Here and Now (10 page)

9

Sean

Scarlet’s words really got to me.

After everything I did to prove I was the best husband in the world, she still doubted our relationship. She had more faith in other people than she did in us. Not only did it piss me off, it hurt me. Really hurt me.

She kept sending me glances from her side of the car. “Sean, I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

I kept my eyes glued to the road and my mouth shut. I just wanted to get home so I wouldn’t have to be so close to her.

“Sean, talk to me.”

I pulled into the driveway then killed the engine. “Just leave me alone, Scar.” I got out and slammed the door.

She jumped out of the car then walked beside me. “Please don’t take it the wrong way.”

“The wrong way?” I halted in my tracks and glared at her. “After everything I’ve done to right my wrongs, you still don’t believe in me.  You still don’t trus
t me. Why should I even bother?”

“That’s not what I said,” she argued.

“No. You just said that we’re unstable and unreliable. That Janice and Ryan, two of the most hot-headed people I’ve ever known, are more likely to last than you and, who are already married. Those two argue with each other until they bleeding with wounds. But yet, they have a better chance than we do. It’s a damn slap in the face.”

“Sean, it was just an exaggeration. I just mean those two would survive anything.”

“And we wouldn’t?” I snapped.

“That’s not what I meant either.”

I walked through the door and ignored my dad, who was sitting on the couch drinking a glass of wine. “Whatever, Scar. I know exactly what you meant.”

“Sean, you’re taking this the wrong way.”

“No, I understand perfectly. No matter what I do, I’ll always live with my mistakes. I’ll never really be forgiven and you’ll never really move on. I can be the damn man of the year but it won’t change anything. I was an asshole and now I’ll be an asshole for rest of my life. It’s a label I’ll never be able to shake. I’m stuck with it. I get it.”

My dad shifted his weight
, uncomfortable on the couch.

“That’s not how it is,” she said gently. “At all.”

“Whatever,” I snapped. “When it comes down to it, you have more faith in other people than you do in your own husband. In case you forgot, you’re the one who threw divorce in my face. You’re the one who made me feel like shit on purpose. And I was the one who told you that was never an option. So, if we fall apart, it’s because of you. Not me.” I moved up the stairs and gripped the rail. “Now leave me the hell alone.”

“Andrew, please help,” I heard Scarlet say to my dad.

I moved into my office then slammed the door. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially my wife. Honestly, I wasn’t that mad at her. I was just wounded by her lack of faith. It hurt me to my core.

My father knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”

I couldn’t be rude to my dad. It was ingrained in me to always be respectful toward him. The fact Scarlet turned to him was diligently smart and low. “Yeah.”

He walked inside then approached my desk, his hands in his sweatpants. Even when he was dressed down, his clothes didn’t have a single wrinkle. His shirt looked like it had been ironed before he put on. Actually, I wouldn’t put it past my dad. He had some weird quirks. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” I said in a clipped tone. I turned on my computer and went through my emails. I hardly worked from home, and these emails could wait until tomorrow, but it was the one place I could run to get away from my wife. Scarlet wouldn’t come in here. If I barricaded myself inside, she knew to back off.

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

My voice came out forced. “I appreciate you checking on me, but I just want to be alone right now.”

He sat down in the chair facing my desk. “How about you tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s between my wife and I.”

“It helps to talk about it. Scarlet seems upset.”

“That makes two of us.”

He gave me a firm look. “Just talk to me, Sean.”

“If you weren’t my old man, I’d throw you out.”

“I wouldn’t
advise that, Sean. You know I’d kick your ass.” He gave me a playful smirk.

His joy was infectious. “You’re right about that.”

“Now, come on.”

I sighed. “Scarlet made a comment that got under my skin…”

“And what was the comment?”

I examined a mark in the wood of my desk. It looked like I pressed my pen into the surface a little too hard. “She said we’re more likely to get divorced than Ryan and Janice breaking up.”

“But in what context did she say it?”

“What does it matter?” I snapped. “She still said it.”

“And you’re upset because…?”

“She has no faith in us. She still resents me for the way I treated her.”

“Well, in her defense, you were an ass, son.”

I glared at him. “You think I don’t know that? I’m nothing like that now. Why can’t we just move on from that?”

“I’m sure Scarlet’s forgiven you. She probably just referred to the fact that those two have an odd relationship. Scarlet is a runner. When things get tough, she takes off. She did it a lot during the beginning of your relationship. Ryan and Janice are different. They go to war until the last man is standing. They are just different approaches. It has nothing to do with how much she loves you.”

Why did my dad have to be so wise and logical all the time? “How was Mom?”

“Why are you changing the subject?”

“I’m not.”
Yes, I was.

He sighed. “She didn’t seem…well. We talk
ed for a while.”

“And…anything happen?”

“I told her I admired her for donating so much to charity and thinking about others besides herself. But that doesn’t change anything. I still don’t feel the same way. She isn’t the woman I fell in love with.”

Deep down, I was hoping for a different answer. I guess I wished my parents would get back together. My mom was a crazy bitch, but it seemed like she was changing her ways. Maybe it was all a show. People did desperate things when they were desperate. But what if it wasn’t? What if she finally became the woman she was supposed to be. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “Life goes on. I have eight amazing kids to get me through this.”

“Eight?” I asked. “Did you have some secret love children on the side?”

He laughed. “I was referring to the rest of your gang. I know they aren’t my kids, but they are as good as.”

I counted them in my head. “Where are you getting eight from? It should be seven.”

“No, I counted right.”

I thought about it for a moment. “You’re counting Cassandra?”

He nodded.

“Even though she’s long gone?”

“Who says they won’t work it out eventually? I watched them when they were together. There’s no doubt that girl loves him with her entire heart. There’s always time for her to change her mind.”

I guess I should spill the beans. “I’m pretty sure she’s seeing someone, Dad. I don’t think they’ll ever reconnect.”

He didn’t react to my words. “We have to lose everything before we realize what we really need.”

“Are you a fortune cookie?”

He smirked. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It wasn’t meant to be one.”

He crossed his legs then rested his hands in his lap. “Sean, you know how much Scarlet loves you. Cut her some slack.”

My dad swooped back to the subject like a shark circling an injured seal in the water. “She admitted she has doubts. I don’t have any.”

“Not a single one?” He stared at me hard.

“No.”

“You’re telling me you never worry she’ll leave you for someone else? That one day, she’ll get sick of all this and just leave? That a bad fight might result in unforgiveable words?”

I wouldn’t say that…

“It’s okay, Sean. We all have doubts.”

“I don’t doubt my love for my wife. I’ll never have another woman for as long as I live. She’s everything to me. If our relationship ends, it will be on her part, not mine. I just wish she understood that.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

I didn’t look at him. My voice came out quiet. “I’m always afraid she’ll leave me for someone else.”

He gave me a triumphant look. “You have to remember that Scarlet looks up to Ryan. He’s her hero. As far as she’s concerned, he can do no wrong. That probably as a lot to do with it.”

“I’m her husband. She should look up to me just as much.”

He shrugged. “For the most part. But she has a rare situation. She was abused, Sean. Ryan protected her and got her out of there. You can be the best husband the world has ever seen, but you’ll never compare to Ryan. I’m sorry. You’ll have to accept that.”

Ryan was an impossible role model to compete with. While he was different in his taste of career and his hotly attitude, he was one of the greatest guys I’ve ever known. He was tough around the edges, and hard to the bone. But there was no doubt he’d risk his life for almost anyone else. And there was no doubt that Scarlet was still his number one girl, no matter if he was married. He took care of her when I didn’t even know her, and because of that, I’d be indebted to him forever. If he weren’t there, she might not even be my wife.

My dad eyed me for several minutes, watching me think. “I hope that was helpful.”

“You always know what to do, Dad.”

He shrugged. “I’ve been around for a long time.”

“Were the dinosaurs really as big as they claim?” I teased.

He rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t know. But the trip on the Mayflower was pretty daunting.” He winked at me.

I chuckled.

He stood up then headed to the door. “Being married for twenty-five years taught me a few things.” He opened the door and stepped out.

“Dad? Are you really signing those divorce papers?” It was supposed to happen in a few days.

“Yes.”

I nodded, knowing he wouldn’t change his mind.

“Goodnight, Son.”

“Good
night, Dad.”

He c
losed the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I stayed at my desk for another hour while I thought about my parents. I couldn’t believe they were really going their separate ways. But if my mom really changed, I guess I could understand why my dad wouldn’t go back to her. He suffered a lot at her hands. Changing her ways wouldn’t fix everything. She couldn’t take back all those years of heartache. If Hitler asked for an apology for his wrongdoing, it wouldn’t change anything. He still deserved to die.

A light tapping sounded on my door. Judging by the gentleness, it was my wife. Only she could make
a simple knock musical.

“Come in.”

She opened the door, wearing her black silk robe. “Coming to bed?”

I didn’t look at her, more interested in my computer screen. “In a little while.”

She approached my desk. “Sean, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t have doubts about us. I don’t.”

I rubbed my chin. “I know. I just overreacted—like I always do.”

“No. I understood why you were upset. I just don’t want you to think I don’t have faith in us, because I do.”

I clicked on the mouse then felt the plastic under my hands. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’m not mad, just in a sour mood still.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “My dad says he’s still divorcing my mom.”

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Life goes on.” Now I was starting to sound like my dad.

Silence stretched between us for a while.

She played with the tie in front of her robe. “I thought I’d have to work harder to get you to forgive me, but your father did most of the work for me—that wizard.”

I smirked. “He has that special touch.” I eyed her robe, watching her play with the strings.

“I guess I don’t have to seduce you.”

“Whoa…hold on.” I eyed her body. “I’m fucking pissed.” My voice carried absolutely no conviction.

“You are?” she said with a smirk.

“Oh yeah. I hate you.”

“Wow,” she said with a laugh. “You’re really mad.”

“I’m leaving you.” I kept eyeing her robe, silently begging her to take it off. “You better do something to convince me to stay.”

She gave me a playful look then dropped the robe. She was wearing a black push-up bra and crouch-less panties.

My mouth dropped. I looked like a dumbstruck idiot. “So pissed…”

She came around the desk then came into my lap. She still wore her heels, making the ensemble perfect. “I’m so sorry, husband.”

“You better be.”

She played with my jeans until she lowered them, along with my briefs. She didn’t need to do anything to get me hard. It happened the moment she walked through the door. I didn’t even need to look at her to be excited. Her long brown hair fell over on
e shoulder and carried the scent of roses. I recognized the scent. I knew every feature and touch of my wife like I knew my own. She was the blood in my veins, the air in my lungs.