Her Forbidden Rockstar: A Forbidden Rockers Novel (9 page)

Logan entered his building and stepped onto the glass elevator, leaning back and taking a deep breath as he rode the elevator up. He was tired and couldn’t wait to collapse into bed. His mind was almost entirely blank, because he just didn’t have the energy to even think after all the activity of the last few days. As the elevator arrived at the penthouse, Logan punched in the code to have the door open, then walked into the apartment. He had only taken a few steps in before he came to an abrupt stop, staring around him wide-eyed.

The apartment looked like someone robbed them. Pillows were tossed off the couch, papers were in disarray on the desk and counters, the pantry was open and food was spilled everywhere. Every door was wide open.  Logan, shocked, slowly walked through the apartment towards the bedroom to see that that was in disarray as well. All the blankets and sheets were tossed off the bed, boxes from the closet were pulled out and opened, clothes were strewn everywhere, and his art supplies were knocked to the ground. Logan stopped in his tracks again as he looked at his easel by the window, where he had been painting earlier. He had gotten through most of the painting, except for Caroline’s figure, but now there was a gash straight through it. 

“What the hell?!” Logan shouted, rushing over to the easel, and picking up the canvas. He looked at the front and back, attempting to see if there was any way to remedy the cut.

“Look who the fuck is finally home,” Gina’s cold voice echoed behind him. Logan twirled around to stare at her.

“Gina, what the hell happened? The place is a wreck! Were we robbed or something? What happened to my painting?” he said holding it up.

“Where were you?” she spoke calmly and tensely, not answering his questions.

“What do you mean, where was I? At the job, that
you
fucking scheduled. What the hell is going on, Gina?” The volume of his voice now raising as he began to realize that Gina was responsible for the chaos.

“It’s two in the morning, Logan. That was a small party. They said it would probably end by eleven. So, I am going to ask you ONE. MORE. TIME. Where the fuck were you?” Gina spoke slowly, in a low and angry tone.

“Well, it didn’t fucking end at eleven! Those suits can party and it was a great show that I got a huge fucking check for, isn’t that all that matters to you anyway? Do I need to tell you where I am at all times now? You’re the one who made fucking my schedule!” Logan shouted, walking at an intimidating pace toward Gina.

“Really? How do I know? How the fuck do I know you weren’t at that skank’s apartment cheating on me?” Gina stood her ground, looking him straight in the eyes with her hands on her hips. Her eyes had always been emerald green, but right now they were on fire.

“What?! What the fuck are you talking about?” Logan was really yelling now.

“Gina, this is ridiculous! You wrecked our fucking home, because you thought I was out with some girl? When you
knew
that I was working at a job that
you
scheduled for me! I am always doing something that
you
scheduled, practically following your every command every damn day of my life! Then, you don’t hear from me for an extra
three hours
and you assume I am cheating on you? Which means you get to, what? Fucking bulldoze our house? Do you hear how fucking crazy you sound?” Logan was inches from her, screaming.

Gina took a few steps back to put some distance between them, since Logan was starting to frighten her. She held her ground and started yelling back.

“Don’t call me crazy! I know when something is going on! Who is that girl in the damn painting? That is the third picture I have seen you paint of her! And it looks just like that bitch who was with you Saturday night after the concert, who you claimed was just there to buy a painting.  What do you think I am, an idiot? You’re fucking sleeping with her!” Gina barked back, angrily.

Logan spun around and walked over to the window, his fists clenched. He needed to get his anger under control. He couldn’t stand this. This wasn’t the first time Gina had done something like this. However, it was the first time that there was a grain of truth to her insecurities. He felt guilty over that and knew he needed to calm down and get control over his emotions immediately. He stood by the window for a few more minutes, just breathing slowly.

“Gina, I never slept with that woman. Yes, I have drawn her a few times. I am an artist, we find inspiration in all kinds of places,” he spoke a bit more calmly, still facing the window and looking out at the city roof tops. Gina was quiet behind him.

“Logan, do you still love me?” Gina asked, her voice coming closer to him.

Logan didn’t respond, he just kept looking out the window. He didn’t know what to say to her. He hadn’t fully thought it through until just then. Now that he was being asked, he realized that he didn’t have the answer she wanted to hear. He didn’t love her anymore.

He had loved her at one point, he had loved her fiercely with everything he had. He loved her for her heart, her beauty, and her kindness. She had been there for him during times no one else could understand, but that sweet Gina he had known years ago wasn’t the Gina Vile standing behind him now. He kept his mouth closed, because he didn’t want to lie and he didn’t want to hurt her either.

“Logan?” Gina asked again, putting her hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Logan took a deep breath and turned to face her.

“What do you want me to say, Gina?” he spoke softly, looking down at his feet. He didn’t want to see pain in those beautiful green eyes he had once been unable to look away from.

“I’m sorry, Logan. I just got scared. I’m sorry,” Gina begged quietly, pulling him toward her with her hands on his cheeks.

“Can you forgive me?” she asked.

Logan slowly nodded his head yes, allowing her to pull him closer and kiss him. They embraced for a moment and he kissed her back. It was just a peck, barely anything.

“I’m going to go. I’m going to get a hotel room over by the morning show’s building,” Logan told her, letting go and walking out of the bedroom. Gina tried to stand in front of him.

“Logan, don’t go! Please! Stay with me! I’ll make the bed, we can make up. Please, I will do anything!” Gina begged him, starting to cry and grabbing at him. He pushed her off him and kept heading towards the door, but she kept grabbing his shirt and dragging behind him.

“Gina, will you fucking stop it? Let go of me! This isn’t healthy. I just need some space. Let go!” He pushed her hands off of him again. She stopped and watched him hit the elevator button. She stomped her foot and grabbed a pillow on the floor next to her and threw it at him.

“Fine! Just leave! Fuck you, too! You don’t deserve me, you cheater! I own you! I can ruin you! I have your career in my hands and I can, and will, crush it! You can’t screw me over, you fucking jackass! Not after everything I gave you! And your fucking family! I could call your mother right now and tell her what you’re doing after all I’ve done for them!” Gina screamed at him, continuing to throw whatever was around in his direction. Logan ducked from the objects and shielded his face with his hands.

“Gina, what the hell?! Are you crazy? Stop it! It’s just one night, I need some space! Get a hold of yourself!” he shouted back at her, rushing toward her.

As he got to her, he grabbed her arms and held her still. She struggled, trying to hit him, but he kept a firm grip on her. The elevator dinged behind him and the doors opened. He pushed her firmly back slightly and then let go of her.

“Stop it now, Gina. I will see you tomorrow. Just need some time away. Stop acting like this, I hate when you do this,” Logan said in exasperation, walking into the elevator.

As the doors closed, Gina crossed her arms and stared him down. He just stared back at her blankly, too tired to do anything else. As they finally closed, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

This was his life. He had lived like this for years, but until today, he hadn’t realized how much he hated it.

CHAPTER NINE

“What are you doing here, Logan? It’s the middle of the night.” Caroline stood in her front doorway, sleepily looking at Logan, who was leaning against her door frame.

He had come here straight after his fight with Gina, and it was obvious in his appearance. He looked like a wreck with his hair ruffled, bags under his eyes, and a ripped shirt. He didn’t respond to her, but just looked down at his feet and cleared his throat. He couldn’t believe what had just happened and didn’t know how to explain it, but he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He just kept looking down at his feet, pushing his hair out of his face. Caroline tipped her head down to get a better look at his face, seeing the twisted look of pain pulled across it.

“Logan,” she whispered softly, with a sadness in her voice, full of tenderness and empathy.

She reached forward and slipped her hand into his, pulling him into the apartment. She closed the door behind him and led him to her bedroom. She closed the bedroom door behind them as well, then stood in front of him, facing him. He lifted his head up to look at her, taking in how beautiful she was. Even when abruptly woken out of her sleep, she still was beautiful. She was wearing an extra large gym shirt, that hung off of her, showing off her long, bare legs. Her hair was down and a bit ruffled and her face was devoid of makeup, but she looked the most beautiful that he had ever seen her.

“I’m ending it,” he said simply.

Caroline just nodded and then gently pulled his jacket off of him. He stood there and allowed her to undress him. She tossed the jacket on the small chair in the corner of her bedroom. Then, she grabbed the bottom of his shirt, noticing several rips and stretched areas. She wanted to ask, but knew he couldn’t tell her right now. She lifted the shirt up and he raised his arms to help her.

She tossed the shirt on the floor and paused, looking at his bare rugged skin, dark tattoos, and chiseled abs. She looked up into his eyes and saw he was intently watching her. She ducked her eyes back down, avoiding his eye contact. His gaze was so intense, she was afraid she would get lost in him. She didn’t care why he was here right now, but she knew something was wrong and that he needed her right now as much as she needed him.

Her hands moved lower as she pulled at his belt buckle, undoing it. She plucked at the buttons underneath, finally undoing them, and then pushed his pants down his legs, leaving him in only tight boxer briefs. He stepped out of the pants as she stood back up. She took his hand in hers again, flipped the light switch off, and climbed into bed, bringing him with her. The two found their way under the covers and Caroline laid her head down on his chest, curling up against his side. She quietly listened to his heart beat and his gentle breathing, her hand resting on his chest.

“I never really wanted the fame.” Logan said quietly, his chest rumbling beneath her cheek. She stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue.

“I always loved to play the guitar and sing, and I wanted the money for my family to improve our lives. I’d just been working moving pallets around in a warehouse in Connecticut before that. I had a band of great friends and enjoyed playing together, or playing for my mom. She loves my music. But I never wanted the spotlight or the attention. I knew it would come with it, and that was worth it to me, but I didn’t realize how much things would change.” He sighed as she curled tighter against him.

“After I became famous, it wasn’t my passion anymore, it was my job. Then, I fell in love with art a few years ago and found something to be passionate about again. Ever since then, I’ve wanted to be an artist. Paint things that people would travel miles to see, inspire people to find beauty in the world. To cherish looking at something other than just their phones. Instead, I’m in every tabloid, every gossip web page. Pictures of girls I don’t even know on my arm, stories of scandals that aren’t true, and every other stereotype possible. I can make two million dollars in a single evening, but somehow, I am still a dime a dozen,” Logan spoke softly, letting down his guard and telling Caroline things he hadn’t said out loud to anyone.

“Why don’t you do that then?” she asked; a simple enough question, yet a complex answer.

“I don’t know. I mean I do love music. I started playing when my mom was sick, back when I was just a boy. The music comforted her and we needed the money for medical bills, so I took the first record deal I was offered. It’s just been a whirlwind since then. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had waited, if I had never met Gina...” Logan’s voice trailed off, his face clouding over with pain.

Caroline noticed, but didn’t pry. This was the most he had ever told her about his past, she was afraid that if she pushed for more, he would shut down. She decided it was time to change the subject, allowing him the space he clearly needed.

“I never wanted to be a lawyer. I keep putting off taking the bar exam and just work as a paralegal to keep up the pretense. My dad wants me to be a lawyer, but I’ve never had the guts to stand up to him and tell him that I want something different,” Caroline divulged to him.

“What do you really want to be?” Logan responded.

“I want to illustrate books- kids books or any type of book really,” she said, dreamily.

He was quiet, not answering for a moment. 

“You would be amazing at that.”

Caroline smiled and squeezed her arm tighter around his abdomen. The two continued talking about their lives and sharing stories with one another. Logan couldn’t even remember the last time he had shared personal information like this with anyone, or when he had ever stayed up all night just talking.  It was several more hours until the pair finally drifted off to sleep, by then the sun was already beginning to peak up above the horizon.

It may have only been a few days since Logan entered her life, but it felt like an eternity. Caroline was completely comfortable curled up next to him. This man had taken her on a week of emotional roller coasters, but she didn’t care. He felt so perfect next to her that there wasn’t a moment of hesitation in her mind. She wanted him there and he wanted to be there. Nothing else mattered right now.