Hidden Scars (7 page)

He slammed the door, walked around, and got in behind the wheel.

As Dad drove toward the dorm’s front entrance, Becky stood rooted to the sidewalk, eyes wide. She splayed her thumb and pinkie finger, and held them to her face as if talking on the phone. Was she trying to tell me she’d call for help? Call Chuck? Hope stirred, but quickly fizzled. Chuck and Kyle had left for Jackson, to pick up a car for Kyle’s sister. He wouldn’t be home for hours. It didn’t matter. Neither he, nor anyone else, could help me now.

Mom came out of the dorm as Dad pulled up. She got in the car, pinning me between her and Dad. “We should’ve known better than to let you stay on campus.” She pushed the button to raise the passenger window. “We’ll have to make a trip back up here next week and get your things. As far as I’m concerned, you can forget about college. You can get a job and live at home until you turn twenty-one.”

When I’m eighteen, I’m gone and you’ll never see me again. The words played over in my mind in an attempt to hang onto sanity.

For the next several miles, no one uttered a word. Dad
would
make good on his promise. The physical wounds would heal, no matter how bad he beat me. But the emotional wounds worried me. They were already too deep. I’d experienced what life could be like with Chuck and friends. The hope that kept me alive was fading fast.

A car passed and a small child in the backseat waved and smiled. Curious thoughts ran through my mind. What kind of life did she have? Did her parents love and protect her? Were they proud of her?

Dad slowed and turned in at a convenience store. Mom needed a carton of milk for “the pain in her stomach”. Dad offered to get it, but she ignored him and went into the store alone.

He lit another cigarette. “I hope you’re happy. She’ll suffer for weeks with her ulcer because of this unnecessary stress. We have you to thank for that, don’t we?” His Masonic ring thumped against the back of my head. Searing pain brought tears to my eyes. “Don’t we?”

“Yes, sir.” I rubbed my scalp and stared at the floorboard, feeling no remorse for any discomfort my mom might feel. I knew this routine all too well. A game she played for sympathy and control.

“You’ll apologize when she gets back in the car. And you better pray she doesn’t end up in the hospital because of this.”

“Yes, sir.”

Once inside my parents’ house, I asked and was given permission to use the bathroom. I locked the door and knelt beside the tub.
Lord, why? If I only knew why—

Someone tapped on the door.

“Just a minute.” I sprang to my feet, flushed the toilet, and ran water at the sink, stalling, pretending to wash my hands.

When I opened the door, instead of my mom, the unknown girl entered and closed the door behind her. She wasn’t any taller than me. Her hair was brown and straight, her eyes green. “Wayne won’t let anything happen to you,” she stated. “He’s in there talking to your dad now.”

“Wayne? He couldn’t stop him even if he wanted to. Who are you? How do you know my brother?”

Before she could answer, Mom pushed the door open. “What are you two doing in here?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Kay, I’ve moved your things to the bedroom next to ours. I’m going to have to ask you to wait there while we take care of this matter with Morgan.”

Mom turned her gaze to me. “Your dad’s in the kitchen waiting for you.”

My mind whirled, and my legs shook as I walked slowly out of the room, down the hall, into the kitchen. I waited by the cabinet edge until Dad acknowledged me.

He remained seated at the table with my brother rather than leading the way to where I’d surely receive my punishment, a room on the opposite end of the house from Kay. The room. Instead, he pointed to a chair and ordered me to sit.

“You know what you deserve for your behavior tonight, and I’ve never been a man to go back on my word. But your brother asked us to consider Kay’s presence in our home. He also feels it’s important for you to continue your education. Your mother and I disagree, but frankly, I’m tired of putting up with you. Let me make one thing clear.” He leaned forward and stuck his finger in my face. “You better hear and understand what I’m saying.”

Mom walked by, drawing my attention. Dad’s hand caught me unaware. The impact snapped my head to the side. “Look at me,” he demanded. “If you’re determined, we can’t keep you from wallowing with trash, but we can stop you from ever setting foot in this home again. Tomorrow morning, first thing, I want you out of this house. For good. Do you understand?”

Was my mind working properly? Did I hear him correctly? I swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.”

“Don’t plan on coming back here until you’ve made up your mind who’s more important—your family or Chuck Mathews. You keep hanging around that no good boy and you’re dead as far as we’re concerned. The choice is yours.”

Mom chimed in, “We’ve helped you all we intend to. If you decide to go back to Midway, or drop out of college and get a job, it doesn’t matter to us. Your father and I are through providing. We’re not going to help you in any form or fashion—not anymore.”

Yeah, right! Did they really think they’d helped me these last two months?

“You can thank your brother for saving your hide.”

How? I’d never known anyone, other than Mom, capable of changing Frank Selby’s mind. I searched Wayne’s eyes for answers. His blank expression gave no clues.

“Thank you.” My voice trembled.

Dad snapped his fingers and pointed toward the door. “Don’t let me see or hear from you again tonight, or I’ll forget we have company. Now get out of my sight.”

I stood and drudged my way to my old bedroom, tears running down my face. I shoved a fist in my mouth to muffle the anguished sobs I couldn’t hold.
Thank you, God, for protecting me tonight.
I repeated the prayer several more times. I’d witness a miracle. God had used an unknown girl and my brother as His instruments.

Even after my body began to relax, my mind wouldn’t. I knew my parents well enough to know this sudden change of heart wouldn’t last. I wanted to leave but couldn’t. Not before morning, or they’d see my action as an act of defiance. But I had to come up with a plan.

Around midnight, I opened the bedroom door. No lights, no noise. The closest phone hung on the kitchen wall. We’d always said Mom could hear a spider walk across the floor, so making my phone call without getting caught would be difficult. In the dark, I counted each hole on the rotary phone, and I dialed Janet’s number. Carefully placing a finger in what I hoped was the correct slot, I moved it clockwise and slowly took it back to its original spot. When her phone began ringing, I slipped into the utility room and closed the door on the cord.

“Hello?”

“Mrs. Barnes, this is Morgan,” I whispered, my hand cupped the bottom of the phone by my mouth. “Can you hear me?”

“Morgan, is that you?”

In the background, I heard Mr. Barnes asking her what was wrong.

“Mrs. Barnes, I’m sorry to be calling so late, but could I speak to Janet?”

“Honey, Janet’s been in bed for hours—we all have. Can you call back in the morning?”

“No. Mrs. Barnes, please. It’s important. I need to talk with her tonight.”

“Morgan, where are you?”

“At my parents.”

“Just a minute.”

The sound of the phone hitting a hard surface clattered through the line. I leaned against the washing machine and rubbed my aching temples.

“Morgan? What’s wrong?” Janet rasped.

“I’m at my parents. Can you come get me in the morning and take me back to school?”

“What time?”

“Mom and Dad should be gone by eight.”

“I’ll be there by ten after. Are you okay? Did your dad—”

“I’ve got to go.” I hung up the phone and returned to my bed. Before I pulled the covers in place, a scratching noise drew my attention. I didn’t move. The sound came again, a distinct pattern of someone scratching on the screen. I sprang from the bed, tiptoed to the window, and opened it.

Chuck stared back at me.

“I didn’t think you’d ever wake up. I’ve been out here for over ten minutes, wondering if you were in another room…or worse.” His voice cracked. “Becky had half the town looking for me. She called everyone. Are you okay? How bad…?”

“I’m okay. They didn’t… Dad didn’t…”

He used his pocketknife to unhook the screen. “Come on, I’m getting you out of here.”

“No.” I explained about Kay and Wayne and told him what Dad said. “As long as Wayne’s girlfriend is here, I don’t think they’ll do anything. Janet will come in the morning and take me back to Midway.”

“You’re leaving tonight.”

“It’s late, Chuck. Where would we go? The dorm is locked. I can’t go to your grandmother’s with you. And if we get caught together this time of night, nobody will be able stop Dad.”

He dropped the screen on the ground and held his hands up for me. “I won’t let him hurt you. Come on.”

Dad’s hunting dogs went crazy, barking and howling.

“Chuck, you’ve got to get out of here before the dogs wake Mom and Dad. I escaped severe punishment once tonight, it won’t happen a second time. I’ll call you at work tomorrow once I’m back at school. Thank Becky for me when you see her.”

“You may see her before I do. She’s still at Midway.”

“She is?”

“Morgan, please don’t stay here.”

“Someone’s up. Please, you have to leave.”

“All right. I’m going. But remember, I’m a phone call away.”

Footsteps shuffled down the hall. Then a light spilled under my door. I closed the window and scrambled back into bed.

The door opened, and footsteps entered my room. I tried hard to control my breathing, to lie perfectly still. I didn’t dare peek. After what seemed like an eternity, whoever it was finally closed the door behind them.

The next morning, by seven forty-five, my parents left for work. I dressed without showering and called Janet.

Neither Wayne nor Kay had come out of their rooms yet, and I sure wasn’t going to hang around until they did. I walked out of the house and waited at the end of the county road. God willing, I wouldn’t be back.

Around ten thirty Saturday morning, I walked into the dorm lobby relieved to be back in its familiar, protected environment.

Mrs. Henderson looked up from a stack of papers, pulled her glasses off, and allowed them to dangle on her chest by a gold chain. “Morgan, I’m surprised to see you…I thought… Did you have a nice visit?” She gazed beyond me, toward the parking lot. “Are you by yourself?”

I didn’t feel like making small talk. Hungry, exhausted, and in need of a shower, I politely answered her last question and asked one of my own. “Have you seen Becky?”

“Not this morning, but she was here last night.” She donned her glasses, picked up the logbook, and slowly shook her head. “She hasn’t signed out.”

I excused myself and went to find my friend. She wasn’t in her room or in the shower. Probably at breakfast.

I entered my room and gathered clean clothes and items I needed to wash away yesterday’s grim. But first, I needed to call Chuck’s workplace.

Mr. Fisher answered, “Fisher Appliance.”

Normally I would’ve tried to disguise my voice, but what did it matter? He’s out on a service call was the response I expected. He’s not here today, wasn’t.

After a quick shower, I headed back downstairs to tape a note on Becky’s door. I made it halfway down the hall when she called, “Morgan, wait up.”

We hugged for a brief moment. “Becky, I’m so sorry for the hurtful things Mom said to you and for all the problems I’ve caused.”

“I don’t give a hoot what your mother thinks of me. She’s the one who should be concerned about what people think of her. I’ve never seen anyone slapped so hard. Are you okay? Did they, you know, hurt you?”

“No. Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking. Not with a belt.”

We walked into her room and relaxed on her bed. I explained what happened after my parents got me home. “I expected the worst. It was pretty remarkable the way things worked out. A miracle.”

“Why did you get in the car with your parents?”

“What choice did I have?”

Becky shrugged. “I don’t know, but I never would’ve gone with them.”

Heat rose from my neck to my face. She didn’t understand. How could she? I hated myself for not having the courage to take a stand. There was no way I could explain how fear cripples. How I felt like a cracked vase, fragile, filled with hope that seeped away like an elusive dream.

Becky snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Morgan!”

I glanced around the room. “What?”

“You’re tripping. Where’d you go?”

I ran my hand across my forehead trying to regain my earlier wits. I needed Chuck.

“Becky, would you do me a favor and call Fisher Appliance? When I called earlier, Mr. Fisher told me Chuck wasn’t at work, but I didn’t think to ask why.”

“Sure, where’s the number?”

I reached into my pocket, removed the slip of paper with the number, and handed it over.

Becky placed the call. Her conversation with Mr. Fisher didn’t provide any more answers than we already had, so I decided to have her call Chuck’s grandmother.

Becky glanced at me as she hung up the phone then took a deep breath. “Now don’t get upset, but Chuck quit his job this morning.”

“What? What do you mean he quit his job?”

She removed her hand from the payphone. “That’s all his grandmother said. He gave his notice and took the rest of the day off. She doesn’t know where he is.”

We returned to Becky’s room. I wrung my hands and tried to make sense out of the latest information, but my mind couldn’t untangle all the unanswered questions.

“Hey, why don’t we go get something to eat?” Becky grabbed me by my elbows and gave a light jerk. “Come on, Morgan, you can’t sit around here all day. You won’t do anything but work yourself into a tailspin.”

“Thanks, Becky, but I’m too exhausted. Things are not making sense. Maybe I’ll go to my room and lie down for a while. Not sleep, but rest. Come get me if you hear anything.”