Hillary_Flesh and Blood (34 page)

“
I just have to get home, Hillary, please...please just step aside.
”

“
Are you sure that
’
s all it is?
”

Kathy nodded quickly, anxiously. She felt dizzy, her legs weak. Would she even be able to walk?

Hillary stepped aside reluctantly. Even though her mother had clearly gotten sick, she knew deep down it wasn
’
t just from the smell. Nor was it a stomach bug or flu. She knew.

Kill her....

“
You have to walk, Joshua,
”
Kathy said softly as she lowered Joshua to the ground against his rambunctious protest. He kicked and screamed on the ground, stretching his arms out to Kathy.

“
I
’
ve got him, Mom, you walk ahead.
”

“
No!
”
Kathy shouted
impetuously
,
“
I can manage.
”

She quickly scooped Joshua up and walked toward the house without looking back
.

She knows...she needs to die....

It
’
s all Joshua
’
s fault,
Hillary
thought,
he ruined everything, that little piece of shit. I
’
ll make him suffer for this. I
’
ll make him pay....

She followed behind her mother as she thought of her brother
—
that whiny micro version of her nasty father. She would have nearly as much fun with him as she was having with Caleigh.

Even more fun,
the voice corrected her, and Hillary, eyes brimming with hatred, slowly nodded her assent.

~14~

Kathy went back to ignoring Hillary. Hillary had pestered her at home several times, trying to figure out exactly why she had gotten so upset. She knew deep down that the pile of rotting flesh had somehow confirmed her suspicions. After all the effort she had put into assuaging her doubts, Joshua had to go and make a big fuss in front of the disgusting heap, drawing their mother
’
s attention right to it.

Hillary was almost too disappointed to eat. Almost. Despite the catastrophic afternoon, she was famished. While her mother and Joshua were upstairs, she lingered downstairs and ate one of the sandwiches. Then another. Then threw everything up. Was it just nerves? A stomach virus? Maybe there
really
was something going around and she and her mother both had it. Maybe that
’
s all it was, maybe her mother
’
s suspicions
hadn’t been
restored by the maggot-ridden mess on the ground.

Hillary didn
’
t see her mother again until dinnertime. She had stayed upstairs with Joshua the entire afternoon.

“
Are you feeling better?
”
Hillary asked, as she followed her mother into the kitchen.

Kathy nodded, keeping her eyes lowered. It was a clear sign that something more than gastrointestinal troubles was bothering her.

Joshua was making noise with his toys in the family room.

“
Did I do something wrong?
”
Hillary asked.

“
No,
”
Kathy replied curtly, still avoiding eye contact with Hillary.

“
Then why are you acting like that?
”
Hillary persisted.

“
I just don
’
t feel well,
”
Kathy lied.

“
It
’
s more than that....
”

“
No, really. I just need to get dinner started,
”
Kathy answered, turning her back to Hillary as she reached for a bag of potatoes.

“
Do you need help?
”

Kathy just shook her head.

“
Don
’
t use all of the potatoes,
”
Hillary said, reminding her mother that she would be cooking dinner the followin
g
night.

Kathy did not respond. With shaky hands, she began peeling potatoes.

Hillary exhaled loudly in exaggeration before leaving the kitchen.

Kill her...she knows...you have to kill her....

Hillary
’
s heart raced. Had it really come to that? She had no qualms about killing her father, in fact, rather enjoyed it, but her mother? She had always loved her mother.

She didn
’
t help you...she didn
’
t protect you...she didn
’
t even believe you,
the voice taunted.

Hillary shook her head as she ran to the bathroom downstairs and threw up again.

Nerves,
she thought anxiously,
it
’
s just nerves.

Hillary kept telling herself that
’
s all it was...nerves, stoma
ch bug, something reasonable…
something she could deal with. Yet, she was beginning to suspect something else, something vile and unacceptable. Her breasts were tender and sore. She was now
over
a week late with her menstrual period. The thought of her father
’
s demon growing within her like a cancer just made her want to throw up even more. No, it couldn
’
t be that. It just couldn
’
t be.... It was just nerves. Or a stomach bug. That
’
s all it was....

Hillary rinsed her mouth quickly then walked into the family room. Joshua was still playing with his train set. He had other toys strewn across the carpet. Hillary kicked a stuffed rhinoceros out of her way as she walked to the couch.

“
Bad Hillry,
”
Joshua scolded her on his way to get his dingy rhino.

“
Stop making such a mess,
”
Hillary retorted.

“
My toys!
”
Joshua yelled
.
“D
on
’
t touch, Hillry!
”

“
Shut up!
”
Hillary shouted, wanting to be left alone. She had too much on her mind. She needed to think about things. She needed to do some planning.

“
You shut up!
”
Joshua
argued
back.

Hillary stared at him with fierce loathing. She hated that little trouble-making pest. Sh
e had loved him once, long
ago, back when life made sense. Now she hated him nearly as much as she hated her father. That
’
s who he w
as, just a smaller carbon copy…
a seedling waiting to reap the same misery onto another innocent girl
—
maybe even his own daughter. Hillary would break the vicious, abhorrent cycle. She would never let him grow big enough to hurt anyone. She would hurt him first....

“
Stop lookin
’
at me,
”
Joshua commanded, balling his little fists and stomping his foot in frustration.

It made Hillary laugh out loud to see his feeble attempt at ordering her around. She laughed loudly, exaggeratedly, mocking him.

“
Stop laughing,
”
he yelled.

Hillary continued laughing, pointing at him degradingly.

“
Stop!
”
he shouted then
began
to cry.

Long tears slid down his chubby, reddening cheeks. Hillary continued laughing at him, taunting him further.

“
Mooommm-meeeeee,
”
he wailed, rubbing his eyes.

“
You
’
d better learn to be a good boy, Joshua,
”
Hillary said menacingly. She stopped laughing a
nd
glared at him malignantly.

“
Mooommm-meeeeee,
”
Joshua cried out loudly.

Kathy came running into the room as if she expected to find Hillary murdering her little boy. Hillary could actually hear the sigh of relief and see the tension leave her face when she realized that Joshua was fine, just upset.

“
What
’
s the matter, baby?
”
she asked as she pulled him up and hugged him tight.

“
Hilllll-reeee,
”
he whimpered
pitifully
, without elaborating.

“
It
’
s okay, sweetie, come keep M
ommy
company in the kitchen.
”

Without glancing over at Hillary or acknowledging her in any way, Kathy left the room with Joshua in her arms.

“
It
’
s okay,
”
Hillary muttered under her breath,
“
don
’
t worry
‘
bout me, I
’
m fine.
”

She doesn
’
t care about you....

Hillary believed it. How often had her mother made that
crystal
clear?

Kill them...kill them both,
the voice hissed nastily.

This time, Hillary didn
’
t find the idea all that
appalling
.

Dinnertime was a long, awkward silence for twenty-five
full
minutes. Even Joshua was atypically quiet and less fidgety. After Hillary had eaten and could no longer stand the tension, she carried her dish to the kitchen, nearly breaking it as she dropped it into the sink before storming to the couch. She just wanted to run up to her room and be left alone, but she had to make sure her mother didn
’
t wander down to the basement. Playing night guard had grown old but she needed to
continue being
careful, especially now that her mother was on to her. She changed the channel to some obnoxious pre-teen show she used to enjoy once upon a time. It really didn
’
t matter much what
show illuminated
the television
screen
, she had too much on her mind to care.

Kathy took Joshua upstairs with her after she was done filling the dishwasher, washing a couple of the pots by hand and wiping down the counters. By then Joshua had gotten on her last nerve whining about wanting to go into the family room to play with his train. She didn
’
t believe that Hillary would do anything to Joshua, but she preferred to have him close to her, just in case. Her instincts weren
’
t always too keen.

Though she had been so sure that the decaying matter out in the woods had been a human body part
—
Michael
’
s
body part
—
she now doubted herself and was feeling guilty about giving Hillary the cold shoulder. She had been so excited about the picnic. Everything was great
—
despite their missing family members. They had connected, had begun to bond again, and now everything was worse than ever. She had thought about apologizing but still needed to think about things. She would wait another day. Tomorrow was Mother
’s Day. S
he would try to work things out then. Maybe.

It was
one of those
long, sleepless night
s
for Kathy. She tossed and turned, haunted by images of decaying flesh. At some point during the night, she dreamed that Hillary killed Michael and that she
had
helped her chop him into pieces with an axe. She awoke with a start, sweating profusely. After she had fallen back to sleep, she dreamed that Michael was a bloody, maggot-covered corpse that came to her in the night. He forced himself upon her and kissed her on the mouth. His slimy, decaying tongue fell off into her mouth and slithered down her throat, gagging her. Kathy woke, crying out in fear, something she hadn
’
t done since she was a
young
child. Her heart was hammering rapidly. She was so
spook
ed out
that
she
had to turn
on her bedroom light.

Kathy sat up in bed for the remainder of the night. She wanted to clear her mind, not think about Hillary, but once again, she was all she could think about...and Michael...then Caleigh. She felt as if she had made all of the wrong decisions for too long and now it was too late. Her fate had been sealed.

Over and over again her instincts begged her to turn to the police; let them handle it, let them sort things out. But for more than one reason she refused to listen to that nagging gut feeling. For one thing, she feared that the dirty, deep, dark secret would be revealed and she would surely be implicated for not reporting Michael. Second, she loved Hillary, despite her trepidation, despite her reservations. Hillary was her daughter, her first-born child. She didn
’
t want to see anything bad happen to her. She had loved Michael, but when it came down to it, if Hillary killed him, he got what he deserved, really. It was Caleigh
’
s
disappearance
that troubled her. Would Hillary hurt her own sister? Where was she? What had she done to her?

Clearly, Hillary was not going to be forthcoming. Kathy had tried taking that route
—
asking her directly. Hillary had denied having any involvement in the disappearance of her father and sister. She in
sisted that they had just left,
had taken off together. That just didn
’
t make sense to Kathy, even though she had noticed many of their belongings missing. Why would Michael leave without his cell phone?

The same questions plagued Kathy
’
s brain. No matter how she tried to rationalize their vanishing, nothing made sense. She had a splitting headache. It hurt so much to think, yet she couldn
’
t shut off her brain. She wanted to sleep, yet she didn
’
t want to dream. So Kathy passed the hours wallowing in misery, afraid of her past, present and future...afraid of always being weak and powerless and insignificant, afraid of the
truth and the lies...afraid…j
ust afraid.