Her Guardians: Her Guardians Trilogy Book 1 (41 page)

“
Do you want to come in?”

He surprised me by cupping my face in his hands as he stared down at me.
“Only if you want me to.”

I look
ed deeply into those light blue eyes of his and melted. I couldn’t think of anything else I would want more right now.

Eventually
, I was able to move and nodded. Michael released his grip and watched as I turned to open the door. I didn’t know what I wanted to happen once that door was shut. I just wanted to be near him.

“Are you okay?” he asked as we settled in.
“I know that couldn’t have been very comfortable for you.”

“I’m fine
, honestly, Michael. Can I get you a drink? I still have more brandy.” I giggled a bit more, unable to help myself.

“You still want to drink
more
?” His eyes widened in shocked amusement.

“You were the one who told me you liked it, remember?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t imply that I want you to keep getting drunk.”

“Who says I’m drunk?”

“Not me. Never!”

I couldn’t help the giggles that kept flying.
“Then why did you say it?”

Pretty soon
, my laughter stopped as Michael purposefully walked towards me. I was rooted, still watching his face grow determined as he edged closer.

Grabbing
me by the waist, he pulled me to his chest with such force, it nearly took my breath away.

Soon his mouth
was on mine and I knew I should be stopping it, especially after today with Stephen. I just couldn’t help myself. His warm, inviting mouth searched mine as his arm tightened its grip around my waist. I moaned a little as he seemed to claw his way into my soul.

I ra
n my fingers through his hair and gripped it with such heated desire that it had Michael growling.

I was breathless, I was wanton but
, most of all, I was taken over. My body just seemed to react to anything Michael did, despite my head screaming at me,
What about Stephen?! What about Stephen?!

I couldn’t break free from him.
Every fibre of my being sought him with such relish that I thought I was going to blow from it all.

Eventually
, he broke free from our kiss, but only so he could start the same torture on my neck. “Oh, Michael,” I moaned, unable to hold back my desire.

Before I
could think, he picked me up and carried me towards my bed. I was a little excited, a little apprehensive, but my body was just screaming for this to happen.

Did
this mean I made my choice? I didn’t know. It was like my body didn’t want me to know. It just wanted him and only him at this present time.

Gently laying
me down, it wasn’t long before Michael positioned himself on top of me. The feel and the smell of him had my senses running into overdrive.

Sliding
his hand underneath my top, he searched for my breast. The moan that escaped my lips was a sound I had never heard from me before. It was animalistic. A moan that screamed at Michael, a moan that cried for more.

He caressed
his hand across my nipple. I knew it must have been extremely hard under his touch, but I didn’t care. Instead, I scratched his back. I knew I wouldn’t be able to last too long before the crushing need to have him took over.

“Cassie,” he breathed
into my ear, and the sound was like singing angels themselves.

He found
my lips again, running his hand down my face, towards my shoulder, and down past my breast, reaching my waist. Squeezing a little, Michael pushed his groin into me, before travelling down my hips and towards my thigh. He squeezed again and my leg involuntarily opened to accept him.

I instantly felt
how hard he was for me and it made me quiver with need.

“Michael,” I beg
ged, gripping and scratching him all over. I wasn’t sure what had gotten into me, but I just didn’t want this to stop.

Pushing
my skirt up around my waist, Michael gripped my hip again. I was practically screaming at this point and I knew he could feel my desperation.

With a swift tug
, he ripped my shirt from my chest and growled as he took my nipple into his mouth.

Fuck me, this was torture.

The only thing I could do was grip his head tightly as his delicious mouth explored and suckled my nipple. I threw my head back in surrender. “Oh, god!” I cried as he carried on with his sweet torture.

“
God has nothing to do with this,” he growled.

That was it.
That was all it took to snap me out of it. Michael sensed my unease and stopped immediately. “What’s the matter?”

The
tears stung my eyes and began to trail down my cheeks.

“Oh shit, Cassie.
What have I done? Did I hurt you?” As quick as a flash, he was off me and searching my face.

“No, no,
” I protested, shaking my head from side to side. I felt disgusted with myself again. Too many times, I kept getting myself in these situations and too many times, I ended up feeling guilty and hurting everyone I loved.

“I shouldn’t have done this to you, Cassie.
I took advantage of you, and I really do apologise for that.”

“Don’t apologise
. Please. I should be the one apologising. I keep screwing things up and I hate myself for it.”

I clutch
ed at my shirt, feeling every bit the slut that Tracey portrayed me to be. How could I keep doing this to Michael…and to Stephen? It just wasn’t fair to either of them.

“Cassie, I seem to recall that
I
was the one who pounced on
you
.”

“I know that, b
ut I didn’t stop you, did I?”

“Cassie, calm down.
There’s no need to feel ashamed. I would never want to put you in a position where you feel ashamed. I can tell you feel it, and it makes me feel rotten inside.”

“
How can you feel rotten?” I asked softly. “I’m the one that’s rotten. Rotten to the core.”

Michael sighed
a little, shaking his head. “Cassie, please don’t do this to yourself. Look… look at you. Look at what I’ve done to you.” He pointed to my torn shirt and grimaced. My goodness, this was going from bad to worse.

“Is it wrong for me to like that you did that?”

“No, of course not.
I shouldn’t have done it, though.”

I look
ed into his eyes and felt the remorse coursing through them. I never wanted Michael to feel that way.

Hanging my head,
I felt ashamed of myself. I knew I had to say something to him. He was feeling bad, but I was the bad one. I had to say it out loud for both our sakes. It was the only decent thing I could do. I had to tell him the truth. He knew, of course, but I owed it to him to say it out loud.

“I’m just a
nother Elizabeth,” I finally whispered, gripping my eyes shut.

I expected him to shout and scream.
I expected him to get angry, throw things about, walk out—anything. I certainly didn’t expect what he said next.

“You’re nothing like Elizabeth.
Elizabeth was coy and shrewd about how she played us both. You’ve been up front with us from the start. We know how you feel and we know you haven’t made a commitment to either of us. That’s the difference. Elizabeth was committed to me and she went ahead with Stephen, knowing of her commitment.”

“But look at what
we were about to do.”

“I know.
That’s why I feel guilty. I shouldn’t have let it go on that far without asking you if you had made your choice.”

“How can you say that?
How can you even give me a choice? I don’t deserve a choice. I don’t deserve you.”

“I know that’s not true.
You’re worth giving it all up for.”

L
ooking up at him, I saw the sincerity in his eyes. I wished I could see what he saw because all I saw was a woman who kept playing two men. I knew I wasn’t deserving of either of them. I should never have even considered that I was worthy of choosing. I should not be allowed to choose.

Michael broke
me out of my trance by placing his hand on my cheek. He gently stroked my face and pulled me in for a hug.

I
couldn’t help it. I breathed in his sweet scent, almost lost in his tenderness. I wanted to pick Michael. I really did. It was always Michael from the start. So why was it so difficult for me to tell him this? Why was it so difficult to get Stephen out of my head?

“I never want you
to feel ashamed, okay?” He breathed the words into my shoulder.

I nodded and our embrace wa
s broken just as Michael’s mobile began to chime.

“Sorry, I have to take that.
It’s work.”

“No, go ahead.
Please.” It was a welcome distraction. I needed to try and compose myself.

“Andrews,” he
said into the phone. “When?” He paused a moment. “Okay, I’m on my way.”

I watch
ed as he sighed his displeasure. He obviously wasn’t happy about something.

“That was work.
The Super wants to go into that address on Bronsart Road. Apparently, Mark Richards went there after leaving us and hasn’t come out since. A couple of people have gone in and they suspect a drug deal is going down. He wants me to come in.”

“Okay.
” I hesitated a little, trying to calm my fuzzy head. “That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.
I just don’t like leaving you.”

Shaking my head
, I smiled. “Michael, as I keep saying, I’ve lived here on my own for a little while now. I’m sure I can handle being alone again tonight.”

He
still didn’t move. “If you’re sure? I can always tell them I can’t make it.”

“Don’t be silly.
Go. I’m perfectly fine.” I smiled at him sweetly and he grinned back, stroking my face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Cassie.
You’re beautiful and cherished. I really hope you understand that one day.”

I look
ed into his eyes, taking on the full force of his meaning, before he turned and headed straight for the door.

Chapter 20

After a slightly restless night’s sleep, I got up, showered, and dressed. I wasn’t sure what was ahead of me today, and I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know. I did know that things were coming to a head now. I could feel it radiating all through me—right down to my bones.

It was cold on the way to work
. The weather was drizzly, the kind of fine rain you feel wouldn’t get you wet, but it still did. I was nervous, as well. I wasn’t sure why I was, but it was like that deep-seated feeling you get when you know something’s not quite right. Call it intuition, call it my gift. I don’t know. But if it was the latter, I needed to be scared.

With that last thought in my head, I shook myself
off. Once at the station, and walking up the stairs, I immediately bumped into Paul.

“Cassie, hey.
How are you? I haven’t seen you in a couple of days.”

“I’m fine
, thank you, Paul.”

His face looked concerned for a moment.
“You don’t look it.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “You look, I don’t know…troubled.”

“No wonder
you’re a police officer.” I thought I’d lighten the mood a bit. He could obviously sense something was not quite right about me this morning.