Hitchhiker (22 page)

“What can I get started for you?” A short, but fairly attractive man asked. He was wiping down a beer glass.

“Can I get a shot of Patrón and a cranberry and vodka?” He started to nod, but I interrupted him. “No, wait, make that a double on the patron.”

“You got it.”

He got right to work making my order. I sat there watching him and found a small sense of comfort that I wasn’t alone for the time being. Looking around, the bar was pretty standard. Nothing special stood out that made it any different from other hole-in-the-wall places. There was a small dance floor that a couple was currently slow dancing to a song I didn’t recognize. A pool table was right next to it, and two men were smoking and cutting up while making wagers over their game. The only other person in here was an old man sitting by himself in one of the far corners, and he appeared to be asleep.

The bartender lined my drinks up in front of me and gave me my bill. “If you want to open a tab, just holler.”

I nodded and gave him a friendly smile. “Thank you.”

I tossed back the first shot and chased it with my mixed drink. My face soured. God, it’d been a long time since I’d had a drink. Swallowing down the other one, I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the alcohol flow through my body. I was a lightweight. This was perfect. I could probably take two or three more, and I’d achieve the numb state that I desired.

Just as I gulped down my cranberry drink, the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. I’d only ever felt that sensation one other time in my life and that was when I first picked up Dawson on the road. My heart started beating a little faster, as I twisted around and looked at the door. Nobody was there. My eyes darted to every spot that I could visibly see, fully expecting to see him standing there. But to my disappointment I was wrong. My mind was playing tricks on me, and the booze was clearly making me delusional. Dawson wasn’t here, and he wouldn’t be. There’d been no reason for him to stay here. He even said it himself; he came here because this was where I had been headed. Besides having a job, nothing else held him here. I was positive he’d left town and moved onto somewhere else.

Disappointment coated my body like a blanket I was getting used to wearing, and I raised my hand to get the bartender’s attention. Just as he was walking over, I was nearly knocked off my stool.

“Chandler.”

His voice, the voice I never thought I’d hear again, caressed my senses. My body tensed and I held back from turning around. Was this real?

“Why are you here?” he asked.

I held my breath. Chandler, maybe you should have stayed in the psych ward a little longer. And if I answer him, does that mean I really am crazy for envisioning him? I didn’t know what the right thing to do here was. Going on instinct alone, I slowly turned around to face him. There he was. Two weeks away from him and nothing had changed what he did to me. Still the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. He still called to me. I still craved him. I felt empty without him. Nothing had been right since I left that night. Not just because of the accident but because I never knew another person could make me feel incomplete when they were gone. My imagination hadn’t done him justice.

“Hi, Dawson,” I said breathlessly.

His eyes were hard and unforgiving. But I saw them roaming over my face with concern.

“I asked you a question.”

I blinked. “I came back to the house but saw you were gone. I thought you left.”

He stared at me. “I did.”

“Oh.”

It got quiet, except for the sound of the speakers playing some ten-year-old song that I remembered from high school. I didn’t know how to proceed.

“I thought you were back home with your fiancé.” He said it like it left a sour taste in his mouth.

My brows came together. “No, why would I? I told you that I was done with Seth.”

“Doesn’t mean you didn’t forgive him.”

“Dawson, you know better.”

He snorted. “Whatever you say.”

“Wait, are you jealous?” I exclaimed.

I couldn’t believe it. He was actually jealous of Seth. Even after telling him that I was done with him and how my last conversation with him went down. Even better, after all that he had done. Jesus, the hypocrite.

“No. I don’t get jealous, Chandler.”

I needed to change the subject. “If you left, what brought you back?”

He shrugged. “Unfinished business.”

I’d built my hopes up that it was because of me, but it quickly fizzled out. “Oh, okay.” Before I could stop myself, I threw out the offer without even thinking. “If you need a place to stay, you’re more than welcome to stay with me.”

“Chandler-” he started.

“I mean, you don’t have to, but you know, I have the space.”

“Chandler.”

“We don’t even have to see each other. I can stay downstairs. I promise I won’t bother you.”

“Okay, Chandler, would you shut the fuck up.”

I gulped. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push.” I stood up from my stool. My feet were flat, but my legs didn’t want to hold me up. I reached out to grab the bar, but Dawson caught my arm. “Whoa.”

“You okay?”

I shook my head. “Yeah. Just got up too fast.”

“You sure? How much did you drink?”

As much as I appreciated his concern, I didn’t need it. “I had very little. I still get dizzy after the accident.”

His mouth became a thin line. “I thought you said you were okay?”

“I am,” I said defensively.

“Why do I not believe you?”

I sighed, feeling tired from the flight and everything else that had assaulted my poor senses. His hand was still on my arm, and it felt like it was on fire.

“I don’t know, but I am good. I promise.” I pulled back enough to give him the hint that he could let me go.

He did. “Give me your keys.”

I didn’t want to give in, but I knew I’d had too much alcohol to drive anywhere. I fished them out of my bag and placed them in his palm. As he led me out of the bar, I saw that he flagged the bartender down and told him to put it on his tab. Why in the hell would he have a tab?

As we got in the rental, I started to tell him where to take me. “I’m at the Dusk Lodge for the night.”

He looked over at me. “Why? You have a house here.”

How did I explain to him that I couldn’t be there without him? “I don’t know. Just thought it would be easier.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

No shit, it didn’t make sense. It didn’t even make sense to me. God Chandler, come up with a better excuse next time.

“Doesn’t matter; just drive me there, please.”

He reversed and started driving. It didn’t take long for me to realize that he wasn’t going the direction I told him to.

“What are you doing?”

“Chandler, you’re not staying at the damn lodge. That’s a waste of money.”

“I don’t care. Turn around,” I told him.

He shook his head and kept driving. I wanted to yank the wheel. He was going completely against my wishes. Why doesn’t he ever listen to me? I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him. Crossing my arms over my chest, I faced the window.

“Stop pouting.” He almost laughed.

“Shut up.”

He chuckled, and I swear the sound warmed me to my chest. We made it to the house without another word. I didn’t know if he planned on coming in, or if he was going to take my rental and find a way to bring it back to me tomorrow. He answered my question when he got out and went up the steps. Looked like I’d be sleeping downstairs.

I hadn’t grabbed my bag from the back, so I did and went in the house. “Doesn’t matter what room you take, I’ll go ahead and head downstairs. I’m pretty exhausted.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I don’t know. Just trying to make things easier.”

“Chandler, are you dense?”

God, why did he always have to be so insulting? “No. Would you knock it off?”

He came toward me and stood toe to toe. “Why are you so hard headed?”

I gave him my best sour face. “Oh my God, pot meet kettle.” I held my hands out in front of me.

He reached out and grabbed them. Tugging me into him, he put his arms around my waist and brought me even closer than before. My heart kicked into high gear and I swallowed. What was he doing? He couldn’t do this. I couldn’t do casual again. It would literally kill me. I put my hands on his chest and tried to push him back. Dawson was a solid wall of muscle. I wouldn’t be able to get him to move an inch no matter how much energy I exerted. He let me continue to squirm till I gave up. My chest was heaving up and down, and I hadn’t even noticed that I had started to cry.

He looked me directly in the eyes and gave me a face that said ‘I dare you to look away.’ “Are you done?”

My body shook from the tears that wouldn’t stop. “Why are you doing this to me? Don’t you know you are making me crazy?”

“Chandler, shhh.” He put his forehead on mine.

“No.”

“Shhh.”

“I can’t do this. I can’t. I don’t share, Dawson. My God, you hurt me. You were with someone that night. You’ll never change. I can’t. You’ve already broken me. Are you trying to leave me a shell?”

I knew my words were cutting him. I could feel it in the energy around him. Good.

“I shouldn’t have, I know that. Chandler, you’re it for me. Don’t you get that? You’re my perfect girl. You scare me. Everything I’ve ever wanted is in you, but I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“It was okay for you to be scared, but that’s the shit that you talk to me about. You don’t just run out the moment it’s too much for you. If you needed a breather, that’s fine. But being with someone else isn’t something I can handle.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I promise it won’t happen again. I want to give us a real shot. That night that you ran out, you said you don’t beg and I said I don’t chase. I do chase, Chandler. I chased you.”

The tone of his voice was so sincere. Him bringing up that night made my knees want to buckle.

“The doctor told me that you were the one who called 911. I thought I dreamed everything.”

“Dreamed everything? Chandler, when I saw your car at the bottom of that hillside, I thought my entire world was gone. Do you have any idea what that did to me? I even called Seth to check on you.”

“Seth?” I jerked my head back. Holy shit, that explains everything. Seth never mentioned that he got a call from Dawson. Now I understood all of it. Why he did what he did. Jealousy. He must’ve put two and two together and realized that he had already lost me. He lashed out. I was stunned.

“Yeah, when they flew you to Billings, they wouldn’t tell me anything. I had to know. I was desperate. I know I probably shouldn’t have called him, but I honestly didn’t give a fuck. You’re mine, Chandler. It nearly killed me that it was him I had to contact to check on you.” His emotion was so raw.

“I’m yours?”

“Duh.” He smiled and kissed my nose. “I may be stupid and I fuck up shit all the time, but I’m not willing to screw this up again. The girls… they are gone. I’ve been here, in this house, hoping you’d want to come back. Although I’d already decided that if you didn’t, I’d come to wherever you were, and beg if I had to.”

“You’ve been living here?”

“Yes.”

That made me giggle between the stuffy red nose and little hiccup. “Well, I appreciate that. Nobody told me that you tried to find out how I was doing. But all of it makes sense now. When I woke up, Seth had put me in a psych ward for evaluation. They said I tried to kill myself. I think when you called him, he must’ve pieced it together, and got angry. Dawson, you need to know that if this is going to work, you aren’t going to have anyone else in the picture. It has to be just you and me. Relationships aren’t perfect. And I’m okay with mistakes. But cheating isn’t a mistake I’m quick to forgive.”

He brushed the hair back from my face and wiped under my eyes. “Okay, I understand.”

“And if there are issues, you need to come to me. I know you will shut down and close me off. That’s fine, it’s something I’m willing to deal with because that’s just how you cope. I just need reassurance from you every once in a while. This was a big leap for me too.”

“Whatever you need, I’ll so my best to give it. It’s all trial and error here. But I’m not going anywhere.”

I sighed. Was this for real? “Is it just me or does this all feel like a dream?”

He chuckled. “No, it’s real. In my dreams, you’re not a pain in the ass.”

I playfully shoved at him and he pulled me back. “You’re an even bigger one to me.”

“It’s okay, I like it. No, I take that back. I love it.”

“Big words there, Dawson.”

He smiled. “I love you, Chandler.”

It was the first time I’d actually heard the words fall from his lips. I closed my eyes and savored them. They sounded so perfect coming from him. Opening them again, I looked at him and said, “I love you, too.”

“Can we go take a bath now? I haven’t seen you naked in two weeks, and I want to inspect every little part of you to make sure you’re really okay. I need to see it with my own eyes.”

My God, I loved him. “Nothing would be better.”

He led me to the bathroom, where he proceeded to strip me down and do exactly what he said. My shyness was still present, but I was with Dawson. He was it for me. He was my world. I knew that even with bumps in the road, and our constant fighting and bickering back and forth, it was what made us, us. I wouldn’t want to change it.