His Undoing (3 page)

“You mean someone did this to you because of me? This is my fault?” He was almost shouting when the nurse walked in. I was grateful for the distraction although I needed to explain to Brett that it wasn’t his fault and that I didn’t blame him. He walked out the door as the nurse approached me and reached for my wrist.

“How you feeling, dear? Your pulse is a little high but everything is looking good. You almost ready for dinner?”
“Dinner? What time is it?” I looked for my phone but didn’t see it out. “Is my phone here? It was probably in my jeans.” Oh, yeah, I wasn’t wearing my jeans.
God, could this get any worse?

“It could be in your bag of personal items but it’s almost six so I can have something brought in for you. It’ll be light to give your stomach some time to adjust. You might not be able to hold much down tonight but if you’re feeling stronger tomorrow, you should be able to go home.” She wrote some notes and showed me how to work the controls on the bed and
TV then she walked out with a promise to have food sent in shortly. I moved the bed into an upright position and waited for Brett to return. He came in right after my food arrived and sat down. The hot soup was soothing to my throat so I was able to drink most of it. I didn’t touch the juice or jello that was also on the tray. When I put my napkin on the tray and pushed it away, he looked to me for answers.

“I need to know what those emails said. Did you keep them? I’m sure the police are going to want to see them too.” He spoke calmly but I could hear a fury that I’d never heard before. It was the intensity that I imagined he played with on the field.

“Do you know where my phone is? I think they are still in my inbox.” He stood up and pulled my phone out of his pocket.

“I grabbed it and your wallet from your jeans,” he said sheepishly as he handed it to me.

I pulled up my inbox and scrolled down to the anonymous message, ignoring the messages from dormmates that had seen me get rolled out of the building and into an ambulance. I’d deal with the questions later, after I had a decent story to tell everyone.
“That’s the one that came in last night while we were at the party. There was another one from Wednesday night that you can scroll down to.” As he read them, his face turned an unnatural shade of red. I’d never seen him look so terrifying. He was murderous as he scrolled between the two messages, reading them over and over.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe someone would hurt you because of me.” I could see the devastation in his face.

“This isn’t your fault. It is the fault of two homophobic assholes that have probably been bullies for their whole lives. If I seriously felt threatened, I would have called campus security or told you about it. I thought it was a joke. It’s just as much my fault for ignoring it as it was their fault for doing it.” I didn’t want Brett to take any responsibility for what happened. I should have taken the threats more seriously. I wasn’t usually so careless, but then again, I wasn’t usually so drunk.

“This was
not
your fault. You didn’t deserve this. You have every right to feel safe and I’m so sorry that this happened.”

He was pacing again and I could see the veins in his neck and biceps pulsing as he clenched his jaw and fists. He was going to give himself an aneurysm if he didn’t relax.

“Did you recognize them? Do you know who did this?” he asked through gritted teeth.

I shook my head. “It was dark and they were in the shadows. I was so surprised to see anyone there that I didn’t really get a good look. Then, after the first punch, I just tried to keep my head down and didn’t want to look. I’m such a fucking coward. I didn’t even try to fight back.”

I could feel tears welling up and felt even worse. I was acting like a child but everything was starting to sink in and I couldn’t hold back the emotion any more. I ducked my head into the pillow away from Brett and let the tears flow. I felt his thick arms wrap around me as he pulled me to his chest. Again. And, once again, I was comforted by it.

“It’s okay. You’re
gonna be okay. We’ll figure this out and I swear that if I ever find out who hurt you, I’ll fucking kill them.” His chin came to rest on my head. After a few moments of letting my pain and humiliation flow, I finally got myself under control.

I took
a few deep breaths and felt a hundred times better. I guess women are right about sometimes needing a good cry. It was very therapeutic.

I
should have been embarrassed that Brett had witnessed it, but I wasn’t. He didn’t judge me. He didn’t seem disgusted by me and what I had done, or what had been done to me. His presence gave me strength that I didn’t expect to have so soon after the attack.

The police came in a little after
nine to take my statement. They asked Brett to leave the room while we talked privately but I wanted him to stay. I started with the emails and went through waking up when Brett was calling 911.
“The emails suggested that you were in an intimate relationship with your roommate, Brett, here?” The officer pointed at Brett and I nodded. “Are you in an intimate relationship?”

“No,” I said quickly. Maybe a little too quickly, based on the way Brett flinched and took a few steps back from where he was standing behind the officers.

“I mean, we’re good friends and roommates. But, that’s it.”

“D
o you have any idea who might have sent these emails?”

The officer looked at me and then back at Brett. He shook his head and had that furious mask on again.

“Maybe a secret admirer that would have been jealous of your new roommate? Or an ex that wasn’t ready to be an ex?”

“I have no idea who could have done this. Most of my friends don’t even know I’m gay. No one would go after Mike. I can’t believe anyone I know would do something like this.” Both of his hands fisted his short, blond hair
. He seemed to be trying to make sense of this senseless act.

“There’s one other thing but...you might want some privacy.”

The officer looked pointedly at me and I knew what was coming. He was going to tell me what my mind was trying to protect me from.

But, I knew I wouldn’t want to repeat it to Brett later so I shook my head and told the officer that Brett could stay if he wanted to. It was okay for him to hear whatever they had to say.

“Because of the way you were found, we did a rape kit. We haven’t sent it to the lab for examination yet because we need to know if you’d want to press charges. If not, we’ll hold the samples for now and see if you change your mind.” I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t look at any of the men in my room and wanted more than anything to just go back home and forget this ever happened.

“Fuck yeah, he wants to press charges. Run the tests and if you find out who did this, I want first crack at them.” Brett was suddenly my biggest advocate. I was shocked at how personally he was taking this
whole situation. He’s the kind of guy that likes to take care of others so he had a strong sense of responsibility for being part of the reason for the attack.

“Mr.
Higgens, it’s up to you. You don’t have to decide right now but obviously there are certain things that we would want to check for if you did have unprotected sex.”

Diseases.
He was talking about STDs. I could have AIDS because of this. The tears rolled down my cheeks again and I nodded my head.

“Do it. I need to know.” The officers asked a few more questions, took Brett’s information and left the room. Once again, Brett was by my side. I was so ashamed
. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t my fault but I couldn’t get over the fact that I wasn’t able to protect myself. If I had, maybe nothing would have happened. Then Brett wouldn’t have felt so guilty.

I didn’t want him to feel obligated to stay with me anymore. It had been a full day since he found me and I needed to give him an out. Let him leave without feeling like he was abandoning me.

“If you need to head out, I’ll be fine.” I kept my eyes down and waited for him to make his escape. After a few moments of silence, he placed both of his hands around my left hand and held it. He gave me a minute to pull back or argue but I couldn’t even acknowledge the contact.

“Hey,” he whispered. I finally looked at him. The anger he’d been warring with was still there but I could see
a tenderness in his features too.

“I’m not leaving here without you. No matter what the results are or what actually happened, I’m
gonna be here for you. If there was any way I could take away this hurt, I would. I wish they would have tried that shit with me,” he said with anger surfacing again.

I felt a connection to him that I’d never felt with any of my friends before. I felt love coming from his words. I figured it was more like a brotherly bond that I just hadn’t experienced with my own brothers.

They say tragedy brings people together so maybe that’s what this link was that I felt forming in my chest. I wanted to break up the tension a bit before I started to cry again. I really needed to man up and get these emotions under control.

“Yeah, you probably would have liked it,” I said with a forced grin. He stared back at me in shock and then let out a booming laugh. The tense moment had passed.

“Maybe but that’s not the point. The point is that you shouldn’t have experienced
that
in that way. I’m so sorry.” Okay, maybe the moment hadn’t fully passed but I felt better.

“Yeah, yeah.
Enough about me. Aren’t you tired? Or hungry? How long have you been here?”

“I haven’t left since we came in on the ambulance. And now that you mention it, I’m starved. If you’re okay for a while, I’ll run down to the cafeteria and see what they have. Do you want anything?”

“I think I’m gonna try to take a nap. Between the emotional roller coaster and all the drugs, I can barely keep my eyes open.”  He squeezed my hand once more then walked out of the room to find food. I quickly passed out for the night.

Chapter 4

The next morning, the doctors gave me instructions on how to clean my bandages and what I was and wasn’t allowed to do. Moving in almost any way was on the ‘not allowed’ list. My ribs were bruised but not broken so that was the good news. The bad news was that my nose and right thumb were broken, and I had random stitches and bandages across my body.

Brett drove me home and had to practically carry me from his car to our room on the third floor. He put me on his bed, since I wasn’t able to climb up to the top bunk, and got me settled with pillows, my laptop and a bottle of water. He was an excellent nurse.

People that I barely knew filed in and out of the room all day. I gave them a vague story about getting jumped when I got home from a party on Friday and warned people to be aware of their surroundings when they were coming and going. I felt like a
PSA for campus safety but I didn’t want people pressing me for details. Brett paled every time I retold the story. His guilt was eating him alive but he was channeling it into taking care of me, which I really appreciated.

“Thanks for everything, Brett. If it weren’t for you, I’d have to call my parents and have my mom fly down to take care of me.” I shuddered at the thought of having my mom in the dorm with me for even a few days.

“Don’t thank me. It’s what friends do.” He was warming up noodle soup in the microwave and gave me a sweet smile. I felt the connection growing stronger. While he was busy, I took the opportunity to really look at him. His broad back and shoulders were all muscle. He didn’t have an ounce of fat or softness to him but on the few occasions that I’d hugged him or touched his body, it didn’t feel hard. It felt...nice.

“How do you get muscles like that?” I asked before I lost the courage. I’ve always been thin and wiry. I’ve never
willingly worked out in my life but now I was realizing that I needed to learn how to protect myself.

“Lots and lots of training.
Why? You interested in bulking up?” He leaned against the microwave and looked me over. “I could help you, if you want.”

“Well, I’ll never have a body like yours but it wouldn’t hurt to do some strength training and maybe learn some self-defense.”

“As soon as the doctor gives you the okay, I’ll take you to the gym. They offer beginner krav maga classes that would be perfect for you. You can learn to take down any attacker, regardless of size.” 

As I was picturing the spectacle of me trying to fight off a giant like Brett, there was a light tap at the door.

“Come in,” we both said at the same time. Maggie peeked her head in.

“Are you up for...
” As soon she saw me with my bruised face, her eyes teared up. “Oh my God, Mike. Are you okay? How did this happen?” She rushed to me and sat gingerly at my side.

“It was kind of a freak attack. I think
Zuckerberg heard about our app and got worried. Wanted to take out the competition,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“You poor thing.
Are you in pain?” She quickly scanned my injuries and settled on my swollen eyes. “Can I get you anything?”