Hearts Aglow (29 page)
Deborah could feel a lump rising in her throat.
I have never cared for anyone as I have cared for you. It’s because
of my feelings that I know now that I must release you from any
attachment or loyalty you may feel you owe me. You deserve so much
better, and I long for you to be happy.
She slumped against the wall. Glancing up, she could see Mrs.Foster watching her. She quickly folded the letter and composed herself. “I need to go. My brother will be waiting to take me home.”
Hurrying from the office, she found her vision blurred by tears. She wiped the dampness from her cheeks and went to where the family carriage awaited. G.W. was nowhere in sight, but she climbed into the back and opened the letter once again.
“ ‘There are so many things I wish I could have told you,’ ” she whispered, reading more of his words. “ ‘So many things I should have said. I know this will be difficult to understand, but in my mind I was protecting you from the truth. Now, however, I see that selfishly I was protecting myself.’ ”
Tears fell onto the page, causing the ink to run. Deborah held the letter away from her so that the wetness couldn’t destroy the words. Once her tears abated, she continued.
I pray this letter will allow you to know that this decision was
not easily made. I cannot hope that you will understand, but choices
and decisions I’ve made make it impossible to continue our courtship.
I don’t know if I will return to Perkinsville or not. A great deal will
depend on my brother’s trial, but if I do not return, I want you to know
that none of this was your fault. I accept full responsibility.
She turned to the second page, feeling a sense of desperation that would not be stifled.
When I saw the reaction of the Perkins sisters, I knew there would
be trouble. Pastor Shattuck came to visit me shortly afterwards and
told me that your reputation was threatened. I couldn’t bear that.
Deborah felt livid. “Gossips. They had no right.”
I never wanted this for you. I cannot be the cause of seeing your
name smeared in gossip. I hope you will continue your studies in
medicine. You have a gift that should not be discarded.
No matter what, please always know that my feelings for you will
never change. I will never love another as I have loved you.
Christopher
She stared at the page shaking her head. He’d never uttered words of love before. She’d felt the passion of his kiss, had known his concern and tenderness – but he’d always held something back. Folding the letter, Deborah fell back against the leather carriage seat and closed her eyes.
This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. She’d known Christopher was troubled over the matter of his brother’s incarceration – knew too that his mother’s suffering was of constant concern to him. Still, she’d never expected him to just pack up and go without seeing her first – without explaining in person.
“Ah, I see you’re here already,” G.W. said, climbing up to the seat. “I heard something in the hardware store about the doc leavin’. You know anything about it?”
Deborah was grateful that he didn’t bother to look around and study her face. “I just found out myself.”
“Seems strange he would just up and leave. I was talkin’ to some of the boys, and they said there was some kind of problem. Said the preacher was known to have gone and talked to him about some issue. You wouldn’t know about that, would you?”
“I can imagine a lot of reasons the pastor would seek out Dr.
Clayton.” She said it in such a way that she hoped he wouldn’t ask any more questions. She knew that Christopher didn’t want anyone else to know about his family and their problems. “Oh, Lizzie is still at the boardinghouse.”
“We’ll pick her up on our way out.” G.W. took up the reins, then released the brake. “Walk on,” he called to the horses. “So what do you suppose the doc is up to?”
Deborah tried to maintain a hold on her emotions. “He told me he needed to help his brother. He got into some trouble down in Indianola. I’m not really at liberty to say more.”
“He’s a good man to go to the aid of his family.”
Deborah did her best to wipe her tears and arrange her appearance. She hid the letter inside her blouse. There was no sense in having to explain it right then and there. Lizzie would suspect that something was wrong, but knowing her friend, she would wait to question her later or presume that Jael’s worries were the reason for her concern.
G.W. brought the carriage to a stop at the boardinghouse walkway. Jael and Lizzie stepped from the porch and approached.
“Did you have a good visit?” G.W. questioned, hopping down to help his wife into the carriage.
“We did, but there is something we need to discuss,” Lizzie said. She turned to Jael and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for letting us know. We’ll talk soon – you must come for a visit.”
“If I can get away,” Jael said. She came to the carriage and looked up at Deborah. “Thank you for your visit.”
Deborah nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak without giving away her pain. Lizzie took the seat beside G.W. Once she was settled, G.W. took his place. “Afternoon.” He tipped his hat.
They were barely out of town when G.W. turned to Lizzie. “So what do we need to talk about?”
At home everyone gathered around the dining room table to discuss the news about Jael’s father and Stuart Albright. Deborah knew her brother’s mood was dark. Lizzie had explained the situation to him on the way home. G.W. was livid.
“I should have known he’d try to do us harm,” G.W. said, bringing his fist down on the table.
“There’s no sense in letting anger lead your thinking.” Arjan turned to Rob. “We’ve met all of our quotas on time, haven’t we?”
“Yes, sir. We’re ahead of schedule, in fact.”
Arjan nodded. “That’s what I thought. G.W., are the books in order? Are our debts being paid in a timely manner?”
“They are. Albright and Longstreet can’t say otherwise.”
“Then there really isn’t any problem,” Mother threw out.
“No, except that Albright wants to cause us harm. It ain’t good for a man to have enemies, especially when those enemies can affect his livelihood,” G.W. said, shaking his head.
“Maybe we could speak in private to Mr. Perkins and see if he’s privy to anything that might explain what Stuart has planned,” Deborah suggested.
Mother looked to Arjan. “That’s a good idea,” he replied. “Your mother and I had planned to speak to the preacher tomorrow after church. Maybe we could also have a talk with Zed.”
“It certainly couldn’t hurt. Zed would never do anything to cause us harm,” Mother said. “If we explain our concerns, I’m sure he’ll be willing to talk to us.”
G.W. seemed to calm a bit, and Lizzie put her hand atop his fist. “I’m so sorry about this. I feel that it’s all my fault. Stuart is taking his anger out on your family because of me.”
“You had nothing to do with it,” Mother interjected. “If Mr.Albright is hateful and vindictive because a better man won your heart, that’s something he’ll have to deal with. We don’t hold you responsible.”
The babies began to fuss from the other room. No doubt, Sissy would soon pop out to say that they were hungry. Lizzie got to her feet. “I’d best see to them.”
“I’ll come and help you,” Mother said, pushing back her chair.
Deborah looked at her brothers and uncle. “If you don’t mind, I have some things I’d like to tend to.” She got to her feet and hurried from the room. She’d not yet been able to think clearly about Christopher and longed for some time alone. Her hopes were dashed, however, when Rob followed her out the kitchen door.
“Wait up there a minute, Sis.”
She turned at the door. “What is it?”
“That’s what I want to know. Does this have somethin’ to do with Dr. Clayton leavin’ town, all quick-like?”
Deborah met his eyes and fought to control her emotions. She’d had a lifetime of teasing and joshing from her brothers, but she’d also known their protective attention. “I can’t talk about it just yet – I promised Christopher. You understand, don’t you?”
He gently touched her shoulder. “Just wanted you to know that I’m happy to listen.”
She smiled, touched by his kindness. “Thank you, Rob. You’ve quite changed since I’ve returned home. I suppose it has something to do with growing up, but maybe also a bit with a certain preacher’s daughter.”
He laughed and backed away with his hands in the air. “If you ain’t talkin’, then neither am I.”
Deborah avoided going into town for the next week. The last thing she wanted was to face questions about where Christopher had gone and what she knew about it. Except for the understanding that Christopher’s brother was in trouble, Deborah knew little else, and she couldn’t admit to even knowing that much. She had no desire to share the news that the doctor had ended their courtship. She would never be able to escape the questions and suppositions should that information get out.
She tried to put the matter aside, telling herself that he hadn’t really meant to end their courtship – that he had acted without thinking. He would come back. He had to. But just as she found the tiniest comfort in such an idea, reality would pour over her in waves.
Why did he do this? Why didn’t he just come to me and tell me what
was happening?
None of it made sense. She drew a deep breath and forced the truth to the front of her mind. Of course it made sense. There were far too many secrets between them. Christopher was never all that forthcoming with information regarding his life. He was a very private person, he had once told her.
“So private, in fact, that I haven’t a clue who he really is,” she muttered, attacking the hard ground with a hoe. She’d offered to weed the garden, and the task had at least kept her body busy.
Rob arrived home and, seeing his sister, headed her way. “I see you’re out in the heat of the day,” he said as he strolled up. “Good thing you’re covered up. That sun’s mighty fierce today.”
Mother liked the weeding to be done in the heat of the day to ensure the deaths of the unwanted intruders. Deborah wore one of her father’s old long-sleeved shirts over her lightweight cotton gown. On her head she’d secured a sunbonnet in the old-fashioned style her mother had once worn as a young woman.
“You’re home early.” She looked at the sky. “What time is it?”
“Only four. Uncle Arjan said it was too hot to keep workin’. He told the men to stay in camp but to quit for the day. Nobody argued with him. In fact, last I saw, several of the men were headed to the river to cool down. Not that they’ll find an abundance of water there.”
Deborah leaned against the hoe and prayed for a breeze. “So what are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“Well, I kind of figured to talk to you for a spell.” He pushed back hair from his face. “Then I’m gonna see if Ma or Sissy can give me a haircut.”
She knew her brother would probably want to talk about Christopher, but to her surprise, Rob began to speak on something else entirely.
“I know this is gonna sound abrupt-like, but I’ve given it a lot of prayer and thought,” he began. “I believe God has a change planned out for my life.”
Deborah straightened. “What kind of change?”
“Well, that’s what I figured to talk to you about. See, I’m kind of worried that it’s gonna upset Ma. Maybe Uncle Arjan and G.W., too.”
“I can’t imagine what that would be.”
Rob hooked his thumb in his suspenders. “I’m gonna be leavin’ this area.”
His announcement took her totally by surprise. “I figured you were going to tell me that you’d asked Mara to marry you. I certainly didn’t think you’d talk about leaving. Where did you have in mind to go?”
“Houston. There’s a seminary there that I want to attend. I think my readin’ and cipherin’ has improved enough, not to mention that I’ve pert near read the Bible cover to cover. I don’t figure it’ll be easy, but I think God wants me to be a preacher.”
“You seem quite certain.”
“I am.” He went over to the fence rail and climbed atop to sit. “I’ve been prayin’ for God to show me, and He keeps bringin’ me back to the same place.”
“Have you talked to Ma about it?”
“Only the bit about thinkin’ I might be called to be a preacher. She gave me her blessin’. She knows it would mean me leavin’ the logging business, but she said she didn’t want anything to stop me from my callin’. I haven’t really talked much with anyone else. I wanted to talk to you, because I figured you’d understand. Sometimes the choices we make aren’t that popular with other folk.”
“To be sure,” Deborah answered.
“I know Doc had something important to tend, but it seems to me he could’a come and said good-bye.”
Deborah’s gaze snapped up to meet Rob’s. “He left me a letter.” She knew her tone sounded defensive, so she added, “But I would have rather talked face-to-face. Christopher wanted privacy on the matter, but I need advice. He went to help his brother.”
“What kind of trouble did his brother get into?”
