s the perfect fiancé. You couldn’t have found a nicer guy if you’d tried.”

Rebecca looked so uncomfortable that Andi dove in to save her with, “I’ve got to tell you guys about my crazy dream.”

She never would have guessed it was possible from the way their coffee break had begun, but soon the three of them were discussing contest ideas and possible patterns for knitted saddles and bridles for carousel horses over their emptying coffee cups. And Andi was enjoying herself. More than she’d ever thought she would with two women that she had nothing in common with save living in the same town and knitting.

She wanted to believe she could have more than one afternoon like this, chatting over coffee with girlfriends.

“Wow, those dark clouds came from out of nowhere.” Rebecca pointed out the coffee shop window out toward the lake. “There’s definitely going to be a storm tonight.”

Andi shivered even though the café was perfectly warm. She shouldn’t be afraid of a little storm.

But she was.