Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part One (7 page)

P
hil

E
ven after getting cockblocked
by my own mother, I felt happy. Finally, things were coming together for Kelly and me.

When Kelly started dating Nicklas Ericcson, I figured it would take her about a week to realize what a dick he was and turf him. But either he had reformed or—more likely—he had her conned, because they kept on going out.

So, I decided to take things into my own hands. It was only Kelly’s innocence that made her think he was so special. She never had any experience with guys before. If she wanted electricity, I could generate enough to light up the whole North Shore.

Making out with Kelly had been fucking incredible. She was even hotter and more into it than I could have imagined. In fact, it seemed like once we got started, she couldn’t stop. I knew we would be great together, and now that Kelly got that too we would finally go out. I could hardly wait to see her again.

I caught her before English the next morning. I had been hanging around in the hall waiting for her to show, and she tore in two minutes before class was going to start. She stopped up when she saw me, with a guilty expression.

“Hey, Phil,” she said softly.

“Kelly.” I got right to it. “So tell me, was there enough electricity for you last night?”

“Not electricity,” she said.

“No?” I asked, not believing her. You could tell by her face that she was pretty emotional.

“More like… lava, hot lava. It was different.”

“Different being better, right?”

“Well—” she paused, and a voice interrupted us.

“Ms. Tanaka, Mr. Davidson? Will you be joining us for class today?” It was Mr. Fox, our English teacher.

“Yeah, we’re coming,” I said. Kelly was blushing as if he knew what we were talking about. As we entered the classroom, I whispered in her ear, “We need to finish talking. Meet me at the caf door at lunch.” She nodded.

At noon, we left school property and walked out to a picnic table in Myrtle Park to talk undisturbed. Kelly pulled her lunch out of her knapsack, and I had bought some fries and a hamburger in the cafeteria.

“So last night was awesome, right?”

She nodded, but didn’t look up at me. Her hair fell around her face so I couldn’t read her expression. I moved closer and pushed her hair back. She looked up at me, her eyes wide.

“Phil, I’m still going out with Nicklas. Aren’t you going out with Anika?”

“Nope, we split.” About five seconds after I found out you were into dating, Kelly.

“I know that last night was—” She shook her head and didn’t finish the sentence. “But it’s all pretty confusing. Nicklas is a nice guy. It doesn’t feel right to dump him just because you came along.”

“I was actually here first. You were supposed to go out with me.”

“I know you think I owe you, but it’s not like you were waiting around for me. You’ve gone out with a lot of girls.”

“But you’re different, Kelly.”

“Yeah, I am different. I’m a cheater and a bad person.” She looked really upset, so I tried to put my arm around her. She shook me off. “Don’t, Phil. Please.”

It was so frustrating to be so close and not be able to break through to Kelly. “People break up all the time, it’s not a big deal.”

“You would know all about that, wouldn’t you?”

“Please. We’re good together.” How could I convince her? “What we have is really special. I’ve never felt this way with any other girl before, ever.”

She looked up at me, wondering. Her face was so expressive, and I could see the conflict in her. “What we have is kind of scary,” she said. “It’s like falling into a big pit. I don’t feel like I have any control over myself when I’m with you.”

This was the best news I’d had in a while. I wanted her so bad, and she wanted me too. I pushed her a bit. “That’s what a real relationship should feel like. You can use my cell if you want to call Nicklas and give him the bad news. The sooner the better.”

Kelly’s brown eyes flashed. “You’re not the boss of me. I won’t dump Nicklas just to please you. Maybe I don’t want to be your flavour of the month.”

Shit, I had pressed her too hard. Kelly could be scarily stubborn, especially if she thought she was doing the right thing. And she was loyal to a fault.

I tried to backpedal. “I’m sorry. I’m not going to keep repeating that we’re different, but will you think about it? Please, Kel.”

Kelly started packing up her lunch. She stood up and spoke gently. “I’m so sorry, Phil. It’s all pretty confusing to me, and I really don’t know what the right thing to do is. But I do know that last night should not have happened, and I’m going to pretend it didn’t.”

“C’mon, last night was huge. You can’t pretend it away.”

“I can try,” Kelly said. She left, and I was alone. I hoped eventually she would be back, but how long would it take? I groaned out loud. We had been so close, and now—nada.

I
felt terribly guilty
. I was a cheater and a lousy girlfriend, and I wondered if I should break up with Nicklas. Not for Phil, but because Nicklas deserved better. Still, it seemed wrong to hurt him because I was an idiot. Maybe I could make things up to him by being nicer and not doing any more stupid things. I would forget everything that happened with Phil, and then Nicklas and I could go on like before.

But it wasn’t that easy to forget. Phil kept haunting my thoughts at the worst times, like when I was with Nicklas. And as I lay in bed at night, I remembered everything: making out with Phil on the couch, how great his body felt against mine, and his amazing kisses. Then I would mentally kick myself. Bad Kelly.

April wasn’t any help. I threw up a trial balloon as we walked home from school.

“I’m thinking about breaking up with Nicklas.”

“What? What did he do?” Her imagination cranked into high gear. “Did he cheat on you? Sit on your cat? Throw up on you at a party?”

“No, no, and euw. He didn’t do anything. I just thought, you know, maybe it was time.” I wasn’t going to tell her that I was the cheater.

“So, you want to leave the normal life and return to boy-hating?”

“I never hated boys! Just because I wasn’t dating? Who hangs out with guys more than me?”

April did a dramatic eye-roll in answer to that. But now that I played hockey with girls, I actually didn’t hang out with guys so much.

“You’re crazy, Kelly. It’s your first relationship, so you don’t get that these things have ups and downs. You guys are perfect. You both love hockey, and you look great together. And don’t forget the electricity.”

Easy for her to say, since she didn’t know about the lava.

Phil had backed off, but I couldn’t trust myself to be alone with him anymore. In class, I caught him looking at me with half-closed eyes, and those looks alone made me feel hot inside. But now we were in limbo: we couldn’t be friends and we couldn’t be in a relationship, and so we were nothing.

Besides, April was right: Nicklas was a really nice boyfriend. And we still had electricity. After a party at his friend Matt’s in West Van, we were in our usual spot: the back seat of the Volvo. We had both taken off our clothes on top and our jeans were unzipped. We were making out skin-to-skin, which felt so good. Nicklas suddenly stopped and reached for his jacket.

“I have something for you.”

“Really, what is it?”

He handed me a little package. “It’s a present. We’ve been going out two months now.” Wow, he kept track of that stuff? Personally, I had no clue.

I opened it up. It was a little silver locket on a long chain. He put it on me, and it hung down between my breasts. He opened it up, and there was a tiny picture of him in it. So sweet.

He cupped my breasts, looked at the locket and said, “Just the place I’d like to spend all my time—between your gorgeous little tits.”

A compliment I guess, but I could have done without the word “little.” I didn’t have huge breasts, but they were normal. It was weird, but despite all my insecurities about dating and clothes, I felt comfortable with my body. I knew I was in good shape, so I never stressed like my friends did.

We made out some more, and Nicklas slid his jeans down and popped his cock out. He started pushing my head down towards it. Panic! I really didn’t know what to do here. I mean, I had seen some porn, but that was hardly educational. I stalled by licking my way down his flat belly. I could see his cock looming out of the side of my vision. I started out by kissing it from the base up to the tip and then licking it like ice cream—if ice cream was shaped like a hot dog. This seemed to make him happy because he was moaning and his eyes were closed. He seemed to be most sensitive around the tip, so I let my tongue explore there.

After a few minutes of teasing, he moaned, “Suck it, baby.” Okay, direction was good. I could use direction. I was pretty sure that I couldn’t deep throat him. I mean, I had trouble when the dentist wanted to work on my molars. But the head—sure.

I took it in my mouth, got it wet and sucked on it. Nicklas seemed to really like this, and he started moving and thrusting upwards. I held on to the base of his cock with my hand and starting pulling at it, like when I jerked him off. It didn’t take long before he was thrusting really fast, and then he screamed, “Fuck, yes, I’m coming,” and came in my mouth. It tasted weird and kind of bitter. I guessed I had to swallow it; I didn’t know what else I could do. I also thought—too late—that we should have had a sex health talk before I did this. I was so bad at this stuff. Afterwards, Nicklas was lying there, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight. As usual he looked beautiful.

“That was awesome, baby. That was your first time giving a blow job, right?”

“Yes.”

Of course he knew it was my first time for everything, and I got the feeling that he liked that. Kind of the whole explorer thing, being the first to conquer a new land: Kellydonia.

“Awesome, and I’m sure you’ll get better and better every time.”

Well if there was one thing I knew from hockey, it wasn’t that practice made perfect, but perfect practice made perfect. Not sure exactly how that applied here, but perfecting bj’s could be a skill that came in handy, right? Were we done here? I was still feeling a little… needy. Nicklas started getting dressed, so I guessed we were done. As I got dressed, I felt the warm metal of the locket between my breasts, reminding me that I was Nicklas’s girlfriend.

“
H
ey
, why don’t you come to my game on Friday?” Nicklas asked me on the phone. “We’re playing at Ice Sports against Hollyburn. Should be a good game.”

“Okay.” I had no game that night, and I hadn’t seen him play in years.

“Sooooo, my mom and stepdad are going away this weekend. My brother is in charge. We could go to my place afterwards.” Nicklas’s brother was 21 and went to the University of British Columbia. U.B.C. was on the other side of Vancouver, so he lived on campus but came home on occasional weekends.

“Are you having a party?” I wondered. He had told me about a big party that they had last year. Apparently, the cops came and everything.

“No party this time, Stefan has to study for exams. But you and I could have a little party of our own.”

This was easy to translate. We had been going out for almost three months now, and Nicklas wanted to move things to the next stage. He wanted us to have sex. I felt excitement and panic bubbling up in me at the same time.

“Kelly, are you still there?”

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“Don’t worry, baby. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But it would be nice to have some privacy for a change. To get out of the car,” he laughed.

“Sure,” I agreed. But I needed to have The Talk… with April.

The next day, I discovered there was no way to ease into this conversation, so I asked April straight up, “Uh, how many of our friends have had sex?”

She didn’t even blink. “Probably easier to go over how many of us haven’t had sex.” She paused and then replied, “You and Charmaine. Done.”

“Really? I can hardly believe that. What about the guys we hang out with?”

“Well, Phil—definitely. Marcus, maybe with that girlfriend he had last summer, but maybe not. Cameron, God no. Peter, not sure. Ryan, for sure.”

“I guess I assumed that people were fooling around, but not actually doing it.”

“Yeah, and that’s why Karen was so worried that she might be pregnant when she and Dave were going out last year. Because she wasn’t having sex. Face it, you weren’t interested in sex before so you never thought about it. Now you are, and you’re curious.”

I swallowed. “Nicklas’s parents are away this weekend.”

“How nice of them to leave that big house empty. How many bedrooms in it?”

“Um, five, I think.”

“Well, if you start early enough you can probably have sex in all of them before the weekend’s over.”

I started turning pink. The idea had surprising appeal to me. Nicklas, all perfect pale skin and naked muscled body, kissing me and touching me everywhere. And if we had sex, I could get off too. I took a deep breath to calm down.

“Close your mouth, Kelly. It’s very unladylike. I bet Nicklas will be good in bed. And even if he’s not, you can gaze at that gorgeous face.”

“April, you’re pretty shallow. You’re so into appearances.”

“Are you only figuring that out now? I’m an actress. You can’t expect depth too.” Ever since she spent the summer in Los Angeles, April acted all tough and cool. But I knew it was only an act. Although she had dated a lot, she had had only three real boyfriends. Still, it was two more than me.

“Seriously, I need help.”

“I know you do, and Mother April is all ready.” She gave me the whole safe sex lecture, including stocking me up with condoms. “And if you’re doing this regularly, you might want to be on the pill.” Was I going to be doing this regularly? Nicklas and I had trouble getting together every week.

“You’re funny, Kelly. You’re such an innocent, but I know that you’re into physical stuff too. I think you really want to have sex. Be sure it’s good for you too. Don't be afraid to speak up and tell him what you want.”

How could I tell him what I wanted when I wasn’t even sure what that was? However April’s matter-of-factness about sex was reassuring for me. I gave her a hug. “You’re the best friend ever!”

“Oooh, BFF,” she laughed. But she was a great friend. On the outside, we were pretty different, but deep down we were alike. We both had dreams and were willing to work for them. We supported each other and shared our problems. But lately, it seemed like I was the only one with problems.

Friday night rolled around all too quickly. Since I was so nervous, April was nice enough to come to Nicklas's game with me.

“If I let you go alone, you’ll probably end up panicking and leaving. I’m here to make sure that you become a woman tonight.” April’s tone was mocking, but her message was actually real.

“My God, are you the president of the Anti-Chastity Club or something? Nicklas said it was up to me what we did.”

“And I think it’s adorable that you believe him. But you don’t seem to have any idea of your own sex drive. You want to do it, and Nicklas is the right guy. You can look back when you're old and say, ‘See that gorgeous blond in the photo, he was my first.’”

“Really? I’m sure my grandchildren will be fascinated. Like I’d be if my grandmother told me anything at all about her sex life—at least in the ten seconds before my brain exploded.”

“Hush, there he is. Too bad he doesn’t take the warm-up without his helmet. Oh, I think he’s looking for you.” Nicklas was skating around and checking out the upstairs lounge, but we were on the side bleachers where the view was better. Finally, he spotted me and waved.

April exhaled. “He is major league cute. I’d hit that anytime.”

“Maybe you could sub for me tonight?”

“For some reason, he prefers you. I can’t understand it myself, but there’s no accounting for tastes. Maybe he needs glasses.”

“Actually, he has perfect 20/20 vision.” One more perfect thing about him. Sometimes I couldn’t believe that we were together. I was so far from perfect.

April read my mind as usual. “Look, Kelly, I don’t get you. You’ve always been cute, but you were hiding it under those ugly clothes. So now guys are starting to notice you. You should have more confidence.”

I shook my head; getting attention for my looks was something I’d never get used to. April continued, “Want proof? This morning I heard two grade elevens saying that you are the hottest girl in school.”

“Grade elevens? Grrrrreat, I’m a cougar now.”

The game started slowly. The teams were pretty even, and Hollyburn scored first. They had one really shifty player, and he managed to split the D and come in with a nice backhand on the goalie. Next shift, Nicklas’s line was on. Dave Vanderhauf was the centreman and he forced a turnover in the neutral zone, which created a two-on-one with Nicklas. They were passing it back and forth, and Nicklas took the last pass at a crazy angle. He was almost past the net when he managed to squeeze the puck in at the post! April and I cheered, and Nicklas skated by us and pointed at me.

“Oh my God, did he dedicate that goal to you? If I liked hockey as much as you do, I would find that so cool.”

It was kind of cool, but not something I would ever do. When I was playing, I never thought about who was in the stands; I was totally focused on the game. But maybe Nicklas was excited about our big night ahead, and this was some sort of bizarre foreplay. It was sort of nice, but I wasn’t some puck bunny who would coo, “Oh Nicky, score a goal for me!”

The lead continued to go back and forth. In the second period, Nicklas had a breakaway and came in at full speed. He deked left and then shot backhand—a gorgeous shot that rose and went in under the crossbar. The goalie didn’t even get a whiff. We yelped and jumped up and down, partly in celebration and partly to keep warm. Nicklas celebrated with his teammates and then skated by and gave me a look and a grin. The score was now 4-3 in favour of North Van.

In the third, Hollyburn scored two minutes in. The game remained tied for most of the period. Then, in the last minute of the game, Nicklas and Dave went in on another two-on-one, with Nicklas carrying the puck. The goalie was moving towards Nicklas, determined to stop him this time. The Hollyburn defenceman seemed to have a moment of indecision, and instead of blocking the pass and taking Dave out of the play, he moved towards Nicklas as well, leaving Dave wide open by side of the net. There was a long second, and then Nicklas shot far-side. The goalie easily made a toe save, but it was a hot shot and the rebound came out, hit the d-man’s skate, and bounced back—right into the net. The bench erupted and Nicklas was celebrating big time. Before he went back to the bench, he skated by and pointed at me again.

April clapped her gloves. “So cute and such a good player. Don’t you have a hat to throw?” she asked me.

As I watched Nicklas skate back to the bench, I was doing a slow burn. Nicklas had reminded me why I hated about him when we played together. It was a fucking tie game, and all he had to do was pass to Dave, and it was a tap-in and they would win the game. Instead, he took a low percentage shot, and the fact that it went in was a total fluke. And now I was sure he thought that since he scored on the ice, he was going to score on me as well.

He was a hot dog who loved to show off and didn’t play for the team. He had certainly improved his team play since going up to rep, but when push came to shove, his true nature came out. I could not stand guys who played like that. I felt like an idiot; wasn’t I the one who always preached that you could tell a guy by how he played hockey? So why didn’t I use the Tanaka Scale to check out Nicklas before I got so involved? At the very least, I should have remembered what he was like when we had played together. Argh!

I didn’t say a word to April about what I was going to do next. She noticed that I was quiet, but I think she chalked it up to my nervousness. She stayed to keep me company, but when Nicklas got out of the dressing room in record time, she congratulated him and then took off.

I walked out to his car with him, but then explained I wouldn’t be going with him, and why. He was incredulous.

“You’re breaking up with me, because I didn’t pass the puck to Hoff? Are you kidding me? That’s nuts, Kelly. You are freaking nuts.”

“I believe that the way you play hockey is the way you are. And you play hockey in a selfish way.”

“But I was playing for you tonight. I wanted to impress you.”

“I already liked you; I don’t need to be impressed. Anyway, I’m more impressed by someone who plays for the team and not for himself.”

“Is this a set-up because you don’t want to get with me tonight? Because we don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to. We can just make out or whatever you like.”

He wasn’t going to lay this one on me. “Actually, I had already made my mind up about tonight, and I wanted us to be, you know, together.” I opened my pack and showed him the condoms April had given me. “I already told my parents I was staying at April’s tonight.” I shrugged. “So that’s not the reason. It’s because I feel like you’re not the guy I thought you were.”

Nicklas was seeing his chance to have sex slip away. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me close to him.

“Kelly, there’s no way. We’ve got so much going for us.”

And then he started kissing me, even though I stayed still and unresponsive. Most of the electricity was gone. I mean, it felt physically good, but mentally I was distracted. Come to think of it, he had been selfish when we made out too, I had gone down on him, but he had never done the same for me. It had been all about him, and if I enjoyed things too, that was only a happy coincidence. He finally noticed I wasn’t into it and stopped.

“I don’t get you at all,” he said. “How can you run so hot and then so cold?”

I shrugged and pulled away from him.

“I don’t know, Nicklas. See you around.”