Heartfire (16 page)

"Yes."

"And?"

She felt as if he were giving her the third degree.  "He didn't ask any questions.  I think he's excited about the Halloween party and that's foremost in his mind."

Max looked around the room again at the decorations Leslie had either bought or made.  "Do we have everything we need?"

"I'd like to buy pumpkins to make jack-o-lanterns."

He brought his attention back to her.  "I know a farm on the outskirts of town that sells apples, cider and pumpkins.  We could take a ride after supper.  Ryan would probably like that."

But what about you?
she asked silently.  "I've been cooped up all day with this.  I could use the fresh air."

He frowned.  "Tessa, if you'd rather be working..."

"I didn't say that, Max.  A ride in the country will be nice."

He gazed at her speculatively for a moment.  "I'll go change.  Anything started for dinner?"

She waved at the sewing machine.  "Sorry.  I didn't have time."

Max crossed to the hallway.  "We'll stop and get fast food.  Ryan would eat it every night if I'd let him."

As he walked down the hall, Tessa sank deeper into the couch, letting her head rest against the back.  He didn't expect anything of her.  In a way, that made her sad.

Chapter Nine

Max stepped into the kitchen Thursday after school and entered...chaos.  Three pumpkins sat on the table, their tops crookedly chopped off.  Scoopfuls of pumpkin pulp and seeds lay on last night's newspaper, making it soggy.  The smell of burnt something lingered in the air, and he thought traces of smoke hung in the corner above the stove.  The kitchen window was open, and cold air blew in.  But it was the flour that really caught his attention.  It was everywhere.  Across the pastry cloth spread on the counter, in bold fingerprints on the cupboards, across the front of the sink, but most of all—smudging Tessa.

She stood at the mixer, dipping a spatula into...  He didn't know what it was.  It was white and drippy.  Her jeans were covered with white splotches from where she'd wiped her hands.

As Max closed the door, Ryan ran into the kitchen.  "Tessa, somethin's wrong!  One side's longer than the other.  And it's so long.  And it waves on the bottom.  And it won't stay up!"

When Tessa turned toward Ryan, she looked...devastated.  "Oh, Ryan.  Come here.  Let me see."

She crouched down in front of him.  The costume, if one could call it that, had slipped off one shoulder.  One sleeve was definitely longer than the other.  The seams puckered and the bottom hem looked like a drunken scallop.

"It's like a dress!" Ryan wailed.

"That's because it's long," Tessa explained.  She slipped her belt from her jeans and held it around Ryan's waist for effect.  Avoiding Max's gaze, she muttered, "That's worse."

Ryan looked up at her with wide brown eyes.  "Do I hafta wear it?"

Max intervened.  "Come here and let me see."  Hunching down, he folded the longer sleeve under and settled the tunic up on Ryan's shoulders.  "Maybe if you wear a shirt under it—"

"Honey, you don't have to wear it.  I guess I'm just not a very good seamstress.  I thought I could do it without a pattern."

"What am I gonna wear for the party?  I told everybody you were makin' me Robin Hood."

Knowing he had to do something to allay his son's dismay, Max held Ryan's shoulder.  "We can go buy a costume."

Ryan's lower lip trembled.  "That's not the same."

"I know it's not," Max commiserated with his son.  "But Tessa did her best and—"

Dismissing his platitude, Tessa crouched down again next to Max.  "Honey, I will make you a costume.  Let me think about it until after supper, okay?"

Ryan hesitated for a moment, then solemnly nodded.

Max stood, his knee brushing Tessa's.  A jolt of current forked through him.  Friends, he repeated to himself. 
Simply friends
.

Tessa straightened, too, and rumpled Ryan's hair.  "Go take that off.  Toss it into my room on the bed."  As Ryan left the kitchen, she avoided Max's gaze and went over to the mixer.

Last night, he couldn't believe his relief when she said she'd stay in his house.  Yet, he'd told himself it didn't mean anything because she was merely doing it for Ryan.  "I know how much time you put into that."

"It wasn't my best, Max.  I don't know why you said it was.  If I had more time, I could do it right.  Just like I could do the jack-o-lanterns and the cookies and the icing..."  Her voice broke.

Max had never seen Tessa in this state.  She was actually close to tears!  He'd always thought of her as composed and confident and not giving a damn.  Taking her by the hand, he tugged her toward the living room.

"Max, what are you doing?"

"We're going to talk."  When they reached the sofa, he gave her a little push and she sat.  "Tell me what happened today."

Tears welled in her eyes as she glanced at the sewing machine sitting on the coffee table.  She blinked fast as Max stretched his arm along the sofa behind her.  "Not much.  After I finished his costume, I had to run to the store again.  I didn't know what a pastry cloth was.  The dough wouldn't stick together and I guess I rolled the cookies too thin because the first batch burned.  The bowl of icing got too hard to spread because I was working on the pumpkins, so I guess I added too much milk the second time and...  Oh, Max.  I was trying so hard to make this special for Ryan like Leslie would have—"

Max couldn't keep his arm from coming around her shoulders.  "You're not Leslie."

She sucked in a breath and paled.  "Don't I know it.  You're used to the way she cooked, the way she took care of Ryan—"

"You can't take Leslie's place."

Tessa moved away from him.  "No, I can't and I was stupid to try."

He stilled, shaken by her words and their underlying implication.  "Are you trying to take Leslie's place?"

Tessa's chin came up and fury blazed in her eyes.  "Are you trying to be purposely cruel?"

"No.  I want to know why you're so upset.  The Tessa I know wouldn't give a damn about all this.  She'd cut her losses and move on."

"I told you.  I wanted to make Halloween special for Ryan."

"And?"

She glared at him defiantly, but her lower lip quivered.  "And you have certain standards.  I can see it in your eyes.  You expected Leslie's meals to be perfect and they were.  You expected her to be a wonderful mother and she was.  You knew she'd never embarrass you and she didn't."

"You're competing with her," he concluded.

"I am not!"  Tessa wrapped her arms around herself.

"Yes, you are.  You've never done that before.  Why now?"  Tessa was more complicated than any woman Max had ever known.  He was filled with the need to understand her in a way he'd never tried to before.

She scooted away from him toward the front of the sofa.  "This is getting us nowhere."

"Running away again, Tessa?"  An old hurt pierced his heart.

She looked angry enough to slap him.  "I don't know
what
I'm doing.  All I know is I've tried my best to be what you and Ryan need—"

Max pushed the hurt away.  "And you've done a terrific job."  He hadn't expected to say that, but he realized he'd never meant anything more.

Tessa seemed stunned.  "You're just saying that to make me feel better."

He could kick himself for letting the weeks go by without telling Tessa how much he appreciated everything she did.  He'd tried so hard not to put any demands on her, not to expect too much, not to get too close.  "I'm saying that because it's true.  You're great with Ryan.  You've supported him and talked with him and played with him in the past few weeks in a way that I can see has made a difference.  You've pitched in and helped around here with meals and shopping in a way I never knew you could.  And when do you think you embarrassed me?"

"By dancing with Kevin at the dance, staying here with you and causing gossip..."

She had a smudge of flour on one cheek.  He stroked it with his thumb and pushed a few of her curls behind her ear.  "Oh, Tessa.  Chaperones dance with kids all the time.  I was proud of how you could communicate with Kevin and Jenny and fit right in at the dance.  And as far as you staying here, I'm too old to care what the town thinks as long as I know I'm doing what's right for me."

A few tears spilled over onto her cheeks, and she ducked her head.

Max lifted her chin with his knuckle.  "I've been a fool not to show you some appreciation."

She waved toward the kitchen.  "I thought you'd be angry that all this work didn't turn out right for Ryan."

"We'll figure out something.  Tessa, you're not Leslie.  Don't try to do everything as she would have.  Do what you want."  He glanced at the sewing machine.  "But I don't think you should try to sew another costume."

She gave him half of a smile and attempted to wipe away her tears.

He did it for her, relishing the feel of her skin, practically drowning in her beautiful green eyes.  Tessa was a Siren, drawing him to her with a mysterious song.  She always had been.

He leaned toward her with the word
friendship
focused in his mind.  He reminded himself of it again right before his lips met hers.  He kept the kiss quiet, chaste, but the singeing heat of their lips meeting surged through his blood like liquid flame.  He laced his fingers in her hair and stroked.  The gesture was meant to soothe but with each pass through her hair, he wanted to take her tighter into his arms, pull her over onto his lap, feel her body—

He didn't attempt to slip his tongue between her lips and the kiss couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds, but it was no less arousing than any other they'd shared.

When he leaned away, Tessa pulled in a breath and expelled a sigh.

"Friends?" he asked, reminding himself again.

She looked confused for a moment, then nodded.  "Friends."

And at that moment Max knew he was lying to himself.

Chapter Ten

Six little boys chattered and laughed and giggled on Saturday as they scrambled from kitchen chair to kitchen chair set up in the middle of the living room.  Tessa stopped the CD of children's songs, and Jimmy ended up on Ryan's lap while Ryan yelled, "No, no.  It's
my
chair!"

Standing at the CD player, Tessa called to Jimmy, "You can help me play the music."

Jimmy's pout turned into a smile as he ran up to Tessa.  She wondered what she'd do with the next four boys who lost their place in the game.

When Max came to stand in back of her, she felt his presence.  She remembered his "friendly" kiss and almost forgot about Jimmy and the music.  "Okay, Jimmy, stop it again."