Hidden Depths (12 page)

Chapter Seventeen
: The Go-Between

F
ELIX METICULOUSLY PACKED ALL
the essentials for his task in a large rucksack. It was late November and thick snow had arrived in Berlin. Undaunted by harsh winters and sometimes months of snow, it didn't stop people, wrapped up warmly, going about their daily lives. The streets were gritted daily and the traffic continued to flow.

Felix arrived by train at Ost Bahnof as he'd done for the past few weeks in his surveillance of Lotte Holler and took his usual route, walking along the long and wide avenue of Muhlenstrasse by the riverside where the city's infamous four metre high Wall was now a tourist spot called the East Side Gallery. Artists had the privilege of writing and drawing political messages and images on this section of the wall. The two murals Felix found the most striking were Erich Honeker and Leonid Brezhnev's mouth-to-mouth embrace and the Trabant bursting through the wall. Throughout the rest of the city the Wall had gradually been taken down, except for a few preserved areas that reminded modern Germany not to forget its past but to confront and acknowledge it.

Passing the imagery at the East Side Gallery Felix continued on, crossing the Oberbaum Bridge. The train rattled overhead, whilst the cars, cyclists and pedestrians passed through the bridge's ornate arches. Felix looked down into the icy water and thought, ‘This river goes all the way to Muggelsee'. With luck, he'd be taking the go-between to Muggelsee later that night, to her final destination.

Lotte Holler lived alone in a high-rise apartment building. She had a regular daily visit from a younger woman who came at lunchtimes when Lotte went home on her break. Felix worked out they were sisters from listening to Julia repeat her daily ritual as she rang on her sister's bell.

‘Lotte, it's your one and only sister, Julia. I'll let myself in,' she always said.

Lotte drove an old car, a red VW Polo Estate that she used for shopping although she mainly walked or took the U-Bahn and the car remained parked outside her apartment in the street. She worked within walking distance of her apartment as a plain clothed security officer at Karstadt, one of a chain of large department stores found throughout Germany.

Felix had visited the store on his stalking visits to Berlin over the past few weeks, smartly dressed and disguised with a dark wig under a trilby hat. He had eaten daily in the restaurant on the top floor, spending a few hours inside the store away from the icy winds outside, watching Lotte at work. There were security cameras all over the place and he'd been careful not to draw attention to himself. On one occasion Felix thought he'd been caught out.

‘Excuse me, sir?' Lotte Holler said, in an accusatory tone. ‘Come with me.'

Felix's pulse raced. He'd turned around to witness Lotte apprehending a young, male shoplifter, not much older than himself.

‘Dunno what you're talking about,' the shoplifter lied.

Lotte's voice grew hard and intimidating as she spoke on her walkie talkie. ‘Hello, security, can I have some back up? I'm in the music department.'

‘Be right there,' came the response.

‘Empty your pockets,' she said to the shoplifter. ‘You've got two unpaid items, namely CDs, in there.'

The shoplifter refused and turned to Felix. ‘Did you see me take anything?'

Felix shook his head. He looked at Lotte, thankful that she didn't recognise him, and swiftly moved along. The shoplifter made a dash for the exit and the security team was on him immediately, pinning him to the floor.

Felix put on his wet suit under his clothes in the male toilets in Karstadt. It was lightweight and didn't restrict his movements. He had already verified Lotte was at work having seen her in the toy department and had stayed inside the store until it was about to close. He passed the store's post office on the way out and remembered it was here that he'd posted his typed letter to the police, detailing the paedophiles from Horst's diary. The memory made him smile. His mission was almost complete.

Felix felt protected by the cold, snowy shadows of the night as he walked quickly to Lotte's apartment building, ice crunching beneath his feet and rubbing his gloves to warm his hands. He took off his wig and thermal hat, exchanging his headwear for a balaclava, and waited for half an hour in a darkened doorway for his victim to arrive.

Felix checked over his shoulder that the coast was clear, primed his gun and crossed the road. Before Lotte knew it, a masked stranger was pointing a gun at her head and she was being dragged into a doorway. He applied duct tape roughly to her mouth and tied her hands behind her back.

‘Don't say a word,' Felix ordered. ‘Give me your car keys.'

Lotte fumbled in her handbag. Felix checked the street to see it was clear and quickly dragged her the short distance to her car. She offered little resistance and he lifted her into the boot of the car, threw his rucksack and Lotte's handbag into the front passenger seat and drove out of Berlin, crossing the Oberbaum Bridge and heading for Kopenick. The journey took around 40 minutes and Lotte, after a few kicks and muted shouts remained eerily quiet throughout. She had decided to save her energy until the car stopped at some unknown destination.

At Muggelsee, on the west jetty on the lake this time, Felix parked and took a few minutes to gather his thoughts. There was light covering of snow on the ground and he needed to urinate. With the headlights on, he could see the snow change colour as he emptied his bladder. He felt a little strange, abducting a woman: it didn't seem right or natural but he reminded himself that this was the heartless bitch who had time and again taken him and Susi to the Musketeers. He primed his gun and tentatively opened the boot of the car.

She had only just managed to free her hands and pull off her duct tape and her screams were loud enough to be heard on the opposite banks of the lake. Lotte kicked out at him and caught his hand with her foot, kicking his gun to the ground behind him. By the time she had wriggled out of the car, Felix had quickly retrieved the gun and was pointing it at her head.

‘Not another step,' Felix barked.

Lotte screamed again. ‘Help! Somebody help me!'

‘Shut the fuck up! Or I'll hurt Julia.'

Lotte heard her sister's name and stopped screaming. How on earth did this man know her sister was called Julia? ‘No! Don't hurt my Julia, please.'

‘Fraulein Holler, now that I've got your attention…'

‘What do you want with me?' Lotte asked, her voice trembling. She was alarmed to hear her name, and even more worrying was the fact that this crazed man knew Julia's name as well. ‘You know me?'

Felix nodded. ‘And you know me. Let me tell you the rules. If you scream, try to run away or disobey, I'll not only go after Julia, I'll bash your skull in before I put a bullet between your eyes. And I want you to listen to me and answer truthfully. Is that clear?'

Lotte nodded and bit back the tears. ‘Where are we?'

‘On the banks of Muggelsee.'

‘Why have you brought me here?'

‘I'm going to strip you!'

Lotte began to cry. ‘Are you going to rape me?'

‘Don't flatter yourself. That's not what this is all about.'

‘It's so cold. I'll freeze to death.'

‘Then you'll know how it felt when you hosed me with icy cold water at Torgau,' Felix reminded her, cutting away at her clothing to leave her in just a bra and knickers.

‘You're a Torgau boy?'

‘Yes. It's payback time,' he told her.

Lotte stood in front of him in the freezing night air and began to shiver. She never thought a day like this would come and now it had. Someone wanted revenge. Her survival instinct kicked in and she said to herself, ‘I'll outsmart this Torgau kid,' knowing her life depended on it.

‘What now?' she asked him.

Felix kept the gun pointed at her. ‘A few questions,' he began. ‘You knew what was going on and I want answers! Why did you take me to the Musketeers?'

‘I was only obeying orders,' she replied.

‘That's what the Nazis said.'

‘I'm not a Nazi,' Lotte cried.

‘You behaved like one. You were a go-between for the sodomites.'

‘You were in Torgau as a punishment and you had to be disciplined,' she insisted.

Felix was outraged. ‘I was an orphan, not a delinquent! Is rape your idea of punishment? Rape is a crime and you assisted in systemised rape and buggery.'

Lotte was lost for words. She knew she had to be careful how she responded. He was a hurt and angry man but she felt no guilt for what she had done. All she could think about was how cold and afraid she was, and the mind-blowing news she'd received earlier in the week. Lotte had discovered she was seven weeks pregnant with her married lover's child and she was going to keep the baby. She had told Julia but no one else.

‘I'm sorry,' she muttered feebly.

‘You're not sorry. You enjoyed being in charge, dishing out punishments. You obeyed the Musketeers without question. But there was one kind man at Torgau who didn't abuse us kids. He helped us and he saw you for what you are, a sadistic, heartless bully.'

But Lotte was in denial. ‘I'm not a bully. I'm a kind person, ask anyone.'

Felix wanted her to understand why she was in this predicament. ‘You got control of us by taking away our dignity. You belittled us constantly and we didn't have a voice, we were beaten and sexually abused and no one listened to us. You turned us over to the Musketeers and persistently showed no empathy. It's what makes us human, our empathy and capacity for mercy.'

Lotte didn't understand, she simply thought her assailant was mad. She was in denial about what he'd said. ‘Who are you? Let's talk about this. Show me your face,' she demanded.

‘No, I won't, and not because I'm afraid to. I don't want you looking at me the way you used to, when you thought you'd get away with it. Well, I'm the judge and jury now. Go into the water up to your knees and dance for me,' Felix said, turning on the music on his cassette and making a mock bull charge towards her.

‘
Allons, En garde! Allons! Allons! Ah! Toreador, en garde! Toreador, Toreador…
'

Lotte obeyed. The temperature of water was zero degrees. She was feeling light-headed but jigged about to the music, hoping it would warm up her body.

‘Please, stop this,' she begged.

Felix was adamant. ‘Dance!'

‘
Et songe bien, oui songe en combattant
…'

‘Please stop… I'm so cold.'

‘Sit down!' Felix barked.

‘What? In the water?' Lotte asked in disbelief.

‘Yes... Sit!'

‘
Qu'un oeil noir te regarde…
'

Lotte obeyed and sat down in the water.

‘Stand up!'

‘
Et que l'amour t'attend…
'

Lotte stood up.

‘Sit down!'

Lotte sank back into the water.

‘
Toreador, Toreador, l'amour t'attend!
'

‘Stand up!'

Lotte obeyed, stood up and cried. ‘I'm sorry. I really am sorry.'

Felix turned off the music.

‘I don't believe you! Sorry you got caught. Anyway, the damage is done. Tell me, when did you last see Horst, Gunther and Harald?' Felix asked her. ‘You do remember your friends – the Musketeers of Torgau?'

Lotte nodded. ‘I saw them ages ago. We met up for a drink but I've nothing in common with them.'

‘Oh, you think you're better than them?'

‘I was only doing my job. I made mistakes at Torgau and I wasn't the only one… I'm a good person. Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?' Lotte pleaded.

‘Second chance? Why? To abuse more kids?' Felix told her.

‘I don't understand,' Lotte wailed. ‘Please, let me go.'

‘Lotte Holler, I know who you are and so did the Musketeers. They knew you'd help them. Now you'll be joining them, your Torgau friends.'

‘Where are they?' Lotte said, looking around.

‘At the bottom of this lake.'

‘No!' Lotte screamed, wetting herself with fear and warming the water around her.

‘Did you think you were going to get away with it, like all the others who abused their positions of authority?' Felix asked, menacingly.

‘You can't murder all of us! Who do you think you are?' Lotte bellowed, with her last ounce of defiance.

‘You've only got yourself to blame.'

Lotte fell to her knees. She couldn't swim and the icy waters beckoned. ‘I don't want to die! Forgive me. Please, forgive me.'

‘No one can hear you. Feeling sorry for yourself are you? Self-pity has a sell-by date and besides, you never felt sorry for me. Julia will miss you,' Felix spat out, spitefully.

‘I'm pregnant! Please, think of my baby,' Lotte screamed in desperation.

This was unexpected. Maybe she's lying to save herself, Felix thought. He was not going to weaken now. Something he'd read jumped into his complex mind.

‘
In loco parentis
,' he told her.

‘What? I don't understand?'

‘In Latin it means, “In place of a parent”. You're not fit to be a mother!' Felix yelled and cracked the gun on the side of her head.

Lotte fell like a rag doll. He dragged her cold body to the car and put her on the back seat. He took off his clothes to reveal the wet suit underneath and hurriedly stuffed all his belongings, including the gun, into his rucksack. In his haste, his knife jolted out and was left, unseen in the darkness, hidden behind a wheel of the car.

Felix switched on his torch, leaning it upright, illuminating a path to guide him when he would be swimming back towards the safety of the jetty. The thought of the icy water didn't deter him because with this final act, his quest was complete.