Highland Wolf (22 page)

“Did she take the child with her?”

“Nay, the wee lass is in the village living with a fine family who lost what few children they had and wanted her. It was best for all concerned as this woman would ne’er stop being a whore, although she bluntly says she prefers to be a rich mon’s mistress and intends to find herself such a mon ere she loses her good looks.”

James shook his head. “The mon had a lot of secrets.”

“Aye, and he made sure that nearly every one of them went to the grave with the people who kenned about them. There must have been some bond between him and Egan or that mon would probably have been dead ere he reached full manhood.”

“I suspicion we will hear more of those as the years pass. He is dead now and tongues will loosen. All of it can only help me. I may now be widely declared as innocent and the sentence of outlaw lifted, but the blacker MacKay appears the more clear my innocence is.” He nudged Tormand the rest of the way out of the door and then started walking toward Annora’s bedchamber. “Now ’tis time to have a word with my lady.”

“I expect to be able to toast your coming marriage at the meal this evening.”

James hoped Tormand would be doing just that but he admitted to himself that he was feeling unsure and nervous. He knew Annora would not share the bed of just any man who could kiss her and touch her in a way she liked. He knew she shared the fierce passion and need he had for her. What he was not sure of was how deep all of that went into her heart and if those urges were born of the sort of feelings one could build a marriage on. What he wanted was for Annora to love him. The next time he took a wife to his bed he wanted to know that she was his in body, in heart, in mind, and in soul.

Annora sighed and sat down on her bed. She knew she ought to be leaving Dunncraig, but she kept finding little reasons to stay just a little longer. There really were none left. James was healed, Dunncraig was running smoothly, the shadows Donnell had
filled Dunncraig Keep with were nearly all dispersed, and Meggie was happy beyond words that James was her father. There really was no need for her to linger except to prolong the pain of leaving James and little Meggie.

She would probably even have to leave Mungo behind, she thought and felt tears sting her eyes as she patted her cat’s head, for her kinsmen would think it foolish for her to have a pet. “I am such a foolish, foolish woman,” she murmured.

Mungo meowed softly and butted at her hand.

Realizing she had stopped petting him, she began to scratch lightly behind his ears. “I love James, Mungo. I love him with my whole heart. The mon is as necessary to me as the air I breathe. But I have to leave him. He is a laird of a fine family and a host of allies gained through the family who took him into their home and their hearts. Many of those allies have power and influence at court, too. A poor, landless bastard is nay the sort of wife a laird like Sir James Drummond takes to wife.”

The cat rolled over onto his back in a silent plea to have his belly scratched.

“I ken that ye are little interested in the trials and tribulations of mere people, Mungo, but ye could at least feign a little sympathy.” She scratched the cat’s belly. “I just need to decide where to go and what kinsmon to inflict myself upon next. I would like it to be one who isnae so verra far away from Dunncraig as I want to be able to see how Meggie fares.”

Thinking of Meggie, Annora found she could smile. The child had accepted James as her father with no question at all, her delight in him plain for all to see. There was a rapport between James and Meggie that had been visible from the very beginning when they had all thought he was a wood-carver named Rolf Larousse Lavengeance.

Annora grimaced as she thought of that name. The words of his name meant wolf, red, and vengeance. She should have taken the time to think on that James had not been so very subtle in his choice of that name. If Donnell had taken some time from spending money and bedding women to learn a few things, he would have seen it, too.

“He took a great risk using that foolish name,” she muttered. “There could easily have been someone at Dunncraig who knew French and was a close ally of Donnell’s or my Cousin could actually have taken some time to learn more than he kenned, small as that was. ’Tis also odd that I have dreamt of a ruddy wolf with green eyes since James was sent running for his life.

“’Tis fate dial I am here and I met him, I suppose. That is what my dream was trying to say, what it was leading me toward. I just wish it had shown me how to help him and Meggie and yet nay lose my heart to either of them.” She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and forced the rest back down. “I ken that good has been done and all that, but I wish fate could have chosen someone else to have a hand in it all. Fate is a cruel mistress to send me somewhere to help in my small way and then make me love the ones I have helped only to rip me away from them again.”

Mungo suddenly sat up, then leapt off the bed and padded to the door. He sat there and stared at the door but did not yowl as he always did to let her know that he wanted out of the room. She was going to miss her cat, she thought as she stood up and walked to the door. He had been her close companion at Dunncraig since Donnell had allowed her to make no friends.

“And now that I have the chance to make a true place for myself here, to make some friends, I have to leave,” she muttered as she opened the door.

“And why do ye think ye have to leave?”

For the space of one heartbeat Annora considered slamming the door in James’ face and barring it. He must have seen that thought in her expression, for he gently but firmly pushed her back and after letting Mungo leave, shut the door and barred it himself. Leaving him inside her bedchamber, just where she did not want him. It was dangerous to her heart and her peace of mind to be alone with the man, especially in a bedchamber.

And especially since he was looking so very handsome, she thought, unable to resist the temptation to look him over very thoroughly. She told herself that she was just making sure that he was healthy enough to be standing there frowning at her and herself laughed heartily at that big lie. With his golden red hair and his fine clothes he looked like the laird he truly was, a man ready to take over the rule of his lands and mayhap build a power of his own through allies and friends.

And a good marriage, she thought and hastily turned away from him. Annora suddenly found the sight of him painful, for it only made her all too aware of how far apart they were. She had begun to try and put some distance between them in the hope that it would ease her heartbreak when she left, but seeing him now let her know that that was a very stupid plan. He was a part of her and simply not looking at him did nothing to cure her of that.

When she felt his hands on her shoulders, she tensed. Annora prayed he was not going to try to make love to her. To have a taste of all she craved while knowing she could not really claim it as her own would be more painful than she cared to even think about.

“Annora, what is wrong?”

James turned her stiff body around and pulled her into his arms. She stayed tense as he held her and rubbed her slim back with his hands. He began to feel afraid that she had already cut him out of her heart even though he was not sure why she would do so.

“I am pleased to see that ye are fully healed,” Annora said, fighting the urge to cuddle up against him and breathe deeply of his clean, crisp scent.

“I cannae tell that by the way ye stand like an iron poker in my arms,” he drawled, “but if ye say ’tis so, I must believe it, aye?”

She tried desperately to shield herself, but she found herself open to his feelings despite all her efforts. He was confused, uneasy, and nervous. Annora’s eyes widened slightly as she sensed something else. He was afraid and there was the beginning stir of a pain he fought against feeling. A tiny spark of hope came to life in her heart and she tried not to be seduced by it. Yet, the feelings she could sense in him hinted at more than just desire and respect.

“Aye,” she whispered, relaxing a little in his hold. “Believe it.”

He leaned back a little and cupped her face in his hands, turning it up until he could look in her eyes. The fact that she had slipped her arms around his waist and had not moved away made him feel a little less uneasy, but there was such sadness and confusion in her eyes, he knew he had a battle ahead of him. Since he did not know what was causing her to feel that way, he was not sure he was going to do or say the right things, the things that might change that sad, confused look in her beautiful eyes to one of love and happiness.

“Ye are planning to leave us, arenae ye, Annora?”

She blushed, feeling strangely guilty. “Aye. Ye are healed now and have all ye lost
returned to ye. ’Tis time ye began to live your life as a laird again.”

“And ye want no part of that?”

“I cannae stay here as Meggie’s nurse anymore. Things will be changing now. Ye will have to work hard to remake treaties with your neighbors and I ken that ye need to establish yourself a little at the court so that ye are kenned weel and trusted by the men with the power. And—”

He kissed her, putting all his need for her into the kiss. For a brief moment she resisted, but the passion he so loved in her rose up and she softened in his arms, returning his kiss. Although he did not have her gift for sensing what others felt, he could almost taste the desperation and the sadness in her kiss. James began to have the feeling that Annora was doing what she thought was best for everyone, not what she truly wanted to do.

“Nay!” she cried suddenly and wrenched out of his hold. “We cannae do that anymore. Ye are the laird again. Did ye nay tell me that the Murrays taught ye nay to make lemans of the servant girls?”

“Annora, ye are nay my leman!” he said, torn between shock and anger. “When did I e’er give ye the idea that ye were just my leman?”

“Weel, what else would I be? Am I nay your lover?”

“My lover and my love.”

“Nay, James, I cannae be your love,” she whispered, desperately wanting to believe him and yet knowing even if he told the truth that there could be no future for them.

“Why?” James feared that he had been wrong, that her passion for him was simply that, passion, and it did not reach into her heart. “Are ye telling me that ye dinnae want any more from me than a few turns atween the sheets?”

Annora blushed, as much from anger as from embarrassment over his crude words. She was about to respond in anger but then hesitated. The feelings coming from him were strong and they made her wonder if she had been wrong. There was hurt and fear inside James and she had no doubt that she was the cause of both of those emotions. There was also something else, something strong and warm that she dared not put a name to.

For just a minute she considered doing or saying something that would make him leave and then she would flee Dunncraig. The cowardice prompting that thought was enough to appall her and she stiffened her backbone. She was done with being a coward. There might be a lot of pain ahead for her if she forced this conversation to continue, but she would do it. When and if she did leave Dunncraig she did not want to do so with a lot of unanswered questions.

“If I was that sort of woman I wouldnae have been a virgin, would I?” she said calmly.

“Annora,” he said in a softer voice, fighting to calm the fear growing inside him, a fear that caused him to lash out with angry words, “I have ne’er thought of ye as my leman.” He cautiously put his hands on her shoulders again. “If I was all that sort, would I have kept pushing Mab away? So much easier for me to have just let her have her way if all I sought was a good sweaty rutting.”

That was true, she thought, and then grimaced. “I wasnae so verra hard to seduce, James, though it shames me to say so.”

“Considering how quickly and fiercely I wanted ye, it seemed like a verra long
time to me.” His fear eased just a little when she smiled fleetingly. “It was just ye that I wanted e’en though I kenned it was nay a good time to go a-wooing.”

“A-wooing?” she whispered, her heart pounding with a renewed hope.

“Aye, lass. I ken the circumstances didnae make it seem as though that was what I was doing, but it was. Annora”—he pulled her into his arms and breathed a sigh of relief when there was no tension in her body this time—” I need ye. I need ye to stay here with me. I need ye to keep the darkness from my soul.”

He kissed her and she melted in his arms. He had not spoken of marriage or a future, but at that moment, she did not care. The words he had said had banished all of her resistance. Annora knew he had not said he loved her exactly, but she could not understand what else all his sweet words could mean.

“Annora-mine,” he said in a thick, hoarse voice as he kissed her throat.

“Aye, I feel die same. Tis like a fever.”

He said nothing else as he rapidly rid them of their clothes. Annora was amazed that she could laugh as he nearly threw her down on the bed and then fell on top of her. The need possessing her was so great and so fierce, laughter seemed to have no part in what was about to happen between them. Yet, she also felt such joy to be back in his arms that she supposed laughter was a fitting response. And then he began to make fierce love to her and without another thought she gave herself over to the passion they shared.

When James finally thrust inside her he groaned with the force of the pleasure he felt. “This is where I belong,” he said as he leaned down to kiss her while he moved in and out of her body. “This is what I need.”

“I need it, too, James. I fear I always will.”

“Ne’er fear that, my love.”

She clung to him as he rode her with a ferocity that they both seemed to need. Annora wrapped her arms and legs around him and held on tight as he drove them to passion’s summit with a speed that was exhilarating. The release that tore through her was so fierce and beautiful she nearly screamed out his name. She also screamed out how much she loved him. The flare of concern over that confession did not last long as she was overcome by the joy only James could bring her.

James washed them both clean of the remnants of their passion and then cautiously slipped into bed beside an ominously silent Annora. The only thing that kept his fears from returning in full force was the memory of the words she had yelled when her release had held her in its grip. She had said she loved him. Whatever else troubled her and had her thinking to leave Dunncraig, he felt sure he could overcome.

“What troubles ye, love?” he asked as he tugged her into his arms.

“Ah, James, ye are a laird again.”

“And that is what troubles ye? Ye dinnae like the fact that I can provide for ye?”

“Nay, that isnae it. I am bastard born—” she began but he ended her speech with a hard kiss.

“I dinnae care about your birth. I dinnae care if ye have lands or coin or an old auntie who talks to the birds.” He smiled faintly when she laughed. “Ye are mine, Annora.”

“Donnell bled Dunncraig nearly dry, James. There is so much that needs to be fixed and replaced. Ye need a fine rich wife with lands and powerful relations.”

He pushed until she was lying sprawled beneath him and then he placed his hands
on either side of her face. “I need ye, Annora. And ye need me. Are ye going to deny that ye said ye loved me?”

“Nay, I cannae, can I? I screamed it like a banshee. But I am sure ye can find other women who would love ye as I do.” Annora did not think she had ever said anything as difficult as that, for the very last thing she wanted to think of during her lonely future was James being loved and loving another woman.

“I am glad to hear that ye nearly choked on those words. Are ye nay heeding what I am saying, woman? I need ye. Ye are the other half of me.” He almost smiled when her eyes began to widen and he realized he needed to be more exact in what he said about how he felt. “I love ye, Annora. I love ye as I have ne’er loved anyone else and will ne’er love again as I love ye. Now do ye understand? Ye are my mate, my perfect match.”

Afraid she was going to burst into tears before she could make everything perfectly clear, she asked in a voice that was so soft and unsteady it was nearly a whisper, “Are ye saying ye wish to marry me?” She blushed, a little afraid that she had mistaken his words and just thoroughly humiliated herself.

“Aye, lass, I am, in my crude way. I will admit that the moment I kenned ye were my mate, I just assumed we would be marrying once all the trouble with MacKay was settled. I apologize for that arrogance. So, Annora MacKay, will ye marry me?”

“Oh, James, are ye verra sure? Ye could do so much better than me for a wife.”

“Nay, I couldnae. I already tried marrying the sort of woman everyone felt was perfect for a laird, havenae I? And we see how weel that worked.”

“Did ye think Mary was your mate?”

“Never. I was but weary of looking for my mate and I wanted the family, the bairns, and all of that. I also have ne’er liked, weel, the sort of things a mon does to sate his manly hungers. I wanted a loving woman in my bed, one I didnae have to worry about getting with child or paying in the morning. I wanted one who could give me that something special that changes rutting into making love.”

“And ye got Mary,” she said, feeling sorry for him for just a moment.

“Aye, and a great deal of trouble, but I cannae regret all of that. In the end it brought ye into my arms. Now, tell me, lass. Are ye meaning to stay here? Will ye marry me and have my bairns?”

“Oh, aye. I cannae do aught else as I love ye and it was killing me slowly to think of leaving ye. I just hope your family doesnae think too poorly of your choice.”

“They will love ye because ye love me.”

“I hope it is just that simple.”

It was just that simple, Annora thought a few hours later as she was enthusiastically welcomed to the family by a grinning Tormand and a few of James’ cousins. All they seemed to care about was that James was openly happy, grinning much like a fool in fact, and she would shyly confess to loving him whenever anyone asked. There was only one small impediment, she mused as she looked around for Meggie.

“She is o’er by the window looking a wee bit cross,” said James.

“Did ye tell her that ye had asked Annora to marry ye and nay just stay here?” asked Tormand as he waved to his niece, who gave him a rather wan wave back.

“Nay, I suppose that was a mistake,” said James.

“I think ye best speak to her now and make your most sincere apologies ere the
official announcement is made. She has probably heard something already and that is why she is looking so cross.”

Annora nodded and took James by the hand. “I think Tormand may be right. We didnae tell her our plans to be married or e’en let her ken that ye had asked me ere ye announced it to everyone else. She could be feeling a wee bit hurt by that.”

The sulky greeting they got as they reached Meggie told Annora that the child was indeed hurt by not being told of Annora’s plan to marry James, at least before everyone was in the great hall celebrating the news. “I am sorry I didnae come and tell ye, Meggie. I fear I was just so excited and, weel, stunned a wee bit that I didnae think of anything except James and getting married.”

Meggie stared at her and then at James for a minute and then she rolled her eyes. “Ye mean ye just got all silly because of a handsome mon.”

“That says it quite nicely. Aye, I got silly o’er your verra handsome da.”

“Aye, I suspicion he is handsome,” Meggie said cautiously, her gaze fixed upon James, “but were ye nay married to my mother?”