Hold Me Close (17 page)

“Bonnie,” he said again, this time in a more commanding tone. The Dom voice he knew would get her to turn around no matter what. He was right. She swiveled on the stool and found him only inches away from her face. A weird sense of déjà vu reminded her that a night two weeks ago had started just like this.

“Dex.” She averted her eyes when she said it. If she looked at him she wanted to touch him and touching was definitely off the menu. He wasn’t dressed in the dungeon leathers or his utility kilt that he favored when he worked. In fact, he looked a little worse for wear in well-worn jeans with ink stains on his right thigh and a plain navy blue shirt with the logo of his tattoo shop printed on the pocket.

She would regret never having visited him there. She'd always wanted to watch him work ink into skin with a needle. The process fascinated her.

“I thought you weren’t working tonight,” she said. Her hands dropped into her lap and she twisted them together in an effort to forget what she just said. He now probably thought she’d been keeping tabs on his comings and goings.
 

"I’m not working. I came to see you.”

Bonnie’s jaw dropped open. “But why? We agreed to let things go.”

“No, you decided to let things go and I went along with it because I thought it was for the best.”

“Was?” She tamped down on the hope trying to spring free. She could not get snared into those dreams again.

“I was hoping we could talk. Take a break and come outside with me. We can go down to the park.”

The idea of being in the greenway park at the far end of the building that housed both Purgatory and the attached restaurant, Fire and Ice, sounded romantic and extremely dangerous to her peace of mind. Thank God she had an out. She shook her head. “Can’t. They’re already shorthanded around here. Gabe said it’d be a little late before he could give me a break. Besides, opening the wound definitely isn’t going to help. I’m trying to move on. I even have a meet and greet scheduled for later.”

“A meet and greet? What the fuck is that?”

Mortified, Bonnie glanced around to see if anyone was watching. To her horror, more than a few sets of eyes were, including Gabe and her best friend Cass.

“Dex, shhh.” She nodded her head to their observers. “We’re attracting attention.”

He turned and saw whom she meant. “They’re just waiting to see if I hoist you over my shoulder and carry you home like the caveman they think I am.”

She didn’t know how to take that. “No one thinks you’re a caveman.”

A deep masculine sound from deep inside his chest rumbled over her and shot straight to her heart. How long had it been since she heard him chuckle?
 

“Maybe not a caveman, but there are other names I’ll hear if you wont hear me out.”

“Hey, Dex. Welcome back.”
 

Bonnie fought to keep a straight face as one of the regular unattached, and available for play anytime, submissives greeted Dex.
 

“Hey, Kelly. Perfect timing. Would you mind monitoring the door here for about fifteen minutes or so, so I can talk to Bonnie?”

The woman smiled up at Dex, with a look that said anything he wanted was available for the taking. “Sure thing, Dex. Are you taking signups for tonight? I’d love to play a little.”

“I’m afraid not. I just came in to see Bonnie.”

The woman’s brow furrowed in obvious disappointment. Bonnie was so entertained by Kelly’s machinations it hadn’t sunk in what Dex did until he’d grabbed her elbow and was steering her towards the stairs.
 

“Wait. Dex. We can’t—”

“Sure we can. We’re just going upstairs, so if anyone needs something they’ll know where to find you.”

Not up for making any more of a scene, she allowed him to drag her up the flight of stairs and into the employee locker room.
 

“I don’t understand what’s gotten into you. What’s so important it can’t wait?”

“I don’t feel right about the way things ended,” he said.
 

“Dex, you don’t have to do this.” Actually she wasn’t sure she could take reliving the end. Her flight home had turned into a heart-wrenching experience, between her fear of flying and the unshed tears she refused to spill after Dex’s offer. He still had his hand wrapped around her arm and she tried to pull free. “Please. You were crystal clear about where we were headed. There’s nothing left to hash out. Gabe is helping me now.”

He compressed his lips and frowned. He obviously didn’t want to hear about what Gabe was doing for her.
 

“I made a mistake.”

“How so?” she asked, preparing to bolt as soon as she could.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave. You opened up to me and you deserved more consideration for something so important. Although I will say, that information about your sexual well-being is information I should have had from the get go.”

“Dammit, Dex. I’m not your submissive anymore, even temporarily, so you can’t keep lecturing me on what I should and should not do. I’m on my own now.” Whatever he was thinking he needed to stop. She couldn’t let hope crawl into her heart again. Not where he was concerned.
 

“It’s important because things could have been different. I would have been more careful. Jesus, Bonnie. Do you know how it makes me feel to remember how rough I was with you? You needed kid gloves.”

Bonnie tried to shove at his chest and get him away from her, but he didn’t move. He towered over her like a damn mountain. An immovable mountain who appeared to be going nowhere until he said what he wanted to say.

“You’re seriously pissing me off, Dex. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I need kid gloves. Are you out of your mind?”

“Probably. But I can’t get you out of my head. You’re stuck like a thorn I can't extricate.”

“Oh thanks, that makes me so much better.”

He shook his head. “This isn’t coming out right. I’m telling you I can’t stop thinking about you. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But it did.”

Her head was starting to throb for all the sense he was making. If he couldn’t stop thinking about her, what did it mean? Against her will, a kernel of hope wedged into the corner of her heart.

“You deserve a good and gentle man. Not someone with a violent past who refuses to get into a serious relationship for fear of the danger.”

Now she was really confused. Bonnie started to touch him and stopped, instead propping her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say. I feel like I’ve walked into the middle of a conversation about me and I’ve missed the most important parts."
 

Dex took a step back and shoved his hands through his hair as was his habit when he struggled with something. She’d seen it more than once and it gave her a small token of comfort to know that about him. He wasn’t infallible. He could possibly be as imperfect as her.
 

“When I was eleven, I saw my father nearly kill a woman and I almost let it happen because I didn’t know how to stop him. Was afraid to stop him.”

Bonnie gasped before she could prevent it. Her hand flew to her mouth to smother it, but it was too late.
 

“Dex, I don't know what to say."
 

“Dear old dad was a violent angry man who liked to take out his frustrations on women. First my mother, and then when she would run away, he’d find other women to bring home and beat. I tried to be smart and leave in the morning before he woke up and not come home until late after he’d passed out. That night I came home too early and made the mistake of sticking my nose in his business.”

Bonnie’s stomach churned the more he spoke. She was afraid to find out how this story ended. Which didn't stop her from asking anyway. “What happened?”

“When I saw how badly he'd injured the woman, I tried to distract him from her. It worked and as I was about to take the next beating, she intervened, grabbing his attention long enough for me to run. He chased me and got really close to catching me. Luckily, I made it out the door and he tripped on the steps. I ran ten blocks to my best friend’s house and his parents called 911.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “The cops barely made it in time to save her. She spent a month in a coma because of me.” He’d started prowling through the room like a caged animal about to pounce.
 

“God, Dex. You were a kid. What were you supposed to do? Die in her place?”
 

“Maybe. No. It messed me up for a long time. I grew angry and at fifteen, I hit a growth spurt and I was no longer small. I hooked up with some bad kids. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I was fighting for my life five nights a week in an underground fight ring.”

The anguish in his eyes broke her resistance. He'd given a piece of himself to her that she'd bet her life he rarely gave to anyone.

“So now you see why I can’t be the gentle Dom you need. My father used violence to deal with his shitty life and when I couldn’t take it anymore I too turned to violence. When I stopped fighting, I came here for an outlet. History is simply waiting to be repeated.”

“Dex, don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way because what you went through was hell and no child ever deserves that kind of life. But using it as your excuse to shut me out at Eden… Well, that’s just bullshit. That’s not who you are, so I’m never going to believe you’ll morph into an evil clone of your father when you find a woman who means something to you. That’s plain dumb.” She was so angry she shook, torn between burying her face in his chest and clinging to the hope that had taken hold, or walking out on his ass. She was about to explode.

“My head knows that, but it’s taken a long time for the rest of me to believe it.”
 

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. “Why do you keep talking about me needing a gentle Dom? When did I ever say I wished you were gentler? Where is that coming from?”

“Jim was a Daddy Dom. You were his baby girl and you were happy with him.”

Bonnie snorted. “You’re right. Jim was gentle. Nearly always too gentle when it came to me. And I frustrated him. He would spank me when I needed punishment and I got off. I don’t think I was supposed to love it that much. So he’d spank me harder the next time and I still got off. Not long after that experiment, he introduced me to you. I guess why is kind of obvious now. I don’t need a gentle Dom, despite what you think, and he knew it.”

Dex dropped into one of the comfy chairs that occupied the lounge and his hands went through his hair again. “And I told him no,” he whispered.

“What did you say?" Bonnie strained to understand what he'd just said. "You told him no? To what?”

Dex didn’t answer right away, but he didn’t have to. They’d talked about this. “Oh my God. He did want you to take me didn’t he?
You knew
.” Bonnie wrapped her arms around her waist and slid against the wall until she was nearly to the floor. The weight pressing in on her chest was more than she could bear. The room started to spin. “I was right all along. Every man I’ve ever been with didn’t want me.”

The sound of blood rushed through her ears as tears splashed on her cheeks like wild rain. It was one thing to suspect it and another thing entirely when all her fears were confirmed. Bonnie banged her head on the wall and wished for the floor to open up and swallow her so she could escape this nightmare.

The next thing she knew Dex grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her up to her feet.
 

“You are so damned wrong. In fact, you couldn’t be more wrong. Jim loved you enough to know you needed more.
He loved you
. And as for me…” Dex touched her cheek. “You’re my Bonnie sub. I’ve always wanted you more than anything in this world, but I was too afraid to do anything about it. I believed if I got into a relationship I would turn into something bad. Until I fell in love with you.”

Bonnie looked at him through blurry vision from the onslaught of tears. She wiped her running nose with her hand and tried to catch her breath. “You—you love me?”
 

He smiled down at her while helping her wipe the tears away as they continued to fall. “Yeah, I guess I do. How could I not? You’re so beautiful and perfect and sweet.”
 

“I’m not perfect, Dex. Far from it.”

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him chest to chest. “You’re perfect to me. What happened in the past doesn't matter. It's you and me now and that’s all that counts, babe. I am the Dom here after all.”

She couldn’t help but smile despite the puffy runny mess of her face. How could she not when this brash, stubborn and beautiful man had admitted he loved her? What he said about Jim would take some time to process, but he was right about one thing. It was her past and maybe, just maybe Dex really is her future.

“You Doms kill me. Always think you gotta be right.”

“Damn straight.”
 

“So what happens now?”

“First, we’re going to get you cleaned up and then we’re going out there and telling Gabe were both leaving.”

“I ca—”

“Don’t waste your breath. It’s high time we spent some time together away from the club, away from crazy islands, and do what normal couples do when they start planning a life together.”