Heartless Rebel (25 page)

 
          
He
was so remote, so untouchable. “I’m sorry for hurting you. You deserve more
than this.”

 
          
“I
know I do,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. The tears of rage
and frustration she’d been holding back spilled over. She did deserve more,
damn him! She deserved everything he had to give.

 
          
But
he was too caught up in the past to let himself go. Jack Wolfe refused to let
anyone inside. She’d known it and she’d stayed with him, anyway. Her fault for
being so damn naive.

 
          
As
much as it hurt her to realize it, she had to leave him now, before he took
what was left of her soul and crushed it to powder.

 
          
“You
are
capable of more, Jack,” she said.
“But apparently I’m not the one who can make you see it.”

 
          
THEY
took a limo back to his apartment. The ride passed in silence, Cara sitting as far
away from him as she could get. If he touched her, she feared her resolve would
crumble. In spite of everything, her body still hummed with need. All she
required was his touch to set spark to the tinder and she would go up in flame.

 
          
When
they exited the elevator into his apartment, she found the courage to speak.
Though they were alone in this space where she’d been so happy with him, there
was room to maneuver. She didn’t have to be so near him, didn’t have to smell
his scent and listen to his breathing. She could stop the need to turn her face
into his chest and just ask him to hold her if she could put distance between
them.

 
          
“Am
I ever going to be anything more than a
mistress
to you?” she asked, the words biting as she said them.

 
          
He
turned to her, hands in pockets. He seemed so remote, so cool. “Still looking
for the happy ever after, Cara?”

 
          
She
trembled with helpless fury. And sadness. Such overwhelming sadness. “I believe
it’s possible to be happy with one person, yes. I believe it’s possible to love
and be loved and never need or want anyone else.”

 
          
His
eyes were flat. So flat and empty. “It’s a little girl’s fantasy,” he said, his
voice hard. “You should know this as well as I do. Look at our parents,
sweetheart. I don’t know about yours, but mine defined the word
dysfunctional
. And my father kept on
doing it even after my mother was dead.”

 
          
“Just
because our parents didn’t get it right doesn’t mean we have no chance.”

 
          
His
bark of laughter was not reassuring. “You’re so naive, Cara.” He closed the
distance between them and grabbed her arms. “Why do you have to want more from
me? Why can’t you just be happy with what we have
right now?
”

 
          
Tears
pressed against the backs of her eyes. “What do we have, Jack? Tell me what we
have, because I want to know.”

 
          
His
face twisted, but whether from rage or frustration she did not know. And then
he crushed his mouth down on hers. It was a hard kiss, a kiss of domination, of
fear, of desperation.

 
          
Though
she didn’t mean to do it, she kissed him back. Cara infused all her hope and
heartbreak into that single kiss. Anyone witnessing their kiss would know they
were engaged in a battle.

 
          
There
was nothing tender in this kiss. It was all-out war, a fight for domination on
the field of battle.

 
          
Somehow,
Cara found the strength to break away first. She was breathing hard, her
emotions whipping her with bitterness as she put a steadying hand on the back
of a couch.

 
          
Jack
stumbled backward a step and ripped his tie loose. His chest rose and fell as
rapidly as hers. It gratified her to know he wasn’t unaffected, and yet despair
hovered behind the pain she felt.

 
          
Would
he really let it end this way? Was he so determined not to let anyone in that
he would throw away a chance at happiness?

 
          
Or
maybe, Cara thought, he was right. Maybe he
was
giving all he was capable of giving. Maybe she was being unfair in asking for
more. Why couldn’t she be happy with what they had now? Why did she want more?

 
          
Because I deserve it
.

 
          
Leaving
Jack was the right thing to do. She knew it in her heart, no matter how her
heart seemed to be splitting in two at the thought. How could she ever rely on
him if she didn’t trust that he felt the way she did? Would she turn out like
Mama, loving a man who deceived her and left her brokenhearted, if she were to
settle for anything less than the love she deserved?

 
          
“I
care about you,” he said, breaking into her tormented thoughts. “I want you.”

 
          
Cara
sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Jack, but that’s not good enough for me.
Because I do want the fantasy. I want love and marriage, even though it
terrifies me, and I want to be someone’s life and soul. I want to be with a man
who can’t live without me just as I can’t live without him.”

 
          
His
laugh was bitter. “You just said love terrifies you. Because you
know
it doesn’t last, Cara. You have
your parents’ example, just as I have mine. People
leave
when you need them most.”

 
          
She
shook her head. A tear slipped down her cheek. “I can’t be like you, Jack. As
much as it scares me to ever rely on another human being, I want that chance. I
want to try, at least. I want to share my life with the man I love, and I want
him to share his with me.”

 
          
His
eyes were so full of pain and frustration. She wanted to go to him, wanted to
wrap her arms around him and tell him everything would be all right. But she
wasn’t really sure if it would ever be all right. She watched him, waiting for
his response. Waiting for him to acknowledge what she’d just told him.

 
          
But
if he understood that she’d confessed her love for him, he didn’t show it.

 
          
“What
do you want from me?”

 
          
“I
think you know.”

 
          
“This
has been good between us, Cara. It doesn’t need to end.”

 
          
She
pulled in a deep breath. “It has been good, you’re right. But it’s not enough.
I want more. I don’t want to go to parties and have people whisper behind my
back that I’m just another mistress. I want people to know we’re together, that
I’ve chosen you every bit as much as you’ve chosen me. I don’t want to be just another
bought and paid-for companion.”

 
          
And
she was, wasn’t she? Ever since she’d accepted his offer to come to London for
the wedding, the balance of power had been thrown off. As much as she’d tried
to convince herself it was a legitimate job, the truth was far different.
Because she’d been fated to fall into bed with him from the moment he’d arrived
at her table in Nice.

 
          
“You
can’t listen to gossip, Cara. People will try to hurt you if you let them.”

 
          
“They
wouldn’t try if they didn’t think it was true.”

 
          
His
jaw was hard, his eyes glittering. He swore vehemently.

 
          
“Fine,
we’ll get married if that’s what it takes to make you happy.”

 
          
Cara’s
heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t imagine what it had cost him to say that.
She would have laughed if her heart weren’t breaking.

 
          
“Oh,
Jack. You just don’t get it, do you? It’s not about marriage.” She walked over
to him, placed a hand on his chest. Felt the thundering pulse of his heart.
“It’s about what’s in here. I want to know you. I want you to let me inside.
And I’m not sure you ever will.”

 
          
He
gripped her hand where it lay against his heart. He looked so serious and so
tortured at once.

 
          
“You
do know me. As well as anyone.”

 
          
She
shook her head sadly. “But for how long, Jack?”

 
          
“As
long as it lasts,” he said.

 
          
“I
can’t do it. I’m sorry. I should have gone sooner, but—”

 
          
“What?”
he prompted when she didn’t continue.

 
          
Cara
shrugged. “I didn’t want to. I fell for you, Jack. And I kept hoping you’d love
me, too.”

 
          
“I
care for you.” His voice sounded as if it had been scraped over sandpaper.

 
          
Poor
Jack. It was such a hard admission for him. And it was all she’d ever get.

 
          
She
took a step back, wrapped her arms around her body. “It’s time I went home. I
need to find another job, need to move forward with my life….”

 
          
He
swore. “Go, then,” he bit out.

 
          
Her
eyes filled with tears. “I still need my passport—”

 
          
“It’s
here.”

 
          
Cara
blinked. “You have it? Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 
          
“It
came two days ago.”

 
          
Two
days? He’d had her passport for two days and he’d not told her about it? Was
this why? Had he wanted to avoid exactly the conversation they were having now?

 
          
“Why
didn’t you tell me?” she repeated.

 
          
He
walked over to the kitchen island, retrieved an envelope and tossed it onto the
bar near her. “Does it matter? You have it now.”

 
          
Cara
picked up the envelope and opened it. Her bank card was inside, as well.

 
          
“Your
clothes and other belongings will arrive soon.”

 
          
“You
managed to get everything from Bobby?” She’d hoped she’d get her passport back,
but she’d never expected she would see anything else she’d taken to Nice with
her. Fortunately, it had only been two suitcases full. Nothing that wasn’t
replaceable.

 
          
Jack
laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Believe it or not, Cara, I’m quite
frightening when I’m not bound and beaten. Bobby was only too happy to
cooperate once the situation was explained to him.”

 
          
Cara
shivered at the menace in his voice. Having spent the past couple of weeks with
him, she could fully believe he would intimidate Bobby under the right
circumstances. He was immensely wealthy and extremely powerful. All of which
she’d shoved to the back of her mind while she’d been here. She’d cared about
him as a person, and though she’d known how wealthy he was, she’d been able to
forget it when it was just the two of them together.

 
          
A
mistake, clearly. If she’d remembered, if she’d forced herself to remember,
she’d have known this could never work out between them. She had nothing he
needed—not even love.

 
          
God,
could her heart hurt any worse that it did right this moment? Could she feel
any more hopeless?

 
          
“Thank
you,” she said. It was the only thing she was capable of. Her throat hurt with
all she wanted to say. She wouldn’t let it happen, though. It was too late.
Useless. He didn’t love her and he never would. He’d only wanted to control
her, just as he controlled everything around him. It was his shield, she
realized, his attempt at making sure no one could hurt him ever again.