Here and Now (13 page)

Mike looked at the street, unable to meet his father’s gaze.

“I know you’re hurting right now, but don’t blame yourself for what happened. And don’t lose your hope in love. Believe me, it exists. And it’s beautiful.”

“I wouldn’t know…”

“Son, she loved you. I know she did. I saw it with my own two eyes.”

“Well, you’re blind,” he said bitterly.

“Don’t let this tear you apart, Mike.”

“You don’t understand…”

‘Then help me understand.”

Mike took a deep breath then batted his tears away. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. But I’m here now.” He shut his father out, hiding his emotions from all of us. Whatever he was thinking or feeling was gone. The light in his eyes went out. “Let’s go.”

Andrew stared at him for a long time. “I’m always here to talk, Mike. Don’t shut me out.”

“I wasted my time with Cassandra. She was nothing but a mistake. Relationships aren’t meant to last. You and Mom are examples of that. Sean and Scarlet will burn just as much. And I accept that.”

His dad shook his head slightly. “I hope in time you see things differently.”

“I see things clearly now.” He headed to the door then opened the back door. He got inside.

We all stood there, stunned. Andrew put his hands on his hips and stared at the car, his thoughts whirling through his mind.

“I guess you were right,” Sean whispered. “Something happened to him.”

I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it had something to do with Cassandra. “You said she was seeing someone. Do you think he saw them together?”

Sean’s eyes flashed in recognition. “That makes perfect sense.”

Andrew came back to us and sighed. “We should go.” The despair was heavy in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Sean said.

After another deep breath, Andrew got into the car and we took off, trying to get to Connecticut as quickly as possible.

We arrived
at the lawyer’s office then sat down. Diane was already there, looking frail and weak. Her hair wasn’t done and her face was free of make up. Andrew placed his hand on her shoulder then turned to the lawyer.

I was the first one to reach her so I hugged her tightly.

Wordlessly, she hugged me back.

When Sean and Mike came to her chair, the light entered her eyes for just a moment. “My babies.” She stood up and hugged each one of them, squeezing them like she’d never let go.

Mike took a deep breath while he held her. I knew he was trying to control his emotions.

She sniffed then sat down, her tears coating on her eyes.

Andrew grabbed her hand and held it. He didn’t speak but he comforted her.

I sat beside Sean and held his hand, silently telling him I loved him and was there for him.

Mike sat on the other side of me, and I felt horrible that he was alone. There was no one to get him through this. So, I grabbed his hand too. His grip was lifeless but he didn’t pull away.

The lawyer went through the list of assets and discussed how things would be split. The divorce was clean. Andrew and Diane split everything down the middle. Even half of Andrew’s income from the company would go to Diane every year until she passed away. Andrew gave her the house and everything inside, saying he didn’t need it. Diane was silent the entire time.

Then the papers were presented.

Andrew picked up the pen and initialed where there were circles. When he got to the last page, he pressed his pen to the paper to add his signature.

“Andrew…please.” Diane gave him a pleading look, the tears falling down her cheeks. “I’ll do whatever you want to make this work. I’m different now.”

The lawyer looked down at his hands and tried to ignore their conversation.

I hated hearing this. I never thought I’d feel so bad for Diane.

“We already talked about this,” Andrew said gently. “I’m sorry.”

“Please.”

His eyes turned red. “I wish I could believe you. You’ve apologized before but you continued with your destructive ways. It’s too hard on me. I want to be with my kids… I want to be happy.
”

She grabbed his hand. “Give me one more chance. Just one. I’ll do right by you.”

This was unbearable.

“Diane, I made my decision.” He was firm but gentle at the same time.

She finally fell silent. She wiped her tears away with a tissue then looked away, unable to see him sign his name.

Andrew picked up the pen and added his signature to the page. We all stared at it, realizing there was no going back. He moved the paper to her side of the desk and placed the pen on the surface.

She cried for a moment, blowing her nose and wiping her tears away. Andrew looked down at his hands, unable to look at her. I even got a little choked up.

Sean cleared his throat. “Mom, we’re still a family—no matter what.”

She nodded her head slightly.

“And we’ll get through this,” Mike added.

They were Andrew’s voice because he couldn’t speak himself. I could tell by the way his head was bowed.

With a shaky hand, she finally picked up the pen and added her signature.

The lawyer took the papers and nodded. “It’s done.”

12

Hazel

I met Cortland after work one day. We went out to dinner at an Italian place, his favorite. I didn’t care where we ate. I’d eat just about anything.

“Where’s Monnique?” I asked when I reached his table.

“Work,” he said sadly.

“She busy a lot?”

He nodded. “It’s not a nine to five job. It’s all over the place most of the time. And I can’t count the number of times she was called in during dinner because they needed to get a few more shots.” He sounded frustrated.

“Sounds like you aren’t liking this much…”

He shrugged. “It makes her happy. And I’m not going to stand in the way of that.”

I eyed him for a long time. “I think it’s wonderful how selfless you are. That’s the foundation for any relationship. But you have to take care of yourself too.”

“What does that mean?” he asked while he looked at his menu.

“If this is too hard for you, just tell her. If she loves you, she’ll quit.”

“It’s not that simple…”

“I know that’s hard for you. You’re innately giving and
loving, but sometimes we have to put ourselves first.”

He stared at the menu for a long time before he tossed it aside. “Have you lived a thousand times or something? Because you sound so wise all the time.” He was partially teasing me, but being serious at the same time.

“I read a lot.”

“I’m not following.”

I sipped my water then played with my napkin. “I’ve been lost in so many stories and so many characters that I feel like I’ve lived many lives. I’ve watched people I love die, watched them fall in love, watch them travel on an adventure…do amazing things. As a result, I understand different perspectives and personalities. I can understand people’s points of views even if I don’t necessarily agree with them. It’s just something I’ve done over time.”

He said nothing for a long time, processing my words. “That makes perfect sense. Scarlet is the same way. And I know she reads a lot.”

I drank from my water again, suddenly feeling awkward.

“How’s Flynn?” he asked.

“He’s good.”

“Is he treating you right?” The threat was in his voice.

I smirked. “Cortland, I can take care of myself. Please don’t worry about me.”

“No. I’ll always look after you, Hazel. No one messes with you and gets away with it.”

I understood him pretty well, but I didn’t necessary understand why he was so invested in my personal life. “Cortland, why do you care so much?”

He grabbed the wrap
per to his straw and played with it. “What do you mean?”

“What does it matter if I get hurt? What does it matter what ha
ppens to me in my personal life? It’s out of your control.”

He crumpled the wrapper in his fingers. “I care about you a lot, Hazel. You were my friend when I had no one else. You helped me through every day and every night. You can’t go through something like that and not form an innate bond with them. I’ll always have a special relationship with you. You understood me better than anyone else, even Scarlet. And I never want you to get hurt again. You don’t deserve it.”

His words went straight to my heart. Cortland was someone I loved the moment I met him. He was the greatest guy I’ve ever known. I liked Monnique, for the most part, but she didn’t deserve him. I would never admit that to him because he loved her and was determined to be with her, but he could do so much better. I know Monnique made a mistake and apologized for it, but you couldn’t leave someone for three months and expect everything to be okay. Cortland wasn’t like other guys. He was just as beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. If a girl left him, she was a damn idiot. “I love you,” I blurted.

He smirked. “I love you too.”

He knew in what context I meant that. I didn’t have a family or even friends who had my back, but Cortland filled that void for me. He brought me into his group and gave me a home, somewhere where I belonged. I knew any of the others would do anything for me simply because I was so important to Cortland.

“So…he treating you right?” he asked again.

“Flynn’s a wonderful guy. You don’t have to worry about him.”

“I hope so,” he said darkly.

The waiter took our order. We decided to split a pizza because that’s what we usually did.

“What’s been happening with him?” Cortland asked.

“We ran into my ex last night, and Flynn beat him up on the sidewalk.”

Cortland nodded. “I like him a lot more.”

I smirked. “He’s just…not what I was expecting.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s playful and a little arrogant on the outside. He’s always joking around and never taking life too seriously, but he’s so…deep at the same time. I thought he would flirt with other girls or break my heart in some way, but as soon as we got together, he was nothing but perfect. He takes care of me even when I don’t want him to. He can read my mind even though it annoys me. I don’t know… He seems like the real deal.”

Cortland stared into my eyes for a long time. “You love him?”

I hadn’t thought about it long enough to make a decision. After the other night, I was certain I did. Every time he held me, I felt like I was in a safe haven. I felt connected to him in a special way. He made me happy, happier than I’d been in a really long time. “I think so.”

He nodded. “I’m very happy for you.”

“You aren’t going to kill him?” I teased.

“Depends. Does he love you?”

“He hasn’t said it.”

“You can still tell.” He rested his elbows on the counter. “So, what do you think?”

I remembered the way he looked at me. It was a look I recognized from other people in love. “I think so.”

“Have you slept with him?” Only Cortland could get away with asking me that.

“No. Not yet.”

He nodded. “I’m glad this guy is a gentleman.”

“They are rare,” I said in agreement. “But everyone seems to love him. Ryan is pretty much obsessed with him.”

Cortland chuckled. “I have competition.”

“Oooh…someone’s getting jealous.”

He rolled his eyes. “Ryan can have other friends besides me.”

“Whatever,” I teased. “You love him and want him all to yourself.”

He shrugged. “I know I’ll always be his number one guy. Nothing will change that.”

“Young love,” I said with a smile.

He nudged me from across the table. “Shut up.”

“Did he ask you to be his best man?”

“No,” he
said. “But I hope there’s still a wedding. They got into a huge fight.”

“They’ll work it out,” I said simply. “Those two love each other more than anything—even if they hate each other at the same time.”

“I have a feeling Ryan will ask Scarlet.”

I was
n’t so sure about that. “I can tell they’re close, but I still don’t think he would pick her.”

“He was her maid of honor when she got married.”

“Awe, that’s so cute.”

He smirked. “It was pretty cute.”

“But you guys are best friends.”

Cortland rolled his eye
s. “We aren’t girls. He’s my best guy friend, but I wouldn’t say we’re best friends. And it’s not a big deal anyway. I’d be honored if he asked me, but I wouldn’t be offended if he didn’t.”

“Does he still hate Monnique?”

“I don’t think so. He treats her like he did before. But I don’t think it will ever be the same. He’s still…doesn’t trust her, I think.”

“He’s just being a good friend to you.”

“That he is.”

The pizza arrived and we ate like fatasses.

“Does Ryan get jealous of me?” I asked.

“Why would he?”

“Because you’re my best friend.”

“I’m your best friend?” he asked.

“Duh. What did you think?”

He shrugged. “I guess I knew that. You’re definitely one of mine.”

“I can see Ryan being so put out.”

“Have you met Ryan?” he asked with a laugh. “He’s such a macho man. He would never admit any of that. And honestly, he loves you.”

“He does?” That made me feel warm inside.

“Yeah. I know he’d be thrilled if we ended up together.”

“Really?” That was a shock to me.

“Yeah. Monnique will have to work hard to get his full confidence—if she ever does.”

“Does that make you have doubts?” I ate two slices and moved onto the third. “Do you…have doubts about her?”

He shrugged. “I’ve forgiven her for what she did. When she made an effort to be your friend, I knew she was serious about us. Monnique has an attitude and won’t give in easily. Perhaps it’s the Brazilian side of her coming out. Anyway, she wouldn’t do that unless she was really desperate to keep me around.”

“Then she runs off to be a lingerie model?” I asked incredulously. I shouldn’t have blurted that out. Sometimes I needed to think before I spoke. My opinions about his relationship were insignificant. If he wanted to know what I thought, he would ask.

He stopped eating. “Hazel, what do you think of her? Honestly?”

God, he just pushed me into a corner.

“I think if she makes you happy, then no one else’s opinion matters.”

He gave me a firm look. “I still want to know yours.”

I felt uncomfortable discussing this. “In
the end, only you know what’s best for you. You can get advice from philosophers and psychiatrists, and every answer will be different. And every answer will be wrong. Because you’re the only one who understands Monnique to the core. You’ve seen every layer, seen every piece of her soul. Therefore, my opinion isn’t significant.

He waited for me to answer him, silently pressuring me.

“I already told you my opinion.”

“When?” he asked.

“Right when you got back together.”

“Refresh my memory,” he commanded.

“I think you’re trying to get back what you lost, but that relationship is gone, Cortland. You’re a completely different person now. Maybe three months doesn’t sound like enough time to really change someone, but it clearly has. You aren’t passive anymore. You’re more aggressive and will stand up for what you believe in, no matter how petty it is. You still carry that hurt even though you claim you forgive her. You’re chasing something that’s gone, trying to get back that trust and foundation you had with her. I told you it wouldn’t work. You have to start all over.”

“But I did start over.”

“But would you be with her if you hadn’t already loved her? Based on who she is and how she acts, would you be with her?” I knew Cortland’s answer even though he didn’t say it. He wasn’t the type to be with someone so insecure. He wouldn’t date a model for any reason. He wouldn’t be with someone that tricked him into getting back together. It wasn’t him.

Cortland didn’t answer my question. He looked a
t his plate without eating his food.

“I’m sorry… I should
n’t have said anything.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said quickly. “I asked.”

I picked an olive off my pizza and ate it.

“When I first met her, she was so easy going and carefree. Her confidence was obvious to everyone in the room. But she was never arrogant. She always danced on the fine line
but never crossed it. Now that’s changing. She’s not holding herself with grace anymore. She struts everywhere she goes. Her modeling career is changing her. I expected it to happen, but it’s moving quicker and quicker. I remember the girl I fell in love with, who came into my life when I didn’t expect it, and when I look at her, I still see that girl from the past. I guess I can’t separate the two…”

I wasn’t sure what he was implying, but I let him get out his emotions.

“I wish we never broken up. I wish we could just go back to what we were.”

“I know,” I said gently.

He sighed then ran his fingers through his hair. “I haven’t proposed to her and I don’t know why. I love her. I know I do.” He bowed his head and rested his face in his hands, taking a deep breath.

The sight went straight to my heart. I moved to his side of the booth then rubbed his back. “It’s okay…”

“I keep waiting for it to be exactly how it used to be but…it hasn’t.”

“It’s not your fault, Cortland.”

“I feel like I’m chasing a ghost.”

“You love her and you’re fighting for her. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Maybe I’m just trying to avoid the pain as much as possible.” He leaned back against the chair then stared at the table.

I rested my head on his shoulder. “I’m here for you.”

“I know.” He rested his head on mine.

Together, we sat still in the booth. We both looked out the window and watched people walk by. I felt the pulse of his arm and noted how weak it was. His breathing was deep and shallow, like it was forced. I hurt for my best friend, the person I turned to for everything. He didn’t deserve to be in pain. He should be with someone that gave him the world. And I knew that girl wasn’t Monnique.