Hit the Wall (Blythe College) (15 page)

CHAPTER 15

Kaylie

Time today flew by, and before I knew it, the showcase was about to begin. There had been a last-minute issue with my costume so I hadn’t had time to go out front to make sure Jackson made it here okay and found his seat. This was the first time I’d danced in front of Jackson on stage, and I wanted him to enjoy it. Knowing that he would be in the audience cheering me on helped calm my nerves each time I thought about the fact that there would be others out there who were here to judge my every step. I learned this afternoon that my aunt would be here, so I already knew there would be at least one person out there who would find fault with my dancing. So I tried to focus my thoughts on dancing for Jackson and not worrying about what anyone else would think.

Jackson:
Good luck tonite!

Kaylie:
Thx :) C u soon.

I couldn’t help but chuckle when I realized it was Jackson who’d just sent me a text. He had the most amazing sense of timing. It was almost like he had a sixth sense when it came to me, calling or texting when I was thinking about him. Although it might not be saying too much since I thought about him almost constantly, I couldn’t count how many times I’d grabbed my phone to dial his number only to pick up a call from him instead. It was kind of eerie sometimes. Almost like we had some ESP thing going on between us. Which made it very difficult to keep things from him like I was with my dancing.

It hadn’t started out that way on purpose. I hadn’t realized that Jackson wouldn’t know that I wanted to dance professionally. I mean, I was a dance major for a reason. But he wasn’t really familiar with the dance world except from his sister’s perspective. I really adored Aubrey, but dancing was just a hobby for her. So his perspective on dance was a little skewed by that. Not that dancing for fun wasn’t awesome, because it was. I just wasn’t ready to give up on my dream of dancing professionally yet.

I needed this dream to define me. It was what I’d held on to ever since my parents died. My mom was a huge dreamer, too. I hoped to be like her and never stop chasing my dreams. There’s nothing more magical than when you catch one and hold it in your hand, even if just for a moment. And this was the performance that would determine the rest of my life as a dancer. If I was going to be able to catch this dream or not. And I hadn’t been ready to share all of that with Jackson because I was scared to death that being so happy with him was going to make me rethink this dream when I wasn’t ready to do that yet.

Talking to him about my hopes and fears would have just made them more real. So for once, I just went with the flow and pushed all my concerns aside to focus on today instead of worrying about what would happen tomorrow. It was only now that I thought about how that might make Jackson feel if I did get an offer and had to explain to him that I’d known there was a chance this would happen. And I felt like a total bitch for not talking to him sooner. I didn’t know how I would be able to make this right or if I even could. Because now, if I did actually get an offer, it would affect him too. I couldn’t pretend that it
wouldn’t any longer. The moment of truth was here, and it was entirely possible that I had let my fear of being abandoned create a situation where Jackson would have every right to walk away from me. And it would be my own damn fault.

But I couldn’t focus on that right now. I needed to go out there and dance like I’d never danced before. Less than an hour of acting like an ostrich with its head in the sand and pretending that nothing could go wrong was totally doable. It had to be because the only alternative was failure. And with my aunt out there ready to tell me ‘I told you so’ about my decision to attend Blythe, I wasn’t ready to admit defeat.

“Kaylie, you’re on in ten minutes,” one of the stage hands yelled to me across the dressing room.

I moved to do one more round of stretches, warming my muscles up so I’d be ready to go when it was my turn. As I stretched, I visualized the choreography in my mind, picturing myself moving through each step flawlessly. It was a trick one of my dance coaches had told me about years ago that worked really well for me.

Before long, they were announcing my name. I took one deep, cleansing breath to clear my head and moved towards the stage, waiting for the first beat of my music to begin. I heard my cue and moved onto the stage for what ended up being the fastest three and a half minutes of my life.

By the time it was over, I was panting heavily from the exertion with sweat dripping down my body. I felt like it had gone really well, that I had made it into the zone where I could do no wrong. As I walked off the stage, I was sure that, no matter what happened, I could be happy with the fact that I’d done my personal best and left everything I had inside me out on the dance floor. If I didn’t get an offer, then at least I wouldn’t have anything to regret about my performance.

Several people offered me their congratulations as I made my way back to the changing area. I nodded absently in response, focused on getting cleaned up so I could just go find Jackson. Now that it was over, I felt an urgent need to talk to him about everything going on in my head. I just hoped that I hadn’t waited too long.

****

Once I had changed back into my street clothes and made it to the lobby to search for Jackson, the place was packed. I was one of the last performances of the night, and I’d had a ton of makeup on that I’d wanted to wash off. I’d thought I hadn’t taken that long to get ready, but apparently it was still longer than everyone else based on the mob of people I had to weave my way around while I was searching for him. I finally spotted him across the room and was headed that way when I heard my aunt’s voice from behind me.

“I certainly hope you don’t expect to get a good offer after that performance, Kaylie,” she said in her grating tone of voice.

Jackson’s eyes were on me, so I gave him a reassuring smile before turning to great my aunt. “Hello, Kathy.”

Her expression turned icy with my words. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that disrespectful name? You know that it’s either Kathleen or Aunt Kathleen, Kaylie. Really, must you be so immature? You’re getting ready to graduate from college. I would have thought you’d have outgrown this kind of behavior by now.”

Okay, maybe it was immature to always use a nickname I knew she hated. But I was okay with it because it got to her every single time. And I’d take my wins with her where and when I could. I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to change regardless of how old I was.

I offered her an extremely insincere apology. “Sorry, Aunt Kathleen.”

Apparently she either chose to ignore my sarcasm or didn’t catch it. “That’s much better. Now, I’ve made some calls to see if we can get you some extra training before you go out on any auditions this summer. I really wish you had taken my advice on gone to a school better suited to properly train you. You’ve developed some atrocious habits during your years here.”

“That’s funny because I thought I did very well tonight,” I disagreed.

“Please, Kaylie. You know you’ve never been a good judge of that. Trust me when I say it will be an uphill battle to get anyone who was here to ever seriously consider you in the future. You have your work cut out for you if you want to undo the damage you’ve already done.”

Jackson joined us in the middle of my aunt’s tirade, placing his hand on my back in a comforting gesture. When he didn’t walk past and continued to stand behind me, my aunt gave me a questioning look.

I introduced them. “Aunt Kathleen, this is my boyfriend Jackson. Jackson, this is my aunt.”

Jackson stretched out his free hand to shake hers. “A pleasure, ma’am.”

“It’s nice to see Kaylie dating someone with manners,” my aunt replied. “But I hope you understand that we are having a private conversation right now regarding her future. Would you mind waiting over there?” she asked as she gestured away from where we were standing.

I was mortified by her behavior. Jackson was being perfectly polite to her and she still had to be a major bitch just so she could continue to tell me what a horrible dancer I had become.

“Jackson, no. You don’t have to go anywhere.”

He leaned down to kiss my cheek before addressing my aunt. “Actually, I do mind waiting over there. Kaylie invited me to be here with her tonight, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“Well,” Aunt Kathleen muttered. “I guess our conversation will just have to wait until tomorrow then since you are too busy with your boyfriend to have a serious discussion with me. Kaylie, plan on my picking you up for breakfast at your dorm at seven a.m.”

I didn’t even have the chance to respond and tell her that I didn’t want to talk with her about this—let alone sit down for a meal—before Jackson jumped back into the conversation. “If your plan is to spend the whole meal talking down to Kaylie and badgering her, then I don’t think she has time for you tomorrow morning either.”

“Well, I don’t recall asking you for your opinion,” she snapped back at him.

“That’s the great thing about being her boyfriend. You don’t have to ask. It’s my privilege to protect her from harm, and that includes you if necessary.”

My aunt chose to ignore his comment. “Kaylie, I will be at your dorm in the morning, and I expect you to be ready when I get there.”

I took a step closer to Jackson, gathering strength from his presence at my side. “Here’s the thing, Kathy. You can show up at my dorm as early or late as you want tomorrow morning. It won’t do you any good because I won’t even be there. I’ll be over at Jackson’s place instead. So if you really want to spend
time with me, then you can pick me up from there and invite him to come along with us.”

“But be prepared to be nice to Kaylie or it’s not going to be a pleasant meal,” Jackson warned.

“If that’s going to be your attitude, then I guess I’ll just go back home earlier than planned. But I have to tell you that I am even more disappointed in you than I was when I watched you dance earlier, Kaylie. Not only have you wasted your talent by going here, but it appears that you’ve decided to follow in your mother’s footsteps and allow a man to dictate your future,” she shot back at me before marching away.

I watched my aunt disappear into the crowd with mixed feelings. I was happy that I’d stood up to her again. I was angry that she’d given me yet another reason to need to be firm with her in the first place. And I was sad because it felt so final, like this was the end of our relationship. Even though it was a strained one, she was still family and I hated to think that we’d never be able to get past our issues and be close to each other. I missed having family in my life, but I didn’t think that my relationship with her was salvageable.

“You okay, baby?” Jackson murmured in my ear, sounding worried.

“Not really, but it’s not like there’s anything I can do about it to make things better unless I want to totally cave and do everything she says exactly when she wants me to do it. And I just can’t do that.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t really make the situation any better. I think I made it worse,” he apologized.

“No, Jackson,” I reassured him. “That was all her. It really wasn’t about you. If you hadn’t been here, my conversation with her wouldn’t have gone much better. In fact, I was happy
that you were here to take my back. I liked how we felt like a team. I’ve never had that before, and it’s kinda awesome.”

Jackson smirked at me. “A team, huh?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

He tilted his head like he was considering the idea. “I like the sound of that.”

“And teammates share stuff with each other—even the hard stuff. Right?”

His teasing expression immediately sobered. “Yes, Kaylie. Sharing is important if we’re going to be a team.”

Shit. I was totally busted. He already knew something was going on, so I must not have been as good at hiding it as I’d thought I’d been. “When we’re done here, we need to go somewhere to talk,” I uttered the dreaded words no guy ever wants to hear.

Jackson didn’t look too worried though. “I will always have time for you, sweetheart. If you ever have anything you want to talk about, I’m yours. Got it?”

I loved the sound of that, and I could tell that he wasn’t joking either. He really meant it, and he’d never done anything in the time we’d been dating to make me think otherwise. That was going to make our conversation even more difficult since he was an open book to me while I’d been less open with him. If our roles were reversed, I would be pissed. And my feelings would be hurt. Knowing that I might have made Jackson feel bad or doubt how I feel about him was not a good feeling at all, especially with how much care he’d taken with my feelings.

I glanced around the lobby and watched all my classmates chatting, looking excited. Between my aunt and my upcoming talk with Jackson, the evening had lost some of its luster for me
already. There wasn’t anything keeping me here right now, so why wait any longer?

“I’m yours too, Jackson. So why don’t we just get out of here now?”

“Don’t you have people you need to talk to here before we leave?”

He made a good point. There was one person I needed to check in with before we could go. “Let’s just stop to say goodbye to my mentor, and then we can head out.”