Hidden Depths (4 page)

Chapter Seven
: The Girl

S
USANNE RECOGNISED
K
LAUS EVEN
though it had been five long years since she'd last seen him. He hadn't changed much – but she had. Gone was the carefree girl, with flowing, sunshine locks and happy, hazel eyes. She had been replaced by a young woman with shorter, mousey, lank hair that fell on slightly hunched shoulders, and a smile that no longer sparkled. She showed little emotion when the nurse told her that her Onkel Klaus had come to take her home. She'd said nothing to anyone about having relatives and had long stopped believing that people were fair and kind. In fact, she was sceptical that anything positive was ever going to happen in her life. At 14, the birth of her son had taken its toll on her young body. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically, from the abuse she'd lived through at Torgau, although at the nursing home they just viewed her as a troubled teenager from Torgau with a baby in tow. No one knew or even thought to question whether she was also suffering from post-natal depression.

The tiny baby slept untroubled in his cot. Susanne glanced at Axel. She was supposed to bond with him and love him but she felt numb. She breastfed him and looked after him in a perfunctory way and that was all she could manage for now.

Bernd met with the superintendent at the home and dealt with the legal formalities while Klaus went alone to see his niece. He didn't know what to expect as he knocked and opened the door to a small, clean room but he was taken aback when he saw Susanne, thinking she looked in a worse state than Felix had when he'd turned up at Motzen. Klaus attributed her lifelessness to the trauma of giving birth and motherhood.

‘Susanne, it's me, Onkel Klaus,' he said softly, wanting to put his arms around her but holding himself back.

‘Onkel. Is that really you?' she said, managing a half smile and holding out her hand.

‘Yes, it's Onkel Klaus. I've come to take you home,' he told her, taking her small hands in his and holding them.

‘This is Axel, my son.' Susanne said, pointing at her sleeping baby.

Klaus peered into the cot. ‘He's a handsome devil.'

‘Did Dr Jens tell you I was here?' she asked.

Klaus shook his head. ‘Bernd and I came to find you as soon as we could. Who is this doctor?'

‘It doesn't matter now,' Susanne sighed. ‘I haven't seen Dr Jens since Axel was born. I thought you'd all forgotten me.'

Klaus was emphatic. ‘Never! We just didn't know and weren't able to help you until now. I'm so sorry.'

‘Will you take me and Axel home with you?' Susanne asked.

‘Of course we will! Ingrid and Felix are waiting to see you and the baby.'

Susanne's face crumbled with confusion. ‘Felix? He's alive? I thought he'd drowned, jumping into the river.'

‘Is that what they told you? No, it's not true. Wait a minute, Dr Jens! That's the man who helped Felix escape.'

Her eyes had the look of betrayal. ‘He had more luck than our father then. Felix never told me he was planning to escape. Nor did Dr Jens.'

‘Maybe they couldn't,' Klaus began. ‘Felix is alive and well and so are you. You know the Berlin Wall came down and Germany is reunited?'

‘Yes, I heard. And I don't have to go back to Torgau?'

Klaus shook his head. ‘No. You won't ever have to go back.'

Susanne looked afraid. ‘Promise?'

‘I promise,' Klaus said, reassuringly. ‘We're a family again. Come on, get your things packed, bring your baby and let's go home.'

Klaus called Ingrid from the office of the nursing home to say they were on their way and update her on all the necessary news. He asked her to break the news to Felix that his sister was coming home.

Ingrid got a bedroom ready, hastily ironing some clean sheets, then made a dish she remembered was one of Susanne's favourites, a green bean stew called
grune-bohneneintopf
.

She heard the latch of the door click open. It was Felix who had just returned from a long run as he tried to work off the frustration of his earlier outburst. The aroma of the stew filtered through from the kitchen.

‘Tante, I behaved badly earlier, I was rude. I'm sorry.'

‘Oh, it's forgotten. If it means you feel safe enough to speak your mind with Klaus and myself, well, that's a good thing – from time to time,' she said with a wry smile.

Felix nodded in agreement but he understood that poor behaviour wouldn't be tolerated on a regular basis.

‘Mmm, something smells nice,' he told her.

‘I have the best news,' said Ingrid. ‘Susanne is on her way home with Klaus and Bernd.'

Ecstatic, Felix hugged Ingrid. ‘Is she all right?'

‘She's as well as to be expected but there is something else. She's had a baby.' Ingrid waited for his reaction and realised Felix was not in the least bit surprised.

Felix frowned. ‘A boy or a girl?'

‘A boy. Felix, did you know Susanne was pregnant when you last saw her?'

‘Yes.'

Ingrid's disappointment was tangible. ‘Why didn't you tell us?'

‘It was Susi's secret. I couldn't tell anyone.'

‘You can't keep a baby a secret!'

‘I hoped she'd lose it, or get rid of it.'

Ingrid was shocked at her nephew's attitude. ‘Felix!'

‘Who wants a Torgau baby? Not my sister, that's for sure. He'll be a constant reminder of… I didn't want Susi to become a mother at 14. Who would?' Felix cried.

‘No, of course not. But it's happened and she is a mother. We'll all have to help her and just get on with it as best we can.'

Susanne was quiet on the drive home and Klaus and Bernd didn't tax her with questions or force conversations. Mostly, she stared wistfully out of the window at scenery she'd long forgotten whilst Axel slept peacefully in the carrycot beside her.

Felix heard the sound of a car engine and tyres crunching on the snowy terrain as they drew up outside. He began to panic. He had betrayed his sister by leaving her behind in Torgau. Would she, could she ever forgive him? Nervously, he waited in inside the cottage with Ingrid. It felt like an eternity waiting for the door to open and Susanne to walk in carrying Axel in his carrycot. She smiled at Ingrid and Felix but they could tell by the look in her eyes she was vague, disorientated and fragile. Klaus and Bernd followed her inside.

‘Susanne, it's so lovely to see you,' Ingrid said, embracing her niece.

‘For me too,' Susanne replied and looked her brother in the eye. ‘Hello, Felix.'

Felix smiled. ‘Susi… You're here at last.'

Brother and sister held one another briefly and each could feel the other trembling as they hugged.

Klaus broke their awkward moment. ‘Well, we're all hungry, let's eat.' And turning to his brother he asked, ‘You'll eat with us before you go?'

‘I wouldn't turn down Ingrid's cooking,' Bernd said, winking at his sister-in-law.

Klaus patted his belly. ‘Nor me.'

Felix turned his attention to the baby. He bent down and held the boy's little fingers in his. ‘What's your name, little man?'

‘Axel. I named him Axel,' Susanne replied. ‘Do you like his name?'

Felix smiled at his sister and nodded approvingly, which seemed to please her.

Bernd left not long after supper. He had the option to stay overnight and enjoy a few glasses of Schnapps but it was only an hour back to the Berlin suburbs and Ute and the girls would be excited to hear all the news. It had been a memorable day. Klaus walked Bernd to his car to see him off.

Klaus patted his brother's back. ‘Thank you for all you have done today.'

Bernd smiled and shook Klaus's hand. ‘Brothers in arms. We did it together.'

‘Susanne's got a long, tough road ahead,' Klaus said.

‘I'll bring my girls down next week. A bit of girlie company, that'll cheer her up.'

‘Great! Now, don't forget what we said.'

‘We've said a lot today,' Bernd mused.

‘Golf!' Klaus reminded him. ‘Let's find out about our options for a golf course.'

‘Oh yes. Golf.'

The brothers said a fond farewell and Klaus returned to his newly expanded family and the warmth of the fireside.

‘How about a game of cards?' Klaus asked them all.

‘
Skip-bo
?' Felix suggested.

Klaus was glad to see Susanne's mood from earlier in the day had improved. He thought it was possibly a mixture of being with the family, Ingrid's home cooking and the realisation dawning on her that she was finally free. His optimism was flawed, however: it would turn out to be the brief sunrise of a false dawn.

Playing cards, they relaxed together without the pressure to talk about the traumatic events of the past. Personality traits are often revealed through play and their game of
Skip-bo
quickly took an interesting turn.

Klaus nudged his wife. ‘Come on, Ingrid, it's your go.'

Ingrid eventually put down a card.

‘No! You'll help Felix that way,' Klaus objected.

‘I'm not ruthless when I play cards,' Ingrid said emphatically.

Felix put down a few cards and then hesitated, perusing the other cards on the table.

‘Thinking about your next move?' Susanne asked her brother.

Susanne's words were cryptic, meant as a double entendre, but Felix didn't respond and she continued to dig at him. ‘You must have a joker, to get you out of trouble.'

Ingrid didn't know whether the tension between Felix and Susanne was sibling rivalry but sensed an unspoken edginess between them.

Felix felt under scrutiny. ‘When a door closes and a window of opportunity opens it's best to climb through it,' he said, then finished the game with a flourish. ‘I'm out.'

‘The winner takes it all,' muttered Susanne, stony-faced.

Ingrid observed the twins closely and decided it was simply sibling competitiveness. ‘Good job we weren't playing for money,' she remarked.

‘You know what they say? Lucky at cards, unlucky in love.'

‘Well, my dear husband, you always win at cards. What does that say then?'

‘Exceptions to every rule, my dear,' said Klaus, blowing a kiss at Ingrid.

Axel began to cry.

‘Oh, he's hungry again. I'll go and feed him.' Susanne picked up her son and left the room.

‘I'm ready for my bed, it's been a long day,' Klaus confessed.

‘Onkel, can I use your carpentry tools tomorrow?' Felix whispered.

Klaus was curious. ‘Of course. What for?'

‘With the spare wood in the boathouse I thought I'd make a crib for Axel.'

‘Good idea. I'm off to bed, good night,' Klaus said, yawning and went to his room.

‘Felix,' Ingrid began. ‘I was thinking about going to see the principal at the village school, to ask when you can re-start your school life.'

‘Can't I just start working with Onkel?' Felix replied, reluctantly.

Ingrid shook her head. ‘You haven't had a proper education for the last few years. I think it'll be good for you, to mix with young people again.'

Susanne returned to the room with Axel, who was crying incessantly. ‘He won't feed! I think my milk is drying up,' she said, anxiously.

Ingrid called Klaus out from their bedroom. ‘Quick, go into the café… Under the counter there are baby bottles and some powdered baby milk I keep for my customers, in case of an emergency. Don't worry Susanne, it's quite common, and lots of babies take bottled milk.'

Klaus hurried out to the café and Ingrid disappeared to the kitchen. Felix and Susanne were left alone with Axel.

‘Susi, you're exhausted. Let me have him.'

Susanne handed Axel to her brother who rocked him in an attempt to calm him.

Once the bottle was ready, Susanne asked Ingrid to feed Axel as she was afraid he would be frustrated in suddenly coming off the breast. But Axel took to the bottle easily and Ingrid was surprisingly natural at feeding him.

‘How fickle. All he needs is feeding, changing and a few cuddles and he'll take it from any source,' Susanne observed.

‘He's a nice healthy size, you've done a good job,' Ingrid told her niece. ‘We'll go out tomorrow and get a sterilising set, some new bottles, nappies and clothes for him.'

‘I wanted to keep him,' Susanne began. ‘They asked me if I wanted to have him adopted but I refused. If the Berlin Wall hadn't fallen and changed things I wouldn't have been allowed to keep him and bring him home to my family,' she said. She burst into tears.

Ingrid handed the baby to Klaus to finish feeding and swept Susanne into her arms.

‘Come on, young lady. Let's get you into bed. I'll check on Axel during the night. You need a good night's sleep and you'll feel so much better in the morning.'

Susanne didn't argue and went with Ingrid to the bedroom. Klaus propped Axel on the sofa, between some cushions and finished feeding him.

‘You haven't winded him,' Felix noted. ‘I'll do it.'

Klaus watched Felix carefully handling the baby and gently rubbing his back. Axel soon let out a loud, healthy burp.

‘When did you become an expert on babies, Onkel Felix?' Klaus joked.

‘Common knowledge. First you feed them, then wind them and then change them. Look, he's straining, I bet he's trying to poop.'

Klaus smiled. ‘I'll get a fresh nappy and you can change him.'

‘Ssshush.'

At first Klaus thought Felix was making soothing baby sounds but he was actually doing was asking for quiet.

‘Onkel. Listen… Tante is singing Susi to sleep.'

Ingrid's dulcet voice could be heard, singing a lullaby.

‘She's a good woman,' Klaus said, proudly. ‘Felix, why don't you sleep here tonight?'