Hers for a While (4 page)

“Hard to believe?”

“Just usually, guys get pissy when women stand up to their mothers. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She really is still angry at the fact that you’re a firefighter?”

Jack smiled and hugged her tighter. “You should’ve seen her the day I told her I was going to the fire academy. You’d think I had just told her I had killed someone. But just like with everything else, she got over it. She’s just a worrier. I’d love for my kid to go on and do what I do, but I’d worry too. It’s because she cares.”

“How did… you know…” Alice cut herself off. They had never talked about how his dad had died, she just always assumed during a fire. Now she wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to bring up, but it fell out of her mouth without even trying.

“How did he die?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you want to say. I know it can be tough to talk about.”

Jack crinkled his brow and shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine, Alice. I can’t believe I’ve never told you. There was a chemical fire at a factory. He went in to save a victim. He was on search and rescue at the time. Got them out, but just as he was about to step out onto the ladder, the floor collapsed. I was at school. I remember them pulling me out early and telling me. I’ll never forget that day. Still feels like it just happened.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack.”

“Don’t be. He died saving a life and doing what he loved. I use that as inspiration every time I get on the rig. What a role model to have.”

Alice looked into his eyes, loving how passionate he was about it. “That’s good. You’ve got your own personal guardian angel.”

“Something else bugging you?”

How did he know? He was so good at reading her. “It’s stupid. Nothing really to get worked up over.”

“Tell me. What gives?” He nudged her. “It’s not stupid if you’re thinking about it.”

Straightening her posture, Alice took his hand and held it, keeping her gaze on him. “What your mom said today really did get me thinking. And believe me, I meant what I said about being proud of you, but until today, it never crossed my mind about everything. Your job is your job. I love that you’re doing what you feel you’re called to do. It was just an eye opener today.”

Jack didn’t say anything at first. The room fell silent, and Alice wondered if she should’ve just played it off as not a big deal. “I’m sorry you’re worrying about that. You shouldn’t have to.”

“It’s not a deal breaker for me, Jack. I love you. I can’t imagine not being with you. Like I said, your mom just sort of pushed me into reality for a bit. We can’t live life off of what if’s.”

“You’re damn right about that, Babe. I’m perfectly fine. I work with a great crew. We all know what we’re doing.”

Alice ran her palm down the side of his face, feeling his whiskers on her skin. Her thumb trailed over his plump lips and they both looked into each other’s eyes, lost together in that moment.

She mouthed, “I love you,” and he mimicked her, kissing her thumb.

His strong hands wrapped around her waist, edging her onto his lap. She felt so safe in his arms, against his muscular build. His fingers smoothed down her side, brushing against the edge of her breasts, sending a chill through her. Burying his face in her neck, his teeth nipped at her, followed by small flicks of his tongue.

“Let’s get your mind off of all this, what do you say?” His breath tickled her skin and she took in his musky, manly scent that had as much part in turning her on as his mouth and hands had.

Sliding off of the couch, he picked her up and took her to his dark bedroom, only illuminated by the light cascading in from the living room. Gently laying her on the bed, he dipped his head, continuing to supply pleasure with his mouth. Alice closed her eyes and balled the sheet up in her fist, her back arching, savoring every second. She loved this man. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

***

Alice thought about the first time she had met Janet Turner. Looking back, she realized there was so much irony in all of it. Of all the things to talk about with her son’s girlfriend, death was the topic of discussion. Now, after everything had transpired and things had calmed down, Alice couldn’t help but wonder if they had jinxed things. Had her worrying about Jack’s safety caused this? Did fretting over it cause karma to play against them?

Walking to her dresser, she pulled out the old picture of Jack’s father. Janet had given it to her, and to this day, she wasn’t sure why she had. Maybe it was because Jack had loved it.

Setting it on the flat surface, she also got Jack’s fire department picture out. She had put them side by side many times before, and each time, she compared them, still in shock at the resemblance - resemblance in not only the physical traits of both men, but the lifestyles. Jack had mentioned traditions all the time. He was all about following in footsteps of great men before him. Alice had no idea he would ever take it to this extreme.

Placing them both back in the drawer, she eyed herself in the mirror. Who was the woman staring back? It certainly wasn’t the woman she knew from years before. Haggard, sad, and lonely, she grabbed a tissue to fight off more tears as they streaked down her cheeks, smearing what was left of her already fading makeup.

She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want her family around. The one thing she wanted was impossible.
She wanted Jack.

Chapter Five

“Alice, did you see the news today?” Mandy sat next to her at the sandwich shop, taking a huge bite of her sandwich. She seemed like she was up to something, and though Alice got annoyed with her, it was nice to have some girl time with her friend. With all the time she had been spending with Jack, it felt like she was neglecting her pal.

“No, I had class. Graduation is around the corner. Finals are here. Between that and Jack, I haven’t really paid attention to current events or anything.”

“Well you should probably pay attention to this. Jack was the main attraction.”

“What are you talking about?” Alice asked as she swirled some sugar in her tea.

“Apparently there’s a big fire going on downtown. I think the news said a five-alarm fire. I could’ve sworn I saw him as they did one of those live feeds on a rescue. Which department does he work for?”

Alice’s stomach churned and suddenly, the crispy fries on her plate didn’t seem that appetizing. Of course, the one TV in the place was on some daytime soap opera and she wasn’t comfortable changing the station with so many people in the place. Did she really want to see it? She wanted to live by the ‘what she didn’t know won’t kill her’ saying, but leave it to Mandy to have a big mouth.

“He um, he works for Ladder Six. Was that one of the trucks you saw?”

“Yep, it was front and center. Of course, they all had those turnout things they wear so I couldn’t really see their faces, but I think Turner was on one of the coats. What is it about those coats that make them so hot?” Mandy looked out the window, lost in thought. How could she be so inconsiderate to Alice’s feelings?

Standing up, Alice put a ten-dollar bill on the table. “That should cover mine and part of the tip.”

“Where are you going?”

“I gotta go. Sorry to cut it so short. Rain check for sure.” Alice ran out to her car, fighting the anxiety as best as she could. Why was this bugging her? Jack had told her stories of other fires, so why this?

She got in the car and grasped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. Maybe it was the recent conversation with his mother. Maybe it was her own fears coming to the surface. Taking a deep breath, she stared back at the restaurant, knowing full well that Mandy was at the window, watching her. She couldn’t start crying. The last thing she needed was another lecture about life with a firefighter.

Putting the car into gear, she drove back to her place, lost in thought the whole way. When she got home, she turned the TV to the local news, and just as Mandy had said, the report was about an apartment complex on fire with the major part almost fifteen stories up.

It was hard to tell who everyone was. The news was forced to stay back, but whoever was controlling the camera was getting some good shots. Right up front was Ladder Six.

“We were just notified that there is a firefighter hanging from the side of the building. We’ll zoom and get a better look. It appears the ladder is not reaching where they need it to go.”

Alice watched like it was a movie, telling herself to shut off the TV, but her hands didn’t move for the remote. Why was she doing this to herself? She had to know who it was hanging from the rope. Sitting closer, she stared, her pulse racing, knowing that it had to be Jack. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but her instincts were screaming at her.

Of course, with all of the gear, everybody looked the same. The camera view was blurry, but once it finally got into focus, she got the first clear glimpse of the man performing the high-rise rescue. Bile formed in Alice’s throat. She knew it was him without even seeing the name on the turnouts.

Jack clutched onto the victim, swinging out with nothing below them but the hard street. He had to be twenty stories up with thick smoke and huge flames busting through windows right beside him.

“Get in the window. Damn it, Jack, get in the window!”

She felt the tears fall and a whimper escaped her. He kicked out against the bricks and finally, the window shattered and they were able to swing him and the victim inside of a fire free room. She couldn’t see anymore. Grabbing the remote, she turned the TV off and sat in silence, attempting to process what she had just witnessed. Jack appeared to be safe and Alice wasn’t sure what emotions she was feeling. She was angry. She was scared. She was proud. So many things happened at once and it was too much for her to even comprehend.

He had mentioned getting off around four, but with the fire, Alice wasn’t sure if he’d get home at that time. She had learned it wasn’t uncommon for him to work long past his shift, following up on calls and writing paperwork, but she needed to talk to him.

What would she say?

The last thing she wanted to do was lecture him about his job. Did he tell her she was crazy for wanting to work with kids?

After a long run at the park and a soothing shower, she noticed she had a missed call and text from him, asking her if he could come over. She replied, stating it was a good idea and that they needed to talk. She still had no idea what she was going to say. The mixed feelings she experienced during the news report hadn’t faded, and everything was still jumbled up in her head.

The rumble of his truck engine pulled her from her confusion, and she opened the front door just as he was about to knock. His fist was raised and he slowly lowered it when she revealed herself on the other side. He wasn’t smiling. He looked exhausted, like something was bugging him.

“Hey Jack.”

“Hey Alice.”

She moved aside to let him in and followed him to the couch. Sitting beside him, neither spoke. She couldn’t even look at him, though she had noticed a bruise near his eyebrow and a gash on his cheek.

“Tough day.” She didn’t ask it. It was a statement, and it held multiple meaning, referring to both of them.

“Yeah. You too?” His voice cracked.

Nodding, she went to the refrigerator and pulled out two beers, offering him one, which he gladly accepted. Twisting the cap off, he took a long pull before setting it on a coaster.

“I saw the news today, Jack.”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “You saw the fire?”

“News crews were all over it.”

Jack ducked his head and let out a deep breath. “I thought you said you stay away from that stuff. Why’d you watch?”

“Mandy told me. I usually don’t, but it’s like when you drive up to a car wreck. You just have to look. I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve tried not to get upset. It was damn scary seeing you thrown over the side of a building with fire all around you.”

Jack finished the beer and scooted it across the table. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“I know it’s your job. I know it was something that happens all the time for you. It’s just made me think. With what your mom said and all of this happening all at once, it just hit me hard.”

Jack stood up and began to pace. It wasn’t Alice’s intention to upset him and she probably should’ve stopped while she was ahead, but she couldn’t keep it bottled in.

“What do you want me to do, Alice? You want us to drive up on scene of a huge fire and think, oh hell, Alice could be watching the news, I better not run in and grab the kid up on the fifth floor? Or damn, my mom doesn’t want me to be a fireman because of my father? It’s who I am. They needed a guy to swing down on a rope because the ladder wasn’t going that high. Guess what? I did it without blinking, and I’d do it again without blinking. Wanna know why?” He stopped, his eyes red, his stare sharp.

“Why, Jack?”

“Because I saved that man today. There were several casualties today, but at least one walked away safe. If that means dangling from a rope with the world watching, so be it! I don’t care if the news was there or not. I don’t do it to get on the damn television.”

Alice stood up, feeling guilty for even bringing it up. “I know, Babe. I just worry. I was worried sick when I came home to watch. I know you do it for those reasons. I don’t want to fight, but can you see it from my point of view too? How would you feel if this was reversed and it was me up on that high rise today? You can’t fault me for feeling this way.”

Jack raked his hand through his hair and chewed on the inside of his cheek. The gash on his cheek was deep and Alice wondered if he had gotten medical attention for it.

“I don’t fault you for feeling that way, Alice. I just need you to understand that this is who I am. I don’t want you to worry, but I also can’t quit doing this. I love you and the last thing I want to do is put you through hell because of my job.”

He began to back up, heading for the door and Alice’s heart felt like it was about to flop out of her chest. “What do you mean, Jack?”

“It means I love you enough to let you go. I saw what my mom went through with my father. Maybe it’s best we take a break and figure out if this is what we both really want. I can’t be stressed about my girlfriend freaking out about every fire. You can’t worry every time I get called out.”

Alice shook her head no. “That’s not what I was wanting to happen, Jack. I don’t want to take a break from you.” She had heard the line before. Taking a break meant the relationship was over.

“I think you’re confused, which is justifying this. I love you, Alice. I’ll always love you, so much to let you go.” Jack took another hard glance at her and went out the front door, leaving her alone in her entryway.

Tears fell fast and she rested her head against the door, crying uncontrollably. Why did she even say anything? He probably came over to unwind and she had to be difficult.

“Please, Jack, don’t leave,” she whispered, but could tell he was long down the street when the rumble of his truck dissipated, and was completely gone.

Walking into her bedroom, she took a glance at herself in the mirror. Eyes swollen, hair disheveled – she looked like a carbon copy of a woman straight out of a romance book. She couldn’t let Jack go. Just as she told herself a thousand times before, loving him was worth all of the stress if it meant having him around.

Grabbing her car keys, she hurried to her car. Hopefully he’d head home. She didn’t feel like tracking him across town, but she would if it meant talking to him again. Who was this girl she turned into? She had never chased a guy like this. If a man wanted to break up, it was hard, but she dealt with it. Why Jack? Why now with the semester almost over and graduation right around the corner?

She probably drove faster than she should have, but she was relieved when she reached his house and his truck was out front. She was so lost in everything that she didn’t see him sitting on the porch.

“Alice?” He had another beer in his hand and looked as if he had been crying.

“Jack, I don’t agree with this. I know you don’t either.”

He stared up at her, stoic, sipping on his beer. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he meant what he said.

“I know you don’t want to worry me and I know you don’t want to stop being a fireman. I would never be able to live with myself if you quit doing what you love. I’m going to worry about you, that’s a given. I’d worry about you no matter what you do. I’ll deal with it. I’ll learn to cope. One thing I know is, I won’t be able to deal or cope if you leave me. Please don’t do this. The stress is worth everything we have for each other.” Her voice shook, and though she hated crying in front of people, it was impossible to hold it in. Still, he stared up at her, drinking his beer. “Please say something, Jack.”

He shrugged and tossed the beer bottle into the flowerbed beside him. “I was just wondering what the hell took you so long to get your ass over here.”

Alice’s anxiety began to fade. His smile melted her, making all of the recent drama go away. “You’re such a jerk!”

Reaching up, he pulled her down to where she was straddling him on the step. Running his hand down her hair, she savored his touch. He nipped at her ear and kissed the nape of her neck.

“I’m stupid for even considering what I said at your house, Alice. I just don’t like the idea of you being so worried. You’re the first thing I think of right before I go into a fire. I think about you to stay safe and that gets me through. I promise you that I’m careful. I’ve always wanted to be like my dad, but there’s one thing I won’t let happen – I won’t let the fire get me.”

Alice wasn’t sure how he could be so certain, but she believed him. Looking in his eyes, she gently ran her finger over the wound on his cheek. “If you’re gonna get hurt, please, not the face. You’re too damn beautiful.” She studied it, hoping it wasn’t deep enough for stitches. “How about we go inside and get it cleaned up?”

He held onto her waist as they went to his bathroom where she sifted through his medicine cabinet, finding a bottle of peroxide and some cotton balls. He reluctantly sat on the toilet and she kneeled in front of him, smiling, glad that this evening was turning out world’s better than she had thought just thirty minutes ago.

Dabbing the cotton ball in the medicine, she held it up, but didn’t apply it immediately. “It might sting. You’ve got a pretty good little cut going on.”

“I can take it.”

She applied it against his cheek and he winced, but the peroxide foamed up and cleaned it. Alice kept it from dripping down the side of his face, all while Jack kept his eyes on her. She felt vulnerable as he studied her, but at the same time, it felt good helping him.