Hip Check (New York Blades) (8 page)

Michelle expected him to immediately return to his side of the table. She held her breath, acutely aware of his body beside her. Instead, his hand lingered for a moment on her shoulder before he removed it and sat back down. “Thank you, Michelle,” he said quietly.

“Hey, that’s what you pay me for, right?” she replied amiably, more for her own benefit than his. His hand on her shoulder? She liked it. Not enough to really think about it, though.

“Now I have something I need to talk to you about,” Michelle said.

“I know, I know. My running here and there,” Esa replied with a hangdog expression.

“You really need to spend more time with her,” Michelle admonished softly. “I know your schedule is nuts, but you do have
some
free time.” She paused. “She starts school a week from Monday.”

Esa once again checked his iPhone, then looked up at Michelle with what could only be described as a “stunningly gorgeous” smile. “I can take her.”

“Oh, she’s going to be so thrilled!”

“You’re coming too, right?”

Technically, there was no reason for her to go if Esa was taking her.

“That’s up to Nell. She might like you all to herself.”

“But you’re the one who went with Nell to tour the school, met with Nell’s teachers, dealt with the paperwork, got Nell all the supplies she needed, including her uniform. Of course you have to be there.”

Michelle looked at him inquisitively. “Are you afraid of taking her on your own?”

“Of course I’m not,” Esa scoffed. “I just thought it might ease her nerves even more if we were both there.”

“I see. I’ll talk to her and get back to you. Anything else you want me for?”

For some weird reason, the question didn’t sound the way it was meant to, as it just hung there in the air for a few seconds.

“I’m fine.” Esa stood. “I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. Thank you for accommodating me.”

Sounds sexual
, said the Marcus in her head, in a formal, Finnish kind of way.

“That’s my job.”

Now you sound like his escort, honey
.

“I have practice early tomorrow, but I’ll leave Nell a note on the kitchen table, okay?”

Michelle smiled. “She’ll like that.”

“Good.” Esa took a small sip of wine. “Well, good night.”

“Good night,” said Michelle, hoping he didn’t escort her back to her bedroom. Thankfully, he didn’t. She was glad to see her ice cream hadn’t melted into a creamy puddle as she hopped atop her bed with the bowl in her lap. It didn’t matter, though; she’d lost her appetite.

10

Esa wanted Nell
to have the best education money could buy, and judging by the tuition for Philips-Jackson, she was going to have it. The fees were astronomical, but according to Michelle, it was worth it. There were girls from all over the world there, so she wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. In addition, the academics were tough and Nell was smart. The headmaster had promised Michelle that Nell would be “challenged, but not overwhelmed.” Esa had been impressed when Michelle showed him the list of extracurricular activities the school boasted. There would be more than enough for Nell to get involved in if she wanted.

The first day of school arrived, along with Indian summer. It was sunny and hot, steamy as only a day in Manhattan could be. He and Michelle would be walking her to school. Leaving the apartment and hitting the street, Michelle had reached for Nell’s hand, but she warned her off with a glare that reminded Esa of his sister. “I’m not a baby, you know.”

“Got it,” Michelle replied. Esa shot her a look over Nell’s head. Michelle just shrugged.

“Are you nervous?” Esa asked his niece. Dumbass. Of course she was.

“Not really,” Nell replied nonchalantly.

“Well, that’s good. I mean, it’s okay to be nervous.”

Nell looked at him. “I
know
that.”

Esa nodded his head stupidly; at least it felt stupid to him.
See? You can’t even connect with her on the simplest level. Even the easiest question sounds forced. You should have said good-bye to her at the apartment. You should have left this to Michelle.

He wanted to tell her how much she looked like her mother, but at least he was smart enough to know that was a dumb idea. Talk about screwing a kid’s head up on the first day of school. He knew it would “take time,” but he hoped a day would come when she would ask him questions about Danika and what she was like as a little girl. He hated to admit it, but he didn’t want to talk about Danika just so she’d be alive in Nell’s head; he wanted to talk about Danika to keep her alive in
his
head.

“You know,” said Michelle, looking down at Nell with unabashed affection, “I had to switch schools when I was ten, and on the first day, I puked all over my desk.”

Nell looked horrified. “That is sooo gross.”

“I know. And soooo embarrassing.”

Nell was goggle-eyed. “Did people make fun of you?”

“Yep. They called me Michelle Barf for a while, but then everyone forgot about it and things were fine.”

“That’s good,” Nell replied, looking relieved.

Michelle tugged on her braid. “So don’t worry about being nervous today, because you’re not the only one who’s new to the school. I’ll bet you anything there’s more than one puker in the bunch, don’t you think, Uncle Esa?”

“Of course. And nose pickers, too.”

“Eeewwww!”

Esa and Michelle both laughed. The silence that collided against the end of the shared laugh made him feel self-conscious. He wondered: would others dropping their kids off at the school assume he and Michelle were Nell’s parents? The thought of it almost made him laugh again.

He heard the twitter of the girls before he saw them. The six-story, ivy-covered school was set far back from the street, down a brick, tree-lined walkway between two town houses. The closer he, Nell, and Michelle drew to the school’s courtyard, the louder the twittering. The endless cacophony of high little voices made everything sound so urgent. Esa fought the urge to take Nell’s hand. This had to be tough for her. Thank Christ she had Michelle.

Once in the courtyard, Nell stared down at the ground nervously. Michelle was giving the premises a careful once-over. “There are tons of girls who are here for the first time,” she told Nell. “Tons.”

Nell looked up at her. “How can you tell?”

“I was a teacher once, remember? Trust me, kiddo: I can tell.”

Nell braved a small smile.

Michelle nodded in the direction of Nell’s backpack. “You got everything?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll stay here with you until the bell rings.”

Nell looked up at Esa. “Will you stay, too?”

“Of course I will,” he said, hating that she needed this reassurance from him.

“Good.”

Esa made a point of not looking at Michelle. She didn’t seem the “I told you so,” type, but Nell’s question had to make her feel justified in admonishing him to be a greater presence in Nell’s life.

Finally, the school bell rang, and girls started filing in, though some looked reluctant. There were a handful of small ones who started to cry and cling to their mothers, or maybe they were nannies.

Michelle looked down at Nell with an encouraging smile. “You ready to roll?”

Nell nodded nervously.

“I could tell,” Michelle stage-whispered, looking at Nell with utmost confidence.

Nell looked a little teary. “And you’ll be here when I get out of school?”

“Yup. Standing right here.”

Esa could feel what was coming next.

“Will you be here, Uncle Esa?”

“I wish I could be, but I can’t. I have a game tonight.”

Nell’s voice sounded very small to him when she replied, “Oh.”

Esa found himself madly scrambling to take away his niece’s look of disappointment. “Maybe you and Michelle could come to see me play one night. Would you like that?”

“Mmm . . . maybe.”

“Just maybe?”

“It looks sort of boring,” Nell confessed, making Michelle laugh.

“Well, you just think about it,” said Esa.

Michelle drew Nell into a bear hug. “All right, Missy Miss, you better get inside. Remember: I’ll be here when you get out.”

Nell nodded bravely before letting Esa hug her—briefly.

“Have a good day!” he and Michelle called out in unison, as Nell, back ramrod straight and shoulders thrown back as if she were off to do battle, marched through the front door of the school. Laughing in unison, now talking in unison. It meant they were on the same page. About Nell.

* * *

Sooooo . . . that’s that,
Michelle thought as she and Esa stood together awkwardly in the school courtyard.

“I think she’ll be all right, don’t you?” Esa asked.

“She’ll be fine,” Michelle assured him. “She’s a trooper. As you know. It meant a lot to her that you were here today.”

“I’m glad.”

Did it mean anything to you? Michelle wondered. She supposed it said something that he’d made the effort; after all, he’d rolled in at two in the morning. She’d been up with insomnia, fretting about Nell’s first day. That’s how she knew. She didn’t know what Esa had been out doing, and she didn’t want to know, as long as he didn’t break his promise to Nell.

The courtyard was clearing out. Michelle readjusted the sunglasses on her face. She couldn’t believe how hot it was. If she stood here in the sun much longer, she was going to stroke out.

“Where are you off to now?” Esa asked.

“Home—I mean, to the apartment—”

Esa smiled, pleased. “Which you will think of as your home, I hope.”

“I do, it just felt weird saying it. Anyway, back to the apartment. I wanted to tidy Nell’s room a bit, and do our laundry.”

“Ah.”

“You?” she asked. He’d asked her what she was doing. Why couldn’t she ask him? She just hoped his answer wasn’t “home.” It would be too weird doing stuff around the apartment with him there, too. She’d feel compelled to make conversation with him, just like she was doing now.

Esa looked at his watch. Michelle knew it was expensive; the
New York Times
was always running full-page ads for it. She had no idea what the name was. Until a watch was invented that cooked, cleaned, helped get rid of cellulite, and convinced her brother that their father wasn’t always one step away from death’s door, she was content with using her phone.

“To the gym. Then to lunch with a friend. Then to Met Gar.”

Michelle smiled, unsure of how to respond. “I better run.” She started away, but then turned back to him. “What time does your game start tonight?”

“Seven thirty. Why?”

“I’ll see if Nell has any interest in watching some of it before she goes to bed. She probably won’t. It’s not like she’d be watching the Islanders, you know?”

Esa laughed lightly. “If I ever catch you trying to brainwash my niece into liking them, you’ll be very sorry.”

“I see. Well, we’ll see how she does with the Blades. But don’t be surprised if she chooses to watch
Good Luck Charlie
instead.”

Michelle could tell from the blank expression on Esa’s face that he had no idea what she was talking about.

“It’s a kid’s show. One of her favorites.”

Esa nodded. Then, almost shyly: “I should probably, maybe, try to find these things out.”

“Might not be a bad idea.”

Esa looked uncomfortable, running a hand through his black hair. Michelle noticed it was so black it almost bore shades of blue. If anyone asked her about his hair color, she’d say “Raven.”

“Look,” he said, glancing around the courtyard as if they were spies in danger of being discovered, “why don’t we go back to the apartment, make some coffee, and you can tell me all the things I should know about Nell.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No. I’m not. Why do you look so surprised?”

“Because that’s not part of my job, Esa. If you want a relationship with her, you have to find these things out yourself. By spending time with her.”

Esa looked pained. “What little girl would want to spend time with her uncle?”

“A little girl whose mother died in a plane crash?” Michelle hesitated a moment, but then put a reassuring hand on his forearm. “I know this has to be hard on both of you. But it’s especially hard on her. Think about it.”

“I can’t read her. One minute she seems to like me, the next she seems detached. I’m not good—”

“Then get good.” Christ, she sounded like some irritable old schoolmarm. Some irritable
ex
-schoolmarm. But his “woe is me” stance didn’t fit in with a man who had become a successful professional athlete.

“Those are normal reactions for kids who are grieving. She needs
time
.”

“Yes, of course.” Esa was looking at her with what looked a helluva lot like admiration. “You’re very feisty. Do you know that?”

The compliment threw her off balance, and made her realize that she owed him one. He might be inept at coping with Nell emotionally, but he was making damn sure that she didn’t want for anything else. He deserved some kudos, didn’t he?

“She’s lucky to have you.” Michelle’s cheeks were getting hot and she didn’t know why.

“I’m doing it for Danika,” he said evasively.

And yourself, Michelle thought, though she’d never get him to admit it.

“Well, whatever your reason, Nell’s lucky.”

Ugh. She sounded like some puck bunny, fawning over him, worshiping the ground he walked on.

“I better go,” she said briskly. “Like I said, stuff to do . . . see you around.”

“Right.”

She had almost made it to the street when he called out to her. “Michelle!”

She turned around to the sound of cars crawling up the street behind her. She and Esa stood facing each other for a long, uncomfortable moment, like there was an invisible cord between them that neither could see, but both knew was there.

“Thank you,” Esa said, just like the other night.

“You’re welcome.”

She turned back to the street. She had a feeling that “thank you” was his fallback position. Simple, uncomplicated, impossible to misinterpret unless you had an extremely active imagination. There was something else he wanted to say, but didn’t. She was glad.