Hip Check (New York Blades) (10 page)

12

“Michelle?”

Hearing her name tugged Michelle out of her reverie; worse, it embarrassed her. Here she was, in a nice wine and cheese bar with David, the manny, and all she could think about was the displeasure on Esa Saari’s “stunningly gorgeous face” earlier in the evening when she’d intimated that she might be out on a date. She shouldn’t care. But she did. She liked the way it made her feel, even if it was just momentary: like she was attractive. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time, despite the good-looking man sitting across the table from her.

“Sorry. You know what it’s like being a nanny: your mind keeps getting pulled back to kid stuff, even when you don’t want it to.”

David nodded sympathetically. “I hear ya.”

Michelle had been surprised when David called and asked her out for a drink. Her first thought had been that he wanted info about Marcus. But as they stayed on the phone chatting a bit, it dawned on her that he was asking her out because he liked
her
. It had nothing to do with Marcus, because David wasn’t gay. She accepted his invitation. Now she wondered if it was the right thing to do.

After spending a few hours with him, Michelle could already tell he was one of those guys about whom people said, “He’s a total catch.” Meaning that in theory, as a single woman who one day hoped to alter that state, Michelle should be feeling like she might have landed the big one. Yet she didn’t.

It was fun swapping war stories with him. But in the back of her mind remained the specter of Esa, the way he’d looked at her, and the tightness in his voice when she’d told him it was none of his business what she was up to tonight. Maybe he disliked that she might be out with another man. Michelle liked that.

There was something about Esa’s vulnerability where Nell was concerned that tugged at her. Even though he was so damn clueless sometimes it made her want to strangle him, it also made her want to help him, for Nell’s sake.

David took a sip of wine, his expression mildly perturbed. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, of course. Why do you ask?”

“You just seem
really
preoccupied.”

“No, it’s just . . .” She realized she could get away with a half truth, at least. “I feel guilty about this. Marcus thinks you’re gay, you know.”

David groaned. “I was wondering about that.”

“He’s been planning to ask you out. I don’t feel it’s my place to tell him he’s misread you.”

David bit into a cracker with cheese. “No, of course not.”

God, Michelle thought, he is such a good guy. Not a moron, like Saari. Not a dog, like Saari. Not an egomaniac, like Saari. You should be attracted to David. But you’re not. What the hell is wrong with you? Instead you’re thinking about a self-centered jerk. Admit it: clueless as Uncle Esa is, he’s hot. And there is some kind of sexual tension there. It could be because she held more power in the house than he did. Or it could be the stirrings of a general attraction. Which didn’t matter, because it could never, ever be acted on. She could lose her job. Worse, she would lose her self-esteem. Assuming she wasn’t imagining things. Which she didn’t think she was.

Christ, another rude reverie. Snap out of it. She pinched her own thigh, hard, and she was back at the wine and cheese table. And there was David, across the table, looking at her with amusement.

Michelle shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “What?”

“You’re really, really off somewhere else in your head tonight, aren’t you? And it has nothing to do with nanny stuff, or Marcus.”

Michelle grimaced guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

“Need to talk about it?”

Yeah: I’m developing a crush on the loser I work for.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“Let’s finish up here, then go hit a movie. Something totally mindless where we can escape for a few hours. Might make you feel better.”

“Yes, let’s,” said Michelle, liking the idea. She wouldn’t have to talk. She could let images and sounds just wash over her. Drown out the stupidity. She liked David. And if she spent more time with him, it could wind up being something more. Couldn’t it?

* * *

“Excuse me. Who
the hell are you?”

Michelle’s guts constricted when she returned from the movies to find Nell laughing and playing Wii bowling not with her uncle Esa, but with some towheaded, brick shit house of a man whose biceps were bigger than Nell’s head.

“It’s Uncle Ulf!” Nell called out distractedly, pumping her fists in the air at the sound of electronic bowling pins going down. “Strike!”

“Way to go!” said “Uncle Ulf.” He closed his hand and fist bumped Nell’s.

“Uncle Ulf,” Michelle said in an overly calm voice as she took off her coat, “I still don’t know who you are.”

“I’m Esa’s teammate.” He extended a hand to her as Michelle walked into the living room. “Very nice to meet you.”

Michelle barely shook his hand. “Where is Esa?”

“He had some things he had to attend to,” Ulf replied vaguely. “I’ve told him before that I don’t mind babysitting, so he called me.” He glanced down at Nell affectionately. “We’ve been having a good time, haven’t we?”

Nell nodded fervently.

The back of Michelle’s head was about to blow off. “Nell, have you met Uncle Ulf before?”

“Well, no, but, I know he plays hockey with Uncle Esa and he already knows how to play Wii bowling . . .” She looked at him smugly. “. . . even though I’m better.”

Ulf narrowed his eyes competitively. “We’ll see.”

Nell looked so happy Michelle almost felt guilty pointing out that it was way past her bedtime. “Someone’s up very late tonight,” she teased.

Nell looked stricken. “Am I in trouble?”

“Of course not. It’s been kind of a special night, Uncle Ulf being here and all.”

“Can we can play one more game?” Ulf implored, sounding like a child himself.

Michelle stared at him, not quite knowing what to make of this. “Actually, Nell’s got to get to bed now.”

“Pleeease?” Nell begged. “Just one more.”

“Nope.” Michelle stood firm. “It’s time for Uncle Ulf to go, and for you to hit the hay. You’re going over to Selma’s tomorrow morning to work on your science project, remember?”

Nell’s shoulders slumped. “Okay.”

Ulf patted Nell’s head. “We’ll play again soon, I promise.”

Nell perked up. “Cool.”

“Night, Nell.”

“Night, Uncle Ulf.”

“I’ll be in in a minute to tuck you in, okay, kiddo?” Michelle said to Nell.

“Yup.”

Once Michelle was sure Nell was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, she rounded on “Uncle Ulf.”

“Where the hell is Esa?”

Ulf squirmed. “Like I said, he had stuff to do.”

“Really? Did it involve gin and the use of condoms?”

Ulf looked sheepish. “Well, you know, guys like to help each other out . . .”

“So—what? He called you and said he wanted to get laid, and you came over and he just
left
?”

Ulf winced, putting his hands over his ears. “Your voice is getting squeaky.”

Michelle took a deep breath, composing herself. Whenever she was really upset, her voice went up in pitch. Her brother used to call her “Minnie Mouse” when they fought.

“Sorry,” Michelle said very deliberately, trying to take it down a peg. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Nothing ‘happened.’ Saari called me. I came over, he hung out with me and Nell for a while, and then he split.”

At least he didn’t just leave her the minute Ulf arrived, Michelle thought. How considerate.

“Where did he tell Nell he was going?”

“Dinner. With a friend.”

Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

“She seemed cool with it,” Ulf added.

“Well, that’s lucky for Esa, isn’t it?”

“He said he wouldn’t be gone long,” Ulf said, as if this was somehow a point in Esa’s favor.

“Nice of him.”

Michelle forced another deep breath through her nose. It was wrong of her to take out the rage she was feeling toward the world’s crappiest uncle on this Ulf person, who’d clearly enjoyed himself, and whose company Nell had clearly enjoyed as well.

Michelle stretched her neck to one side, then the other. “Look, I’m sorry I sound so angry. I’m just surprised.”

“As long as it’s not my ass being chewed out, I’m fine.” He gave her the once-over. “How was your date?”

“
What
?” Maybe it wasn’t wrong to direct some anger at this Swedish hulk after all.

“Esa said you were on a date.”

Michelle tightly clasped her hands together in front of her. “Esa’s talking out his—I don’t know why he would think that.”

Ulf wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “So you’re not seeing anyone? Ever been out with a hockey player?”

“It’s none of your business, and it’s also beside the point. I would never go out socially with one of my employer’s friends.”

“I’m not Esa’s friend. I’m his teammate. The guy’s a total douche if you ask me.”

“Let’s just call it a night, okay?”

Ulf deflated. “Yeah, all right.”

“Thanks so much for watching Nell.”

“Hey, anytime. The kid’s great. A real kick-ass Wii player. I told her next time we hang out, I’ll show her a couple of magic tricks.”

“Sounds great,” said Michelle, hoping he would take the hint to leave as she swung the front door open wide.

“I’m pretty good.”

She gritted her teeth. “I have to get Nell to bed now.”

Ulf nodded. “Tell Saari to call me tomorrow. I wanna hear about Didi and Monique.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” said Michelle, practically shoving him out the door. “Thanks again.”

She locked the door, furious. Which was it? He wanted to get closer to Nell, and he understood it wasn’t just about him anymore, or he was just paying lip service to that and had no intention of stopping sleeping around? What. A. Jerk. Michelle fumed.

Well, if he thought he was getting away with this one, he had another thing coming.

13

“Hi! How was
your night with Didi and Monique?”

Michelle hoped the sound of her voice ringing out in the pitch darkness scared the shit out of Esa as he walked through the front door at two a.m. She didn’t hear him gasp, but there was a sudden tear in the air that let her know he’d heard her.

She’d been absolutely livid over the “Uncle Ulf” episode.
Livid
. Ulf seemed nice enough, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Esa Saari talked out both sides of his mouth, and it was bullshit. Nell deserved better.

Michelle knew she could have waited until morning to talk to him, but her fury was eating her alive, leaving her unable to sleep. She thought: why not just get it over with? Maybe it wasn’t nice to ambush the jerk this way, but she didn’t care. It wasn’t nice of him to leave Nell on a night he’d promised to spend time with her.

Esa flipped the light on, walking slowly toward the living room, smiling like a handsome, clearly buzzed jackass.

“Aw, Michelle. You didn’t have to wait up for me.”

“I didn’t think this could wait.”

He threw himself down on the couch next to her. “How was your night?”

“It was fine. Yours?”

Esa smiled slyly. “Memorable.”

“I’ll bet.” God, what a
jerk
. “What happened to hanging out with Nell?” she asked. “What about that conversation we had where you claimed to realize life wasn’t just about you anymore?”

“I couldn’t get out of this appointment.”

“Bullshit, Esa. How hard is it to pick up the phone and tell Dodo and Mickey or whatever their names are that you have to take a rain check?”

“You don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t understand.”

Esa snorted. “I understand one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m tired of you telling me what I’m doing wrong.”

Michelle’s mouth fell open. “How—”

Esa crushed his mouth to hers. Michelle struggled, but her attempt was halfhearted. The jolt of it, the way he’d lunged at her like an animal, was so thrilling that for a few stunned seconds Michelle’s indignation disappeared. But when it returned it was stronger than ever. She shoved him away.

“How dare you?” she sputtered.

“It was the only way I could think of to get you to shut up for a minute.”

Liar
, she thought.
I should quit on the spot. That would teach him a lesson
.

Esa collected himself. “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate.”

“Very.”

“But don’t you think waiting up to ambush me is inappropriate as well?”

Michelle knotted her hands in her lap. “I was furious, Esa. I’m still furious. About the message your actions sent to Nell.”

“You could have been furious at me in the morning.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Michelle shot back. “And I wanted to talk to you about it before you saw Nell.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What?”
Minnie Mouse was threatening to overtake her vocal chords. Michelle had to be careful.

Esa looked amused, which pissed her off. He thought this was a big joke?

“Do you always sound like a schoolteacher?”

“I don’t always sound like a schoolteacher.”

“You do when you talk to me. Do this, don’t do that—”

“Because you don’t pay attention!” Michelle reddened, realizing that she sounded
exactly
like a schoolteacher. Well, whose fault is that? “You say one thing, then do another. You say you want to get closer to Nell, but then when there’s an evening planned for you two to spend together, you hand her off to your friend.”

“I didn’t know tonight was one of my nights with Nell.”

“Because you don’t pay attention,” Michelle repeated gently. “If you’d checked the calendar—if you’d checked with me—you would have known that. But you didn’t. How am I supposed to interpret that?”

“That I’m busy?”

“No, that you don’t give a damn. You don’t want to look at the calendar, or talk to me about schedules, because that makes it too
real
.”

“Makes what too real?”

“The fact that Nell is here
for good
. That you’re not going to wake up one day to find it’s all been a bad dream and you can just carry on being who you were—who you are: someone with no responsibilities!”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Esa snapped.

Michelle changed the subject. “You owe Nell an apology. She was excited about spending tonight with you.”

Esa looked ashamed. “I’ll apologize to her in the morning. And again, I apologize to you, for, you know—”

“Never happened,” was Michelle’s curt response.

Esa nodded, though Michelle swore that he looked insulted for a split second.
Oh, right, the great Esa Saari. Any woman he kisses should feel grateful. Jerk.

Michelle turned her full attention to him. The fight in him, if you could call it that, was fading. Now he just looked like a man who was damn tired. But that didn’t mean she was going to let Golden Boy off the hook.

“You asked me a few things,” she said. “Since I’m such a bossy schoolteacher, mind if I
tell
you a few things?”

Esa revived a little with an amused smile that infuriated Michelle. “Go on.”

Michelle rose. “I will make your life miserable if that’s what it takes to make you give Nell all the love and attention she deserves from you. I swear to God, if you keep letting that kid down, I will kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

“I could fire you for talking like that to me. You realize that, don’t you?”

“Go ahead,” Michelle replied without hesitation. “Fire me.” He thought he could play the power card with her?

“Of course I don’t want to fire you,” Esa murmured. “It’s just that I’ve always chafed when it came to people telling me what to do.”

“That must make for some hard times for your coach.”

“It has in the past, not anymore.”

“Just to keep you in the loop, Nell is going to her friend Selma’s house tomorrow to work on a science project. She’s staying there for lunch, and then, if it’s all right with you, I thought I’d take her to meet my brother and dad. She said she’d like to see where I grew up. I thought it might be fun for her to be around a family. I’ll have her back whenever you want, and then you can go out and do whatever it is you do.”

“Michelle.”

She closed her eyes, steeling herself for another hassle. “What?”

“Why don’t I spend tomorrow night with Nell since I fucked up so badly tonight? You can do . . . whatever it is
you
do. It seems only fair.”

“Deal.”

* * *

After Michelle had
dropped Nell off at her friend Selma’s house, she had a few hours free to spend with Marcus and Hannah in the park. Unable to stop herself, she told them about Esa kissing her.

Marcus’s eyes, normally bleary even at this late hour of the morning, sparked to life. “My, my.”

“It didn’t mean anything,” said Michelle, shrugging it off.

He looked at her down the length of his nose. “Then why did you tell us about it?”

“Because it was just so weird.”

“Weird how?” Hannah pressed, sucking down some Red Bull. “Good weird or bad weird?”

“Bad weird. He was tipsy.”

“Which means he had no inhibitions, which means he was doing something he wanted to do,” said Sherlock Holmes, aka Marcus.

“Men will lunge at a tree trunk when they’re drunk, Marcus. As you know, this is a gorgeous man who bags models on a regular basis. I doubt it was something he ‘wanted to do.’”

“How long did it last?” Hannah asked.

“I don’t know!”

“Tongues?” Marcus demanded.

“No.” Michelle was getting warm just talking about it. She shouldn’t have told them. But it had plagued her the rest of the night. It wasn’t a drunken sloppy kiss, it was skilled. If it had been drunken and sloppy, she would have pushed him away right away. But she didn’t. And if she found the idea of him kissing her so awful, she would have pushed him off then, too. But again—she didn’t. Soooo . . .

“It just disturbs me,” she went on, “because there’s an employer/employee boundary—”

“Oh, shut up, Michelle.” Marcus looked bored. “He kissed you. It affected you. Now what?”

“We agreed it never happened.”

“Good idea,” said Hannah.

“I know. But it’s still going to be awkward.”

“You didn’t see him this morning?” Marcus asked.

“Briefly. He came into the kitchen, grabbed some coffee, told Nell he had something fun planned for tonight, promised her he wouldn’t be ‘a dick’ and let her down, and left to go practice. I wish he wouldn’t say things to her like ‘dick.’ I did scowl at him on that one.”

“And what was her reaction? Not to the word ‘dick’—to her suddenly magnanimous uncle promising her a night of fun?” Marcus continued sourly.

“She told him she’d rather be with me tonight,” Michelle said, feeling slightly guilty. “Not in a mean way. Just—straightforward.”

Hannah looked philosophical. “Well, it’s his own fault.”

Marcus tapped his lower lip. “So where does this leave our little Michelle?”

“In charge.”

“What if he tries to lock lips again?”

Michelle snorted. “He won’t.”

“But what if he does?”

“Then I’ll say, ‘I’ll quit if you do that again,’ and that’ll be the end of it. I mean, it is harassment.”

“You’d never quit,” said Hannah. “You’d never leave Nell.”

“Even if her uncle makes working there impossible?” Michelle countered.

“Let’s wait and see what your definition of ‘impossible’ turns out to be,” Marcus said with a purr.

“As always, you are the biggest jerk on the planet,” said Michelle.

“And damn proud of it.”

* * *

“This is a
lot different than the Tube.”

Nell’s face was alight with curiosity as she sat with Michelle on the subway. She seemed to have had a great morning. When Michelle picked her up from Selma’s she was grinning. Selma’s mother remarked on what “a lovely, polite little girl” Nell was, mentioning that she’d heard whisperings of a sleepover at some point. Michelle had no problem with that.

She looked down at Nell. Her eyes were scouring every inch of the subway car. “How’s it different?”

Nell crinkled her nose. “Dirtier, I think.”

Michelle laughed. “You’re probably right.”

She was glad her dad had come up with the idea to take Nell to meet them. Nell had no siblings, and had never known her dad. And lately, she’d shown a lot of interest in Michelle’s childhood. Michelle sensed it wouldn’t be long before they’d be talking about their mothers.

They were walking from the train station through Michelle’s old neighborhood when Nell looked up at her and asked, “Were you poor when you were little?”

The question caught Michelle completely off guard. The answer was no, but seen through Nell’s eyes, she could understand how she could think that. Nell had grown up in one of the most exclusive areas of London, and now she lived in an exclusive part of Manhattan. Another reason bringing her out to her dad’s was a smart move: she’d get to see that not everyone in the world moved in the privileged bubble of the wealthy.

“I wasn’t poor,” Michelle answered breezily. “Just regular.”

Nell nodded, but Michelle wasn’t sure if she completely understood.

Michelle felt Nell tense when they boarded the elevator up to her father’s apartment. “Don’t be nervous,” Michelle whispered in her ear. “My dad’s a big ole teddy bear and my brother is kind of a doofus. Do you have a slang word for that in British?”

“Wally,” Nell supplied with a giggle. “He’s a wally.”

Michelle opened the apartment door, greeted by a familiar scene: her brother was watching TV. She could hear her dad moving around in the kitchen.

At least her brother sat up when Michelle and Nell entered, his trademark boyish smile sliding into place. “Hey, you must be Nell. I’m Jamie.” He held out a hand for her to shake. Nell hesitated, then shook his hand, if you could call it that. They barely skimmed palms.

He leaned forward toward Nell, rolling his eyes. “Michelle boring you to death yet?”

Nell looked at Michelle uncertainly.