HisMarriageBargain (24 page)

She hadn’t deceived him; she just didn’t talk about that
part of her life. To anyone.

Sammi’s gaze landed back on her and she could have thrown
up. “I thought you were better than this.”

The words were worse than a slap to the face.

He wanted the truth.

Well, fine, she’d give it to him.

“You want to know why?” Autumn spread her hands.

“Yes.” Sammi rose to his feet, getting more angry.

“Fine. When I was sixteen the neighbors stopped taking pity
on me and feeding me when my mother disappeared for weeks, months at a time. I
wasn’t a cute little kid anymore. I had tits, an ass and all their husbands
noticed me. This guy my mom had bought drugs from showed up on our doorstep
while she was gone for a week or whatever. I hadn’t eaten in a few days. He
wanted to collect on some money she owed him, but he found me instead.

“He fed me burgers, got the utilities turned back on and
told me I could earn money to feed myself. You want to know how? Dancing on a
pole. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I was sixteen, alone and someone told
me if I pranced around on a stage in my underwear he’d make sure I had money to
eat and a place to sleep. So I did it.

“I was never a prostitute. If she’d been honest and read
that fucking piece of paper to you, you’d know that. Instead she’s laying out
the worst parts of my life to make me look bad. I’m not a saint. You knew that
when you asked me to marry you that I wasn’t perfect, you just chose to believe
what you wanted about my history.

“You want to know the rest of the story? The cops that
arrested me for prostitution are the ones who changed my life. Sure they threw
me in juvie, but juvie saved my life. Yeah, I informed on my boss, and I’d do
it again. He was a piece of shit who deserved to rot in hell for the rest of
his life.

“I was a child making grown-up decisions. If you want to
hold that against me,” she spread her arms, “please. Blame me for all of it,
because I did it, and I’m not going to fucking apologize to you or anyone else
for the choices I made.”

“I’m hungry. When are they bringing the bread?” Cathy
glanced around nervously, oblivious to the drama playing out in front of her.

“Autumn—” Sammi rose from his chair.

“No. Fuck you and your self-righteous ass.” Autumn grabbed
Cathy by her arm and pulled her to her feet.

“Where are you going?” Sammi didn’t make a move to stop
them.

“Away from you,” Autumn said over her shoulder.

“They were going to bring us bread,” Cathy whined, shuffling
her feet.

“I’ll get you a cheeseburger and french fries.” Autumn
hauled Cathy through the restaurant, ignoring the stares.

“I like fries.”

Autumn dug her phone out of her pocket as they hit the
sidewalk and began walking away from the restaurant. Who could she call? Mary
and Kellie were out and they hated her mother on principle. She wouldn’t get
Pandora or Carly wrapped up in her family drama, plus she didn’t know where she
stood with Sammi. She’d never thought to see that kind of rejection from him.

Autumn had thought he was different.

“Why are you crying? I thought we were going to get
cheeseburgers.” Cathy touched her cheek. The drugs had fried her brain a long
time ago, leaving her on the level of a child. In some weird twist of fate,
Cathy had never been capable of being a parent. She’d always been the one who
needed to be cared for.

“I’m not crying, Mom. Something’s just in my eye. Keep
walking, okay?” Autumn glanced over her shoulder, but there was no Sammi coming
after her to beg her to stay. And why would he?

Autumn dialed her phone on autopilot and prayed for an
answer.

Shaft Piercings—These include foreskin, frenum, lorum and
hafada piercings.

Sammi pushed the glass door open and stepped into the cool
interior of the So Inked tattoo shop. His gaze went past the girl at the front
desk and straight to Autumn’s empty station.

Kellie turned from where she was wiping her padded table
down, brows raised. “Hi.”

“Hey, is Autumn here?” he asked.

Another girl, Pandora, paused the tattoo she was doing to
glance between Kellie and him.

“Why don’t we go into the back and talk.” Kellie stripped
off her gloves and led him into the empty office. She wheeled around to face
him, hands on her hips. “She was supposed to be in today. What happened?”

Sammi scrubbed his hand across his face. How did he explain
it? Did Kellie even know about Autumn’s past? He’d stayed up all night reading
the file and with each document, every report and account of her life unfolding
he’d gotten the full picture of just what kind of nightmare she’d lived. Things
he’d read happening to her he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy.

“Sammi, is Autumn in trouble?” Kellie spoke slowly,
enunciating her words slowly.

“No. Some stuff happened and she left last night. I haven’t
seen her, but she’s been by the house. Her things are gone.” It would be easier
if he could just tell Kellie what had happened, but now that he knew it all, he
couldn’t help but feel protective of Autumn. Even more than before.

“Did you try her apartment?”

“I tried that last night and this morning.”

“You might check with her neighbor, Jamar—”

“Pretty sure I met him. Big black dude with Down Syndrome?”

Kellie nodded. “That would be Jamar. He’s protective of
Autumn.”

“Yeah, I got that much. Pounded on the door so long he came
charging out of his apartment and I thought he was going to tackle me. I reminded
him who I was and that I was worried about her. He has my number. Any other
ideas where she could be?”

“She didn’t call one of us and if she’s not at home I have
no idea where she would be. This is weird. What did you fight about?” Kellie’s
eyes narrowed.

Sammi wrestled with what to say, weighing his options. “I
get the feeling that what we fought about no one knows. I wasn’t supposed to
find out, so I don’t want to tell you.”

Kellie nodded. “Autumn’s had a rough life and not all of it
was her making. I know a lot, but I’m pretty sure I don’t know it all.”

“I know.” God, did he ever get it now.

“If you hurt her over what I think you’re fighting about,
I’m going to kick your ass.” Kellie spoke with such conviction, and considering
her boyfriend was a mixed martial arts coach, Sammi didn’t doubt for one second
she would be able to.

“I might deserve it.” He sank onto a sofa and cradled his
face in his hands. Where did he even begin to start looking for her?

Kellie perched on the armrest. “If you find her, tell her to
get her ass back in here. She and Pandora are supposed to be working today. I
came in because Pandora was slammed out of the gate, but I’m leaving soon to go
to a tournament with Quin in Austin. She can’t keep skipping work because life
gets tough. I understand to some degree needing time off, but if she keeps
missing like this, there’s nothing I’ll be able to do to keep Mary from firing
her.”

Sammi nodded, guilt eating a hole through his stomach.

Kellie shook her head and sighed. “Being in love with
someone drives you crazy. Don’t let it drive you apart.”

* * * * *

Autumn slumped in the passenger-side seat and stared out the
window at the well-manicured lawn, a group of people doing yoga and the
ten-foot-tall brick wall. The last forty-eight-some-odd hours felt like a blur.
Fighting with Sammi. His bitch mother. And reapplying for rehab.

Leaving her mother at the center the second time hadn’t been
as bad as the first. Or maybe Autumn had grown deaf to the yelling, curses and
hatred her mother spewed when she realized Autumn wasn’t going to cave this
time.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Isaac said.

Autumn turned toward her driver and smiled, but there was no
feeling behind it. “I know. I just wonder if it’ll make a difference. It’s not
like she wants to get better. What do I do when she checks herself out, runs
away or disappears again?”

Isaac didn’t reply for a moment. He turned onto the main
street and headed back toward the highway. “Love her. Keep loving her. I don’t
know what to tell you, honestly. If you were asking me for legal advice I’d
have something to draw on, but what you’re going through is beyond me.”

“Thank you for doing all this. I know I crashed at your
place the last two days, and I’m really sorry.” Autumn had called Sammi’s best
friends out of desperation, and the couple had answered. They’d helped her get
Cathy calmed down and even spent the whole day getting her readmitted.

“Don’t even apologize. I’m glad you called us. Oh, Ester
texted when we were leaving that she’s starting dinner. We’ll have a nice quiet
Shabbat, just the three of us.”

“I can leave.” Without her mother, Autumn had more options
for how to go about handling the mess she’d made of her life.

“Ester would kill me if you left tonight.”

“Okay—”

“Incoming call from Sammi,” the computerized voice of the
car spoke.

Autumn’s heart leapt into her throat. She wasn’t ready to
talk to him yet.

Isaac glanced at her. “Do you want me to wait to call him
back later?”

“Nah, take it.” Autumn stared out the window and steeled her
heart against his voice.

The call enabled with a
beep
.

“What’s going on, man?” Isaac asked.

“I can’t find Autumn.” Sammi’s voice was strained, maybe
even distraught, and damn her if she didn’t want to hold him, make everything
better. She felt Isaac’s gaze on her but she watched the cars inch along in
traffic.

“What happened?”

“My mom dug up some dirt on her and I reacted poorly in the
moment.”

Autumn snorted. Poorly, her foot up his ass.

“I’m guessing your mom found out about her police record?”
Isaac asked as if he were inquiring about the weather.

Autumn whipped around, staring at Isaac in shock.
He knows?

“Wait, you know about that?” Sammi asked, echoing her
thoughts.

Isaac didn’t glance at her, but the set of his jaw was
tense. “Yeah, I saw the redacted version, but I connected the dots. When you
said you were going to marry her I wanted to know that you were making a good
decision.”

There were a few moments of silence.

“What did you find out?” Sammi asked.

“She had a horrible childhood, abused by her mother, taken
advantage of by every adult she came into contact with until she was put into
juvenile detention where the case workers did some real magic. There’re a
couple years I can’t account for, but the people at the juvie center had
nothing but good things to say about her. She comes in and talks to the kids
about how to turn their lives around.”

To hear Isaac rattle off her worst secrets as if it were a
grocery list stripped away the last shreds of dignity she’d been holding on to.
Tears fell, one by one, down her cheek and into her lap. She’d never wanted the
life she had, she just didn’t know any other way. She wasn’t smart, didn’t have
a good family or a lot of money.

The silence in the car stretched on.

“You still there?” Isaac asked.

“Yeah. I didn’t know about that last part.” Sammi’s voice
was hoarse. She hoped he felt a tiny bit of shame. Just a drop.

“I was probably her worst critic until I researched her.
Considering what she’s been through and how she’s chosen to live her life, I’m
impressed.” Though Isaac spoke to Sammi, Autumn felt the approval of his words.
She wasn’t invisible. The changes mattered.

“She is pretty damn amazing.” Sammi sighed. “I screwed up,
Isaac, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

All the pain in Sammi’s voice wasn’t enough to make her
respond. She couldn’t. He’d despised her in those moments and she’d felt
worthless. Just because he said a few things about how he could have reacted
better didn’t change that.

“It sounds like you did.” Isaac eased into the HOV lane and
hit the gas.

“Thanks for the sympathy.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve given yourself enough of that
lately. Let me make some calls. I might be able to find something out for you.”

“Thanks. If you turn up anyone who knows where she is, I’d
appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’m pretty sure you’re going to be in
the doghouse.”

“So long as I find her and make things right, I’m okay with
that.”

They ended the call after a little banter. The car was
eerily quiet except for the air conditioner blowing on high.

“How long have you known all that about me?” Autumn swiped
her hands over her cheeks.

“There’s some napkins in the glove box.” He adjusted the
radio volume and glanced at her, probably when he figured she wasn’t looking.
“It was pretty easy to find out. People were willing to say a lot of good
things about you.” They rode for a few minutes in silence. “Are you going to
talk to Sammi?”

“Tomorrow. Not today.” There were only so many hits she
could take, and she was done.

* * * * *

Autumn wandered into the condo living room and gazed out the
windows. She’d stood in this very same spot three weeks ago.

Three weeks and her life was so very different.

Footsteps behind her heralded Isaac, her accomplice in this
breaking and entering. Except in this case he had a key and she had the legal
right to be here since Sammi was her husband.

“You sure you want to do this here?” Isaac leaned against the
piano and gazed out at the lake.

“Too late, I already called him.” Autumn shoved her hands
into her pockets. The call had lasted less than two minutes though Sammi had
tried several times to talk over her, apologize or engage her.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“No. Go do something fun with your weekend. I’m sorry I
crashed your Shabbat.” And yet there was a calmness to Isaac and Ester’s life
that had soothed her hurt and comforted her.

“We’re not going anywhere today. If you need anything we’re
just a few doors down, okay?”

“Thank you. You guys have been great to me. I don’t even
deserve all this.” Autumn touched the necklace Ester had given her yesterday
morning. It was a simple gold chain with a Star of David. There hadn’t been any
ceremony, she’d just slid it over during breakfast and said it was a gift. At
that moment Autumn had been so stressed about Cathy she hadn’t thought about
it, but last night, in the guest room by herself, she’d taken it out of the
velvet bag and held it. She knew enough to realize it was a significant
religious symbol. To her it had become a light in the dark. When she’d needed
help most, someone had been there for her.

“Come on, give me a hug and I’ll get out of here.” Isaac
enveloped her in a tight squeeze. Isaac and Ester felt as if they could be her
siblings, which was a new kind of relationship for her.

“Seriously, thank you.”

“Call us and let us know how stuff goes, and if Sammi needs
a smack upside the head, I’m here for you.” Isaac squeezed her one last time
and let her go.

“I know. I think I can handle him myself.”

She hoped so.

Isaac showed himself out, leaving her alone to pace the
length of the living room.

Autumn didn’t know how the pieces were going to fall with
Sammi. The sense of betrayal was still a gaping hole in her chest, but she
loved him. The conversation she’d overheard yesterday hadn’t sunk in until
hours later, and even then she didn’t know if it would be enough. There were
some serious boundary issues where his mother was concerned, and their lives
were so different.

The front door banged open and shut with a loud
thud
.

“Autumn?” Was that a thread of concern, maybe worry in his
voice?

His footsteps were loud as he searched through the condo.
She could tell the moment he approached the living room entry because for a few
beats there was no sound. She didn’t turn around but listened, catching the
sound of a breath exhaled followed by slow footsteps across the hardwood to
her.

“Have you been here the whole time?” he asked just over her
shoulder.

Autumn turned, her arms wrapped around her, steeled for this
moment. His face was pale, sweat dotted his brow and there were dark circles
under his eyes. Was it his health? Or had he really been worried about her? Did
he feel as wretched as she’d felt on Friday?

“No.”

“Where’s your mom? Is she here?” He glanced around.

“I took her back to the rehab center yesterday.”

“Is she going to be okay?”

Autumn shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry.” He cupped her shoulders and stroked his hands
down her arms.

“You should be.” She pulled out of his grasp when all she
wanted to do was lean against his chest and let him hug her, tell her it was
going to be okay.

“I am.”

“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” She backed up when
he would have closed the distance between them.

“All of it.”

“That’s not good enough, Sammi. You can’t just say I’m sorry
for everything that hurt me, because do you really know what you did or why
you’re sorry?”

“Okay.” He dropped his hands to his sides and studied her
for a moment. He seemed exhausted, worn out, and part of her felt like a raging
bitch for not accepting the blanket apology. “I’m sorry I let my mother talk us
into going on Friday. I should have realized when it was so easy to get her to
agree that she didn’t really know you, something was up. I shouldn’t have
believed her side of the story when I knew she didn’t like you.”