Holding Her Breath (Indigo) (32 page)

* * *

Whitney asked Erika to come over after she closed the gym for the night. She could always count on Erika. She hadn’t been able to sit still or think straight since she’d gotten off the phone with her grandparents earlier that night. When Erika arrived Whitney practically dragged her into the apartment.

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Erika said. She wore sweats because she’d come over straight from the gym. She took off her jacket to reveal a red tank top.

“I may have done a very stupid thing.” Whitney paused for a moment, but before Erika could speak, she said, “I quit Gibson and Grey.”

“Oh.” Erika walked over and hugged her. “Whitney, that’s huge.”

“Okay, I’m really freaking out here. I have no idea what to do. For the first time in my life, I’m completely lost,” Whitney said. She pulled back from the hug a little. She bit her fingernails as she waited for Erika’s reply. That was a habit she’d supposedly quit in the seventh grade, but it never failed to resurface when she was extremely stressed.

“So you want to be at Gibson still?” Erika raised her eyebrows. Whitney had told her friend about One Justice For All and about the fact that she was thinking about leaving the firm. However, at the time, she hadn’t been considering it too seriously. Then, yesterday, something had snapped while she sat in Kim’s office.

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I think more than anything, I’m afraid. It’s not like I have a definite job at One Justice. Right now, I’m jobless. I’ve let go of the only thing that has propelled me forward for years. And now I have nothing. No career. No Chace.”

“Chace?”

“Oh. I didn’t say that.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Yes.” She sighed. “I did.”

They laughed.

Erika leaned her head back and gave Whitney the you’re-not-fooling-me look. “This is about him, too.”

She shrugged. “A little. I guess.”

“Meaning, you’ve come to your senses?” Erika put an arm around her. “I still can’t believe you kicked him out over something like that.” She’d told Erika and Rob what had happened the day Chace left.

“He’s the one who was wrong. He hid something big from me—something huge. How am I supposed to trust that I’m the one he really wants? Do you know he almost asked Kelly to marry him? Right before she screwed it up?”

“That’s the key. She screwed it up. He couldn’t be more done with her and into you. Only a fool can’t see that.”

“Are you calling me a fool?”

“Right now, I think the shoe fits,” Erika said.

Whitney leaned against the side of the sofa. She’d finally allowed herself to fall for someone. And she’d fallen, completely and totally. That was scary enough. She didn’t think she could handle it if the person she fell for—the one she finally let in—betrayed her. What would happen if Chace turned out to be just like her dad? What if he disappeared without warning, too? Even if Erika was right about Chace’s feelings for her, that didn’t mean she could trust him to stick around forever. She didn’t know how much she could trust him period. It was best to just not take that chance.

“Maybe I’m scared,” Whitney said.

“Of?”

“The women in my family haven’t had the best of luck with men, you know.”

“Shorty and Jo. Are you kidding me?”

“It took Jo three tries to get there.” She couldn’t help it. All she could see was the negative.

“What about Brenda and Glen?”

Her lips twitched with a smile. She had to give Erika that one. “They really make each other happy, huh?”

“Seems like it,” Erika said. “There’s one thing you can’t allow yourself to do.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, two things. You can’t talk yourself out of embracing the things that’ll make you happy. Or, conversely, talk yourself into believing the things that make you miserable are things you need.” Erika patted her back. “Take it from A.J.’s ex-girlfriend. I know a little something about these things.”

Whitney nodded and looked down at her phone. She was still unsure about a lot of those things, but she certainly knew one thing. She missed Chace. A lot.

Whitney dropped off her résumé and cover letter with Gracie, Abbott’s friend, at One Justice For All the day after she finished cleaning out her office at Gibson and Grey. She was ready for her fresh start. Not only that, but she didn’t want to lose her nerve, either.

As soon as she walked into the office, she could tell she would like the place. The atmosphere was so much more relaxed than that of Gibson and Grey. And when Gracie walked up to her wearing dress slacks and a blouse—no tailored suit or hose—she smiled. This woman was a far cry from Kim and a welcome change.

“Hi. You must be Whitney,” Gracie said, extending her hand for Whitney to shake. “I’m Gracie, the CEO”

“Yes. We spoke on the phone. I’m Abbott’s friend.” Whitney shook her hand and then handed her the résumé and cover letter.

“Great. Listen, I’m heading out for a lunch meeting in a little while, but if you have a few minutes, we could duck into my office and have a little chat,” Gracie said.

Whitney forced herself to keep her composure. She couldn’t believe things were going so well. “I have a few minutes.” She walked with Gracie to her office.

Gracie shut the door once they were inside. She perched on the corner of her desk and gestured, indicating that Whitney should take a seat in one of the chairs in front of it. When she did, Gracie said, “Abbott tells me you two went to law school together. I’ve heard a lot from her about you. All good things. Very good.”

Whitney sat up straighter in her chair. “Abbott is such a great person.”

She nodded emphatically. “She certainly is. She says that you’re interested in civil rights law.”

“Definitely. I quit my job at Gibson and Grey. I’m ready for a change of pace and a shift of focus away from the corporate world.”

Gracie’s eyebrows shot up. “You’ve already quit Gibson?”

“Well, I’m working a little while longer at the request of the partners. My last day is next Monday. But I’m basically done with them.” That was true in every way possible.

“And you know that things will be pretty different from what you’re used to here, right? We’re no Gibson, that’s for sure.” She crossed her arms across her cranberry-colored blouse.

“I’m counting on it.” She was depending on it with everything she had inside, actually, but no need to make herself look as desperate for change as she was.

“Well, you’ll be playing two roles like our other two lawyers,” Gracie said. “I’ll introduce you to them before you leave. You’ll be helping us with the transactional side of the legal work as well as the litigation side. For instance, our lawyers just walked us through the incorporation process, which is quite interesting for a 501(c)(3). But for anything out of your capabilities we’ll bring in outside counsel.” Gracie flipped her dark hair over her shoulders. “We’re usually able to get some pro bono help now and again. In fact, I think we’ve gotten some from Gibson before. Anyway, we also have quite a few litigation issues coming in from the community. Our lawyers can tell you more. They’ve been here just as long as I have and they’re the ones down in the trenches, so to speak.” She stood. “Are you ready to meet them?”

“Yes.” Whitney sprang up from her chair and smoothed the wrinkles out of her skirt. She had a good feeling about this. Gracie seemed to like her. She didn’t know if this was an interview of sorts or not, but she knew it had to be a good sign that Gracie was taking so much time out of her busy morning for her.

She thought with a pang of sadness that she probably wouldn’t have even been there if it weren’t for Chace. He’d brought so much joy into her life. And she considered for all of a second calling him. But he’d been wrong.

He’d shown her a lot of wonderful things, and she’d never regret their time together, but she needed to be with someone more predictable. He’d shown her that carefree was good, but maybe he was a little too carefree. Whitney’s father had been carefree, too, and that had caused Jo to get burned.

Chace had probably forgotten about her and moved on with his life anyway. Most likely with Kelly. She didn’t dare ask Rob. She couldn’t bear to hear the answer if he was with someone else.

She didn’t want to know about it or think about it if he was with someone else. Because it would still hurt. Despite everything, she still cared about him. The fool had wormed his way into her heart over the few weeks that she’d known him. And she hadn’t figured out how to get him out yet.

She forced thoughts of Chace aside and plastered a smile on her face. Gracie was introducing her to the two lawyers she hoped would be her co-workers soon. It was time to make a good and lasting impression.

* * *

Whitney had told her mother about quitting her job a few days ago, and her mother had supported the decision. She was happy whenever Whitney was happy. She called her mother that evening to tell her that things had gone well at One Justice.

“I think I have a good chance at getting the job,” she said as she pushed open the door to her condo and walked inside. She couldn’t help but notice that no meal was cooking. Nobody had been in the place since she’d left early that morning. It was going to be another sad, lonely takeout food night.

“That’s good, baby,” Jo said. “Now that you’re between jobs, I don’t want you to worry about this foolishness going on with the plumber.”

Before Whitney had quit Gibson, she’d finally gotten Jo to agree to let her pay half the amount it would cost to redo the plumbing job.

“No, Mom. I still want to help. I have a lot of money in savings, I’m pretty sure I’m getting this new job, and the firm is even letting me have a severance package despite the clause in my employment contract that would let them get out of it.” Andersen had been sad to lose her after all. To show there were no hard feelings, he’d given her a generous severance package.

“I don’t feel right taking the money,” Jo said.

“Please. Just let me do this one thing for you. I can’t do anything right anymore. I can at least do this. Give you this.”

“What are you talking about, honey?”

Before she knew it, Whitney was pouring out all of her feelings of guilt—irrational as she knew they were—about Jo having to raise her alone for several years. Then, she started going on about her dad, her grandparents, and all that she’d felt she owed to others for so long. She even told her mom about Chace. About her brief relationship with him and how messy the end of it had been.

When she was done, Jo said, “You stayed at a job you hated for my benefit?”

“I didn’t know I hated it at the time. But yeah. That was part of the reason.”

“Whitney.” Jo’s tone was scolding. “You know all I want for you is for you to have everything you want and be happy.”

“Making you happy makes me happy.”

“Well, then make yourself happy. You being happy is all I need to be happy. I didn’t bring you into this world so that you could pay me back something you never owed me in the first place. You act like you went into a store and bought a mom on credit.”

She laughed. “When you put it that way, it does sound kind of stupid.”

“Because it is,” Jo said without a trace of doubt in her voice.

“I just feel like I don’t even know what the ‘right thing’ is anymore. And my grandparents—”

“Don’t you dare let those people tell you what to do. Or let you feel inferior. I never have, and why should you? You’re my daughter. A Jones. We don’t let people push us around, even if they are family. Most of the time.”

Whitney thought of her Aunt Cheryl and sighed. “Yeah.”

“And what’s this about Chace? I had no idea you two were serious. You’ve mentioned him once or twice, but that’s about it.”

“That’s another thing I don’t know.” She kept feeling less and less sure she’d made the right decision about Chace. He’d made her feel like no one else ever had. She’d fallen in love for the first time in her life. Did she want to give up on that so quickly? Even though he’d been wrong, he’d done what he did in a misguided attempt to protect her. Erika had been right when she’d said that the other day.

Maybe letting go of him wasn’t the answer.

* * *

Chace sat on the sofa, staring at the blank television screen. Rob had turned it off, and Chace made no move to turn it back on.

“I’ll turn it back on if you stop pretending like I’m not here.” Rob tapped the remote against his open palm.

“Huh?” Chace continued to stare at the screen. He knew what Rob was talking about, but he didn’t want to.

“You’ve been moping around this place ever since you came back from Richmond, man. I thought you said you had a good visit there.”

He had. It had been good to hang out with Ethan for a few days. That wasn’t what was bothering him. Being in D.C. again, in that apartment again, so close to her yet so far away, was what bothered him. After his initial excitement about his new collection, reality had sunk in again. Whitney probably didn’t want anything to do with him. He had no idea how to make her understand how much she meant to him.