Hearts Awakening (27 page)

The only unnatural noise she heard at all was the crunching of her shoes on the roadbed as she made her way home, but the sound was not loud enough to drown out the echo of the order Jackson had given her when she had arrived home earlier today or the sound of those coins when they landed at her feet.

“ ‘Just leave,’ ” she said quietly, then stopped and looked up at the sky, searching above the dim shadow of the new moon and beyond the twinkling stars to heaven itself. She knew so little about Jackson, other than the fact that he had grown up an orphan and suffered yet more tragedy with the death of his young wife. She did know, however, that there was only one being in the entire universe who might help to heal his wounds and to heal hers, as well.

“Dear heavenly Father,” she prayed. “I have come to trust that you brought me here as an answer to my prayers, but this marriage is so very hard for me and for Jackson, too. Please help us, Father. Help Daniel and Ethan, too, so that we might live in peace together now and one day, with your blessing, be a true family, all in accordance with your will,” she whispered. The tears she had fought back all day fell freely.

When her well of tears was finally empty and all of her fears and troubles were gentled by the gift of His comfort and peace, she wiped her face and headed for home again with her heart not quite as heavy as it had been all day.

Renewed, she smiled when she finally saw the dark outline of the house, although it was still some distance ahead. A sudden rustling of the brush along the river side of the road behind her, however, sent her feet racing straight down the roadway toward the house to escape whatever animal was lurking about.

When she was too winded to take another step, she hid behind the first sizable tree she found close to the roadway. Panting for air, she tried to remind herself that there were no wild predators on the island that posed any real danger to her—but that did not prevent her imagination from suggesting that a bear or a panther or some other dangerous animal had managed to swim here to sample some of the fruit in the orchards or the animals kept at the Grant homestead.

Once her heart stopped thudding in her ears, she listened hard to hear if the animal had come this way. Eventually, when all was quiet, she ventured back to the roadway, snapping twigs underfoot as she walked through underbrush that snagged her skirts now and again.

She was no sooner back on the roadway than she heard that same rustling sound, only closer and much more ominous. This time, she did not look back. She simply picked up her skirts again and ran as if her life depended on it. She broke through the edge of the woods and dashed to the back porch steps, taking them two at a time.

Once she reached the porch, she lunged for the kitchen door. Trembling with fear and gasping for breath, she was inside the kitchen and had the door closed again before she realized she had not even had time to stop and make sure he had not bolted it against her.

She pressed her back to the door and closed her eyes. With her chest heaving and her heart pounding, she tried to soften her breaths to keep from waking everyone while she said a silent prayer of thanksgiving for arriving home all in one piece.

When she was no longer shaking and her heart was beating normally again, she opened her eyes. The weak light filtering into the kitchen from the great room was too dim to come from any of the oil lamps. Treading on tiptoe, she made her way through the shadowy kitchen to the doorway leading to the great room, where she discovered the light was coming from embers still burning in the fireplace. The great room itself was cast in shadows, with barely enough light to guide her steps.

Since Jackson did not expect her home for hours yet, she knew he had not left the door unbolted for her. She also knew he had not built the fire for her, either, but accepted both gestures as unexpected gifts. Treading on tiptoe, she paused when she found the door to her room closed. She was too unnerved to find sleep anytime soon after her harrowing experience, so instead she carried a chair over from the table, set it close to the fire so she could remove some of the debris caught in her skirts, and sat down.

“I certainly didn’t need this,” she grumbled as she pulled off a bramble caught in the hem of her skirts. When she realized how many brambles and thorns were caught on her clothing, she let out a sigh of exhaustion and frustration and let them drop.

“Maybe Jackson is right,” she whispered. “Maybe this gown is so drab and ugly, I shouldn’t bother with it at all. I could simply make do with the gray one until I can get to the city again. Unless he forces me to leave tomorrow, in which case, I’m lost. Totally lost.”

“You’re not lost, Ellie. I am.”

She screamed and leapt to her feet, realizing only too late that the voice she heard belonged to someone she knew— someone who was apparently sitting on the settee right behind her.

Twenty-Six

When his wife bolted out of her chair so fast he thought she might fly up and hit the ceiling, Jackson rushed over to her. “It’s only me. Jackson. Don’t be afraid.”

“You! You . . . you frightened me half to death!” she cried, clasping her hands to her heart.

He raked his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. When you first came into the room I thought you’d seen me sitting here.”

“How? You were almost completely in the dark, and it’s so late, I expected you to be in bed. You’re never up at this hour.”

He let out a long breath. The last thing he wanted to do was to turn her against him when there was so much he needed to say. “You’re right. I’m sorry, but when you sat down and started talking to yourself, I realized you hadn’t seen me, but there was no easy way to let you know I was there, either,” he explained.

She frowned and cocked her head, as if listening for something. “I hope I didn’t wake the boys by screaming the way I did.”

He shook his head. “I have the staircase door closed. Once they’re asleep, there isn’t much that can wake them up, other than a good storm. It’s the middle of the night. Whatever possessed you to come back home, by yourself, no less? Is Gram any better?”

“No, she’s doing about the same. Alice woke up and wanted to sit with her, so I decided to come home so I would be here to make breakfast,” she murmured and looked down at her skirts, which were liberally covered with brambles and bits of brush. “I’m afraid I might have ruined my gown for good this time.”

He grinned and thought he saw the corners of Ellie’s mouth turn upward, as well.

“I thought I heard some kind of animal thrashing about on my way home, so I ran off the roadway part of the way home. That’s how I got all this nonsense stuck to my skirts.”

“Animal? What kind of animal?” Jackson asked, thankful the darkness masked the apprehension on his face.

She shuddered. “I didn’t stand around waiting to find out. I’m afraid my imagination got the better of me. All I could envision was a panther or something had crossed over from the mainland, though I know that’s not possible.”

“Actually, it is possible,” he said, concerned that something dreadful could have happened to her along the way if indeed it was a dangerous animal she had heard.

Her eyes widened. “It is? But you told me there weren’t any dangerous animals here.”

“I know what I said, but there has been a time or two when predators actually swam or walked across the river this time of year, because they’re trying to fatten up before winter. I’ll check around the island with Michael tomorrow, but just to be safe, you and the boys should stay close to the house until we’re sure it wasn’t anything more than a raccoon or possum out there tonight.”

She wrapped her arms at her waist and nodded. “That’s a request I’ll gladly promise to keep.”

“But you still haven’t answered my question,” he reminded her, anxious to distract her from her bad experience tonight. After he added a log to the fire, he pulled over another chair beside hers, sat down, and urged her to sit down again, as well.

She did so with a sigh. “Yes, I did answer you. I just told you, I wanted to be home to make breakfast.”

“I heard that much, but I guess what I really want to know is why you came home at all,” he said, his head downcast.

“You mean, why did I want to come home after how badly you misjudged me again? Or why I’d come back to an extremely unpredictable man who turns into an angry brute at a moment’s notice and actually throws coins at his wife’s feet? Or a man who doesn’t trust his own wife when she’s done nothing to deserve his mistrust or his disdain, a man who can’t even support her as she tries to establish her own authority in order to raise his sons? Is that what you mean?”

Flinching at the coldness of her words, he swallowed hard. “Yes. That’s what I mean.”

When she held her silence, he studied her as the reflection of the fire danced across her face. Her dark eyes were glistening, as if they had captured every hurt he had inflicted upon her and shined them back at him. The heavy circles beneath her eyes, however, testified to her weariness, yet she sat here talking to him when she had every right to simply dismiss him.

“I came because I believe this is where I belong,” she finally whispered as she twisted the gold wedding ring he had given her only days ago. “I don’t know what you truly think of me when you’re not blinded by your own anger, but I know how I try to think of you and the boys.”

He stiffened, prepared to hear the worst, because he could not imagine her saying much good about them.

“I once thought that you and the boys . . . that you were God’s gifts to me, gifts that I could hold on to for a lifetime, but now . . . now I wonder if you were all nothing more than temporary gifts, like the rainbow that lights up the sky after a storm or the rare flower that blooms in the midst of a snowstorm. Gifts that the Lord shares with us for just a moment,” she said, her voice hushed. “As strong as I think my faith has become, it’s not sturdy enough to withstand your anger and your mistrust. I’m not certain how long I can continue to remain here, but I’m not willing to give up just yet . . . which means I have no choice but to continue to pray for strength to be able to forgive you for what you did today and pray, as well, that you’ll be kinder and more respectful of me in the future.”

“Gifts,” he repeated and looked off into the fire. “I’ve been called many things in my lifetime—most of which are not suitable to repeat in your presence—but a gift? Never that,” he admitted, hoping one day he could silence the harsh, ugly words from his childhood that still echoed in his mind after all these years.

“You mean as a child?” she asked gently.

He nodded.

“Before or after your parents died?”

“Only after,” he said quickly. “I don’t remember much about them. I was only eight when they died in a freak carriage accident. Since I didn’t have any brothers or sisters, knowing that my parents loved me was all I clung to when I shifted from one house to another for the next eight years.”

He heard her draw in a long breath. “How many families did you live with?”

“All told? Six.”

She gasped. “Six?”

He let the memories surface, one by one, then shoved them to the back of his mind again. “I never knew when I was going to be sent away again until I found my pathetic little bag sitting on the porch steps. It happened once or twice near the end of the year when another family bid lower and I was forced to move so the town could save money. Other times . . .”

He shrugged. “They never really said much, other than I had done something wrong or broken the rules and I had to leave. No further explanation. Just leave,” he said, suddenly making the connection between his experiences as a child and his actions today. “I realize now that I was just treating you the same way they treated me. I know that doesn’t make it right. But—”

“No, it doesn’t,” she said. “What happened after you left one of those homes?”

“I’d be sent to live with another family. And then another and then another. I finally ran away for good when I turned sixteen. I wandered around a bit, finding work wherever I could, and landed here two years later. I burned that old travel bag the same night James Gladson invited me to carve my initials into that tree.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, meeting his gaze when he looked at her. “I had no idea how very, very difficult your childhood had been after your parents died.”

“I thought I’d put that all in the past,” he offered. “Obviously, I haven’t.” He was silent a moment before he finally voiced the thoughts rolling over and over in his mind. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m truly, truly sorry. I really wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave after how badly I’ve acted today. But if you really meant it when you said you wanted to stay, I need you to know that I am going to try much harder not to ever misjudge you again.”

He removed the thong of leather he had fashioned into a makeshift chain that was hanging around his neck. After easing it over his head, he held it out so she could see the object hanging from the narrow strip of leather.

Her eyes widened as she stared at the badly scorched wedding ring. “Is that my ring?”