Hearts Awakening (29 page)

Ellie wanted to reach out to touch him, to let him know that he was not alone in his struggle, but she kept her hands folded on her lap. She could see him wrestling with her words by the way he clenched and unclenched his jaw and prayed that he would not reject them in the end.

“I wouldn’t know how to begin,” he murmured.

She smiled when he looked up at her. “You claim to be a man of faith. If you are, you’ll let Him guide you. Going to services faithfully each week might help, too, as long as the weather cooperates.”

“What if I fail?”

“Then you’ll just have to do what I do. Pray harder and try again.”

Jackson shook his head. “I can’t imagine you fail at anything you set your mind to do.”

She snorted. “Remind me to tell you someday of the time I tried to milk a bull cow.”

He laughed out loud. “A bull cow? You didn’t!”

“I’ve got the scars to prove it,” she protested as her cheeks started to burn. There was no way this man was ever going to see those scars unless he was her husband in every sense of the word. To add to her embarrassment, her stomach growled so loudly it practically echoed in the room.

Grinning, he patted his stomach. “I wouldn’t mind a snack myself. I wasn’t in the mood to eat much at supper.”

“Neither was I,” she admitted. Between worrying about Gram and wondering what Jackson was going to do or say when they were finally alone together, she had barely touched the supper Alice and Grizel had made.

“Alice sent some apple muffins home with me. We could sample a few,” he suggested, “although I think Daniel and Ethan are looking forward to having some with breakfast.”

“As long as I make griddle cakes for the boys, I think they’ll be happy. But if they’re disappointed the apple muffins are all gone, I can always make more,” she offered.

He cocked his head. “That reminds me. I never did stop to see Caden James today.”

She waved off his words. “You needn’t bother. I’m getting better at using that iron contraption on my own.”

“You’ve had a long day. Are you sure you aren’t too tired to stay up for a snack?”

When her stomach growled again, she sighed and got to her feet. “I’m exceedingly tired, but I’m afraid I’ve never been too tired to eat.”

He stood up, too, and smiled. “Spoken like a woman who could steal any man’s heart.”

She walked alongside him as they tiptoed to the kitchen together. There was only one man she knew who could steal her heart, and he already had, despite how deeply he had hurt her. He just did not know it, and he never would, because the one fear she had yet to conquer was still too new: She was afraid she might have to spend the rest of her life with a man who would never be able to love her back.

Twenty-Eight

With little more than a few hours’ sleep, Ellie rose at first light to a clear sky and the promise of balmy weather. After making a fresh batch of apple muffins to replace the half dozen she and Jackson had polished off, she spent the rest of the morning planning and preparing for her talk with Daniel. Fortunately, Jackson had agreed that Ethan needed to be part of that discussion, too, and had left it up to her to decide exactly how she wanted to approach the boys.

Anxious to introduce her plan now that Jackson had confirmed there was no evidence of any predators on the island, she set a pan of warm apple crisp onto the dinner table. Grinning, she sat down to join the rest of her family for dessert.

“Is something funny?” Jackson asked as she dished out a large serving for him.

“Not really,” she said and passed the bowl to him. “There’s cream in the pitcher. Daniel, will you pass the cream to your father?”

Daniel nearly knocked the pitcher over but managed to keep it upright. “Can I have a big bowl like Pappy’s?”

Her grin widened. “May I?”

He bobbed his head. “May I have one like Pappy’s? Ethan wants one, too.”

“You both have to eat it all,” she cautioned.

When they grinned back at her, she dished out a serving almost as large as the one she had given Jackson and set one in front of each of them. She poured a generous dollop of cream on top and smiled. “Taking a nap for most of the morning has done wonders for your appetites,” she teased as they started to devour the dessert.

Having a few hours to herself did wonders for her, too. Everything she needed for their talk was packed up in a large basket she had set outside on the back porch.

Jackson paused between bites. “Who took a nap this morning?”

“I did,” Daniel replied. “Ethan did, too.”

Ethan bobbed his head, dripping apple crisp down his chin to the front of his shirt.

Ellie dabbed it off with her napkin. “Since the boys couldn’t go outside to play until you made sure it was safe, the boys wanted to play upstairs in their room,” she explained. “I’m not certain whether they got bored or tired, but they ended up sleeping away most of the morning.”

Jackson shrugged. “Napping wouldn’t account for a good appetite. It must be something else that’s made them eat so well at dinner. Maybe it’s because they’re celebrating something,” he teased as he scooped up the last of his dessert.

Hopeful he had actually noticed what she had managed to do, her heart skipped a beat. “What might that be?”

He held his spoon in midair as if offering a toast. “Congratulations. This is the finest meal you’ve cooked for us.”

She grinned, her heart bursting with pride. “Thank you. And thank you for not saying this was the first meal where I didn’t burn a single thing.”

“You’re welcome,” he said before polishing off the last spoonful.

She glanced at Daniel, wondering if he would have his usual comment about how well his mother had always cooked, but he was too busy eating to say anything.

“What are your plans for the afternoon?” Jackson asked, giving her the opening she needed.

“Since the boys have been inside all morning, I thought we could walk back to the orchards with you like we usually do and then leave to collect some river stones.”

Daniel’s head popped up. So did Ethan’s.

Their eyes were wide with interest, but Jackson’s gaze narrowed. “River stones?”

She savored a bite of dessert and swallowed it. “Yes. They make a good border. I saw lots of them at the landing, which is probably the safest place to collect them. The boys wouldn’t even have to get close to the river’s edge to get what we need.”

“Can we, Pappy? We wouldn’t get our shoes wet,” Daniel promised.

“I’ll watch them very, very carefully, although I can’t promise their shoes won’t end up drying on the porch by the end of the day. The Grants are nearby, so I thought we might stop to see how Gram is doing, too,” Ellie added. If Jackson did not allow them to go, then her entire plan for how and where she wanted to talk to Daniel and Ethan would fall apart.

Daniel looked at his father. “Please, Pappy? You let Mama take us to the landing for river stones. We’ll be good, good, good for Miss Ellie, too.”

When Jackson hesitated, she thought for certain he was going to refuse her request, especially when he gave both his sons a hard look. “You must listen to Miss Ellie and do everything she tells you to do. Everything. Is that clear?” he said sternly.

“Yes, Pappy.”

Ethan grinned.

So did Ellie. If the afternoon continued to be as fruitful, it would be a very fine day, but she had no illusions. A great deal depended on what would happen this afternoon.

“Aren’t you going to finish your dessert?” Jackson asked.

“You can have it if you like. I need to change my gown before I take the boys to the landing.”

He glanced at the gray gown she was wearing and groaned. “You only have one other gown. I thought you said it was ruined.”

“The brown gown will do just fine for collecting river stones,” she replied and hurried to her room.

If Ellie had not been so driven to succeed with the boys, she would have given in to sheer exhaustion by the time they reached their final destination of the day.

Instead, she pulled out the last of the weeds from the family cemetery and let Daniel and Ethan add them to the pile sitting just beyond the border of old river stones that were as easy to see now as the headstones. After visiting for a brief spell with Gram today, however, Ellie was concerned it would not be very long before the aged woman was called home.

She was also surprised that neither boy seemed to be overly troubled being here at the cemetery and wondered whether or not they had been here when their mother was buried or if they had blocked out all memory of that day. She still was not certain they even realized the significance of the headstones or the cemetery itself, even though she had explained it as best she could when they had first arrived.

At least here, protected by the canopy of trees, they all had some relief from the sun, and she did not have to worry about either of them wandering too close to the river. If she had known how much work it was to collect the stones and then carry them all the way back here, however, she would have packed a snack for all of them, too.

When the boys returned, she opened the bags of river stones they had collected earlier. “Just add these to the line of stones on the ground so it’s wider. If there’s a special stone you’d like to keep to take home, you can put it in the basket,” she suggested.

Daniel pulled a dark stone out of his pocket and put it into the basket. “My mama liked the dark ones.”

“I like the lighter ones, I think,” she offered as she helped Ethan get a handful of stones. “Which ones do you like best?”

Ethan shrugged, but she noticed he had picked out several more dark stones for himself.

Taking a handful of stones, she added them to the original border and followed the boys as they worked the perimeter of the final resting places for their grandfather and mother. By the time they were finished widening the border of river stones, they had also filled half the basket with stones to take home.

All of them were dark in color.

After saying a silent prayer that God would help her to find the right words to say, she stood at the edge of the border facing the headstones, which lay stark and bare against the earth now, and took each boy by the hand. “Thank you both. You did a fine, fine job,” she said and looked down at Daniel. “Would you like me to read the names on the headstones for you before we leave?”

He scrunched up his face. “Which one is for Grandpa?”

She led the two boys to the headstone and knelt down so she would be at their level. “This is his stone. His name was James Gladson, and it’s etched right here,” she said. Pointing to the letters, she realized that it was probably time to start teaching Daniel how to read and write and made a mental note to ask Jackson about doing so.

“Do you remember your grandfather?”

Daniel shook his head. “No, but Pappy said Grandpa made my blocks.”

“That’s right,” she said and saw Ethan smile. “He lived here on the island first,” she continued and pointed to the first of the three headstones on the other side of his grandfather’s. “His wife, Emily, is buried next to him. She was your grandmother, but your grandfather had been married twice before they were married. His first two wives are buried here with him, too,” she said, hoping the boy would realize that his father was not the only one who had had more than one wife.

“Grandpa’s not here. He’s in heaven,” Daniel countered, letting go of her hand. He walked around to take hold of Ethan’s other hand. “Mama said so.”

“Your mama was right. His soul is in heaven, but we have a stone here with his name on it, just like we have one with your mother’s name on it, to remind us how very much they loved you. That’s why it’s so important to keep the cemetery looking pretty, like we did today,” she said, hoping this simple explanation would not be too much for either boy to accept.

Daniel hesitated for a moment, let go of Ethan’s hand, and walked over to the small headstone next to his grandfather’s. “Is this my mama’s?”

When she nodded, Daniel knelt down and traced the etching of her name with his fingers while Ethan watched. “Does it say Mama?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes. It has her name and then it says ‘beloved wife and mother.’ Some people say that when someone they love has died and gone to heaven, they like to visit the cemetery and sit by their loved one’s headstone so they can remember them better,” she ventured.