Heroine: California Dreamin' (21 page)

Then he led me on my arm through the court room that was completely empty, through another door through which the presiding judge had come out at the last hearing. We entered a large wooden office room with a huge desk made of brown wood in the middle of it; the same judge I had faced last week now sat enthroned behind the desk on a black leather armchair. He didn’t wear a robe but an open white shirt with black Dockers and flat crème-colored shoes whose sole was worn down at the heel. I noticed the last bit quite well because he had his feet parked on the desk. That circumstance would have let me doubt my right mind again – but at another time. Now I had no time to question the state of my mental capacities because there were more people in the room.

My heart jumped for joy when I saw Daniel’s smiling face. I would have liked to give him a big hug if I wouldn’t have restrained myself. Irene and the woman in the gray costume who insisted to send me to jail sat in armchairs to the side. My husband had noticed my hesitation and came towards me in big steps, hugged me, lifted me up and hopped with me through the room.

“You are free, darling”, he called out. “Finally I have you back. Oh, how I missed you.” That he could be so passionate was a new experience for me but I gladly tolerated it. I hid my face on his shoulder and let my tears flow. I didn’t want to let go of Daniel, ever. The judge interrupted us. Though Daniel had spoken with me in German the judge had understood the sense of Daniel’s words.

“Not that fast”, he announced. “First we need to take care of some formalities.” Disappointed I let go of my husband. However since everybody was still looking with a friendly face I calmed down again. Irene also got up and gave me a hug.

“Dearest, I’m happy that you are healthy. Why didn’t you call me right after your arrest? Then everything would have gone much faster.” She winked at me and hugged me. I was flabbergasted when she whispered into my ear:

“Don’t ask any questions now and keep quiet. Only answer the questions with yes and no. I explain later what’s happening.” I trusted Irene and therefore I would obey her.

A short procedure followed that appeared to me as absurd as a game of marbles in jail. The judge would sit down properly and asked the prosecutor if she wanted to uphold her charges. She said yes but then added that this would only refer to the point of false statement after my arrest. She would drop all other charges.

Then the judge asked if I would plead ‘guilty’ or ‘not guilty’ to the charges. When Irene answered with ‘guilty’ instead of me my lower jaw just dropped. And I was completely perplex when I received a punishment of four days in jail for that. It was a deal Irene and the gray woman had negotiated in order to save her face, as I learned later. If I hadn’t pleaded ‘guilty’ I would have faced a public hearing. Now it was over. Before we left the room there were more embraces. Irene kissed the prosecutor on the cheek and squeezed her. The two of them knew one another and liked each other. I didn’t understand anything at all anymore.

It was bad for me but there was no other way out. I needed to go back to jail by bus. Only in order to hand in the red and white striped jail uniform and to pick up my belongings. But nevertheless I was shaking when I stepped through the steel gate. After its time in the locker my dress now sponsored a significantly musty smell and so I hurried up to get back into Daniel’s car where he waited for me behind the building. Irene had still stayed back in the court house. Before we separated she insisted that I should come see her the next day. There would be enough work and I had taken a vacation at public expense long enough. Her kind of humor sometimes dripped with wickedness.
‘If you just knew what kind of vacation I had …’
I thought to myself sarcastically. But I was happy that she wanted to see me again because if she had discovered any connection between Robert’s death and my kidnapping she wouldn’t be so nice.

My husband hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast so he wanted to take me under all circumstances to an expensive restaurant at Monterey’s beach. However I insisted to drive home immediately. The dress had to go to the cleaners and so did I. And I also needed a hairdresser appointment as soon as possible. When we drove off in northern direction I insisted that we would take Highway 1 via Watsonville, the same way I had come here in Soto’s car a week earlier.

Even before we passed the Amtrak terminal Daniel started to talk again; it ripped me out of my euphoric trance. While he had previously talked enthusiastically how happy he was to have me in his arms again now his frustration surfaced slowly.

“What on earth did actually happen? When I received your message I immediately ran from the meeting and started making phone calls. Then these strange accusations by the prosecutor in the court room last week and the show today. Irene came last Thursday and asked about your whereabouts since you didn’t show up for work. First I didn’t know who she was until she told me that you are her friend. Why didn’t you tell me that you have a job? And then as temporary agent for the FBI? Well, believe me for a while I thought I’ve lost my mind. Put yourself into my position. There is your wife before a judge in the court room accused of being a prostitute. In addition these ominous circumstances of a kidnapping. If Irene hadn’t shown up I really had my doubts whether I played with a full deck. At any rate you owe me some explanations.”

After this rant I first didn’t find any answers. I had suffered a lot during the last few days and the dreadful angst that I felt with my abduction and later in jail casted itself again like a bell jar over my whole body. Only because Daniel mentioned the word ‘abduction’. I breathed heavily in and out and it took me almost a minute to control this panic attack and to be able to answer him. Additionally I sensed now that he really doubted my version of the abduction.

“Please, Daniel. Right now I am not capable of dealing with these accusations. The last few days were absolutely horrific for me. First I need to recuperate again and then I will explain everything to you. At least as far as I understood the whole thing.”

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to put pressure on you”, Daniel mumbled. “But last week was not easy for me either. I waited all week here in a cheap hotel for you to call me. If Irene hadn’t come by I would have asked for a loan today to be able to pay for a lawyer.” That explained in part why I didn’t get a hold of him on the phone.

“They had taken my cell phone and I was only allowed to use the phone in the corridor. Then I tried several times to reach you in your office and at home but you never picked up.” Talking felt good I noticed. I decided that it was better to talk about everything than to bottle up all these horrible events. So we kept on talking until we had passed the Watsonville airport. Still on the day of my arrest Daniel had tried to find a lawyer to get me out of jail. But they wanted at least $ 50,000 down payment when they heard that Daniel was a foreigner. I was dumbfounded and kept silent in embarrassment because I thought of Robert’s money in the safe in San Jose. Daniel had tried to negotiate with the bank where he had his account to get a loan. But this seemed to be impossible. If Irene wouldn’t have managed to get me out he would have asked his company for a loan. He didn’t answer the phone because he was not at the company or he was on his way. I decided to memorize his cell phone number once and for all. At the same time it really touched me how much he wanted to take care of me. And stupid me had believed that he was up and gone with his female boss. Feelings of guilt came up and I lowered my head in embarrassment. We reached the area now where the farm was in which Soto and Andrew had kept me. I interrupted Daniel and asked him to leave the highway.

“It must have been here in this area. I would like to look at the place of my imprisonment up closely once more. However, the landscape looks quite different from last week.” I became restless because I didn’t recognize the area again. We passed by a lot of farm houses but none of those looked like the place where I was kept. The buildings were flat and I saw nowhere a silo with a blue cross on it. Nervously I sent Daniel all across small roads but I couldn’t find anywhere an indication for said place. The farm was like it had disappeared from the face of the earth. Doubts on my mental capacity bubbled up again in my head.

But I had been abducted! I had spent five days in jail! Why couldn’t I find the farm anymore?! Here, everything was flat and clear and such a big building should be prominent! We were already at the outskirts of Santa Cruz and slowly but surely I was gliding into an emotional crises again. Surely I was totally wound up and overly tired when we had left the farm. But nevertheless everything was carved into my memory. Why couldn’t I localize the temple?

Daniel looked at me from the side and I sensed again that he mistrusted me. That was all I needed to also lose his support. I had him stop at the next drugstore and I got out of the car. At the cashier I asked the sales lady. She had never heard of this church with a blue-green cross. While Daniel stayed in the car I visited other shops too with the same question. No success. We drove on without another stop.

Daniel was silent and I felt that something bothered him. If I could only convince him that everything had happened to me that way!

“Daniel, please. You must believe me. I tell the truth. All that is so horrible,” I started crying incapable of sorting my thoughts. “They did indeed abduct me and dragged me here.” If I just hadn’t insisted to take this route back. We could have sit at our home comfortably long ago with Daniel holding me in his arms. But in that way I planted new doubts in him.

“But I still really don’t know what had actually occurred”, he said after a while in a calm manner. “So far I have talked and you cried”, he continued. That was Daniel again how I knew him. Dry and without emotion. But this time I felt good about it. I would explain everything to him and do away with this oppressive atmosphere in the car.

“They had ambushed me in front of our house when I came back from shopping. There was an ugly gray van parked in front. Then they grabbed me and drove off with me.”

“They?” Daniel inquired. “There were several people?”

“Yes, three men. Soto, Andrew and Cody. Cody was the driver. The other two guarded me.”

“Did you befriend them or where did you know their names from?” Daniel’s question hit me like a punch in the face. My stomach curled up.

“They talked to one another therefore I know their names. Please, don’t be so mistrusting.” I started crying again.

“Calm down and tell me more”, my husband grumbled. “That is not mistrust but rather jealousy. Did they something bad to you?” I was alleviated that he asked me that.

“No, they didn’t touch me at all. They were not allowed to do so.” I summarized my story in broad outline and emphasized several times that the fat guy had forbidden them to lay hands on me. The events in jail I left out. We were already in Cupertino when I had finished my narration.

“The question remains why did they abduct you? Irene told me that it might have something to do with your new job. What are you actually doing there?” Daniel was still completely calm and factual, an attitude I didn’t like. On the other hand I knew him in that way but I would have preferred a jealousy scene or other emotional outbreaks on his part. I was afraid that he would dig too deep into the story.

“I am supposed to do office work for Irene. Not more. Therefore I do not understand why I was abducted.”

“Your friend however told me a totally different story. You are busy as a ‘female undercover agent’ she told me. Those guys had kidnapped you because you posed some danger for them. To be honest, that sounded a bit implausible to me.”

I kept silent and looked out of the window.

“What do
you
think why I was abducted?” My feelings were frozen all of a sudden because I felt that Daniel was getting angry. He felt that he was being fooled.

“Last week I also went to the police station in Prado where they had detained you, in order to find out what had happened and how I could help you. The female officer who had interrogated you first didn’t want to talk with me at all but I threatened her that otherwise our lawyer would grill her then. Whether she had a problem with foreigners and so. I wanted to know why you were charged with prostitution. She then showed me a photo on which you could be identified unmistakingly and where you were at it with a man on an open road. At the police in San Jose they already had you once before on the radar screen for prostitution. What do you think I should believe now?” Something in my head exploded and I couldn’t breathe anymore. I sat beside him gasping for air and couldn’t utter a word. This was the end of our relationship – I was sure of it. And what should I do on my own?

“You are as white as a sheet. Do you want me to stop and get you something to drink?” Daniel’s voice sounded concerned. He left the highway and ran into a small store in order to buy some water. I drank the ice cold drink in small gulps while he looked at me from the side. I pulled myself together and looked at him in the eyes.

“Will you leave me now?” I whispered. The tears were there already before I could finish the sentence.

“Tell me the truth: Are you walking the streets or not?” he was completely calm. I shook my head vehemently.

“That was a one-time fling, nothing else. I got to know that guy by chance and we met once. He’s an auto mechanic who helped me to jump start my car. Then a peeping tom had watched us and reported us to police. I’m begging you: please trust me. I am not a prostitute”, I sobbed. Daniel remained still unmoved. He looked at me with probing eyes and then he said the nicest sentence that I heard from him – ever. Actually, only the first sentence was nice.

“I trust you. We’ve both granted one another an affair some time ago. I think meanwhile you have exaggerated a bit in my opinion but that is okay. But in the future I would like to know when you are meeting with whom in case you have the need for it. After all we have an agreement.” Only now I remembered again the first adventure with Jan and how it had come to it. Jan. Longing feelings awakened in me. If I could have stayed with Jan I would have been spared some nasty experiences. But now I had Daniel and I was relieved that he didn’t throw me out. And I swallowed the anger down that his other words had triggered in me. I noticed that I was able again to get angry. This was the first time that the strange sexual preferences of my husband had actually bailed me out. Another man would have told me to get lost.

A few minutes later we turned onto the property that led to our house. I was shaking a bit when I got out of the car because the angst came up that I had felt during the abduction. The house was as it always was and that fact calmed me down. As soon as possible I tore off my clothes and disappeared in the bathroom. Supper was already on the table when I came out of the bath room again. Daniel had ordered pizza. I sat down at the table in my bathrobe and a towel wrapped around my head. Daniel returned to the small kitchen and came back with a bottle of red wine.

“We have a reason to celebrate. I have you back again.” His eyes were moist and I cried too for sentimental reasons - it really touched me that much. We embraced one another and forgot about the food. I let myself glide to the floor and pulled Daniel down as well. We kissed very tenderly lying on the soft carpet. I wanted to make love, but Daniel treated me like he had never done before. All other times he was rather gentle and restrained when we had sex. But this time his rage made him almost reckless. Wild, hard and reckless. With that he bit my shoulders a few times that made me scream each time. Daniel wanted to vent his rage onto me and I enjoyed it. He had walked around for so many days with the tormenting imagination that his wife was a whore. I could feel in him a mixture of sadness, angst and rage. And a feeling of desperation as with an abandoned child. This side of Daniel I had not seen before.

I was happy about the way how Daniel had revealed his feelings. Those were precious moments that I had experienced rarely in our relationship.

A wave of emotion swashed over me and I felt my deep love for him. I would never cheat on him again. I became aware how little I had done to really get to know Daniel and I was embarrassed that I had assumed that he would cheat on me with Mei Li while I was in jail.

During the night I woke up. I had somewhat sobered up and I remembered that the next day was a Tuesday. Didn’t I promise Pete and Ron to ‘lecture’ them again? That needs to come to an end. I would call Pete and tell him that Daniel had found out about the whole thing. They had to live with it. Perhaps they would accept something of the gold that I had stored in the bank vault. I was sure I could buy my freedom with it. That it wasn’t my gold I pushed aside in this night.