Hiding In His Dreams (13 page)

The questions zipped through his mind,
overloading it, making it shut down like an overworked
computer.

The exhaustion made him fall
asleep.

* * * * *

That night, he dreamt that he was in a
vast cornfield in the evening. The stalks towered high above him,
swaying in the wind. When he looked up, he realized that the sky
was a sooty black, and had no stars.

He took a step forward, and looked into
the cornfield. In the middle, a figure with long flowing brown hair
waved to him, then beckoned to him. There was something about the
figure that was familiar and attractive. He was drawn to
her.

He took another step forward, then
another. He broke into a sprint, dashing through the cornstalks.
The wind picked up, battering his face and giving off an
ear-splitting whistle.

The figure in the middle glanced around
frantically, the wind whipping her hair.

Before Luke could take a good look at
her, the wild breeze scooped her up, and sent her soaring through
the air.

Luke looked around himself. The
cornstalks closed in on him, threatening to swallow him up. He
panicked, and screamed bloody murder.

* * * * *

When Luke woke up in the morning, he
felt like he had lain in bed awake for hours. He got up to get
ready for work. His eyes felt heavy and he was groggy. He looked
out the window. The day was overcast. The clouds had invaded the
whole sky.

Luke vaguely recalled his dream. He was
in some sort of maze, and Alyssa was there. He did not remember
what happened exactly, but he remembered the feeling of it. A
feeling of frustration. He wanted to get something, but he could
not get to it.

He got up. The first thing Luke did was
go into the living room and remove the three portraits of cherry
blossoms that Alyssa had left behind. He put them in his closet,
then closed the door.

* * * * *

When he arrived at work, he immediately
began pouring over all the documents that were awaiting his
consultation.

Sabban Entertainment, a record label,
wanted to acquire several independents labels. If he successfully
brokered this deal, he would surely make Full Manager.

As he perused through the files, the
word ‘bodies’ caught his eye.

Sabban Entertainment would
like to acquire several independent
bodies
and would like to consult with
your company to determine the best possible course of
action….

Body, he thought. Alyssa’s body was
still in the hospital. Her mother had asked him to go take a
look.

For what? He thought. I already know
what Alyssa looks like.

Her mother had mentioned that she would
be holding a service for Alyssa next week. Did he want to go to
that?

She’s already dead, he thought. A
service would not bring her back.

At lunch, he purchased a slice of
lasagna at the café down in the lobby of the building. It was
ground chicken with alternating layers of sautéed vegetables. His
favorite food. And exactly the same kind that Alyssa used to make
for him.

Luke cut the slice into bite-size
pieces, then stuffed them into his mouth. He put more and more in,
until his mouth could hold no more.

Each bite brings me closer to Alyssa,
he thought. Maybe if I ate enough, I could bring her
back.

He felt his stomach expand, like a
balloon filled to the brim. He ate until he thought his stomach
would explode, but he kept right on stuffing himself anyway. Some
of the food would not go into his full mouth, so they fell like a
cascade onto his plate.

Finally, the tears came, all at once,
drowning him in a flashflood.

He saw the server gawk at him, but he
could not stop.

* * * * *

After lunch, Luke returned to his
office, desperate to concentrate on his documents.

There was a knock on the door, and Mike
stuck his face in.

“
Hey Luke. Haven’t talked in
a while. What are you up to?” Mike sauntered in without being
invited.

Luke tried to wipe away his tears, but
it was too late.

Mike’s normally cheerful face grew
concerned. “Hey, sorry man. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Luke debated whether to tell his friend
to beat it, but decided not to. After all, he could use a
friend.

“
No, it’s fine,” he said,
his voice cracking, He cleared his throat.

“
Is something
wrong?”

“
No, nothing.”

Mike put a hand on Luke’s shoulder.
“Hey, you can tell me.”

Luke opened his mouth but could not say
it. Saying it would confirm reality.

“
Is it Alyssa?” Mike asked.
“Is she OK?”

“
Yeah, she’s
fine.”

Mike gave him an unconvinced
look.

Luke knew he could not lie to Mike
anymore.
He shook his head, and was surprised no tears appeared in his eyes.
“Alyssa hit her head on the pavement. There was a hemorrhage. She
passed away yesterday.”

“
Oh my god. I’m so sorry,”
Mike said. He put his hand to his mouth, his eyes
widening.

For a while, they stood there in
silence, Mike’s hand still awkwardly placed on Luke’s
shoulder.

“
I don’t really know what to
say,” Mike said. “Except that my mother passed away from a stroke a
couple months ago. I know it’s not the same, but you know what
helped me cope? I asked myself why I loved her, and that made me
feel better.”

Luke thought about it. Why did he love
Alyssa?

He knew exactly why.

“
Why do I love her?” Luke
began. “Imagine if all your senses were gone, except for audition.
Close your eyes, right now.”

Mike and Luke both did.

“
You can’t see, smell,
taste, hell, you can’t even touch,” Luke continued. “All you could
do is listen. Every day, all you hear is boring white noise. Noisy
chatter in restaurants. Rumble of traffic. Drilling at construction
sites.”

Outside, they heard the persistent
drone of the traffic and a construction drill whirring.

“
Then, one day,” Luke
continued, “You’re listening to the waves of the ocean. They sound
like the most beautiful ballad in the world, sung by one of those
great female singers, like Celine Dion.”

Luke opened his eyes. Mike still had
his closed.

“
Alyssa was the beautiful
power ballad in my life. And she taught me to appreciate
ballads.”

Mike finally opened his eyes. “That
was…pretty amazing. Listen, if you want to talk, I’m here for
you.”

Luke’s answer to Mike’s question
surprised even himself. He did not realize he was that poetic, or
that he was capable of such an answer in his daze. Maybe it had
always been there in his mind, waiting for him to express
it.

Mike turned around and was about to
leave when he turned back. “I hope that helped you,” he
added.

It did not, Luke thought. It really did
not.

* * * * *

Luke stood in the hallway of
the 15
^th
floor of the office building, waiting for the elevator. When
the elevator did open, he did not notice it, but stood there,
staring into space.

The doors of the elevator closed, but
not before he caught a glimpse of someone who looked eerily like
Alyssa. Same long brown hair with light brown streaks. Same height.
Same facial features.

He pounded on the
Call Car
button, but it
was too late.

He had to find her before she
disappeared.

Luke decided to take the stairs. He
raced down all fifteen flights and arrived on the ground floor,
huffing and puffing. He surveyed the lobby, but apart from an old
security guard, no one was there.

He sprinted through the lobby, and
pushed open the door. A cold draft engulfed him right
away.

He glanced left, then right.

On his right was a woman with long
brown hair strolling down the street.

It was her. He was sure it was the
woman he had seen in the elevator.

Luke raced toward the woman. He was so
close. He could almost reach out and feel her.

When he finally caught up to the woman,
he tapped her lightly on the shoulders.

“
Alyssa,” he said, still
huffing. “Wait up, Alyssa.”

The woman stopped, and Luke felt his
excitement rising. Alyssa can’t be dead, he thought. I just saw her
the day before yesterday. This must all be some sick joke or a
dream.

The woman turned around, looking at him
expectedly.

It was the woman he had seen in the
elevator. But it was not Alyssa. Luke had never seen this woman
before.

The lady leaned forward.
“Yes?”

Luke stood there, unable to think of
what to say. The woman waited a while, then frowned, turned around
and walked away.

Luke felt his legs give in. He
collapsed on the street, gasping for air.

He lay there for a little while, and
then picked himself up. He had to see Alyssa’s body for himself. He
had to see for himself that she was really dead.

* * * * *

When he arrived at Vancouver General
Hospital, the emergency room was completely empty. The same redhead
male nurse was seated at the triage nurse’s desk.

Luke approached. “I need to see a body.
Alyssa Hansen.”

“
And who are you?” the nurse
asked.

“
Her fiancé,” Luke replied.
It was the second time that he had the exact same exchange with the
nurse. This time, though, Luke’s answer was surer than
before.

“
I’m so sorry,” the male
nurse said.

The nurse led him to the bright morgue.
A blast of cool air hit them as soon as they stepped
inside.

Luke squinted and looked around at all
the compartments. He had like he was in a police interrogation
room. He had the sudden urge to turn back and run away, back to the
safety and comfort of his apartment.

The nurse led him to the middle of the
morgue and pulled out a compartment, revealing a body covered in a
white cloth.

“
This is her,” he said.
“Alyssa Hansen. Died of a subdural hematoma.”

The nurse lifted the white
sheet.

Luke squeezed his eyes shut, his heart
racing.

This is it, he thought. If it’s her,
then she’s really dead.

He finally opened his eyes.

It was Alyssa. He could recognize that
face anywhere.

It was no joke. It was really
her.

Her eyes were closed, her hair was
limp, her face and lips were both pale, bordering on
blue.

He reached down and put a hand on her
cheek. Icy cold.

He then reached for her hand, and held
it for a long time. Her freezing hand nearly burned his, but he
held on anyway.

I was not there for her when she
succumbed, he thought.

He wondered what she was thinking when
she knew she did not have long. Did she regret leaving him? Did she
regret not having tried harder at their relationship before giving
up? Was she thinking of him when she died? Was she going to meet
him at Taylor Park?

He was most curious about the last
question.

After waiting a while, the redhead male
nurse cleared his throat. “This is her, right?”

Luke nodded.

He stood there for a long
time.

The nurse cleared his throat again.
“Excuse me, sir. I’m sorry for your loss, but we have to go
now.”

Luke let go of Alyssa’s icy hand. He
looked at his own, and something brown, like a bruise, was forming
in his palm. He knew it was no bruise though. It was the beginning
of freezer burn.

It was true. She was dead.

As the nurse escorted him out the door,
Luke was thinking like crazy. What the heck was a subdural
hematoma? And how can anyone die of something like that? Alyssa did
not have a disease. She was not murdered. She did not swallow
poison. She took care of herself, ate healthily and
exercised.

How could she have died of a bump on
the head?

When Luke returned to the ER, the nurse
excused himself, and Luke sat down on a chair.

He had seen her body. She was really
gone.

He looked around the ER. It was so
bright. And he was all alone there. No one else was there with him,
not even a stranger. He was all alone once again, just like how it
was before Alyssa came into his life.

He put his head into his hands and
started to tremble.

* * * * *

Chapter 11

Luke got home and slumped down on the
couch in the living room. He turned on the TV. It was playing some
honey commercial featuring the buzzing of the bees. The walls in
the living room were how they were before he had met
Alyssa.