Her Secret (18 page)

I pinched him. He began tickling me, fending
off my struggles to get free.

“Stop!” I pleaded.

Theo backed off, reclining back. “Are they
having fun? They seem to be.”

“Yes. Are you still hungry? There are some
chicken fingers left over.”

“Not anymore there’s not,” Theo replied.

“Did you eat the donuts too?”

“Just three.”

There was a commotion from the other room
suddenly. I got up and went into Elle’s room, where they girls were
giggling and shrieking.

“It’s time for bed,” I said sternly. “No more
noise, okay?”

“Okay,” they all chimed.

Way too cooperative. They must have
flashlights ready for when I left. I shut the door, hearing the
muted giggling began again. Walking into the bedroom, I discovered
a huge cougar curled up waiting for me.

“Theo!” I chastised. “What do you think
you’re doing?”

He purred, kneading his claws on the
comforter.

“We have strangers in the house, and we need
to act as normal as possible, which even on a good day is hard to
accomplish.”

Theo purred deeper, and flipped over lightly
on his back.

I crawled in bed. “Suit yourself. It’s on you
if one of the girls comes in here and sees you.”

* * * *

Elle woke us up the next morning at seven.
Theo was still cougar, and we were just lucky she told her friends
that all of them coming to surprise us wasn’t a good idea.

After plying the girls with donuts, I got
them all dressed. They played for a short time outside, and soon
after, the first mother arrived to pick her daughter up.

When we’d scheduled the sleepover, I’d
expected a long, drawn out, low-key morning, like the ones I
experienced in my own youth. But times had changed, and all of the
girls had other planned events they had to attend, so they had to
get up early. From the mothers’ harried explanations, this was the
norm. I smiled and sighed with relief, glad Elle’s schedule wasn’t
so hectic.

By the time the last girl was packed off, I
was exhausted. I went back to bed, and Theo got up, then helped
Elle pack her overnight bags and some of the things she was taking
back to Danial’s. When I woke up, Terian had already come and
picked up Elle.

I felt somehow cheated, but there wasn’t time
to pity myself. Elle’s recital was in a few hours.

After showering and walking the dogs, we
dressed hurriedly and drove to the recital hall. We made it in
plenty of time, yet Danial had still beaten us there. He was
holding court much as Theo had before, several mothers clustered
around him.

As we came closer, Danial looked up and saw
us. He motioned Theo and me down to him, where he had saved us some
second row seats.

“Hey,” I said, sitting down next to him.
“You’re early.”

“I didn’t want to be late,” he said
pointedly. “Someone had to save the best seats.”

I clasped his hand. “Thanks.”

He gave my cheek a gentle kiss. “If so many
eyes weren’t watching us, I would give you a more preferable kiss,
Sar,” he teased.

“Knock it off,” Theo growled, sitting down on
my other side.

“Later,” I said to Danial, patting his
hand.

Then the curtain went up, and the recital
begun.

If you have ever been to a dance recital,
they are all much the same. The first few numbers are wonderful,
the cute outfits darling. By the tenth number, and the end of the
second hour, if you are waiting to see your child, you are
beginning to wonder if the torture will ever end.

Finally, our waiting paid off, and Elle came
onstage. She was beautiful in her red tutu, her hair gathered
sharply up under a sequined band to show her graceful neck. Her
moments were feline in their grace, and she was easily the best
student in her class. It was there in the lines of her form, and
her delicate movements, that one day she would be as sultry and
beautiful as her mother, Tawny, had been.

All too soon, she was done and taking a bow
as we and the rest of the audience clapped.

After one more routine, the show was over. As
all the girls came out to take a bow, Danial produced roses for
each of us. We brought them up to the stage together, and handed
them to Elle. After a few pictures, Danial lifted her down.

Elle hugged us all, but she talked to Danial
the most, asking if he saw her about ten times.

“Yes. You were wonderful, and I am very, very
proud of you.”

Theo and I echoed Danial’s sentiments.

“Go say goodbye to your friends,” Danial told
Elle. “We must be going.”

As Elle raced off, Danial began dialing his
phone.

“Are you heading home?” I asked.

“Brian is coming to pick us up,” Danial said,
giving my hand a quick kiss. “He’s waiting around the block. I
gather you’re not coming home with us?”

“No,” I said tiredly. “I’m worn out. Next
Saturday?”

“That will be the last before the party,”
Danial said neutrally. “Yes, I’ll plan for it. Riding?”

“No, it’s been too cold lately. Let’s stay in
and rent a movie or something.”

“I’ll read to you,” Danial said, nodding. “Be
there at dark.” His attention shifted, and he began speaking to
Brian.

“I thought you were going to go,” Theo
whispered, his arms going around my waist. “I’m glad you didn’t.
But I don’t mind if you want to, really.”

I did a double take. “You sound like you want
me to go.”

“No,” Theo said, uncomfortably. “I just
expected you to. You’ve gone every Saturday until now.”

The more he talked, the odder I was feeling.
“The turning is almost reversed, Theo. Aren’t you happy about
that?”

“Of course,” Theo said soothingly. “You know,
Elle was great. She’s got real talent.”

“She may decide to be a dancer.”

“I’d rather she used her brain than her body.
I need to use both to do my job and eventually, I won’t be able to
do it anymore. Professional dancers can only dance until they are
what, thirty? Then they have to teach, or do something else.”

“Theo, that’s a long way off. But that
reminds me, why didn’t you mention you’d become second?”

“Who told you I was second?” Theo said, his
eyes narrowing. “Danial?”

“No, he didn’t. Are you?”

“No, I’m third. They’re still working out the
details of the second’s demise.”

“You never said anything,” I said angrily.
“Last I knew you were fifth.”

“There was an accidental death, or at least,
that’s the way it’s being written up,” Theo said wickedly. “But
yes, the other was murder, cut and dried. Well, actually, quartered
and disemboweled,”

“You know, I think I will go with Danial,” I
said angrily. I stalked off, just managing to catch the Expedition
before it left.

“Mom’s coming,” Elle said, grabbing hold of
the steering wheel. “Wait, Brian.”

“You changed your mind?” Danial said as he
opened the back door, a pleased expression on his face.

“Yes,” I said, climbing in beside him. “Theo
needs some time to himself.”

Danial gave me an odd look, then nodded,
clasping my hand in his. “Then we’ll make good use of the time.
Come, let’s go out to dinner to celebrate Elle’s triumph.”

“Yes!” Elle shouted. “Pizza!”

“Sounds good,” I said, leaning into Danial’s
shoulder. “We can bring home some dessert for Theoron.”

* * * *

“Theo, tell us again why you didn’t tell
Aspen about Sar before you married her?”

“We’ve been over this already!” Theo said,
exasperated. “I wanted to marry her right then and there. I didn’t
know where Aspen was at that moment and I didn’t care.”

“But you were intimate with her, Theo. Don’t
you feel you should have told her?”

“That doesn’t mean I loved her,” Theo said
simply. “I like sex. I always have. When Aspen came and offered
herself to me, I accepted. I wanted her. I never promised her
anything.”

“Isn’t it true though that you asked her to
move in with you?” Carol said.

“Yes,” Theo said, agitated now. “I wanted her
around, because I liked to be with her. Why do we have to talk
about her every time we come here? I haven’t seen her since the
night I told her I didn’t ever want to see her again. Why is she
even an issue we have to discuss?”

“You were falling in love with her,” I spoke
up, giving him a glance. “I want to know how you could treat her
how you did, and then cry over her afterwards.”

Theo’s eyes were yellow as he answered. “She
wasn’t you. After that dream, it was like the years we were apart
disappeared. If I hadn’t found you in that hotel, I’d have gone
back East. I knew I’d find you with Danial. I knew you’d go back to
him. You’ve never been able to stay away from him for very long
since you met him.”

“That’s not true,” I said loudly.

“Theo, we were talking of Aspen, not Sar. Did
you love her?”

“I liked her. I liked having sex with her.
She was werecougar like me, and I’d never been with a female of my
own kind. There was animal attraction between us, and it was most
of our relationship, as it had been with Tawny, my first lover. I
thought in that last month with her that maybe I could come to love
her, in time. Most of it was loneliness. I didn’t want to hurt her,
in any case, and I know I did.” He paused. “There isn’t anything
more to say about her.”

“What did you feel for this other woman,
Tasha?” Carol asked.

“I loved her,” Theo said, his eyes on the
floor.

“More than me,” I needled. “Be honest.”

Carol shot me a warning glance, and then
looked back at Theo. “Why did you love her, Theo? Was it because
she nursed you back to health?”

Theo didn’t answer immediately. He let out a
long breath, and finally said, “I don’t know that it was any one
thing. I was grateful to her for helping me. For being kind to me,
for letting me out of the cage I’d been in. For letting me sleep
with her inside where it was warm—”

I’d known that’s what had prompted all his
cougar snuggling with me. Damn her.

“—
and for her gentle touch where before
I’d had only pain.” Theo paused again.

I wanted to be anywhere but there. Hearing
this ripped my heart out all over again. Angrily, I asked myself
why it bothered me so much. If I couldn’t let it go, why the hell
was I staying with Theo? I was almost well, and Danial would
welcome me back with open arms...

“I felt affection for her, and sexual desire.
I hadn’t been with anyone in over a year. Sometime after we first
had sex, I realized I was in love with her. When she asked me to
spend my life with her, I didn’t hesitate.”

“Why didn’t you think about Sar?” Carol
asked. “You say you knew she’d go back to Danial. Why not call her
and sever the ties completely? And what about Elle? Weren’t you
worried about your daughter?”

Theo‘s eyes were yellow again. “I was tired
of pain. I was tired of being hurt, of fighting, of killing people.
I wanted some peace. I looked at the life I would lead with Tasha,
and it seemed a good one. I’d sent Danial back to take care of Sar
and Elle. I knew he’d take care of them if he made it back to the
hotel, and I expected that he had. He didn’t get to be four hundred
plus without having a strong will to live. What was the point of
calling after a year had passed? If they hadn’t made it, I didn’t
want to know. If they had and were happy together, I didn’t want to
know that, either.”

I stared at him, aghast, trying to find some
words to say.

“I understand you went through a horrible
ordeal,” Carol said neutrally. “I can understand you not wanting to
find out on top of that Sar and Elle were dead. But you say you
expected them to be alive and well. If the situation had been
reversed, can you honestly say you’d understand if Sar was alive
and well in another country, and she let you believe she was
dead?”

There was silence for a full minute.

“There is nothing I can say that makes
sense,” Theo said finally. “I should have thought of her and Elle,
and I didn’t. Some part of me knew I’d find her with Danial, but
that wasn’t the reason I agreed to stay with Tasha. I feel ashamed
of how I acted, looking at it from that perspective. I feel even
more ashamed about Elle. Even if I couldn’t face Sar and Danial, I
should have come back for her, to let her know I was alive.”

“Sar, do you feel better, knowing that Theo
feels regret over his actions?”

What I felt was that I was going to kill one
of them if I didn’t get out of this room. “Yes.”

“Theo, do you feel better for telling Sar
what you told her?”

“Yes,” he said simply. “I’m sorry if I hurt
you by anything I did. I never meant to.”

I took his hand, a sense of peace suddenly
filling me. “Thank you.”

“Really then, I don’t see what other issues
there are to work out, at least immediately,” Carol said happily.
“Enjoy the holiday, and call me in the new year, if you run into
problems.”

“Are you sure?” I asked her. “That’s it?”

“For now at least,” she said, standing up and
shaking my hands. “You can always call if there’s a problem you
can’t work out on your own. Remember, some conflict is normal.”

Theo and I thanked her, and we left. As we
drove home, I tried to examine my feelings. With Theo’s apology,
I’d finally let go of the hurt I’d been harboring for so
long...

“You know I love you, right?” Theo said,
glancing at me.

“I know it,” I replied, giving him a
smile.

“Still love me?” he said, glancing over
again.

“Always,” I said, taking his hand. “By the
way, we need to take Elle sledding this week. She’s been asking us
to.”

“How about Thursday then?”

“Okay.” I turned to him in the seat, having
suddenly remembered my relatives’ invitation. “Would you be
interested in seeing my former in-laws out west?”