Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part One (10 page)

P
hil

“
A
www
, some girl stand you up, Stud?”

I turned to see Sherry, a girl I had dated last year. She was wearing the tight black dress that seemed to be the uniform at this restaurant. She leaned over the table, tossed back her red hair, and gave me a big smile.

“Oh sorry, I meant: good afternoon, Phil.”

“Oh hey, Sherry.”

“I never thought I’d see the day that Phil Davidson would get hooked. So you do have a heart.”

I hated it when shit like this happened. “Ouch. Nice to see you too.”

“Yeah, I’ve been watching you from the moment you walked in, even though you didn’t notice me. I was shocked to see you getting nervous when your date didn’t show. Must be someone really special to get a chill dude like you all lathered up.”

“Look Sherry, we had a good time together, right? But that was eons ago. I’m sure someone as beautiful as you has lots of opportunities.”

“You’re as smooth as ever. But then you were always good at pushing the right buttons.” She laughed harshly. “And I don’t mean sex either, although that was legendary.”

She looked towards the bar. “I’d better offer you a drink or something, so I don’t get in trouble. What are you having today?”

“I’m good,” I told her. I kept half an eye on the door, but tried not to let Sherry notice. It bothered Kelly when we ran into my ex-girlfriends, so I hoped Sherry would finish trying to rip me a new one and leave. This lunch date was the first real time alone I was going to have with Kelly since New Year’s Day, and I had been looking forward to it.

“So, who is she anyway?”

On cue, Kelly walked in. She looked like a drowned rat, with her hair soaked and her jacket dripping rain everywhere. And she looked upset.

“Kelly. Over here,” I called out.

Sherry turned and stared. “Really? Colour me shocked.”

Kelly rushed over. “Oh Phil, I’m so sorry that I’m late. The worst thing happened!” She took off her jacket, spraying us all with water, and then noticed Sherry. “Oh no, I’ve gotten rain all over you. And you have a nice dress on. I’m really sorry!”

Sherry smiled. “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’ll take your coat and hang it up on the wall.” She held the Gore-Tex jacket at arm’s length and finally took off.

“Are you okay? Did you have an accident or something?”

“I’m fine. But when I was driving here, I hit a raccoon! I couldn’t avoid him, he darted onto the Parkway and I heard a thud. But I didn’t kill him or anything, he went scampering back into the woods!”

“So, why are you all wet?”

“Well, I couldn’t leave without seeing if he was okay. If he was hurt, I’d have to take him to the vet. So I went into the woods and looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find him.” She sighed. “I hope he’s all right.”

I grinned, imagining Kelly trying to corral a grumpy and injured raccoon. “If he ran off, he was probably fine.”

“Yeah, he was a big one.” She held her arms out. “And there’s no dent in the bumper or anything, so I guess I didn’t hit him too hard.”

Then Sherry returned. “Look—Kelly, right?” Kelly nodded. “Come with me, I’ve wrangled a towel and a blow-dryer from the staff room, and you can get cleaned up in the woman’s washroom.” Sherry motioned toward her eyes, and then I noticed that Kelly had a bit of a raccoon look herself. I think it was still tough for Kelly to get used to wearing makeup, but I could care less. I figured she looked great with or without.

“Wow, that’s so nice of you,” Kelly said. As they left, Sherry looked back at me over her shoulder and my heart sunk. What the hell was she going to say to Kelly when they were alone?

“
B
y the way
, I’m Sherry.”

“I’m Kelly. Oh sorry, you know that.” I smiled back at the waitress. The two of us in the mirror were a huge contrast. She was beautifully dressed and perfectly groomed, her reddish hair all sleek and smooth. I looked like my cat after a bath, complete with a towel on my head. I noticed there was black under my eyes.

“Augh, what a disaster. I didn’t even want to wear mascara, but one of my teammates insisted when she heard I had a date after practice.” I rubbed away at it with a tissue until I was back to normal. I usually wore waterproof mascara, but this stuff was something Hilary put on me.

“Practice?” She plugged in the blow dryer, but I didn’t ever use one. I combed out my hair and tied it back, with Sherry watching me.

“Yeah, I play hockey.”

“Really? You don’t look like a hockey player to me.”

“I know, because I have all my teeth, right?” My top was a little damp, so I took the blow dryer after all and ran it inside my t-shirt. “Woo hoo, that feels good.”

Sherry started laughing at me, and I laughed along with her. She was really nice.

“Thanks for doing all this,” I told her. “I think you’ve gone above and beyond.”

“Not at all,” she said. “It’s been very interesting for me.”

I didn’t get what she meant, but I was all set so we packed up and left the ladies room. Phil looked a little concerned when I got back to the table.

“Everything okay in there?” he asked.

I nodded. “What could be wrong? I didn’t even drop the hair dryer in the sink and electrocute myself.”

I was starved, so we ordered lunch. Sherry brought me a nice pot of hot tea, and I was feeling much better. I had felt guilty for hitting the raccoon and being late. “Oh, I forgot to ask, how did your soccer game go?”

“Good. It was pretty shitty out there, but we eked out a win.”

“You don’t look muddy,” I said. He looked so nice, all neatly dressed in dark jeans and a navy Henley.

“I showered before I came here.”

“Phil! You showered? I thought we were meeting here after our events. I didn’t even shower; I came straight here after practice. I get to be the yucky one while you look so good.”

“You did shower,” he pointed out. “Thanks to Rocky Raccoon. And you look great.”

I scrunched up my nose. Then I remembered what I wanted to talk to him about. “Hey, I got a follow-up call from the women’s hockey coach at McGill. He saw me at that tournament in Calgary, and he wants me to play for him.”

“Wow, Kelly. That’s great. Are you thinking about it?”

“Well, kind of. I mean, I did apply to McGill right away, because he suggested I do that—to keep my options open. But I haven’t even discussed it with my parents. And it’s going to be expensive, right?”

“So, what’s the team like there?”

“They’ve been moving up the C.I.S. rankings, last season they were top three. He explained the whole long-range plan to me when I had coffee with him. Later I got a call from this girl, Donna, who plays for them. She says it’s a great team and a good situation. She also said Montréal is amazing.”

The coach had asked her to call me in case I had any questions. It was all so exciting, except they didn’t have any money or anything for me. But still it was better than U.B.C., where they didn’t even know I was alive.

“Sounds like they’re putting in a real push to get you.”

“He said he likes my effort, and he was very interested in the fact that it’s my first year in women’s hockey. I guess he thinks I have more potential, or something?”

Phil nodded. “You were always the one who listened to Jerry, at practice and during games. Sounds like switching teams was the right move.”

“I have to admit, playing with the Avalanche this year has been a great experience.” The tournament had been awesome, even if we had only made it to the semis. And I loved playing with other girls who were as into hockey as me.

“Oh boy, lunch,” I said, as our soup and sandwich combos arrived. “Thank you, Sherry.”

“You guys are tight now,” Phil observed once she left.

“She’s really nice,” I replied and he raised an eyebrow.

We ate in silence for a few minutes. Then Phil said, “Sounds like you’re pretty excited about this McGill thing. You should go for it. Why don’t you talk to your parents about it and find out if it’s even a possibility?”

I nodded. My family did not have a ton of extra money. My dad’s florist business did okay, but he had to work a lot of hours. And my mom’s pottery career wasn’t exactly a big money-maker. But he was right; I needed to ask before I got all excited about the possibility.

I watched Phil as he ate his lunch. It was crazy, but I really liked his hands. He had these long fingers, and I liked to watch him play guitar or whatever. Or even spoon soup up to his mouth. What a weirdo I was. Phil looked so handsome in his navy shirt, and suddenly I felt sad. If I went to Montréal, we would be 5000 clicks apart. Maybe it was time we got more physical. I mean, we couldn’t have sex once I was in Montréal.

“So, um, Phil,” I began. It was kind of embarrassing to talk about this.

He finished his sandwich and looked up at me. “What’s up?”

“I really appreciate the way you’ve given me time and space, you know, and everything.”

Phil half-smiled. “No problem.”

“But now….” I didn’t know how to phrase this. I couldn’t come right out and say something like, “Let’s get it on.” Or invite him to start jumping me. “Uh, well, I think I’m ready now.”

Phil, who was usually so smart, gave me a puzzled look. “For what?”

Oh man, was he going to make me spell this out? “I’m ready, for you know, you and me to… um, start. Doing stuff.”

“Stuff?” Phil asked. He wasn’t even smiling, but I was sure he was stringing me along here. Bastard.

Just then, Sherry came over. “Here’s the dessert menu, in case you’d like to order something.” She cleared away our plates. “Can I get you some more hot water for your tea, Kelly?”

“Yes, please,” I said, happy there was a question I could answer.

“Uh, I wouldn’t mind another coffee, Sherry,” Phil said. And they exchanged a look that twigged something in me. She nodded and left.

“Did you want some dessert?” Phil asked.

“No, thank you.” Then I asked, “Did you go out with Sherry?”

Phil groaned, “It was ages ago. No big deal.”

“It seems like the North Shore is littered with girls who either have dated you or who want to date you.”

“Not a biggie, as I said. Can we get back to what you were saying before?”

I shook my head. Sherry was so beautiful and poised, and now I felt crappy. “It was nothing. Look, I better get going. I have a lot of homework to do.” It was only Saturday, but I had an away game the following day, so I didn’t have a ton of time. I pulled out my wallet and tried to figure out if twenty was enough to cover my share of the bill and a tip.

Phil grabbed my wrist. “Kel, don’t be like this. So I dated a few girls before, I can’t change that. That doesn’t matter to us.”

I knew he was right and I was wrong to get upset. But it wasn’t really jealousy; it was more that everything he had done made me more self-conscious. Probably I should’ve just told him how inexperienced I felt, but somehow I figured that would make it worse. Confessing I was a clueless virgin would make me even more of a newb.

So I stalled. I could go home and figure out exactly what I needed to say. Like practicing before the big game. “Look, Phil, there’s stuff we need to talk about. But it’s not really private enough here. We can do it another time.”

Phil looked pissed. “When? We had trouble getting this lunch set up. I only ever see you at school.”

“I don’t know. Next week sometime.” I put the twenty on the table and got up, and Phil did the same.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving—with you,” he replied, grabbing his jacket. I found my coat hanging nearby and put it on.

“But don’t you have to get the bill?”

“Why? We’re leaving enough money, more than enough.” He held my hand. “I’m not staying here, where you think I want to talk to Sherry. I want to be with you—my girlfriend.”

“We have two cars,” I pointed out, as we left the restaurant. “So unless you’re planning to tailgate me, we aren’t going anywhere together.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay off your tail,” he said. He slapped me on the butt, and I jumped. When we got to my car, Phil pushed me up against the door. “Is this private enough for our discussion?

“Are you kidding? It’s a parking lot. And it’s raining out here.”

He didn’t answer me. He pulled my hood up over my head, and then still holding the sides, he raised my face up and kissed me. His mouth came down on mine and his lips were gentle at first and then hungry. He sucked hard on my lips, then enveloped my whole mouth in his. The part of my brain that wasn’t short-circuiting wondered why the rain wasn’t turning into steam when it hit us, because I felt feverishly hot. Phil’s kiss was intense and dizzying, and once again I felt like the world I knew was dropping away and I was falling into a bottomless pit. He kept kissing me and when he finally stopped, he looked down at me. He didn’t smile, but there was a little teasing in his voice.

“I think this is what you were saying you’re ready for, right?”

“Um, no.” I whimpered. I was so not ready for Phil.

A
fter our lunch date
, I knew there were two things I needed to research: McGill and sex. Naturally, I chose the easier option first.

I reread all the brochures I had gotten from McGill, and then I went to their website. I drew up a rough budget of how much money it would cost, and then in an inspired moment, I made a comparison chart with U.B.C. To my surprise, it wasn’t very different if I stayed in residence in Vancouver; I only had to add flights and travel expenses. However, if I lived at home, the difference in savings was huge.

As I was doing all my calculations, I looked up at the Team Canada poster in front of me. That had always been my dream, to play on Team Canada. But at this point, I realized that my chances were not great. At the tourney, I had seen some amazing players and heard about girls my age already being scouted or even playing for provincial and national squads. Still, I figured I had come a long way in the past year, and if I went to McGill I could be even better. I didn’t realistically have a shot, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t try.

“What’s up, Kelly?” my dad asked me after dinner. He could tell there was something on my mind. My brother, Roger, sensed a big discussion and slipped away to work on the computer in the next room.

“Well, it’s about university,” I began.

“You’re still going, right?” My mom looked worried. They both thought that university was really important and had encouraged me to go, pretty much from birth.

“Yeah, of course. It’s just that—when I was at that tournament in Calgary—I met this hockey coach from McGill. Um, anyway, he likes the way I play and he’s encouraging me to go there and join the team. But I know it’s a lot of money.” I paused and pulled my budget out of my back pocket. I uncrumpled it and laid it out in front of them.

“So have you applied yet? I think McGill is a tough school to get into,” my dad said.

I kind of kept my parents on a need-to-know basis, but I probably should have mentioned this earlier. “Yeah, I did. I haven’t been accepted yet, and of course, I have to meet their minimum standards. But the coach thinks I’ll be fine. Anyway, I thought I’d talk to you now. No point in getting my hopes up, if there’s no way.”

They both stared at the paper, like it held some important clue. “It’s a really good hockey program,” I told them. “They’re ranked number three in the C.I.S. standings.”

My mom smiled at my dad and then turned to me. “Your dad and I started one of those education funds when you were born. What do you call them, Tak?”

“R.E.S.P’s,” he answered. “So, we’re prepared for your university expenses.”

“I know, but that’s if I stay here, right? What if I want to go away? It costs a lot more. I don’t want to put some big financial burden on you.” My dad already worked six days a week.

“Kelly,” he said. “Do you remember when we moved here from Ottawa?”

“Well, sure. I mean, I was ten, so I can remember everything.” We had left our house in the suburbs and moved to North Van. I remembered being so awed by the mountains and ocean. But I also remembered I was pretty lonely when we got here in the summer. Once hockey and school started I met tons of kids. Phil and April were two of my first friends.

“But I don’t think you knew why we moved,” he continued. “We both had good jobs in Ottawa. I worked for the federal government, and your mother had a job in human resources with a tech company.” He paused, and then added, “You’re lucky, we actually had a lot more money then, and we added the maximum contributions to the fund. We’ve always paid in, and it’s compounded nicely.”

My mom nodded and held Dad’s hand. They were always like that—all affectionate. She continued, “We decided that money wasn’t going to be all important to us. Remember your dad’s Auntie Noriko?”

I nodded. She had been a cool woman. She lived in an apartment above the florist shop. She had a big sunroom full of plants where her enormous tabby slept. I remembered playing with her cat in the warm sunshine.

My mom continued, “She had no children, so she offered her florist business to your dad. She would train him, work with him, and then pass ownership on when she was ready to retire. We both wanted a chance to do something more creative. It wasn’t that we hated our jobs, but more that we hated the idea of doing the same thing, day after day, until we retired. And we loved the idea of living in such a beautiful place, right by the Pacific Ocean.” Yeah, my mom was always making ocean-inspired works, like beautiful vessels with blue and aqua glazes.

All this was interesting, but what did it have to do with my going to McGill?

My mom smiled at me. “We made sacrifices to follow our dreams, so we’d like you to be able to be able to follow yours too.”

My dad nodded. “It’s a lot of money, but we can swing it. You can’t be one of those people who goes to university for seven years though. We can pay for your undergrad and that’s it.”

“Kelly dear,” my mom said. “I know how much you love hockey, but McGill is a really good school. It’s an opportunity for you to get a good education, and then get a good job. After all, it’s not like you can play in the Canadian Hockey League.”

“The National Hockey League,” I corrected her automatically. My mom knew nothing about hockey, even after all this time living with me. I went over and hugged them. “Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. I still have to get accepted, but the coach thinks that won’t be a problem.” Then I got an idea. “I’ll work and pay you back the difference, you know, the extra cost of living away.”

My dad shook his head. “Kelly, it’s okay. We’re your parents. You don’t have to repay us.”

“I know, but you still have Roger’s university stuff to pay for.” I knew they’d have saved for him too, but I was determined now: I’d work hard in the summers and take on as much of the cost as I could. And I’d pay for all my hockey equipment; it wouldn’t be fair to ask for more money for expensive gear. I got that we weren’t poor, but we weren’t as rich as some of my friends.

“Uh, Kelly.” My dad cleared his throat. “While we’re here, there’s something else we’d like to talk to you about.”

My mom coughed, which meant she didn’t completely agree with whatever he was going to say next. But they always tried to present a united front.

“You’ve been seeing a lot of Phil lately.”

“Yeah. I mean, we’re going out.” Was I going to have to talk about my love life with my parents? Embarrassment shields up.

My dad looked really uncomfortable now. “Why are you in such a rush to go steady? Maybe you could play the field. Date a few guys instead of seeing one guy all the time.” Even my dad’s dating vocabulary was straight out of the seventies.

I tried to answer calmly, but this was all so awkward. “Go steady? Nobody says stuff like that anymore, Dad. And if you dated a bunch of guys at the same time, people would think you were a slut.”

Even hinting at sex turned my dad pale. “You seem to be spending all your free time with him. Just use a little moderation, Kelly. You always go overboard. Spend more time with your girlfriends or maybe your brother. What if you do go to Montréal? You won’t get a chance to see any of them.”

My brother had clearly been listening to everything, and he called out from the family room. “As long as she doesn’t make me play goalie so she can practice shooting. I hate that.”

My mom laughed. “Honestly, Tak, it’s the universe’s way of punishing you for all the times you did God-only-knows-what with other people’s teenaged daughters. You were a wild one in your day.”

I turned equally pale at the thought of my dad having had a sex life. “Can I go now? I have homework.”

“Kelly, have you been listening to anything I’ve said?” my dad asked.

“Yes, Dad. But you know Phil is a good guy, right? Anyway, with my hockey and all the stuff he does, we don’t even see each other that much.”

My mom nodded, “Phil is a lovely boy. But your dad thinks that a young girl like you shouldn’t do anything she might regret later.”

I really didn’t want to think too much about what that meant. If it was pregnancy they were worried about, that was biologically impossible. “Don’t worry, I’m not a total idiot.”

“Nobody said you were, dear,” my mom said. They both smiled at me, although my dad’s was a weak one. I took this as a sign I could leave and escaped.

I went back up to my room and lay down on the bed. Telling my parents the truth: that Phil and I had only made out would have made them feel better. However, the real truth was that I did want to have sex with him, but I was worried. Logically, I understood that I couldn’t be good at something I hadn’t done before, but everything with Phil seemed more important. It was one thing to break up with Nicklas, who I rarely saw in my normal routine. But if I screwed up with Phil, my whole social life would be toast. And I really wanted things to go right with him.

So I was determined to treat sex like hockey, and do everything I could to get better. I couldn’t actually practice of course, but I could read up on it. Researching how I could be good at sex proved to be a lot harder than my university budget. First off, our only computer was in the family room, and if my brother wasn’t on it, one of my parents was in there watching TV or reading. And I wasn’t going to sit there and surf sex sites with an audience. Finally, around 10:00 pm one night I snuck down and got on.

At first, all I saw were sites for penis enlargement or seducing women. Then I found something on Kegel exercises, which were for strengthening the pelvic floor. Well, I was good at exercise, right? I studied them, but when they mentioned vaginal barbells I gave up on the idea. Where the hell was I going to get vaginal barbells? The sports store? Anyway, judging from what I knew about Phil’s size and my inexperience, tightness was not going to be a problem. I decided I should watch some porn; I mean, that would give me an idea of what to do, right? The first video I found was so grainy, I could hardly see anything. I was peering sideways at the second one, when April popped up to chat on my MSN Messenger. I panicked and shut down the video, but there were a few kinky popups that wouldn’t close. Shit! Then Gino jumped up on the desk and I had another heart attack. Clearly I wasn’t cut out for the stealth life. I just got everything closed when my mom walked in.

“Darling, are you on the computer?”

I leaned back and tried hard not to look guilty. “Oh hey Mom. Yeah, just doing some research, for, you know, school.” Smooth, Kelly.

“Well, I’m expecting a phone call from Martha. She’s coming over to pick me up for a gallery day tomorrow. So, if you could stop using the phone line for a bit?”

“Oh sure, no problem.” I turned off the dial-up and went upstairs to bed.

The next day after school, my little brother cornered me. “You were on the computer late last night, right?”

I nodded.

“Well gee, Kelly, I don’t exactly get what you’re doing, but you need to clean up your browsing history! I’m pretty sure I’m going to get blamed for the weird sites you’re going to!”

So much for secrecy. All I needed was for my dad to find out what I was up to and I’d never get to see Phil again. I gave up on the research idea. I was going to have to learn about sex on the street, like in the old days. If only I knew where that street was.