His Perfect Woman (Harlequin Superromance) (20 page)

“Because you don't deserve to bury another woman you—” She broke off, unwilling to admit she saw the naked truth in his eyes, his expression. A truth she couldn't allow herself to see or feel because if she did, if she dared hope…

“Love? That's right, come on, say it,” he dared. “Believe it, Melissa, because it's true. I love you. I love you.
Say it
.”

She shook her head, mute. How could he possibly love her?

“Afraid?” Bryan moved toward her, following her as she retreated into a corner of the pretty bedroom, her back to the wall, and Bryan looking hard as the proverbial rock in front of her. “I understand that, sweetheart. But listen to me and listen good, okay? Because
I say
loving you is worth whatever trials and tests we face. I'll gladly,
thankfully,
take a life with someone I love, over a safe one without you in it. I've been without, Melissa. I've tried to pretend being with those women was enough, but it wasn't. And none of us are safe. Sometimes life isn't pretty and neither is what we'll face if your cancer returns. I realize that.”

“Then you shouldn't want—”

“You? But I do. I want you. I want whatever I can have with you. Why would you choose being alone when you know that you could have love with someone who loves you in return?”

“I never said I loved you.”

“But you do, don't you? Otherwise you'd be laughing at me instead of looking at me like you are.”

She lifted her chin, emotion swelling inside her chest, making her fight for each breath. “I'm taking a j-job at the hospital. Mr.—they asked me last night. I'm q-quitting.”

“You're running away, but it won't work. It won't stop how you feel, sweetheart. I tried to deny my feelings for you, but it didn't work.”

“Make it work. I'm leaving.”

His expression softened. “There's no need to be afraid anymore. Together, we can face anything.”

“No.
No,
because you'll get tired of fighting the inevitable and want someone else. Someone
not
like
me.
Someone who looks like a woman and—”

“Try me,” he dared, stepping closer. “Take a chance at living, Melissa. With me. Who else has the guts to keep me in line? Who else can match my stride?” He nudged her chin up with his hand. “I love you. I
need
you. Be with me, stay with me. Marry me.”

Tears flooded her, uncontrollable, a bottomless pit rushing up from the depths of her and swallowing her whole. Bryan's words were the sweetest, most amazing words anyone had ever said to her. The most loving. She saw his sincerity, his passion. But it contained
too much love
. And if it was true, real, then how could she let him risk so much? She had to protect Bryan because he wasn't protecting himself. She loved him enough to do that.

“Melissa—”

“No.” The word emerged on a gasp, not strong enough to be heard. Lifting her chin, she forced herself to look him in the eyes and say it again. “No, I won't marry you. I want you to leave. I've had my n-night with
Bang 'em Booker
—” she forced a snideness into her tone she didn't feel “—and I don't want any more.”

“Melissa—”

“Don't ask me again. I said no, my answer is
no
.”

Bryan's expression turned to stone, but before it did she saw the hurt. The pain. Pain she'd caused, but less pain now than there would be later. He should know that. Why didn't he
know
that?

He stood for a long moment, his chest rising and falling with angry breaths, his eyes searching hers. It took all her strength and courage not to look away. She had to make it clear she meant what she said. She did mean it. And after minutes passed Bryan realized it. She saw the understanding dawn, the hurt and pain, and the agony. Saw it because she felt it, too, inside where it cut the deepest.

Without a word, Bryan turned and left. She watched him, holding her breath until her knees gave out and she slid to the floor, curling in on herself.

Less pain now than it would be later. She wouldn't leave Bryan behind, reeling and damning himself for her death. She couldn't. She loved him too much for that.

 

B
RYAN HAD DRIVEN
to the construction site on automatic pilot. He didn't remember making the drive itself, only that one minute he'd dropped into his car and started it, and then he had arrived. Now he stared at the construction equipment that had been left in preparation, and dreaded the public
groundbreaking scheduled for tomorrow. How would he get through it knowing Melissa's hard work was the only reason the funding had come through? Knowing that she should be there but wouldn't be?

He closed his eyes and remembered her smiling challenges during their runs together, the way she nibbled her lip when she filled in the little squares on the organizational chart. He sat a long time, imagining he smelled the scent of Melissa's hair on the leather seats. The sound of Joe's laughter and Hal's, in his head. Building, growing. Ellen's words about payback for loving a woman who didn't love him. So this was what that felt like. To love someone, care for them, need them, want them with every breath, and not have them want you back. To finally find the balls to admit it aloud and risk a once-broken heart on an iffy future.

Love sucked. But love her he did. Now what?

Straightening in the seat, he turned the key in the ignition and started the vehicle, not knowing where he was going but determined to drive until he got there.

 

M
ELISSA IGNORED
Ashley's attempts to change her mind and borrowed Ashley's car to drive herself home after crying until she had no tears left. She'd called her dad from the B and B to say she was okay, somehow managing to get through the conversation without him realizing what bad shape she was really in.

He'd reluctantly agreed that since all her cancer meds and leftover pain patches were now gone, the guy probably wouldn't be back. It was little comfort after the day she'd had, but she was desperate enough to take what she could. She needed peace and quiet, and after Bryan's visit, Ashley's hovering had made her too nervous to stay.

Her dad had invited her to spend the night with him and Ellen, but she couldn't, not with Bryan right next door. Inside her house, Melissa stared at the mess and began the cleanup, the chores occupying her hands and thoughts. She carried out a bag of broken glass and trash and a person approached, silhouetted by the setting sun. Melissa jumped and sucked in a startled breath.

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you.” Anna stepped closer, her movements slow and obviously painful.

“What are you doing here? You should be in the hospital.”

“I checked myself out.”

“Anna, you shouldn't have done that.”

“I—I had to.” She toed the ground with her worn sneaker, her fat lip trembling. “If I tell you something…will you help me?”

Melissa dropped the bags into the covered bins. “If I can. Why don't you come in? I'll make us some tea.” She led the way into the kitchen, Anna's unmistakable groan easy to hear.

“Are you in pain?” It was easier to think about someone else's pain than her own.

Anna shook her head slowly, taking in the damage done to the house. “He did it. I'm too late.”

“You know who did this?”

Anna lifted her bruised hand, splints on two fingers this time, and indicated the mess. “His mom mentioned seeing you and I told him how you— He said you'd have some left, that people like you always had some left.”

“People like me? Anna, what are you talking about?” It came to her then, the puzzle clicking together. “Tilly's son? Tilly's son is your boyfriend?”

Anna sniffled, her head jerking in a nod.

“He's the one breaking into the houses? Hurting those people?”

“He gets the n-names from her, from her files when she's not around. Melissa, you've got to help me.”

“Of course I will. Anna, you don't have to be afraid. My father's the police chief. He'll protect you, and I'll stand by you when you help prosecute him.”

“No!” the girl cried harshly, her words slurring together a bit because of her swollen cheek and mouth. “I…I want help for
him
. A lesser sentence or—or rehab or something. Please, Melissa? You said you'd help me.”

“Why on earth—”

“He needs
help,
” Anna insisted. “It's not his fault he needs the medicine. He got hurt and the doctors gave it to him, and his mom gave him some, too, because she's a nurse and he was still in pain, but then he wasn't better and he still
hurts!
”

“So he breaks into people's homes to steal it and beats you up when he's high? Anna, it's not just you, he hurt those people! Why would you help him after that?”

The girl lowered her head, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I didn't want him to do this. I begged him not to! Not after you've been so nice to us and gave us the medicine.”

“He's a drug addict, of course he— What do you mean ‘us'?” Melissa gaped at her. “He beat you up to
get
the drugs?”

Anna wouldn't look at her. “I asked him not to come here and he got m-mad. He said I didn't love him, but I do!”

Anna needed help as much as the boyfriend did, as much as— Melissa froze for a split second and then raced for the phone. She called Bryan's apartment but no one answered. Next she dialed the practice. Busy? “He's working on the construction project,” she mumbled. “That's all.” But her instincts screamed and she had to know that Bryan was okay.

Frantic, she grabbed her purse and keys and made one last call. “Dad, it's me. Where are you?” Explaining the situation,
she hung up on her father as he was ordering her to stay home and let him handle it, but her father was too far away, on a rural road on the outskirts of town. If something was wrong, he wouldn't make it in time. Bryan—she had to get to Bryan.

Melissa raced out to the car, biting back her impatience when Anna moved too slowly due to her broken ribs and injuries. The drive to Bryan's practice took her full concentration since she drove with the sole purpose of reaching him. Finally she pulled to a stop by the back door and sagged in the seat, relieved to see Bryan's car parked where it always was, the neighborhood quiet.

“He's here.”

What?

Melissa looked to where Anna stared and saw an older model S-10 pickup parked in the narrow alleyway between Bryan's practice and the house on the other side of his and Ellen's. She jumped out and ran, vaguely aware that Anna followed. If anything happened to Bryan—

The back door was unlocked, partially open, Bryan's keys still in the lock. She pushed it open.

“No, stay out! Melissa,
run!
”

Everything happened in slow motion. She skidded to a halt, reeling at the sight of a man holding a gun on Bryan. The addict swung the pistol toward her, and Bryan lunged.

Melissa screamed. The gun went off. And both men went down.

“B
RYAN
!”
Melissa ran up the hall, ignoring Anna's boyfriend as he rolled on the ground. She fell to her knees beside Bryan, gasping at the blood soaking his shirt. “Bryan? Bryan, talk to me. Oh, God, please, no.
Bryan?
”

“D-don't move, Scottie!
Don't move!
”

Melissa looked up and saw Bryan's attacker on his feet and struggling to escape, one hand holding his head.

“I'll
shoot
you!
Scottie!
”

Hoping Anna meant what she said, Melissa grabbed some towels from the bottom of the open drug closet and held them on Bryan's stomach, trying desperately to stanch the blood.

“Anna…babe, come on. We gotta get out of here.” Tilly's son flashed Anna a cocky grin, his eyes glazed over from the drugs in his system. “Come on, baby, put it down. You know you won't do it. You won't shoot me.”

“She might not, but I would. You're under arrest.”

Melissa felt dizzying relief at the sound of Nathan's voice. Within seconds, Scott was cuffed and Anna relieved of the gun. Another of her father's officers arrived and took them both outside.

“How bad is he?” Nathan asked, kneeling beside her on the floor.

“Bad.”

“The EMTs will be here soon, Mel. And the chief's on his way. Press that tight and stay calm.”

Stay calm? “He said he loved me. He asked me to m-marry him but I said n-no. Why did I say no?
Why
didn't I say yes?”

Nathan didn't hide his surprise well. After several seconds, he lifted his hand and ran a callused fingertip down her cheek. “You didn't say yes because you needed to be sure. Because you were afraid and you didn't understand how much he cares for you. Now you know.”

She closed her eyes, careful not to move her hands or the compress against Bryan's stomach. “But…Nathan, you couldn't. How can he want me? Why?”

“Look at me. Hey…Mel?”

She raised her eyes to his, fighting the urge to look away. To curl up in a ball and cry. Fighting, always fighting.

“Sweetheart, don't let my being a jerk about your illness keep you from being with a guy, even Booker if he's the one you want. God, much as I hate to say it, he's got it bad for you. Last night… Hell, Mel, it's obvious.”

“But I didn't…I didn't believe him.”

He stroked her hair. “And that's probably my fault, because of the way I treated you, but any man willing to put himself in front of a gun to keep you safe loves you. Just like you love him. Otherwise you wouldn't be crying all over him.”

She shook her head. “I'm not crying.”

Nathan's smile was tender. “You will be once he's okay.”

Her laugh was choked with tears she couldn't release yet because Bryan
wasn't
okay.

Nathan put his hand on top of hers. “Take things one at a time. Right now, getting him stable is the first hurdle. Then you get him through surgery. Then you talk. Hear me? Keep
your head up and talk to him, Mel. Tell him you love him. And tell him if he doesn't treat you right your old man isn't the only one who's going to set him straight.”

Once again Melissa fought to contain her tears. She lowered her head and closed her eyes and prayed hard, vaguely conscious of Nathan getting up. Blinking, she studied every line of Bryan's face, memorized every detail. “Is he right?” she whispered hoarsely. “B-Bryan, is he right? Please be okay. Please, Bryan, for me. Because you said—because you said you love me and—I love you, too.”

 

M
ELISSA STARED
at her hands and wondered if there was anything more frightening than blood. Blood meant so many things. It was the difference between living and dying, the difference in believing in heaven and hell or nothing at all. Blood had built kingdoms, covered battlefields, destroyed families and people and now it had the potential to destroy the man she loved.

“I'm sorry, miss. You're not the only one asking about Dr. Booker. Since you came in with him in the ambulance, I consulted with the doctor, but he said rules are rules. We can't give you any information about his status because you're not family.”

Numb, Melissa returned to the chair she'd vacated and sat down. Back to blood again. She drew some curious looks from the others waiting and supposed she should go to the bathroom and wash up as best she could, but she didn't care. She couldn't leave. Wouldn't risk not being there if something went wrong.

“We got here as fast as we could,” Ashley said, sliding into a seat beside her. “Any news?”

She blinked and struggled to focus, her brain function sluggish. “Where's Joe?”

“He's coming. He dropped me off so you wouldn't be here alone any longer than you had to be.”

“Ashley, I ruined everything.” She lowered her head and looked at her hands once more. “If I'd stayed at the hotel or…said yes to Bryan's proposal, he wouldn't be here. None of this would've happened.”

“Stop it, Melissa. You didn't pull that trigger, and for all you know, you and Bryan might have been at his practice today anyway. This isn't your fault.”

“But if Bryan—”

“He'll be fine,” Joe stated forcefully, joining them. He squatted in front of her and Ashley, leaning against Ashley's legs for balance but covering her hand with one of his. “Bryan loves you, Mel. Turning him down will just bring out the stubborn side in him.” That said, Joe squeezed her hand and then sat down in the empty chair on the other side of her, his big body giving her comfort but nothing else.

Amazing how time changed things. She'd thought herself in love with Joe once, but when she compared that to how she felt for Bryan…well, there was no comparison. Why hadn't she figured that out before? Why hadn't she been able to say the words before Bryan got hurt? She loved Bryan. She'd admit it, but did it really matter? Even now, with Bryan on an operating table, she was torn. There was still a chance she could get sick.

“Mel?”

Melissa stood at the sound of her name. Her dad and Ellen hurried toward her but she didn't wait. Seconds later, she was in her father's arms.
“Dad.”

“Shh…it'll be all right.”

She tried to believe that, but she hadn't had a happy ending yet. Her mom, Josie. Her cancer. Melissa hugged him tighter
and pressed her nose into his chest. “They won't tell me anything because I'm not related.”

He gently untangled her arms. “They'll tell me. You sit down while I go find something out.”

Ashley stood. “Joe will make sure Bryan's grandfather has been called and I'll get Melissa something to drink. We'll be right back.”

Her father put his hands on her shoulders and walked her to the chair. “I'll be back with some answers as fast as I can.”

When he left, Melissa found herself alone with Ellen. The other woman remained quiet a long moment, then reached over and pressed something into her hand. “Take this. My first husband gave me this the Christmas before he died. I keep it with me for times like these.”

“It's beautiful,” she whispered, staring at the cross charm.

“I think so, too,” Ellen murmured. “I'd like it if you hold it for me, Melissa. As long as you need it, all right?”

Her fingers closed over the charm and squeezed. “Bryan was so weak. He lost so much blood.”

“He's in good hands,” Ellen murmured. “The doctors will take good care of him.”

“Bryan's grandfather is on his way,” Ashley informed them, rejoining them and sitting across from her. “The nurse said he was listed as Bryan's contact person so he was called first thing.”

“Good.” Melissa nodded. “That's good.”

Awkward silence fell over the three women.

“The gala was a great success,” Ashley murmured. “Bryan was so proud of you for pulling it off. He strutted around like a peacock telling everyone what a great job you did.”

Next to her, Ellen laughed softly. “Did you see the way he watched her all night? Bryan didn't take his eyes off her.”

“Because he's in love,” Joe stated firmly, coming over to seat himself beside his wife. He wrapped an arm around Ashley and pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her temple. “And he didn't care who saw it.”

Melissa didn't acknowledge Joe's words. She couldn't because if she did she just might— “Where's Dad?”

Joe inclined his head, and she noted her father spoke with Bryan's grandfather and Meg, the housekeeper, who'd just arrived.

“I should go say something but…what?” she whispered dully.

“Let your father fill him in and then they'll come join us,” Ellen reassured her. “It's fine.”

“Your dad said the nurse will tell him as soon as she gets word from the O.R.,” Joe added. “We'll know as soon as the desk knows something.”

She nodded again, feeling like a puppet, only going through the motions. Before long, her dad, Randall and Meg came to join the vigil. She gave Randall and a teary-eyed Meg hugs. And then they waited. And waited. A half hour passed but still no news. All of them either stared at the floor or paced, talking in whispers and asking the same questions over and over again because they were so distracted they couldn't retain the answers.

“Drink this.” Ashley pressed a cold soda into Melissa's hand. “I found a machine working upstairs and you barely touched the water I gave you.”

Melissa hesitated, but took a sip thinking she'd humor Ashley and that was all she wanted. Before long the can was empty. “Thank you.”

“You know, I've been thinking,” Ashley murmured. “I understand why you turned Bryan down, but…I have to tell
you, despite the devastation I felt at losing Mac, I wouldn't trade the time we had together for anything. Bryan loves you and he has every right to. Just like you have every right to love him. I just…thought you should know.”

“My years with Peter are priceless to me,” Ellen murmured, “and I'm quite sure your father feels the same about your mother. Loving once doesn't mean you can't love again.”

Melissa squirmed in the chair, uncomfortable with the fact that all of them stared at her. “If it were you, wouldn't you both have protected them from all the anguish and hurt if you could?” she asked, her voice emerging hoarse from strain. “Kept them from suffering the way you did when they—” She couldn't say the word. Not with Bryan's life at stake. “It doesn't matter what I want. Working for him wasn't supposed to be like this.”

“Because you never expected to love him?”

The question took her aback. She might've expected Ashley to ask it, maybe Ellen. But not her dad. She gave a tired smile. “You warned me, didn't you? I know it would never work. Never last. You don't have to say it.”

“Why wouldn't it last? Because of the cancer?” Ashley questioned before her dad could speak. “Are you really going to argue that after what happened today? Bryan was
shot,
Melissa.”

“I
know.
I was there.”

“But you're still fighting how you feel and for what reason?” Ashley argued. “You couldn't keep Bryan from getting shot, and you can't control your future and whether or not your cancer returns.”

“We're all going to die one day, Mel,” Joe murmured.

“That we are,” her father agreed. “It's not how long we live, it's how we live that's important. How we love.”

“Melissa.” Ashley sat forward. “You're scared, and you should be. Loving a man like Bryan won't be easy. I only know what I've lived, but I can honestly tell you I wouldn't change the course of things. Losing Mac
hurt,
and at the time I didn't know what I'd do without him. But he taught me how to love, and if I hadn't known him, hadn't loved him
and
lost him, I wouldn't have known how to love Joe.”

“But that's not the same thing. Mac's death was an accident. A tragedy in a time of war. He didn't already have a deadly disease waiting to spring up again.”

Her dad shot out of his chair and walked away from them.

“You don't
have
a disease, either,” Ashley countered. “You had one, past tense. I could be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow where yours might never come back. And, Melissa, being sick once doesn't mean you aren't worthy of being loved. Maybe…maybe like Mac, the girl Bryan lost taught him how to love you, and all this—
today
—is meant to prove to you how much you really love him. Look at us,” she said, waving her hand at the gathering surrounding her. “Would you ever in a million years have imagined all of us sitting here like this talking about
love?
”

Gruff chuckles followed Ashley's comment. Joe's, her father's, even Randall's odd-sounding rumble.

“Maybe this is to make you fight for Bryan and not the other way around,” Joe suggested. “Once Pretty Boy is released, he'll not be lacking offers of comfort from women.”

“They'd better not—” She broke off, her cheeks heating.

“Love and jealousy go hand in hand, Mel. Don't think they don't.” Her father scowled as he took his seat again.

“Think about it,” Ashley continued softly. “What if your situation were reversed, and Bryan had had cancer?”

“Ashley, please.” She was so confused. She couldn't think,
couldn't do anything beyond worry about whether Bryan would be all right. All the talk about life and death and love—she just wanted Bryan to be okay.

“Hey, what else have you got to do while we wait? Come on, Melissa, what if? What if you loved Bryan and he pushed you away because he'd been sick a while ago? Would you let him do it or would you love him anyway?”

“It's not the same.”