Hidden Scars (4 page)

She broke eye contact. “I don’t know.”

I sat on the edge of the bed. “Me, either.”

“Have your parents always been…I don’t know what word to use—hateful?”

“As far back as I can remember.”

“What about Marsha and Wayne?”

“My parents didn’t play favorites, if that’s what you’re asking. The three of us just always knew if Mom became agitated, bad things happened. And Dad
always
got involved.”

“Why did you keep it hidden all this time?”

“Fear’s a powerful weapon, Becky.”

“And you never stood up to ’em?”

“Nope. I’ve never been strong enough. Marsha did, and it paid off for her. But I don’t have it in me, and they know it. And I don’t know how much more I can take.”

After Becky left, I stretched out on the bed and rested my eyes. When I woke, the afternoon shadows had advanced far into the room.

“It can’t be!” I blinked at the bedside clock then jumped out of bed. In forty minutes, Chuck would be in front of the library waiting. A quick glance in the mirror caused another wave of panic to wash over me. Strands of short hair stuck straight up. My new do a total mess.

I grabbed my brush, hairspray, hairdryer, and the makeup the girls had given me and dashed through the hall to the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, I wet my hair in the sink and got to work styling it the way Jennifer had shown me. A little spritz of hairspray held it in place. I could imagine the minutes ticking away as I cleaned off smudged makeup and smoothed on a little foundation, added blush and mascara, then lipstick…there
.
Chuck was in for a surprise.

Back in my room, I plundered my closet and chose a dark blue, A-line dress with a matching jacket and added the topaz necklace Chuck had given me. One last look in the mirror—perfect—and with little time to spare.

Before I reached the front of the library, I saw Chuck standing by his gray Mustang with one of his long legs propped on the front tire. His silky, light-brown hair and brown suit complemented his ruddy complexion. He studied the sky, unaware of my approach.

“Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?” I teased.

“Morgan?” He walked to where I stood. “What happened to your hair?” He reached up and moved my head from side to side, studying Jennifer’s handiwork.

“Do you like it?” Please don’t lie to protect my feelings.

“Turn around. Let me see the back.”

“Tell me the truth. You don’t like it, do you?”

He spun me around, leaned in, and kissed me on the lips then on the neck. “Yep, I like it a lot. Kissed you and didn’t get one single hair in my mouth.”

“Oh, you.” I sputtered and stepped away.

He moved closer, grabbed my waist, and held me against his body. “Let’s try that again.”

Our nearness caused my heart to race. I’d never known a love like this before. How easy it would be to go beyond the boundaries Christ clearly set. To do the very thing my parents accused me of.

But I could still hear my mamaw’s words from my younger years. “Let your privates be your privates.” Strange, simple words, but I knew what she meant. And with time, her words became clearer, even though she’d been gone for two years now.

I pulled away. “We’d better get going.”

Chuck sighed then kissed my nose. “You’re right. We’ve got a lot to do. I have the night all planned. We’re having dinner at Michael’s, but you get to choose the movie.”

We drove to Michael’s and found the parking lot packed.

“We can go somewhere else if you want to.” The meal would probably be way too expensive anyway.

He glanced at me sideways and winked. “Remember you pick the movie, and I pick the restaurant.”

He really did have the night planned. To my amazement, Chuck had made reservations, and the hostess seated us almost immediately.

After ordering, Chuck reached for my hand. “You’re beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear lipstick.”

“It’s the girls at the dorm. We’ve become such good friends. They’ve taken me under their wings.”

“So the girls talked you into the new hairstyle?”

“Well, that’s a long story.” I squeezed lemon into my iced tea.

“I love long stories,” he said with that cute, flirtatious grin of his.

“All right. I’ll tell you, but you have to
promise
not to laugh.”

“I promise. Scout’s honor.” He tapped two fingers to the side of his forehead.

I peered straight into his baby blues. “You were never a scout.”

“My parents couldn’t afford the uniform, but I would’ve been otherwise. I had the book.”

“Okay, but if you laugh…” Giving him a final warning look, I continued, “I singed my hair while twirling the fire baton.”

“Before or during halftime?” His voice cracked. “I mean, did they come out with a fire extinguisher, or did you have to drop and roll?”

The couple next to us gawked as Chuck laughed.

I picked up the cloth napkin and buried my face.

“I’m sorry, Morgan. Please don’t cry.” He reached over and rubbed my arm. “I’m stupid and insensitive. Honey, please don’t cry.”

I couldn’t continue the charade any longer. I removed the napkin and continued to laugh. “Got you back.”

“I love you, Morgan Selby.” He pressed my hand to his lips.

The waitress interrupted the special moment by delivering our meal. After blessing the food, we took our time eating and enjoyed each other’s company. We lost track of the hour.

Chuck glanced at his watch. “We won’t make it to the movies tonight.”

“That’s all right. Like my great-uncle Laverne used to say, ‘It don’t get no better than this.’”

“It will someday.”

“What do you mean?”

“I won’t always be taking you back to the dorm and saying good night.”

Maybe
someday.

Chuck drove me back to the campus. As we neared the dorm, Mrs. Henderson was standing at the front door. I slid down in the seat, hoping she hadn’t seen me. “Don’t stop.”

“I see her.” He made a slow U-turn and headed for the library parking lot. “I’ll walk you as far as I can. Maybe she won’t be out there.”

But she was. As we got closer, she reminded me of a mamma dog waiting for one of her stray pups to return. I hoped the stray wasn’t me.

“I’ve got to go, Chuck.” I let go of his hand. “I’m a nervous wreck.”

“Don’t be.”

“What if Mom’s called? Where do I say I’ve been?”

“Out with a friend. I’ll stand here until you get inside. Glance at the sky if everything’s okay. Otherwise, I’ll go get the car and come after you. I won’t let your parents hurt you again, Morgan.”

He held me tight and kissed me. “It’s okay. I’ll pick you up Sunday for church. Remember the signal.” He pointed up.

I approached the dorm steps and plastered a smile on my face. “Hi, Mrs. Henderson.”

“You’re very dressed up tonight. I haven’t checked the sign out sheet, but nothing on campus would constitute such attire. I trust you didn’t leave the grounds. As a monitor and a student, it would result in unfavorable consequence for you.”

“Yes, ma’am. But with it being such a glorious night, seems neither of us could stay cooped up in our rooms. Just look at ’em. The moon. The stars.” Who could wish for a more perfect evening?

Becky ran into my room and slammed the door. “Morgan! Your mother’s downstairs talking with the dorm mother.”

Almost a week had passed since Chuck took me to Michaels and Mrs. Henderson questioned me about leaving the campus without signing out.

I studied Becky’s pale face. I’d never seen anyone’s eyes so wide. She held a hand to her chest and struggled to catch her breath. This wasn’t a prank.

“Why! Why can’t she leave me alone?” I tried not to panic. If Mrs. Henderson had called her, if Mom had suspected anything, she would’ve been here long before now.

My hands began to shake, my teeth chatter. I’d not heard from Mom but once since school started, and I was beginning to think out of sight, out of mind. Now, without warning, she showed up a few hours before the Thursday night football game. I struggled to get enough air into my lungs. “Is Dad with her?”

“I don’t think so. Do you want me to go check?”

“No. Help me get into this uniform. If anyone asks, you haven’t seen me.”

Becky zipped the back of my red sequin outfit. “What are you going to do?”

“I’ve got to get out of here. I don’t know what she’s up to, but it can’t be good. One of my biggest fears has been that my parents would remove me from Midway and force me back home.”

Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Do you think she knows about Chuck?”

“I don’t think so. She may have her suspicions, but if she had any proof, I’d already know about it. Believe me; my parents wouldn’t hesitate to ‘teach me a lesson.’”

“Maybe your mother is here to watch you perform at halftime. Or to take you out to eat.”

“No way. I don’t expect you to understand.” I slipped my majorette boots on and picked up my baton and coat. “If I’m forced to go home with her tonight, will you let Chuck know?”

Becky nodded. “Sure, I’ll phone him.”

To avoid contact with Mom, I hurried to the far end of the hallway and crept down the stairs. I used the side door to leave the building and practically ran until I reached my destination. No one would think to look for me in the auditorium.

I hid behind the stage curtain and paced. What if she does make me go back home with her? What am I going to do? How will I ever get away again? What if she
has
found out about Chuck?
Oh, God, please…please!

At six thirty, after more than an hour, I left my place of hiding and walked to the band hall. With every step, I scanned the area for Mom. My heart raced, matching the rapid drumbeat. At six fifty, the band moved to our section of the bleachers. Right after we sat in unison, someone grabbed my foot. An uncontrollable scream burst from my mouth.

The band director peered over his glasses at me. “What seems to be the problem, Morgan?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. Sorry.”

He smiled and shook his head before refocusing on his music folder.

I leaned over and peeked through the stands. “You scared the devil out of me, Becky.”

“Sorry, but I thought you’d like to know about your mother.”

“Did she or the dorm mother ask you anything?”

“No. I never saw your mother again. But Ann said she sat in your room for twenty minutes before she came to her room and asked about you. By the way, she’s perched herself halfway down, three rows from the top.”

“Okay. Thanks, Becky.”

I tried to think of what to do. I knew the night wouldn’t end without a conversation of some type, so I decided to get it over with.

I stood and scanned the area Becky described and spotted Mom. Then I walked to the director’s podium and waited for him to complete his conversation with a faculty member.

“Did you have a question, Morgan?”

“No, sir. I have a request. My Mom has driven more than two hours to get here, and I’ve not seen her yet. I wondered if you’d allow me to…?”

“Fine, go, but make your visit brief.” Again, he looked over the frame of his glasses. “No longer than fifteen minutes.”

It took a little time to weave through the crowded bleachers. I felt like a mouse that didn’t have any better sense than to walk up to a hungry snake. But Mom didn’t seem to notice my approach. I sat beside her. She never flinched.

I was short of breath, more from raveled nerves than the climb. “Why did you sit way up here?”

“So I could see what I needed to.” She kept her eyes focused on the ball field.

“I didn’t know you were here.” Another lie
.
“Is there something wrong?”

“No.” She turned and glared at me. “What have you done to your hair?”

“One of the girls in the dorm cut it for me. Do you like it?”

“No, I don’t.” She scanned me from my head to my boots then shook her head. “You should’ve had a professional cut it, rather than wasting your money on makeup that makes you look like a clown—or worse.”

Her words cut like a knife. I ached to tell her I didn’t think there would be enough money to purchase the personal toiletries needed to get me through the month, much less enough money for an appointment at a salon. But knowing how she’d respond, I kept my mouth shut. As usual.

“Where were you earlier?” She narrowed her eyes and stared straight into mine. “I sat in your room for forty-five minutes waiting for you.”

“I’m sorry, Mom. I needed to practice my routine for tonight, and the auditorium seemed like the logical place to go. If you had called to let me know you were coming—”

“I don’t need to call you, and you’ll
never
know when I’ll show up next.” She raised her voice for all to hear.

Hurt, embarrassed, and on the verge of tears, I lowered my head and spoke in a hushed tone, “The band director told me not to be gone long. I have to play the clarinet while we’re in the stands. Maybe I’ll see you after the halftime show.”

But she didn’t stay for halftime, she walked right past where I sat and never glanced up.

I squeezed my eyes shut, placed a hand to my chest, and rocked ever so slightly in an attempt to calm myself. I’d made it one more night.

After the game, I returned to the dorm and changed out of my uniform and into a comfortable dress. One of our jobs as dorm monitors was to man the lobby desk during certain hours. Since Chuck never came up during weekday nights, and most everyone else had dates, I volunteered to work every Thursday after the game.

I’d been at the desk less than five minutes when Mrs. Henderson approached.

“Who won the game?”

“We did, seven to zero.”

We looked at each other in silence for a brief moment. “Your mother wanted to surprise you today with a visit, did she find you?”

“Yes, we spoke.” I’d learned the hard way, the less said, the safer.

“You know I could’ve gotten someone else to work the desk tonight. Y’all could’ve gone out to eat and spent some time together.”

I jerked my head toward her. “Mrs. Henderson, my mom didn’t even stay for halftime.”