Heartbreaker (22 page)

“Bales, squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

Okay. I can do that.

I feel a nice warm hand slip in my sweaty one. I give a weak clench and I hear a big sigh. “Jesus, Bales, you scared the shit out of me.”

I did?
I was only dancing. I know that can be pretty scary, but ...

“What the hell did you take?”

I bite my lip. Oh. I forgot about that. Probably not the best idea I’ve ever had.

I croak out. “Nothing bad.” I still can’t open my eyes, but at least I can talk.

“Bull shit. Where the hell did you get it from anyway?”

He sounds really pissed. “Sorry.”

I hear him huff and blow out some big breaths. “You should know better Bales, what the hell were you thinking.”

I give a small shrug, which hurts.

“Where am I?” I ask, to divert the conversation. I don’t like Bennett being pissed at me.

“In the emergency ward of the hospital.”

What? I hate hospitals, I swore I’d never come here again, not after mom died.

“Why? I’m okay, I’ve just got a headache.”

“Bales, you were passed out cold on the floor of your apartment. God knows what was in those pink pills. I’m so angry with you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Oh god, did he find the trash pack and look through it?

I hope not. I really hope not. I don’t want anyone to know. I never want anyone to know.

I splutter, “Tell you what?”

“That you were so cut up about Andy. I didn’t realize how much he affected you.”

Phew. Deep breath. “Yeah. Well, I guess I didn’t either.”

I am such a liar.

Bennett picks up my hand and kisses it. “I’m here for you Bales. I’ll always be here for you.”

Wow, that’s heartfelt for Bennett. No joking around.

I swallow. “Thanks, can you get me some water, I'm really thirsty.”

“Yeah. I’ll go buy you a bottle from the vending machine. I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere.”

I give a small smile. “I’ll be here.” I don’t think I could move even if I wanted to. Each time I move even a little bit, my whole body aches.

While Bennett’s gone I try and open my eyes again. They sting, like someone poured bleach in them, but I force them open and look around at the stark, white surroundings.

I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I took drugs. I’ve never done that. Ever. And after today, I’m never doing it again. Ever.

Another lesson learnt Bailey Ryan.

It’s Christmas.

I’m sitting in m
y apartment alone. It’s been over a week since it happened, but it still stings to think about. I imagine it always will. A part of me will always ache for the loss of my baby. A baby I didn’t think I wanted, but now I want it so badly.

Irony’s a bitch.

I haven’t been back to work. Bennett took some time off to look after me, and has been here every day fussing and acting like a mother hen. He’s so sweet. First thing he did when he brought me home was to flush the little pink pills. Not that I would have taken them again. Or I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have. But sometimes, in those darker moments ... I shiver thinking about it.

Bennett’s gone to spend the holidays with his family. He wanted to take me as well. But I lied again. I told him I wanted to go home for Christmas. I do. But I’m not ready just yet. I couldn’t face Christmas. The pretence of being jolly and all that brightness. Not yet.

It’s really cold, I have the heating cranked up as high as it will go, and I’m all snuggled in my track pants, sweater and blanket. Curled on the couch, watching old Christmas movies. One comes on and its mine and Cam’s favorite. Mickey Mouse’s Christmas Carol. We loved it as kids and always watched it together every year on Christmas Eve. I miss him so much. I miss my dad so much. I miss home so much. I sigh and look around at the four walls of my apartment. And that’s all they are. Four walls. Four walls holding me here. They aren’t walls that I love, or walls that make me happy. I haven’t been happy since the day I arrived. And now I know where I am happy and what makes me happy, and it’s not here.

I pull my old cell from my pocket and scroll through the photos of home. I’ve looked at them every day since I got my purse back. I wish I could give the police officer who found it a huge hug. That was the best Christmas gift ever. I have my family and friends back. Back in my pocket to carry around with me. To look at every day. To hold every day.

Except it’s not the real thing.

I want the real thing. I want to go home. I want to see my Dad and Gerry and Cam. I really want to see Cam. I still love him. I never stopped. I hope for a second, that maybe, just maybe he might still love me. I know how much I hurt him. He’s probably moved on, has a new girl in his life. That stings to think about, but it stings even more to think about never giving it a try. I would hate myself for not trying. Regrets are not something I want to live with. My mom had enough of those to last both of our lifetimes.

Well mom, I think I’ve finally worked it out.

Chicago and this life
’s not for me.

But now I know what is.

And it’s not here.

It
’s home.

TWeNTY-
THRee

______________________________________

It’s been a week. The best week of my life. I am so in love with Cam. I never thought I could love him more, but I do. We have been pretty much inseparable, well except for working and sleeping. We haven’t crossed that line yet. I want to. Boy, do I want to, and I’m pretty sure Cam wants to as well. But we said we’d take it slow. Get to know each other again. Catch up on all that we’ve missed.

Now,
I think we’ve caught up enough. Cam’s taking me out after work. He won’t tell me where we’re going, but I don’t care. I’d go anywhere with him. I check the time on my cell and see that it’s nearly six. He’s been working on a property out of town today, so he won’t be here for another twenty minutes. I decide to use the time to pretty up a bit.

I bought a new dress. Found it at the vintage clothing store in town. A white tight fitting go-go dress. I love it. I’ve got matching pump shoes and purse. A bit extravagant for me, but I want to look nice for Cam. After switching off the computer and tidying my desk I take my clothes and make-up into the bathroom. Everyone who works here has gone home, so it’s only me. I decide to put some music on while I get ready. I choose my favorite mix and boogie along while I put on my dress and make up my face. I use a light foundation powder and wipe the mascara wand over my lashes. I pucker my lips to apply my pink lipstick then check my teeth.

“You look beautiful.”

My heart races at his voice. I turn around to see Cam standing in the door way staring at me. God, he's so gorgeous. He’s obviously gone home first and had a shower. He’s dressed in his light denim jeans with a white shirt, his hair still looks wet. He looks good enough to eat. I smile at him and he s
miles.

“Are you ready?” he asks, his eyes roaming all over me.

There is too much space between us. I gather up my makeup and shove it into my new purse, then hurry over to him.

“Are you?” I ask, trying to be all smouldering.

Not sure if I pull it off, because he laughs at me, shaking his head saying, “You have no idea.”

I reach up and put my arms around his neck. I snuggle in close breathing in his musty cologne and the scent of soap. I whisper in his ear, “Oh, I think I do.”’

He grabs me and turns me around pressing me up against the cold tiled wall. Except I’m not cold, I’m far from cold. He bites my bottom lip and drags it through his teeth, sending my body exploding. His hands caress from  my shoulders down to my hips, where he rests them lightly. “We need to go,” he growls. “Before I start something, I won’t be able to stop.”

I can feel every inch of him pressed
close to me, and all I want is to move closer. I crash my lips to his and kiss him with every fibre of my being, like I didn’t hear what he said. Because my brain didn’t want to register those words. Ever since his lips have been hovering so close to mine, all I’ve wanted to do is feel them, to lose myself in them. To lose myself in him.

He kisses me back just as fiercely and I lift my legs to wrap around his waist. I want this and I want him so badly. I can feel his want for me, and I clench my legs harder, still kissing him, caressing his back and wrapping my fingers in his hair and pulling on those beautiful locks.

Then a far away crashing sound echoes from outside and Cam wrenches his lips from mine. “Jesus, Bai,” he pants.

I’m still soaring and it takes me a minute to remember where I am. Cam leans in and whispers in my ear. “We need to go. I can only take so much of this, and I do not want to take you here.”

Why not?
Is my first thought. Then I frown. Oh. That’s right. I’m in a public bathroom. In my work building. Crap. Probably not wise.

I extricate myself from Cam and straighten my dress, which has ridden to the top of my thighs. Whoops. I’m not
into public exhibition usually. I’m not sure what’s got into me lately, but it I’m pretty sure it has everything to do with the gorgeous hunk of man standing in front of me, trying to compose himself. I smile at him and lick my lips.

“Jesus, Bai. Stop it,” he says and
moves about a foot away.

I don’t apologize. Not this time. I’m not sorry at all. I’m only sorry the stupid cleaner or whoever it is, chose to come into the building right at this moment.

Cam grabs my hand and leads me outside to his truck. This is better, much better. My grin widens as Cam opens my door and I hop inside. I love this truck. We’ve had so many good times in this truck. Good times I want to relive right now. I’m really hoping that’s in Cam’s plans for tonight, because if it isn’t, he might just have to change plans.

Cam gets in the other side and glances at me. “I’m taking you to dinner.”

I pout, and then my stomach grumbles. I haven’t eaten much today, just a cheese sandwich at lunch. Cam chuckles as he turns on the ignition and pulls out onto the road heading into town, “I thought as much. I’m feeding you, no arguments.”

I give a little sigh. And the night started out so promising. I hope the meal is amazing, because it would need to be to top that kiss from the bathroom. I think about it and
a smile creeps across my face again.

“What’s funny?” Cam asks.

I look at him and my eyes rake over his toned arms and his beautiful face. He’s clean shaven and his lips look a little swollen. I want to reach out and touch those lips again. I want to feel them kissing me.

Oh boy, it’s hot in this truck.

Cam groans and spins the wheel, so that we're going in the opposite direction. I wrinkle my brow, wondering what brought that on.

“That’s it,” he grunts.

“What? What are you doing? I thought we were going to eat.”

Cam doesn’t answer. H
e puts his foot on the gas and speeds up. Then I see what he’s heading for, and an ear splitting grin I can’t hide, breaks free.

It’s our place. The place we used to go to make out. The old deserted farmhouse nestled in among a bunch of old trees. As it comes into view I want to leap out of my seat before the car’s even stopped.

I’ve waited too long for this. I’ve waited, what feels like forever, to have Cam back in my life.

And I know there’s been so much between us, and I know there’s still a lot more to talk through. Andy, the pregnancy, the haemorrhaging from the miscarriage, but I want to keep that locked away. There will come a day when I’ll tell him, but not now. Not when we're so good and everything is so right.

I love him and he loves me, and that’s all that really matters.

Right?

He stops the car and I unfasten the seatbelt and climb over to straddle his lap. He doesn’t hold back this time and we lock our lips together and hold each other tight, fitting together as we do, loving each other as we should.

I never want to let go.

I’m back.

Exactly where I belong.

And boy is my heart beating again.