Heartfire (14 page)

For once Max's guard was down.  Turbulent emotions played across his face.  "And I did, too.  Never once did I wish anything had been different.  My feelings for you died when you left, and for the past nine years you've been Leslie's best friend.  Nothing more.  So what is happening now?"

Tessa lifted her chin and met his gaze head-on.  "We were attracted to each other once.  Living in the same house, taking care of Ryan together has stirred up the chemistry again.  That's all."

Max slashed his hand through the air.  "That's all?  Have you thought about what it means?  Both of us know why it didn't work before.  Your career.  And that hasn't changed.  Has it?"

She had to be truthful.  "No, it hasn't."

He took a step away, her honesty driving a huge wedge between them.

The rattle of the fire hall doors opening preceded a burst of laughter as a group of teenagers spilled into the parking lot.

Max's face was blank now, his guard firmly back in place.  He motioned toward the noise.  "We'd better go back in."

There was nothing Tessa could say to ease the tension.  Because nothing
had
changed.  But maybe for the first time in her adult life she wondered if it could.

Chapter Eight

The burnished leaves covered the grass in a thick layer.  Tessa fought a losing battle, trying to rake them into one large pile in the corner of the yard as the breeze ruffled and sent them skittering away.  She'd needed something physical to do this afternoon so she could burn off disturbing feelings from last night and everything she and Max had said to each other.  As they'd made breakfast this morning, they'd been so polite.

Tessa worked with renewed vigor, the rhythmic clawing sound of the rake on the leaves somehow soothing her.  She had prevented herself from falling in love with Max nine years ago.  She'd told herself she could enjoy his friendship and move on, and she'd made it clear to him from the beginning she'd intended to move on.  But had
he
fallen in love with
her
?  And had she killed that love by leaving and following her dream?

After Leslie told Tessa she and Max were dating, Tessa had tried to forget about Max.  And she'd managed to do that pretty well most of the time.  Not long after Leslie and Max married, Tessa thought she'd fallen in love.  She'd been covering the war in the Mid East.  So had Phil Evans.  One eventful day, they'd both almost been killed by stray gunfire.  Nothing had seemed more precious than life, and they'd turned to each other in the midst of chaos.  But six weeks later, Phil had moved on—to another country, another war.  He'd left her without looking back.

Had Tessa done that to Max?

Tessa stopped raking and gazed up at the grey-blue sky.  No, she'd looked back.  Often.  Only Max didn't know that.

She sighed and used the back of her rake to push the leaves she'd gathered into a high, neat pile.  All her life she'd been taught that love hurt.  Her mother had loved her father and he'd deserted them both.  Her mother had loved Tessa so much she'd given her to strangers to raise.   By the time she'd met Max, she'd been safeguarding her heart carefully for a long time.  And when Phil took off without a backward glance, she'd decided from then on to keep herself protected.  Her work had to be her life.  Losing hurt too much.

Losing Leslie had hurt most of all.

The sound of a car broke Tessa's bout of introspection.  Max pulled into the driveway, and she kept raking.  But a few minutes later, she couldn't ignore him when he stood in the path of her rake.

She lifted her head and found him studying her.  All six foot two of him, rugged and much too appealing in a grey Penn State sweatshirt and worn jeans.  Her heart fluttered and she felt like crying.  She hadn't cried since Leslie died.  It wasn't her usual reaction to a problem or confusion.  Activity was.

She raked around Max's sneakers.

He put his hands over hers on the rake, stopping the motion.  "Tessa, what are we going to do?  This strain between us isn't good for either of us.  Or Ryan."

He obviously knew that would get her attention.  She took a deep breath and met his eyes.  "What do you suggest?"

"We could try being friends.  I don't know if we've ever been that to each other.  Even in the beginning...we didn't know each other very well."

Her heart fluttered because his hand covered hers.  He emanated a virility she'd found in few men, and she vividly remembered last night's kiss.  "And what about the rest?"

After he released her, he leaned away.  "We're adults.  We can control what we do.  For your sake, mine and Ryan's we have to keep this simple.  I'll try if you will."

Oh, she'd try.  But he was discounting feelings in his formula.  She'd just have to keep a lid on hers and hope that was enough.  "I'd like to be your friend, Max."

He gave her a crooked smile.  "I have Mrs. Bartlett's book in the car.  Ready to plan a party?"

"As ready as I'll ever be.  I guess for Halloween, we'll have to come up with decorations, too."

He waved to the garage.  "There's some stuff Leslie made stored in the crawl space.  I'll pull it out."

Suddenly Ryan came skipping out of the house, a milk-and-crumbs mustache hanging across his upper lip.  "What are you doing?"

She let the rake fall and stooped down beside him to wipe away the crumbs.  "Waiting for you to play a game with me."

His eyes sparkled.  "What?"

She pointed to the pile of leaves.  "See that?"

"Yeah."

She whispered into his ear, "It's great to mess up.  Do you want to try?"

He grinned.  "By jumping in it?"

"How else?"

With a conspiratorial wink at Ryan, she jumped and landed on her bottom in the pile, the leaves toppling over her.  "Come on," she called.

Ryan landed close beside her and waved his arms, pushing leaves in all directions.  He tried to cover her with them.  She returned the action in kind and tickled him.  He giggled and giggled, and Tessa thought she'd never heard a more wonderful sound.

Above the ruckus, Max called, "While you two undo everything you've done, I have papers to grade and lesson plans to finish."

Tessa stopped tormenting Ryan and slapped the leaves in front of her.  "You could join us."

Ryan chimed in, "Yeah, Dad.  Jump.  You'll really make them fly."

Max smiled ruefully and shook his head.  "Not this time."  Crossing to the car, he picked up a book then went into the house.

Tessa had to ask herself what would have happened if Max had jumped into the leaves, if they'd tumbled together, playing and laughing.  If they were going to be "friends," she'd have to set her impulses aside, even imaginary ones.

***

Monday morning, Tessa pushed the cart through the grocery store.  She'd decided to start planning the Halloween party by coming here first.  She'd found recipes for cute little Halloween cookies—the kind Leslie would have made.  Tessa had never baked cookies before, but how hard could it be to roll out dough, bake it and ice it?  She'd also found a recipe for a cake designed in the shape of a pumpkin.  Sure, she could buy something but she felt she had something to prove...to herself or to Max?

As she passed through the baked goods section, she tossed confectioner's sugar and cinnamon into her basket, thinking about Ryan's costume.  He'd said he wanted to be Robin Hood.  How difficult could it be to make a green tunic?  Max had pulled Leslie's sewing machine out of the storage space and he and Tessa had figured out how it worked.  Ryan was excited already about the party.  Tessa was going to make it the best Halloween he would ever experience.  Just like Leslie would have.

At least if she was busy with the party, she'd be less aware of Max.  After Max had said his piece yesterday, tension had eased.  But she still felt every nerve go on red alert when he came near.  She still felt the sound of his voice to her toes.  She'd be the first to admit she was confused about what was happening between them.

"Max Winthrop."

Tessa had been thinking about him, but she hadn't said his name out loud.  Someone else had.

"Her name's Tessa Kahill.  I've seen her on the news and on TV specials.  I’ve read her blogs and articles on that news website."

Tessa craned her neck and could just see over the boxes of cake mix into the next aisle.  Nothing could keep her from eavesdropping.

A black-haired woman said, "They were at the dance together.  She acted like a teenager, dancing with the students.  He just stood and watched her.  He was probably mortified.  I hear she was a friend of his wife's.  And she's living with him!"

A blond-highlighted, brunette shook her head.  "I heard she's only staying a few weeks.  She travels around the world.  I can't imagine why she'd want to stay here even for a little while."

"I can.  He's a well put together red-blooded male.  She's a red-blooded female.  You can't tell
me
there's nothing going on in that house when his son's asleep."

How dare these women judge Max?  How dare they butt into his private business?  Tessa opened her mouth, then closed it again.  Max would hate it if she caused a scene.  She wondered what other rumors were spreading across town.  Suddenly she remembered Al Weaver's statement that he knew she and Max were "close."  What did he think he knew?

Her cart rattled as she pushed it down the aisle to finish her shopping.  She'd better not end up in the same check-out line as those two women or she'd be tempted to set them straight.  Nothing was going on between her and Max.  Nothing at all.

She suddenly realized how sad that thought made her.

Later that evening, Tessa finished reading a story to Ryan and closed the book.  He'd snuggled up against her and didn't seem eager to move away.  She'd tried to put the grocery store conversation she'd overheard out of her mind, but it bothered her.  Should she tell Max about it?  Or should she pack up her bag and computer and move to a motel?

Ryan stirred against her.  What would be best for him?

Squiggling sideways, he took his bear from atop his new bed.

She kept her arm loosely around him.  "How do you like your new room now that you've been sleeping in it a while?"

He stuffed his bear further into the crook of his arm.  "It's great.  I dream about driving all those cars."  He pointed to the walls.

"Maybe on Saturday you can show your friends your room."

"I can?"

"Sure.  Friends like to hang out in each other's rooms."

When Ryan didn't respond, she asked, "Are you looking forward to your party?"

He grinned.  "I can't wait to be Robin Hood.  Jimmy said he's gonna be Spiderman.  His mom made his costume."

Jimmy and five other seven and eight-year-olds would be invading the house Saturday evening.  Ryan had decided himself who he wanted to invite.  "Do you and Jimmy play together much at school?"

Ryan shrugged.  "Sometimes."

She could tell she wasn't getting anywhere with that angle.  "You know, you don't have to wait to have a party to invite someone over.  Maybe sometime Jimmy or someone else can come and stay overnight.  Wouldn't that be fun?"