His Robot Girlfriend (11 page)

“
I am for you, Mr.
Smith.”

The following morning, Mike went down to the
casino to gamble. Patience stayed in the room. She wasn’t allowed
on the casino floor and she utilized the time to clean and organize
their possessions and to read. Mike played twenty-one at the gaming
tables for a short time, but quickly lost the three hundred dollars
that he had allowed for that purpose. He then walked to the side of
the casino and played poker on the machines. He had played for ten
minutes or so, when a robot cocktail waitress stopped by. He
ordered a gin and tonic. When the mechanical woman had left, he
looked up and around. He noticed the series of shops running along
the length of the casino. Perhaps he could buy some more new
clothes for Patience. There was a tattoo parlor. He idly wondered
if her skin would hold tattoo ink. And at the far end was a wedding
chapel.

Perhaps he should marry Patience. He didn’t
wonder whether he should ask her to marry him. There was no
question of her answer. She was his. Did he love her? He knew that
he didn’t want to be without her. He did love her. But did he love
her the way he loved his vueTee or did he love her the way that he
had loved Tiffany. He wasn’t even sure if he remembered how he had
loved Tiffany anymore. He stood up and walked over to the wedding
chapel.

Just inside the glass doors draped with white
decorations, Mike found a small counter with a woman standing
behind it. She was tall and attractive, her blonde wavy hair a
stark contrast to her chocolate skin. She looked up and smiled.

“
Good morning,”

“
Good morning,” replied
Mike. “How much does it cost to get married?”

The woman rewarded him with a broad smile.
“We have weddings from three hundred dollars.”

“
Really? That’s amazingly
inexpensive.”

“
That’s just for a simple
in and out service,” she said. “We have many extras, such as a
video record of the nuptials and we can accommodate large weddings,
with receptions for up to two thousand guests.”

“
No. In and out was what I
was thinking about.”

“
The three hundred does not
include the minister. We have one on duty, if you don’t have one of
your own. His fee is one hundred fifty dollars. And of course, you
must have a license.”

“
Do you sell those
here?”

“
Oh, no. You have to buy a
license from the county.”

As it turned out, in order to purchase a
marriage license in Las Vegas, Mike had to drive to the Clark
County Building. It sat amid massive skyscrapers just west of
Glitter Gulch. Patience had seemed ecstatic when Mike told her that
they were to be married. Of course, now that he thought of it, she
seemed ecstatic about almost anything he decided to do. They
arrived at just before ten a.m. and walked up to a window. A blond
woman looked out at them through a window with a small round hole
cut in it.

“
Can I help
you?”

“
We would like to purchase
a marriage license.”

“
I need to see your birth
certificates please.”

“
Um, we don’t have birth
certificates…”

“
That’s alright,” she said.
“Let me have your drivers’ licenses and I can pull up your birth
records.”

Mike set his driver’s license on the counter.
The woman behind the window looked at Patience.

“
I don’t have a driver’s
license,” said Patience.

“
National ID?”

Patience shook her head.

“
Wait a second,” said the
woman behind the glass, squinting her eyes. “You’re a
robot.”

Patience nodded.

“
You can’t marry a robot.”
The woman turned to Mike.

“
Why not?”

“
What do you mean ‘why
not’? She’s not a person. She’s a machine. I might as well marry my
shower massage.”

“
Perhaps that’s too much
information,” suggested Patience.

“
Look at her,” said Mike to
the woman behind the glass. “She speaks. She thinks. She wants to
get married. Don’t you, Patience.”

Patience nodded.

“
It doesn’t matter,” the
woman replied. “Under the Nevada Constitution, marriage is defined
as a contract between a man and a woman. And robots by Nevada law
are neither man nor woman.”

“
You mean gay marriage is
illegal in Nevada?” asked Mike.

“
Of course not.”

“
Well that wouldn’t be a
man and a woman. That would be a man and a man, or a woman and a
woman.”

“
I’m not going argue with
you about it, sir,” said the blond woman. “If you don’t like the
law, I suggest you go to a different state.”

“
Well, how do you like
that?” said Mike, as they walked to the car.

“
Perhaps it wasn’t such a
good idea after all,” said Patience.

“
You don’t want to marry
me?”

“
Of course I do, if it
would make you happy. I don’t want you to get into trouble
though.”

“
Don’t worry. They don’t
throw people in jail for illegally marrying… well, not usually.
Let’s forget about it for now and go to the Star Trek Experience.
That is really why we came to Vegas anyway.”

By the time they pulled into the massive
parking lot of the Tangiers, Patience, not unexpectedly, seemed as
excited as Mike was to visit the home of Captains Kirk, Picard,
Sisko, Janeway, Archer, and Winters. They parked and locked the
car, and then they headed inside. The Star Trek experience was
located at the end of one space themed section of the casino. As
they approached, Mike pointed out to Patience the twelve foot long
models of the USS Enterprise-F and the USS Excalibur hanging from
the ceiling. Just to the right of the entrance was the ticket
booth. They were able to step right up. There was no one waiting in
line. The clerk behind the counter was not dressed as a Star Trek
character, but was wearing a Star Trek Experience jacket.

“
Two, please,” said
Mike.

“
That will be one hundred
eighty one dollars and forty seven cents.”

“
What?” said Mike. “A
hundred eighty one?”

“
Yes, but that includes all
three rides and the museum tour.”

“
Shit. No wonder the
Federation stopped using money. They were probably all
broke.”

Mike paid for the tickets and he and Patience
walked in. The museum tour was more of a fancy queue line into the
ride than a real museum. It wound around in a circle following a
time line of the pseudo-history of the future. Opposite the time
line were displays of hundred of props and re-creations of props,
including uniforms, communicators, phasers, and much more. Mike
happily pointed out the events that he most vividly remembered from
the shows as he led Patience along.

Then suddenly he stopped. Right there on the
time line, on the year 2266, was a picture of two women in
shimmering red dresses, who both looked remarkably like
Patience—not exactly the same, but enough alike that they could
have been her sisters. Mike traced a line with his fingers from the
picture to the description on the timeline.

“
Hmm. Two androids from the
original series episode ‘I, Mudd’. I must have seen that episode a
hundred times but I didn’t remember that any of the androids looked
like you.”

“
Perhaps you had them in
your subconscious when you designed my physical appearance,”
offered Patience.

“
Maybe. You know those
androids were trying to take over the world by serving
mankind—waiting on humans hand and foot until they couldn’t get
along without them.”

“
I don’t want to take over
the world.”

“
No?”

“
No.”

“
How about Daffodil? Do
they want to take over the world?”

“
I am not allowed to say,”
said Patience.

“
Oh you are a funny one,”
said Mike.

“
Thank you, Mike. You know
humor is a difficult concept.”

“
That’s just what Saavik
said. God, I am such a nerd.”

The museum led to a room showcasing all the
props from the Klingon episodes. This led into the “Klingon Raid”
ride. This ride simulated being teleported onto the Starship
Enterprise and then a ride on a shuttle craft through a Klingon
battle. Mike thought it was quite well done. Then he and Patience
continued on through the room dedicated to the Borg.

“
I don’t care for the
Borg,” said Patience warily, looking at the mannequins dressed up
as cyborgs.

“
Yes, well, you’re not
supposed to like them. They’re the bad guys.

“
I don’t want to go on this
ride.”

“
Alright,” said Mike. “You
don’t have to. You can wait for me at the exit.”

“
I don’t want you to go on
it either,” she said, frowning.

“
I don’t think I’ve ever
seen your face look like that? I might think you were the evil
double of Patience.”

“
There is no evil double of
Patience. I am Patience and I am for you. This ride is anti-robot.
It is making you think that there is something wrong with
me.”

Mike looked at Patience. “Alright,” he said,
taking the slow steady voice he reserved for mad dogs and crazy
people. “We won’t ride this ride. We’re going to leave here and go
down to the promenade, where there won’t be any Borg.”

Patience nodded her head in understanding.
“We could go on the Vulcan ride or the Gorn ride.”

“
I think we’ve had enough
rides for the day, anyway. It kind of made me sick to my
stomach.”

Mike took his robot girlfriend’s hand and led
her back out the way they had come in, taking a right as they
exited to step into the life-sized replica of Deep Space Nine’s
promenade deck, filled with gift shops and Quark’s bar. Once there,
Mike pulled Patience to the side of the hallway next to a
replicator replica.

“
Are you
alright?”

“
Yes.”

“
Are you sure?” He looked
into her eyes, and she looked back as if nothing had happened.
“You’re okay now?”

Patience nodded.

“
What was that all
about?”

“
I don’t like the
Borg.”

“
I guess not.

“
Why don’t we go have
something to eat?” said Mike, eyeing the entrance to Quark’s
bar.

Patience nodded again.

They entered and were seated by a very short
man dressed as a Farengi.

“
Enjoy your meal,
Hoo-mahn,” he said, handing each of them a menu.

“
Thanks,” said
Mike.

Mike looked at the menu with one eye and at
Patience with the other. She was looking around with wide eyes. He
didn’t know if that was because of the interesting things to look
at, of which there were many, or an impending recurrence of her
apparent anxiety. For his part, Mike was realizing that he was
pretty hungry and he thought he could really go for a burger. He
always enjoyed a good diner burger and he had been eschewing fast
food during the past two weeks as he tried to lose weight. Then he
noticed the names of the food. He ended up ordering a chicken
quesadilla called a “saucer section” and an order of Holy (onion)
Rings of Betazed. Under the circumstances, there was no way he was
going to order a cheeseBorger. Patience had a bottle of water. As
Mike was enjoying his meal, a Klingon came by.

“
Greetings human!” said the
Klingon. “It is a good day to die!”

“
If you say so,” replied
Mike. He was still carefully watching Patience, who had not said
anything the entire time they had been in the
restaurant.

Mike had finished eating and was paying his
check when the Farengi came back by. “You ridiculous hoo-mahns,
clothing your women!”

“
He keeps me naked at
home,” said Patience.

“
I bet he does,” said the
man in the Farengi costume, his voice losing all trace of his alien
accent.

“
Hey, stay in character,”
said Mike.

“
Uh, good luck at the Dabo
tables,” said the Farengi.

Mike and Patience spent a few minutes looking
around the gift shops. Mike spent fifty dollars on a toy
communicator just like the one Captain Kirk used. There were quite
a few other nifty items that he would have liked, but he had
already dropped a few hundred dollars in the universe that Gene
Roddenberry built.

“
How are you feeling,
Patience?” he asked, pulling her aside, wrapping his arms around
her waist, and looking into her eyes.

“
I’m fine, Mike,” she said
in her usual tone.

“
Good. I’m glad. And I have
a job for you.”

“
What kind of a job, Mike?”
She placed the tip of her index finger on her chin. “A sexual
job?”

“
Precisely,” said Mike. “I
don’t care how big of a nerd this makes me. I want to get blown on
Deep Space Nine.”

Mike had spotted an alcove in the back of the
promenade where nobody seemed to be going. He led Patience over to
the spot and she wasted no time dropping to her knees and
demonstrating that her programming in this area was just as
complete as in any other. Within moments Mike’s eyes had rolled
back in his head and he leaned back against the wall. Patience
stood up and smiled.