Hidden Faults (30 page)

“They ask too much. And you go too far.”

“I’ll go as far as I have to. What do you want, Jodi?”

“An apology would be nice.”

“Would you believe it? I'm sorry as hell, I swear I am, but I'm reading your mind. You don’t believe a word that comes out of my mouth, so what’s the point?”

“Not much. Kir...I...I’d do anything to turn back time to this morning and not know any of this.”

He laid his tools down.
“Me too. I was kind of getting used to being happy.”

“
I didn’t want this for you. You’re a victim too. We can’t fix this, can we? Even if I could forgive you—”

“You’d never trust me. I don’t blame you for that none. It’s just a thing.”

We stared mutely at each other. I could have loved him so very easily, and now that was all destroyed. I mourned that harder than I did the loss of my blissful ignorance.

“We should go back,” he said finally. “Wesejne’s pissed.”

“I grieve deeply.”

“Well, yeah. But we need him, and you need us, even if you hate our guts. Don’t poke him, Jodi, I'm warning you.”

~~~

Jeyle had gone, and so had Noora and the two Febkeinzes. Hermi was waiting, his expression rather grim, and Wesejne looked at me like I was a turd someone had trodden into his best floor rug. As Kir and I sat down, the woman—a telepath, I presumed—tried to drill me into a wall with the force of her glare.

“Arwe Jodimai, are you ready to continue or should we delay this until tomorrow?” Wesejne asked, his voice icily formal. Apparently I was no longer his ‘brother’.

My tone and my frigid expression was a match for his. “Let’s move on.”

He dismissed me from his attention as he turned to Kir. “Brother Kirvo? How do you think we should approach this?”

Kir cleared his throat. “I need to dig through Jodi’s early memories, around the time he’d normally manifest—five, six. Jodi, I need Kateju and Wesejne to watch too because they might spot something I don’t.” He flinched a little at my instinctive revulsion. “See, I know you don’t like the idea, but it’s the only way to do it.”

“Do what you need to. It can hardly be worse than what’s already been done.”

That made Wesejne scowl even more. I stared back coolly back at him. I didn’t care what his relationship was with Kir. I had been violated, probably at his instigation. I owed him not a damn thing.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Kir muttered. “The other thing is that you’ve got two sets of memories—one real, one implanted. It might get a little freaky when we get to the real ones because you’re not familiar with them. You have to believe that it ain’t me putting them in there, okay?”

“I’ll do my best. No promises.”

He nodded, unsmiling. “Okay. Hermi, you should do your thing, keep everyone calm and together. Don’t know if I can handle any more freaking out today.”

Knock it off.

It wasn’t a dig at you, Jodi.

Jeyle’s not here. Who else are you poking at?

He sighed.
No one. I can’t do this while you’re crapping at me.

Do you think I might have more than half an hour to get used to all this shit dumped on me? I'm trying, Kir. Stop pushing.

Okay.

I hated that beaten down look in his eyes, but I had to remind myself, I was the wronged party. The problem with trying to remember that was, he’d been wronged too. Just not by me.

With ill-concealed impatience and thinned lips, Wesejne waited for us to give him our full attention.

“We should get on,” I said, and Kir nodded. I didn’t think I imagined Hermi bracing himself. This wouldn’t be much fun for any of us.

“Jodi, it’s easiest to remember stuff right if I throw you back into it, okay? It’s more vivid.”

“Whatever you need to do.”

He nodded again, and frowned, as did the Weadenisis. Suddenly my mind filled with images of things, places I’d long forgotten—my kindergarten, my first teacher. The smells of chalk and glue and the dust of the playground, the sounds of a dozen tuneless children shouting our way through the national anthem at assembly. My best friend in my first year of school, a girl I literally had not thought of in more than twenty years. Crying over a dead bird I’d found in the garden, and Mam scolding me for bringing it into the house. Da digging a hole for a tree, and me carrying a bucket of water for him in the scorching summer’s heat. Visiting my grandparents and watching Granmam hand feeding a baby barchin. Nothing to indicate I was a pyrokinetic.

But then I was back at school again, being inspected by the school medics as all the children were. They took me to a quiet side-room and put me through a series of tests....

Who were ‘they’?

“Wait!” I opened my eyes. “I don’t remember that.”

“That’s cos it’s one of the hidden images. They hid it under the barchin memory,” Kir said. “Hold on.”

Someone gripped my hand, but I didn’t know who because I had already plunged back into childhood, to a clinic visit I had never recalled before. And a tall man with thick dark hair, and strange, bicoloured eyes....

I yanked my hand free. “Kregan!” I gasped. “He was there too!”

“
Jodi’s old boss,” Kir clarified to the Weadenisis. “Who’s the doctor?”

“That was Arwe Nidinwe. But I didn’t meet him until I went to his school on a scholarship when I was eight.”

“It appears you met him somewhat sooner,” Wesejne said. “And either he or someone connected to him, obscured your memories of that earlier meeting. Brother, please continue.”

It took a long time, and I had to keep stopping for a break, because suddenly remembering medical examinations and tests and people who’d not been in my brain before now, disoriented and frightened me not a little.

Finally I pulled away from everyone.

“
Please, I have to stop.” I had a horrendous headache and my heart pounded. If they continued, I’d pass out or vomit.

“For now, we have enough to begin our investigations,” Wesejne said, then he waved a careless hand at me. “You may go, Arwe Jodimai. We have things to discuss with Brother Kirvo.”

Well that wasn’t rude at
all.

Shaky and angry, I stalked out, ignoring Kir’s mental call. Who did Wesejne think he was? Grand champion in the ‘Being a bastard to people you barely know’ stakes, for sure.

I found Uliem hovering, almost certainly at Kir’s suggestion, not far from the meeting room.

“Arwe Jodi, please, come with me. You will need something to eat and drink.” He plucked at my sleeve. “My wife has made some tea, from Febkeinzian. You will like it.”

Sounded more like a command than anything, but the man was being courteous in the formal way many of his people had, even the very poorest, so I followed him back out to the living area, deserted by everyone but his wife.

“Where’s Jeyle?”

“Ah, she is...Noora is with her. She asked if we would convey you back to the other side, when you have rested. Please, have some tea. And would you like to try hvani? Wizinaera makes excellent hvani.”

‘
Hvani’ were small, spiced biscuits that took some of the taste of the bloody horrible tea away. I smiled and tried not to puke. The flavour was a little like water strained through ground up three-day-dead rodents, only not so pleasant. Uliem’s expression as he sipped it was close to orgasmic.

“Very good,” I lied, and the woman smiled at me. I’d not yet heard her say a word—perhaps she didn’t speak our language. “How long have you been here?”

“Longer than the Pindonis. We arrived six months before they were freed. Indeed, we helped to free them. A small repayment of much generous hospitality and kindness, and of course they are doing much to help our friends.”

“But you don’t like all the help you get, do you?”

Uliem frowned and set his stinky cup of tea down. “I have no idea what you’re referring to, Jodi.”

“Kir. Having to kill to keep you safe. You don’t like it. He said it’s religious.”

“Our religion objects to his sexual proclivities and behaviour, Jodi,” he said, pursing his lips. “Not only is he promiscuous, he is also homosexual. Such a man is not pious.”

Damn it, not another one.
Of all the things I’d expected him to say, this wasn’t on the list. I stood up. “Where’s Jeyle, did you say?”

He stiffened with offence. “You disapprove of our views, Arwe Jodi. Do you always judge before you know the facts?”

“
I’m not the one doing the judging. Could you tell me where she is? Oh, never mind.”
Kir? Please, where’s Jeyle? I don’t care if she wants to murder me but I can’t stomach these people. Or their bloody tea.

Wait. We’re coming out.

The two Febkeinzes, clearly highly offended by my behaviour, took the food and teapot in the kitchen, and then talked quietly between themselves in their own language, undoubtedly commiserating with each other about having to deal with such an uncouth creature.

I ignored them, and went over to sit in one of the armchairs. I never expected that Kir’s sexuality—or mine—would be censured here. Hadn’t Jeyle said there were a lot of ‘perverts’ here?

The sensation of being trapped threatened to overwhelm me. It would make my morning complete if I had a panic attack on top of everything else. I felt as bad as my first day in prison, and nearly as confused.

Kir and Hermi came into the room, Jeyle behind them with Noora. She didn’t look at me, but then she didn’t glare at me either. To my relief, the two Weadenisis weren’t with them.

Kir came over to me. “Wesejne and Kateju are going to contact their people and run some checks on Kregan and that doctor, that school. They want a list of all the pupils you can remember in your class, but if you can’t, we can probably hack their records. It’ll take a day or so before they get anything.”

“You think Kregan’s involved in this?”

“I don’t have a clue, but I’ve had enough and so have you.”

Hermi turned towards the kitchen. “Uliem? We’ll see you at the greeting circle.” Uliem waved, carefully avoiding looking at me.

“But they’re Feb-gailis, you said,” I muttered to Kir.

“Don’t matter. They pray to their gods and still believe in the spirits. Don’t bother me none what they do.” His eyes showed his exhaustion. “Come on.”

Hermi and Noora embraced, and then Noora took my hand and smiled goodbye. Jeyle walked ahead of us and ignored me, continuing to do so as we flew back to the other side of the refuge. As soon as we landed and went down in the elevator, she took Kir’s arm and told Hermi to come along with them, leaving me on my own. The message was clear. They didn’t really give a damn what I did so long as it wasn’t around them.

My headache had grown worse. I had nothing I could take for it, and the only person who would have helped, had just been rescued by his ‘parents’. So I went off to Dede’s clinic, expecting a lecture, but at least I knew she didn’t hate me or Kir for being a deev.

Dede
knew what had happened, of course—it took her all of three seconds to read my mind. “Oh...Jodi.”

“You could have told me. You should have. You’re my doctor.”

“I'm also Kir’s. Take your shirt off. Let me see what she did.”

Her touch was gentle as she checked my pupils and blood pressure, probed my bruised back and hand, but I wished there was some way I could have some privacy from all these damn telepaths. It was worse than walking around naked.

“Telepathy’s a curse as much as a talent,” she said from behind me. “Believe me, I don’t want to know your thoughts right now.”

I jerked away from her and took my shirt. “Is that all you people care about? How uncomfortable I might make you? How much poor Kir would suffer if he told me the truth?”

“
Jodi, sit. I'm not your enemy.”

“People keep saying that. How am I supposed to believe it?”

She spread her hands helplessly. “Because the alternative is a permanent state of paranoia, and you’ll be unable to distinguish reality from fantasy at all. Let me give you something for the pain. The bruising’s not too bad, and you haven’t broken anything.”

“You mean Jeyle didn’t. Oh, of course, she’s a friend and I'm an unwanted nuisance.”

She gave me a disgusted look. “Do you plan to alienate everyone in the refuge today?” she said as she went over to her drugs cabinet.

“Sorry. I don’t feel very lovable right now.”

“I don’t need to love a patient to look after them. Mind your manners or you’ll end up with one less sympathiser.”

“You surely take his side.”

She gave me two painkillers and some water and waited for me to take them before she answered. “I don’t see you and him as being on opposite sides at all. I know how he feels about you, and I know how you would feel about him, given half a chance. This has been badly mishandled, and Jeyle’s being unfair, but I understand why she’s reacted like this. Kir’s had to put up with so much shit, it’s unbelievable. If we weren’t all so closely tied together and didn't need to work with each other, I’d have insisted those of us who didn’t think he was unspeakable, went to another hideout altogether.”