Heartless Rebel (28 page)

 
          
He
didn’t return for the rest of her shift. By the time she got off work, she was
angry with herself for caring. She’d kept expecting him to return. She’d looked
for him, watched the entrances for any sign of him and casually walked through
the casino on her breaks.

 
          
Jack
had disappeared.

 
          
Which
was no doubt for the best.

 
          
It
was nearly midnight when she emerged onto the palm-lined street, and the air
was still heavy with heat and humidity. Cara shouldered her bag to begin the
walk to the streetcar stop.

 
          
“You
are not seriously thinking of walking alone at night, are you?”

 
          
She
spun around to find Jack watching her. With all the people mingling on the
steps of the casino, she hadn’t seen him standing there when she’d exited.

 
          
“It’s
not far,” she said.

 
          
He
came over and took her bag off her shoulder. “I’ll walk with you.”

 
          
“It’s
not necessary, Jack.”

 
          
“I
want to.”

 
          
“And
you always get what you want, don’t you?” she said bitterly.

 
          
He
shook his head. She was tall, but he was so much taller, and he towered over
her, his presence both comforting and disturbing. She wanted to wrap her arms
around him and she wanted to run away from him all at once. It hurt so much to
see him again. And he was oblivious.

 
          
“I
don’t, actually,” he said.

 
          
They
walked several steps away before she spun around to face him. The street was
well lit, but they were alone this far from the entrance. The air was so thick.
She could smell the Mississippi flowing by, could hear the relentless roll of
it in her soul. Nothing stopped the river, not even the levees. When the
Mississippi grew furious, it rolled farther and faster than ever, devastating
those in its path.

 
          
Jack
was like that, she thought. He was unstoppable. And he devastated anyone in his
path. Anyone who dared to love him.

 
          
“What
do you want from me, Jack? Why have you come all this way? I want to know right
now, because I’m not walking another step and waiting for you to decide when
the time is right to speak. Say it now, or don’t say it at all.”

 
          
He
laughed, a surprised bark of laughter. It warmed her from within, though she
wouldn’t let him know it. She had to be cool and collected, had to be prepared
for whatever he unleashed. “Why did you send that money back?” Cara blinked. Her
heart seemed to shrivel in her chest. Because, yes, like a fool, she’d hoped
he’d come for more.

 
          
“You
overpaid me. The deal was for fifty thousand, minus two for the clothes.”

 
          
“And
I paid you fifty thousand.”

 
          
“No,
you paid me nearly eighty.” This was inane! Why were they discussing this?
“That’s the exchange rate, sweetheart.” Cara’s jaw dropped. And then she turned
without a word and strode down the street. He’d come all this way to argue
about money? Because he’d paid her in pounds sterling—or maybe in euros; hell
if she knew—when she’d meant dollars? It was ridiculous.

 
          
He
caught her arm and spun her around. Cara tried to jerk away, but he wouldn’t
let go. Dropping her bag, he pushed her against the wall and trapped her there.
Cara’s eyes closed. He was so warm, so hard, and she’d missed him so much. His
scent wrapped around her. She wanted nothing more than to tilt her head up and
beg him to kiss her.

 
          
“Let
me go,” she ground out between clenched teeth. “I can’t,” he said. “Jack, for
God’s sake—”

 
          
“I
love you, Cara.”

 
          
She
went completely still. A tremor flowed from his body to hers. But no, she had
to be imagining it.

 
          
His
head dipped and his lips touched hers. The kiss was light, so light and
tentative, and her heart blossomed.

 
          
Her
hands curled into fists on his chest—and then she pushed him away. “Stop, just
stop.”

 
          
He
did, but the tremor was still there. Or maybe she was imagining it. Maybe it
was the jarring of traffic on the road—not that anything had passed recently—or
maybe the river was roiling against its barriers so hard it shook the city.

 
          
“I
can’t do this,” she said, as much to herself as to him. Her heart was still so
raw. It had only been two weeks since she’d left London—a little over a month
since she’d met him—and she didn’t know when she would ever feel normal again.

 
          
She
was certain he cared about her—he’d told her so back in London—and certain he
needed her physically as much as she needed him.

 
          
But
he did not love her. He couldn’t. How could he go from that cold, remote,
disconnected man he’d been for most of his life to a man capable of letting her
inside his heart in only two weeks?

 
          
It
was impossible, no matter how much she wanted it to be true.

 
          
His
hands dropped to his sides. She reached out and ran her palm along his cheek.
His beautiful cheek.

 
          
“I
appreciate that you want to try, Jack. But we both know you aren’t capable of
doing this. And it’s okay. It really is.”

 
          
Blindly,
she reached for her bag and slipped around him. She felt … bereft. She wanted
to turn back to him, wanted what he’d said to be true, but she knew better. How
could she ever trust that he wouldn’t wake up one day and realize he’d been
wrong? That he’d pushed himself into something he wasn’t capable of simply
because he enjoyed the sex?

 
          
She’d
seen the reality of that before, and she wasn’t prepared to experience it
firsthand.

 
          
“I
had no idea you were a coward, Cara.”

 
          
His
voice cracked across her ears like a whip. She stumbled to a halt and turned
around.

 
          
He
closed the distance between them, though he did not touch her this time. But he
was so close, his presence so overwhelming. She wanted to step back, but she
did not.

 
          
“You’re
afraid,” he said. “You claim that you love me, that you want more from me, but
you don’t want to give it yourself, do you? You used this to push me away, just
as I pushed you away for loving me.”

 
          
“You’re
wrong—”

 
          
“But
the truth is,” he continued over top of her, “that we’re both afraid and we did
everything possible to make the other one leave.”

 
          
“That’s
not true—”

 
          
He
gripped her shoulders. “It
is
, Cara.”

 
          
She
felt her lip begin to tremble. Because she
was
scared, damn him. What if he really did love her? And what if she gave her
heart to him only to have it smashed to bits someday down the road when he’d
stopped loving her?

 
          
It
had been easier to walk away while she still could.

 
          
“Listen
to me,” he said roughly. “I told you I couldn’t give you more, but I was wrong.
I’ve been blaming my brothers for leaving the family, for abandoning their duty
while I had to stick around and make everything work. And I learned how to do
it. I made it work by committing myself to doing it. But I let my ability to
trust, my ability to love, atrophy. If I didn’t feel, then no one could hurt
me.”

 
          
“Jack
…” He shredded her heart and soul with his confession. He’d suffered so much,
was still suffering, and she hated it. But she was afraid, too. What if he let
himself feel now, but his feelings changed later? How would she survive it?

 
          
“I
saw Jacob after you left. And I realized that I was just like him. In trying to
be what I needed to be for everyone, I became what I despised. I was there in
body, but I’d let my spirit run away a long time ago.”

 
          
A
tiny tendril of hope began to unfurl inside her. “You talked to him?”

 
          
He
shrugged. “I could have done better, perhaps, but we spoke briefly.”

 
          
“Did
it make you feel better at all?”

 
          
He
blew out a breath. “I didn’t think so at the time. But maybe it did. Because it
helped me to see what I’d been doing. With you. With my life.”

 
          
Cara
bowed her head. His grip on her shoulders eased. “I want to believe you, Jack.
But we’re so different. I don’t belong in your world—”

 
          
He
said a very obscene word. “You belong wherever you want to belong, Cara. I’ve
never met anyone like you. You’re stronger and more honorable than anyone I
know. Who else would refuse to throw a fifteen-million-euro card game when so
much was at stake personally?”

 
          
“I
think a lot of people would. I don’t think I’m unique in that.”

 
          
Jack
laughed. “Maybe not unique, but damn rare among the people I know. And I love
you for it.”

 
          
“Now
I know you’re not serious,” she said. “Because if that’s why you love me, what
happens when you find out there are a whole lot of people who would do what I
did? I could introduce you to quite a few while you’re here—”

 
          
He
stopped her with his mouth. She vaguely thought she should push him away again,
but she really didn’t want to. Just one more kiss. One more night. She could do
that, right?

 
          
“It’s
not the only reason I love you,” he said against her lips. A shiver trickled
down her spine. His tongue traced the seam of her mouth, dipped inside to
tangle with hers again.

 
          
“Oh,
God, Cara,” he groaned as she arched against him. “I love you for so many
reasons. Reasons that have nothing to do with that gorgeously wicked tongue of
yours, though I’m damned if I can think when you’ve been kissing me like this.”

 
          
“You
kissed me,” she protested.

 
          
“I’d
like to kiss more of you,” he said. “Much, much more.”

 
          
Cara
put her hand against his chest and took a step back. She needed space to
breathe, space to think. He addled her brain. Liquefied her insides. Made her
want to do utterly shameless things with him.

 
          
Right
here, right now.

 
          
“I
want to know what you expect to happen now that you’ve told me you love me.”

 
          
His
smile was confident, sure and completely heart-stopping. “What I expect is that
you will agree to marry me. As soon as possible. Tonight would be best, but
I’ll wait until tomorrow—”

 
          
“You
can’t get married that fast anywhere, Jack.”

 
          
He
put a finger over her lips. “Yes, you can, sweet Cara. Las Vegas. But if that’s
unacceptable, if you must have a big wedding for your family, then I will wait
for that day.”

 
          
He
took his finger away and kissed her, a quick peck that had her stretching up to
him even as he pulled away and continued, “And to prove how serious I am, how
desperately I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I vow not to make
love to you until we are married. Whether that day is tomorrow or six months
from now, your chastity is assured.”