Hindsight (16 page)

Now, I was able to bathe her and the vet gave her all of her shots. She had been declared in excellent health. They were talking about putting her out for adoption and I was sad when the technicians had discussed it. I tried to think of Norma’s story and knew it would be best. I had given her as much as I could for right now. I would never be able to take her home.

“Hi, Charlotte!” Jane, the veterinary, came in. “Did you hear the news?”

“What news? Is she okay?” I felt alarmed by her question.

“Oh, she’s just fine!” Jane came over and started to scratch Fluffy’s head. “She’s going to be a momma.”

“A momma?” I asked in confusion. How was that even possible?

“Yup! She’s pregnant. Feel her belly,” she directed and I did.

I noticed it was firm and did seem larger. “Babies?” I asked.

“Yup! She’ll probably have them in a few weeks. Next week they’ll start to kick and you’ll be able to feel their little bodies through her fur.”

“Seriously?” I felt myself get excited at the prospect of kittens. What an amazing thing!

“Now she’ll have to stay here a little bit longer.” Jane continued to run her hands through her fur and it amazed me how far she had come.

“I’m kind of glad about that. I was just thinking of how much I would miss her.”

“Take her home!” Jane exclaimed with a smile.

I shook my head sadly. “My husband’s allergic.” It’s something I said often and always got me out of having to explain anymore. I thought that explanation was better than stating the truth,
my husband’s a dick
.

We finished talking and then I was in my car, heading home.

I felt myself thinking about Fluffy. It would be so wonderful to take her home. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to make my own decisions for once.

Someday…

  ***

As I turned onto the main road from my neighborhood, I noticed a black car with its parking lights on sitting just past the main gate into the community. I don’t know why I noticed it, but I did. I’m glad it caught my attention, because it allowed me to notice when it pulled out and began to follow me. There was a small part of me that was scared, a small part. The rest of me knew it was Tony, keeping an eye on me. I was on my way to Sean’s house and knew I had to make a detour before heading there. I needed to lose this car.

After driving to the local grocery store and circling the parking lot, heading out through the back entrance, I was able to lose him. I felt calmer after that as I made my way to see Sean.

“You’re late. Everything okay?” he asked as I walked through his front door.

The aroma of beef stroganoff hit my nose as soon as I was in the warm air of his house. I was still in awe that he always remembered the smallest things about me, like my favorite food, even though I had only told him one time during a silly game of twenty questions. It had been one of the worst nights of my life, yet Sean had made it all better with his easy talk and fun questions.

My stomach rumbled as if I hadn’t just eaten lunch with Norma earlier that day, taking over my mind and nearly making me forget his question. He knew I was always on time, if not early, and the only time I had been late in the past was when things went to shit with Tony.

“Detour. Nothing major,” I finally answered nonchalantly, not wanting to cause him to worry. I just wanted to spend a nice evening with the man I loved, eating food I loved, and not concern myself over things I couldn’t yet control.

He bent down and kissed me. I kept my lips on his, not wanting him to let up. Sean had a way with his lips that seemed to overtake all of my senses. They told me of his feelings for me before he ever admitted them out loud. With Sean, we never needed many words. We could tell each other anything through a gaze, a touch, a kiss. It was as if we had our own secret language. He knew how I was feeling before I even uttered a word. It was the way it had always been since the first day we met.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he breathed into my mouth. It was as if he were the supplier of air that I needed in order to live. I felt that way when I was around him. The instant we were reunited I never wanted to leave. I had no idea how I survived without him. I felt as if he were part of me.

I smiled against his lips and pulled back, just a bit. I wanted to see his eyes. I loved watching them brighten with love as he peered down at me. The amber color seemed to come to life. The red flecks lighting up like fire, glowing with unspoken emotion. I had first fallen in love with his expressive eyes. They had lured my soul in quickly.

“Dinner smells amazing,” I said as I broke the embrace and then followed him into the kitchen.

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t smelled you yet,” he teased.

“That’s dessert,” I kidded back and let out an easy laugh. Being with Sean let me see how things were supposed to be. He made dinner, not all the time, but when he knew I’d be coming over in the evening, he always had dinner ready for me. I helped with setting the table and we’d both sit down to eat together. It didn’t matter how the food was assorted on the plate or what napkins we set out to use. It didn’t matter that there was a pile of dishes to wash in the sink. All that mattered was that we were together. This was how it was meant to be.

I told him about my day while we ate, and then he told me about his. It seemed so normal, but in my life and with everything I had been through, it wasn’t. I treasured these moments no matter how ordinary they were. He was an accountant, so his daily life wasn’t too exciting. I’m sure mine wasn’t, either, but that didn’t stop us from discussing how our days were. We always seemed to have limitless topics to talk about, no matter how much time we spent together.

After we finished eating, we’d both clean up the kitchen. He didn’t leave me to do it while he went to another room to talk to another woman. Again, the way things were supposed to be. It left me longing to have that permanently imbedded into my life.

“I take it Tony is still gone?” he asked, drying the dishes as I handed them to him. He reached out and lightly ran a finger over the yellowed bruise around my right eye. It was his way of remembering the day I had gotten it, and what he had walked in on. We usually didn’t talk about Tony much, which was mainly my decision. I didn’t want to allow
him
into the relationship Sean and I had. I didn’t want to allow him to taint it in any way. He had already ruined everything else in my life. I didn’t want him to have a chance to ruin this as well.

I nodded.

“Have you heard from him at all?”

“Nope. Not since the day he left,” I answered without looking at him. I just wanted the Tony topic to be over with and I didn’t want to tell him the feelings I was having about being followed. It would make him worry even more and he already spent enough time worrying over me.

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Char. What is it?”

Damn him and his ability to read me whether I’m looking at him or not. I set the plate in the sink and sighed as I looked over to his worried face. I didn’t want to tell him anything that would worry him. I knew how that conversation would go. A bunch of him lecturing me on leaving, and me failing to convince him that I was. It was an endless cycle that would never end until Tony was out of the picture for good and I could finally be claimed as his for real.

“I haven’t heard from him but I think he’s having me followed,” I finally admitted.

“Followed?” he asked with fear in his expression. “What do you mean?”

“I noticed a car following me on my way here. That’s why I was a little late. I had to detour through the Piggly Wiggly parking lot.” I didn’t want to tell him about the man I had seen watching me. He had shown up before Tony left, and didn’t want to worry him even more. If he knew that, he would never let me leave. Not that I wanted to, but I knew I needed to.

“How do you know the car was following you? Maybe whoever it was just needed some groceries.”

I nodded, agreeing with his assumption. It was better that way, if he thought it was a coincidence, he wouldn’t worry needlessly. I quickly went back to the dishes in the sink hoping he would drop the subject of me being followed. It was better to let him go with that theory instead of telling him that the car had been waiting for me outside of the gate to my community, where no one ever parked or stopped their car. He needed peace of mind and I would allow him to have that. One of us needed it.

Once all of the dishes were clean and put away, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. We were standing in the middle of his kitchen, but neither of us cared. It didn’t matter where we were, we just liked to be entwined with one another. Feeling his chest against mine, having his heart beat with mine, and feeling his lips on my neck were things that would never get old. If I could spend my entire life just like that, I would in a New York minute.

Before long, his mouth was covering mine, taking over the moment and blinding me with the perfect mixture of lust and love. I needed him and could feel his need for me. We never had too many moments like these, where I had the extra time to spend with him. Most of our meetings were in a car or over the phone. Sometimes they were in public places, an accidental meet-up of sorts, but I rarely had the time to actually spend at his house for an extended period of time. I didn’t want to lose out on the opportunity to make love to him.

“Time for that dessert you promised me,” he said with a grin.

Even though I had my face pressed into the crook of his neck, I could hear the grin in his voice. It made me smile. “I never promised you any dessert,” I retorted.

“Oh, yes you did. When you first arrived and I’m going to collect.” He pulled back and looked at my face. “I’ll give you a head start. How’s five seconds?”

“Sean, I’m too tired to play your games.”

“That’s too bad. I wanted to play quite a bit.” He sulked and then started to smile. “One, Two—”

I squealed and took off running, hearing him behind me. I laughed as he nearly grabbed me.

When I reached his bedroom, he grabbed me in a bear hug and threw us both on his bed. Both of us in fits of laughter.

***

“I love you, Char,” he whispered to my lips two hours later as I was leaving his house. He held me in his arms against my car door, saying goodbye for the night.

“I love you more, Sean,” I said back with my arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to me. I never wanted to let him go. I never wanted to take my arms or my lips away from him. But I knew that if I were being watched, as I felt in my bones that I was, I needed to get back home at a reasonable time. Sleepovers were too risky.

“Call me when you get home. I want to talk to you in bed.” He winked at me.

I knew what that meant. He was going to get me all hot and bothered as part of my punishment for not staying the night with him.

I smiled as I got in the car and headed home, enjoying the feeling of his body still on mine. I hadn’t taken a shower before leaving his house. I had told him it was because I didn’t want anyone seeing me get out of my car with wet hair, in the event someone was watching, but that wasn’t the truth. The truth was that I needed to feel him on me a little bit longer. I needed to feel the dried sweat on my skin, the places that still burned from his lips, and the tingling that still hummed through me from his touch. I wanted to sleep with him still on me even if I wasn’t able to spend the night with him. It was the next best thing.

His loving words echoed in my head as I drove mindlessly home. He never needed to tell me that he loved me, I could hear it in any word he spoke and felt it in every move he made, but he still told me anyway. His love was evident in every way he treated me, yet when he told me those three magic words, they sent my heart soaring. I loved to hear those words, but he also said it in other words. He said it when he told me he wanted to be with me forever, when he explained in detail what he would do to me the day I officially became his. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. It felt right in every fiber of my being. He told me he loved me in his actions by paying explicit attention to the things he did to me.

I had never, in my life, felt the way that Sean made me feel. The butterflies roared in my belly whenever he was near. They wouldn’t let up! It was if they were telling me I was stupid for leaving him and going back to Tony.

Those three little words meant so much to me, but not as much as all the other things that encompassed our relationship.

Our relationship may not be able to last for an eternity, at this moment, which was what I wanted, but I was still able to carry those things with me for a long while. I could feel him, hear him, and see him even when he wasn’t right there.

I concentrated on that because that’s all that mattered.

November 24th, 2014