Hearts in Harmony (15 page)

And then there was Zac. After listening to Celeste describe Zac when she filled out the police report, he had no trouble determining which of the three men was Zac.

If he had had any doubt, when Zac stepped up to the microphone to introduce himself and the band, Adrian heard the same voice as he'd heard in the obscene phone call made to Celeste's house.

Adrian closed his eyes and shuddered. Even without hearing Zac, or listening to Celeste's description, Adrian would have recognized Zac immediately. He'd already seen him once before.

One recent evening, when Adrian had walked to Celeste's house instead of driving, he'd seen a man walking slowly in front of Celeste's house. The man hadn't done anything to indicate that he'd been particularly interested in Celeste's house, but his appearance had nearly stopped Adrian in his tracks. The man wore jeans so tight Adrian didn't know how he could walk comfortably. His starkly dyed white-blond hair contrasted vividly with his completely black clothing. Multiple piercings, many of which looked painful, had also caught Adrian's attention.

From the stage, those things made Zac exude a ‘bad-boy' attitude and arrogance, which some women probably
found enticing. But on the typical residential street in their quiet suburban neighborhood, Zac had appeared tough and downright creepy.

In hindsight, Adrian kicked himself for not telling Celeste, but he truthfully hadn't connected the man whom he now knew as Zac with the phone call or with the man he'd seen on the street. Perhaps it wouldn't have made any difference anyway. After that day, it had seemed likely that Zac had done his surveillance more unobtrusively; Adrian hadn't seen him since. It had been easy to forget.

It had sat like a lump of coal in Adrian's stomach to see Zac play guitar, so similar to his own playing, yet in such a radically different setting.

He hoped and prayed he had nothing else in common with Zac, who had been the first man in Celeste's life.

The band had been very together when they performed, but when the music ended, not one of them could walk in a straight line. Every member of the band was obviously under the influence of something probably illegal, but no one present cared. In fact, many of the other people in the bar, both on and off stage, also appeared to be affected by something. Adrian had never felt so uncomfortable in his life. Paul had commented that he hoped none of the children he'd taught in school over the years turned into anything like what they'd seen.

Adrian knew he shouldn't judge people by the company they kept, but after watching Zac and the goings-on at the bar, it was difficult to keep an open mind. For many years, by her own admission, Celeste had been a willing and active participant in everything he'd witnessed. But by condemning Celeste, he was going against what God
commanded. Yes, people were to be held accountable for their sins, but God was the only one who could judge. Adrian led a good life, but he was by no means sinless. He had no right to judge Celeste, regardless of what she had done, or his interpretation of it. Yet he didn't know what to make of all of it.

Once again, he tried to push the thoughts out of his mind, knowing they would haunt him again and again. He turned his concentration onto what he should have been doing in the first place, which was tidying up the stage so the ladies' group could use it for an afternoon meeting.

When Adrian joined everyone for lunch after the service, he didn't say much. Instead, he sat back, watched and mostly listened. He noticed that Celeste wasn't doing much talking, either. Instead, Randy more than filled in the gaps, entertaining them all with tall tales and obvious exaggerations of his life in the past week.

This time, Adrian didn't invite Celeste to spend the day with him, nor did she ask him.

After the evening service, he dropped the electric piano off at her house, just as usual, but he didn't stay. He went home. When he couldn't concentrate on the book he was reading, Adrian watched a few reruns on television, then went to bed.

He didn't know the woman he'd fallen in love with.

For the first time in his life, even though he'd lived alone for years, he felt truly lonely.

C
eleste inhaled deeply, and knocked on Adrian's door. It was Wednesday night, their scheduled practice. She didn't want to be there, but she couldn't not go. Adrian was the one good, constant thing left in her life, and she felt him slipping away.

She didn't want that to happen, but she didn't know what she could do to prevent it.

The door opened. Adrian smiled hesitantly, looked over her shoulder to confirm that she was alone, then stepped aside. “You're early.”

“I know. I thought we should talk.”

Adrian checked his wristwatch. “Sure. Would you like some coffee?”

“No, the rest of the guys are going to be here soon.”

She followed him into the living room. Instead of sitting on one end of the couch as he usually did, Adrian sat in the recliner. Sitting alone on the large couch made Celeste feel even more set apart.

Celeste cleared her throat, and tried to sound casual. “You missed Bible study on Monday. Were you sick?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Not really. I was just too tired.”

Celeste cringed. He hadn't missed a Monday-night meeting since she'd known him. If he didn't go because he knew she was there, then that was her fault for not giving him the space he needed. If he didn't go because he really was too tired, it was because he hadn't slept well on Sunday night. That was her fault, too. After everything that happened on the weekend, she hadn't slept well, either.

“I missed you after night school yesterday.” It had felt odd to come home after classes and not see Adrian there. She'd given him a key, and most Tuesdays and Thursdays, when he hadn't insisted on driving her to school and then picking her up, he was at her home with a nice pot of tea ready and waiting. Just in case she needed help, he claimed, even though she seldom did, and they both knew it. What usually happened was that Adrian simply sat in the living room with a book while she went through her notes. It just felt good for him to be there, and she liked to think he felt the same way.

“I thought if you had a problem, you'd phone.”

She waited for him to continue, hoping he would say that she should have called. Silence hung between them like a timeless void.

She couldn't stand it. “Randy managed to fix my computer. He also found a new monitor for me. It's not as good as the other one, but it works, and it's good enough for my needs.”

“That's good.”

Again, she waited, but he didn't say anything more.

The back of her eyes burned, and her throat became so tight she didn't know if she could speak, even if he suddenly did say something that needed a response.

Her worst fear had come true. The connection they shared was gone. She had dreaded the day he would know everything, but now that it had happened, reality was far worse than her fears. She'd always known she wasn't good enough for him, but she'd been like a hungry little bird, following behind Adrian, scooping up any crumbs of friendship he offered. Now that he knew everything, there were no more crumbs. Adrian, being the way he was, would always be nice to her, but the bond was broken.

Now that Adrian knew, it didn't matter who found out. Yet, the first people to know should be her friends. The only other friends she had. If they still wanted to be her friends.

“I guess I should talk to the guys.”

“That's probably a good idea.”

She lowered her voice, forcing the words out. “I don't know what you've told them so far.”

“I told them that Zac is your ex-boyfriend, and that's all. It's not my place to say anything. It's up to you. Although, Paul knows I went with you to get started on the restraining order.”

She gulped, then continued. “I'd really like to remain on the worship team. I know I don't deserve to be up at the front, because I'm not a very good example for everyone, but it's something I really like to do. God saved me in so many ways, and being on the worship team is a small way that I can do something for Him. I want to help everyone worship God better. But I don't deserve to be up there.”

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Celeste.”

“That's true, but now you know that I fall a lot shorter that everyone else.”

His lack of a reply confirmed what she already knew. She fell short, not only in God's eyes, but also in Adrian's.

“I'm pretty sure that everyone will say you still belong on the worship team. Unless you haven't been faithful to God.”

“You know me better than that.”

He sighed. “I thought I did know you, but if we're going to be honest with each other, I'm not so sure any more. To find out where you've been and some of the things you've done has really come as a shock to me, especially when I had to fill in a lot of the blanks at the police station. I'm not sure I know the real Celeste. Don't you think you should have told me before I had to find out the hard way?”

Celeste froze. If the situation were reversed, she would have felt the same way. She hadn't lied to him, but she certainly hadn't told him the truth. She'd deceived him by letting him think things she knew weren't true, only because she was afraid. In the end, because she'd waited and buried her head in the sand, the situation snowballed. The way he'd learned was worse than if she had actually told him. She couldn't blame anyone else for how Adrian felt, not even Zac.

Her voice lowered to barely above a whisper. “I've asked myself that a thousand times since we met. There never seemed to be a good time to tell you.”

“Look, Celeste, I want to be completely honest with you. Paul actually knows more than just the restraining order. We've seen Zac.”

Celeste's stomach did a nosedive into her shoes. “When did you talk to him? What did he say? Did you talk about me?”

Adrian held his palms up toward her. “Not so fast. I didn't say I talked to him. I only watched him. From a distance. I took Paul to where you said Zac was playing on Saturday night. I had to see him.”

Celeste didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Either way, she felt as though she was going to throw up. “Why?”

Adrian sighed, folded his hands together in his lap, and stared down at them, not looking up at her as she spoke. “I don't know, exactly. Of course I wanted to see the kind of man who would do such a thing, but there's more to it that I can't explain. I don't even fully understand myself. I only know that I was driven to see him, to know what he was like, because seeing him would give me more of an insight on you.”

Celeste felt as if she'd been tried and convicted without a jury. If Adrian had seen Zac and the band, then Adrian had seen exactly how bad she had been. Her replacement would have been wearing clothes she had once worn and following Zac's instruction on how to behave, exactly as Celeste had done before her. The drugs and booze freely floating around the bar also spoke loud and clear.

It was a world where the more depraved a person became, the more they were used as an example of what to become. Everything there was the exact opposite of everything Adrian lived for.

Celeste rose and forced her next words out, even though it felt as if she were sounding her own death knell. “Then I understand if you don't want to…” she gulped, search
ing for the right words, which didn't come. “…be friends anymore.” She turned toward the door, but Adrian sprang out of his chair and blocked her path.

“No, Celeste, don't go. I want to be fair, but this has all been a lot for me to digest. I need more time to let everything sink in. I have to work it out.”

Before she could ask him how long he needed, the doorbell rang. Adrian hadn't taken more than three steps when the door opened and Randy entered without waiting to be let in. “Hey, Celeste. Did you get everything straightened around?”

“I suppose.”

The door hadn't closed, and Paul and Bob walked in, making Celeste suspect that the three of them had met for dinner before the practice. She also suspected that she'd been the main topic of conversation.

That meant there was no time like the present.

“Before we start, I thought I should tell you guys why my ex-boyfriend trashed my place.” She closed her eyes, picturing the destruction, which was even worse in the daylight. “It's because I left him and the lifestyle that went with him. I told you when we first met that I hadn't been a Christian long, but what I didn't tell you was that before I became a Christian, I spent most of my time in the bars. My job was as the keyboardist for a bar band, and it also was my social life. With that went everything else. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't mean to deceive you, but I was too afraid to tell you.”

A silence hung in the air before Paul finally spoke.

“After Saturday night, when I went to the bar with Adrian, I assumed most of that. We've already talked about
it before we got here.” He turned to Adrian. “Except we haven't talked to Adrian. I hope you don't mind.”

Adrian shrugged his shoulders and remained silent. She could only imagine what he was thinking.

“All that matters is what you believe now, and how you've been leading your life since you made your decision to follow Jesus. If what you've done and how you've acted since then has been okay with God, then it's certainly okay with us. We're not going to kick you off the worship team or anything like that. All have sinned. All of us. That includes me, Bob, Randy and Adrian, too. But we're forgiven when our hearts are in the right place when we ask.” He turned once more to Adrian. “Right?”

Adrian had said the same thing to her only minutes ago, but the words didn't mean the same thing when directed at Adrian. Celeste doubted Adrian had done anything bad in his life, certainly nothing illegal or self-destructive.

Celeste felt lower than an earthworm. Even the earthworms lived a better existence than she had. They were at least true to the way God made them.

Bob and Randy both nodded. Adrian remained still. After a few seconds, all he said was, “Of course.”

Paul smiled and held out his hands. Celeste reached forward and their hands joined. Paul's touch was the most comforting thing anyone had done since her life had imploded. The backs of her eyes burned, but she blinked quickly so she wouldn't embarrass herself any worse.

Paul gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “Great. Then let's get started. I've picked a new song, so we've got a lot to do in a short amount of time.”

The practice progressed well, just like any other practice, for which Celeste was infinitely grateful.

When Randy, Bob and Paul left for the kitchen to get their donuts, Adrian motioned for Celeste to stay in the room.

“You know that word of the break-in is going to get back to the church population. People were standing around wondering what was going on, and word travels fast. I'm sure people are already talking. There will be questions—innocent questions, but there will be questions. I hope you have an answer figured out.”

“You mean an answer without going into my sordid history?”

Adrian's lack of a response confirmed that was exactly what he meant.

“It's okay, Adrian. I got myself into this mess, I can get myself out.” And if she couldn't get herself out, then she could always leave. She'd done it before, and it had worked, although leaving the church would break her in two.

He nodded. “Good. Now let's go get some donuts while there's still some left.”

She shook her head. “If you don't mind, I think I'll pass. I'm really tired.” She almost said that she would see him the next day, after classes, but she wasn't sure it was going to happen. Instead, she simply let herself out and went home.

 

Adrian stood at the window of his office overlooking the expanse of the downtown skyline, and sighed. He wasn't up high enough to see the building where Celeste worked, therefore nothing out the window held his attention.

He returned to his desk and picked up the picture of Ce
leste from beside the monitor. When he, a single man, first put the picture on his desk, his workmates teased him endlessly, but he brushed them off easily. It was when his office assistant asked him in all honesty about Celeste that he didn't know how to respond. He couldn't even call her his girlfriend, despite the fact that until recently they spent nearly all their time together.

The best he could do was say Celeste was a friend. His secretary must have seen the regret in his admission, because at that point, all teasing stopped.

He stared at Celeste's picture, at her smiling face. It had been taken one day when Bob had dared Celeste to play drums for a song. Randy had taken a picture with his new high-tech digital camera just as Celeste hit the cymbal, then laughed because she hit it too hard. Her hair was a mess from bouncing up and down as she played the drums, and her gorgeous green eyes sparkled with laughter. She looked happy and playful, and incredibly beautiful; he couldn't decide if it was despite her state of disarray, or because of it. The picture was so good Randy had printed it out on photo-quality paper, framed it and given him a copy.

Adrian stared at the picture.

Everything was different now.

Now that he knew the real Celeste.

Or did he?

He squeezed his eyes shut. When he wasn't looking at the photograph, he could only picture Celeste as he had seen the woman in the band, with Zac, at the bar, scantily dressed and belting out lyrics that would make a sailor cringe. Which one was the real Celeste?

“Excuse me, Adrian?”

Adrian opened his eyes to see his office assistant standing in front of the desk. “Sorry, Brittany. Have you got something for me?”

He replaced the picture on the corner of the desk as Brittany handed him a folder. “This needs your signature, and they need the financial statements this afternoon for an emergency stockholders' meeting.”