Holding On (8 page)

Tabitha narrowed her eyes at her again. “I can’t believe you really didn’t know,” she said, almost more to herself than to Quinn. “All this time, I always thought you were stringing him along. I even told him so,” she said unapologetically. “I thought you were keeping him close but keeping your distance, too. Then toying with his emotions by chasing after Jake.”

“
Of course I didn’t know! In fact, I’m not even sure I believe you’re right. But if you are, it was never like that! I never meant to hurt him, or you,” Quinn insisted, finally finding her voice again. She’d never toyed with Luke’s feelings. She’d never been
aware
of Luke’s feelings. And as for Jake? He’d been the one to actively pursue her. She’d never played games with either one of them. “We’ve always just been friends, Luke and I. That’s all it’s ever been. I swear. Luke doesn’t think of me as anything more than that.”
It’s just…it’s not possible
, she thought.

“Yeah, right. Save that line of bullshit for someone who
hasn’t
had to deal with his shitty attitude every time someone asks him how you and Jake are doing. Or save it for someone who
didn’t
have their heart broken in high school because their boyfriend couldn’t keep his eyes off the cheerleading captain for more than ten seconds. Save it for someone who
hasn’t
heard him mutter your name in his sleep after he’s had a few too many.” Her tone was icy but her expression looked pained. Quinn’s heart slammed around in her chest because there was no way this could be true. “In other words,” Tabitha said carefully and Quinn realized she was trying to hold her voice steady because she was clearly on the verge of tears, “save it for someone who
doesn’t
know the truth. Good luck with your wedding.”

It was a good thing that Tabitha chose that moment to storm away. Because Quinn was
utterly, painfully speechless. She stood there, staring after her until Carly came up and placed a worried hand on her shoulder.

“What the hell was that?” she demanded of her sister.

“How much of it did you hear?” Quinn wondered. She glanced around the crowded restaurant. Thankfully, no one seemed to be looking their way. Other than Jemma and Lily who were emanating concern from their table on the other side of the large dining area.

“I didn’
t hear any of it. But her body language spoke volumes,” Carly said softly. “What was she so upset about?”

“She and Luke broke up,”
Quinn mumbled.

“And that’s your fault…
how
…?” Carly asked, incredulously. She threw an irritated glance at Tabitha who was almost out of sight as she stormed down the sidewalk.

“You don’t even want to know,” Quinn told her.
She was blinking hard, trying to fight off tears.

“Oh yeah, I think I do,” Carly replied.
“Should I go get the girls? You look like you need to get out of here,” she said.  Her voice was full of concern.

“I’m fine,” Quinn said. She swallowed
down the wretched lump in her throat. “They aren’t done eating yet. I just need a second,” she said as she blew out a breath. “And then I’ll be fine.”

“
We’re going to talk about this, though. Later?” she asked. She sensed now was not the time or the place.

“Sure,” Quinn sighed.

There was no way, no way at all that what Tabitha said was true. Yet…it was excruciatingly obvious that she believed it.

Quinn shook her head
, tying to clear her thoughts, as Carly grabbed her by the arm to lead her back to the table. If Luke had ever felt that way, surely she would’ve known. Right? But then she realized that
she
had felt that way and
he’d
never known.

What if it i
s true
? Quinn wondered.

It wouldn’t change anything with her and Jake. But it
might explain Luke’s attitude toward her lately. Had she hurt him? As badly as Tabitha said? If it was true…
If
it was true, she put herself in Luke’s place…

S
uddenly, she felt sick. He was one of the last people in the world she would ever want to hurt. But if what Tabitha said was true, and the longer Quinn spent processing it all, she started to believe that just maybe it was…Then it was no wonder he’d been avoiding her for so long.

6

Luke couldn’t think
of a worse way to spend the weekend. Rehearsal and groom’s dinner tonight, the wedding tomorrow. Then again, he’d more or less felt that way for nearly two years now. Since the day Jake had actually done it. He’d actually stolen Quinn out from under him. He realized maybe that wasn’t
exactly
how it happened. But like it or not, that’s the way he felt.

Growing up, Jake had teased him mercilessly for spending all of his time with a girl. But Quinn had been a tomboy back then. He’d actually preferred her to the boys.
The other boys had always shown off, trying to outdo each other. With Quinn, he could just be himself. And she was just herself.

By the time middle school started, she was a tomboy no longer. By seventh grade, he no longer thought of her as one of the guys. By eighth grade, he’d been desperate to kiss her. So he had. He’d even managed to use a little tongue and to his surprise, she hadn’t resisted. Then he’d ruined it all by panicking, backpedaling and telling her he’d only done it on a dare. He’d spent the next week, maybe even the next month in a state of panic worrying she’d talk to Garrison, the friend he’d blamed the dare on. He
’d waited endlessly for her to call him out on it. But she never had. And he’d never dared to kiss her again.

Story of his life where Quinn was concerned. He never had the balls to man up and ask her out. Never. And Jake had. So yeah, maybe Jake was the one that deserved her after all.

So now, here he was, sneaking off only minutes after the rehearsal had ended. He’d grabbed a beer out of the cooler and when he thought no one was looking, he’d slunk away.

He’d been so entrenched in his thoughts about Quinn that when he heard her say his name, at first he had thought it was just a figment of his subconscious, ju
st a memory. The path leading around the curve in the lake was covered in soft dirt. He hadn’t heard footsteps approaching. But then he felt her hand on his shoulder as she said his name again.

“Luke?”

She sounded hesitant and he didn’t blame her. He hadn’t exactly been treating her the best the past few months. Well, he hadn’t actually done anything wrong, other than avoid her. But that was due to a failed attempt at self-preservation. Now, he couldn’t possibly avoid her. He’d waited until the last minute before showing up for the rehearsal. He’d done his part. Then
he’d hightailed it out of there. He’d followed one of the paths that led to an overlook on the lake. He needed a minute to himself. He never thought Quinn would actually follow him. But she had. And now here she was, looking as beautiful as she ever had in a pale green sundress and wide, nervous eyes.

“Hey, Quinn,” he said as he turned
around to face her. He tried to force his voice into a tone of neutrality. His eyes swept over her. It had been a while…months…since he’d last seen her. “You look amazing,” he said softly.

Her eyebrows furrowed delicately
. He wondered if he’d said something wrong.

“Thanks,” she finally said. But it came out sounding more like a whisper.

The way she was looking at him suddenly made him uncomfortable. He was waiting for her to start laying into him about avoiding her. He assumed that must be what was bothering her.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked hesitantly.

He wanted to tell her no. But he didn’t.

“Yeah, of course,” he said
. He leaned against the railing of the overlook, trying to look relaxed. He took a swig out of his bottle while he waited.

“Wh
y didn’t you ever ask me out?” she demanded.

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he studied her face. His gut clenched and he was sure that she knew. After all of this time, after all of these years…he was sure she finally knew. Now.
Now
when it was too damn late.

“Why are you asking me that?”

“I ran into Tabitha this afternoon…” Her voice trailed off. But she really didn’t need to tell him anymore.

Hell. He didn’t want to hear any more. Things hadn’t ended well with Tabby. He’d tried. He
really
had. He’d wanted things to work with her. A part of him
needed
things to work. It wasn’t as if he enjoyed lusting after Quinn. In fact, it sucked in the worst way possible. But the timing with Tabby had been all off.

He hadn’t seen her for a year or so. Then they’d run into each other just when things had been heating up with Jake and Quinn.
Tabby had thought that would be the kick in the ass he needed to finally get over Quinn. He’d hoped so too. But it had only made things a thousand times worse. He knew he’d treated Tabby unfairly and he’d apologized a hundred times. But apologies didn’t always amount to much. Especially when you couldn’t keep yourself from doing the same damn thing wrong. Over and over again. If she hated him, he wouldn’t blame her.

Sometimes he hated himself, too. For wanting someone who was so entirely off-limits.

“I bet that went well,” he finally managed to say.

“I don’t really want to talk about her, though,” Quinn said. “I want to talk about me and you.”

“Now? You want to talk about us
now
?” He shook his head and took another swig of his beer. There was no use in pretending that he didn’t know what she was asking. “Hell if I know why I didn’t.” He sighed. “That’s not true. I do know. I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. I kept telling myself I would.
Just not yet
. That’s what I’d tell myself.
Soon, just not yet
. Then Jake asked you out and…” He gave Quinn a pointed look.

“Did he know?”

“Hell yeah, he knew. Everyone knew. Apparently everyone but you.” He ran a hand through his hair as he pushed off the railing. He walked a few paces before turning back again. “You know, now is not the time to talk about this.”

“Then when?”

He turned to look at her. “At this point? Never.”

Now it was
Quinn who was slumped against the railing. “I can’t believe Jake asked me out. If he knew that…that you wanted to. You two were always so close.”

Luke started laughing at that. The laugh was dry. Humorless. “It’s
why
he asked you out Quinn. He kept threatening me. Telling me I needed to have the balls to do it or he would.”

Hi
s words stung. Jake had asked her out to get under his brother’s skin? That’s how their relationship started? Not as a bet or a prank but as…what? As the follow through of a threat? She started blinking back tears.

“Quinn
ie, no, no…” he said as he took a step closer. “I know what you’re thinking. But it wasn’t like that. Not really. Maybe that first date. But after that? He was hooked. And I knew I was screwed,” he said quietly.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“After the fact? You were so happy,” he said, simply. “No way was I going to take that away from you. And in no time at all, it was obvious you two were meant to be together. He loves you as much as I do.” He stopped and looked skyward for a moment. Though Quinn could see his eyes were sealed tightly shut. He took a breath and looked at her again. “As much as I
did
.”

“Is that why you moved?”

He studied her carefully. “Tabitha,” he finally guessed as he released a defeated sigh. Quinn nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “It is. You’d had boyfriends here and there over the years. I’d always hated it. But in the back of my mind, I always knew they weren’t going to last. I’d tell myself, the next time you were available, I was going to man up and ask you out. But…once you were with Jake…it was over. It just got to be too hard to see you together. You were my friend. But I always thought, someday, that you would end up with me.”