Heart Matters (32 page)

“Congratulations, Mrs. Hart, you’re
pregnant.” Jessica went visibly pale and the gynecologist leaned
towards her with a worried look. “Are you all right?”

The gray eyes were wide with a dazed look.
“Y..yes,” Jessica managed to mumble, “Are you sure, doctor?”

The lady doctor sensed her skepticism and
smiled encouragingly. “Yes, of course I’m sure. I know you had
probably not planned to have a baby right now but it happens
sometimes. No matter what precaution you take, nature takes
over.”

Nature takes over
. The words echoed
in her mind as Jessica sat in her office staring vacantly out of
the windows. Of course, nature takes over, she thought, especially
when you take no precaution. Scenes of her passionate love making
with Steven flashed before her eyes. She closed them rapidly to
shut them out but they still appeared, mocking her ruthlessly. She
had given herself to the man she had loved, the man she still
loved. The tears cascaded down her cheeks as she touched her
stomach with curious hands. This was the result of that love.

Uncontrollable sobs shook her slight form.
Part of her wanted to rush out into the world and announce the
coming of a new life but part of her wanted to cry for the child
who would be part of a broken family even before it was born.

A month and a half had passed by since the
attack at Maui and she was yet to come terms with the incidents
that had occurred there. Her therapy sessions were what Jeff called
a healing process but she still had a long way to go. Try as she
did, she was not yet ready to accept Steven’s innocence on the
matter. She kept up her argument; if he cared even one bit for her,
he would’ve confided in her. But to leave her after one of the most
traumatic incidents in her life; she just couldn’t accept any
explanation whatsoever.

In all this, the therapist did mention her
own selfish desire to be loved by him as the culprit but it made no
difference to Jessica. She knew what she had shared with Steven was
extremely special and she knew he had felt it too. She couldn’t
share those memories with anyone and perhaps the day she could,
would be the day she finally forgave Steven.

And now she was pregnant with a child who
was the symbol of her love for Steven. She touched her flat stomach
tenderly and smiled absently. This baby was hers and hers alone.
Steven Hart would never get the satisfaction of knowing he had
fathered a child. Nor would he ever get a chance to take it away
from her. She would go away if she had to and hide in the darkest
corner of the earth but she would never let him know about their
child.

The thought sobered her enough to wipe away
her tears and start thinking seriously about the future of her
child. She would leave for Paris immediately. It was a city she was
most familiar with and had a few friends there to call her own. It
was also a city that would hide her from Steven- forever. But
before that, she had to meet Mark.

***

He sat at the waterfront bench, his brown
hair blowing slightly in the breeze. He wore his trademark denim
jacket with a checked shirt and simple jeans. Her heart went out to
him when he looked up at her and smiled easily.

“Hey.” He took her hand and kissed her
knuckles.

“Hey yourself, stranger.” Her voice was
husky, her smile heartbreaking. “May I?” She nodded at his lap and
he opened his arms to her. She sank on his lap, clutching the
lapels of his jacket, breathing in his incredible masculine smell.
“Ty..”

“Ssh.” He placed a finger on her lips,
content in just holding her one last time. He knew she had come to
tell him that it was finally over between them, that he had to move
on. She sat with her arms around his neck, allowing him to bury his
face in her tresses. He had to take whatever memory of hers that he
could.

“My batman!” She laughed suddenly making him
grin into her eyes. She traced his lips with her finger. “He’s
gone, Ty, he’s finally gone! You made him go away.” She hugged him
desperately, wanting to thank him in any way that she could. “I
still can’t believe you actually killed him for me.”

“Hmm, neither can I,” he declared upon which
she punched him lightly making him laugh. “Seriously, Jess! You
made me a killer!”

“I made you a hero!” she laughed with him.
She slid onto the bench to sit next to him, drawing his arm around
her shoulders. They sat in silence for a while, watching the calm
waves hitting the beach at a distance.

“So now what?” he asked not really wanting
the answer.

“I’m leaving for Paris.”

If he was surprised, he didn’t show it.
“Why?”

She shrugged as if the decision was a simple
one. “I have to get away from it all I guess…”

“You shouldn’t leave him, baby girl, he
loves you.”

Her breath caught in her chest. “If he did,
he wouldn’t have gone with Ida.”

“Women!” he scoffed, earning a frown from
her. “Don’t look at me like that, okay? I’m just telling you
facts.”

“Facts? Facts?” she almost shouted, turning
to face him in anger. “He was in her bed
nude
! How the hell
do you justify that?”

“He was drugged…”

“I know that!” she yelled in his face. “Why
in the world are you taking sides?”

He flinched, his eyes narrowing over her
angry ones. “I’m not taking sides. I just don’t want you to
go.”

His simple statement immediately calmed her.
She sat back with a sigh. “You’re dumb.”

“So are you,” he gave back, his tone
nonchalant. “Will you always keep running from the ones who love
you?”

“Steven doesn’t love me.”

“I wasn’t talking about him.”

“Oh.”

“How can I protect you if you go to
Paris?”

“I’ll shine the bat signal.”

“Yea, cool.”

“Jake’s dead. Why would I need
protection?”

“Yea, true.”

“I’ll need a friend though. You will come
when you see the signal?”

He turned to face her, his eyes narrow with
irritation. “Are you an idiot, Jess?”

She glared at him once again. “You don’t
have to if you don’t want to.”

He cupped her face in his large palms to
peer into her eyes. “Baby girl, I will follow you to the end of the
world if you want. But Jess, you need to open your eyes. You can’t
do this to yourself. You
love
him, for crying out loud! Go
get him and be happy!”

“I can’t! Not after he left me!”

“Stubborn fool! Look at yourself in the
mirror. You’ve lost your color! Your eyes have sunk and…”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Shit.” He hands dropped abruptly from her
face as he stared at her in surprise.

“Yea, what can I say? I wasn’t thinking, I
didn’t think I needed protection.” Her smile was wry and sad. “How
you gonna protect me now, batman?”

He opened his mouth to speak then shut it
again. He ran a hand through his hair before gazing back at her.
“I’m going to spank you now.”

“Whaaat?”

“You heard me,” he stated simply.

“Why?”

“Why? Why?” he shouted in her face making
her cringe. “You’re having the man’s baby and you’re talking about
leaving? What the hell is wrong with you?”

She jumped to her feet, her beautiful face
flush with anger. “Don’t tell me what to do!”

He rose towering above her with a ferocious
scowl. “Go back to Steven!”

“You can’t tell me what to do!” she yelled
back. They stood staring at each other, heaving with anger. Finally
her shoulders slumped in defeat. She couldn’t be angry with Ty. She
stepped closer to him and smiled up at him, snaking her arms around
his neck. “I love you, Ty. I always will. Just be there when I need
you.” She tiptoed to kiss the corner of his mouth and whispered,
“You’re taller than you should be Ty.”

His arms came around her as he let out a
helpless groan. He held her in the safe cocoon of his embrace for
one last time, kissing the top of her head. They both were aware it
was time to let go.

Jessica tiptoed and gave him a chaste kiss
on his lips. Then she stepped out of his arms and was gone,
disappearing into the crowd, leaving him all alone.

***

“I don’t believe this!” Jeff exploded, his
gray eyes black as thunder. “You mean to say your marriage was a
business deal?”

“Jeff, I…”

“You lied to me?” he accused her looking
deeply hurt, “You found it in your heart to lie to me?”

Her smoky eyes pleaded with him tearfully.
“Jeff, I’m sorry. Please, please forgive me.” She broke down,
dissolving into pitiful tears. After coming back from the hospital,
she had been staying with Jeff and Cheryl. She had managed to hide
the truth behind the terms of her marriage to Steven from Jeff so
far but now when she had decided to leave for Paris, he had to know
the truth.

Jeff was naturally shattered. He sighed in
defeat and gathered her in his arms. “My angel, my sweet little
girl.” He cupped her face, gazing into her shattered face. “You
love him don’t you?”

She avoided his searching question. “I’m
leaving for Paris. I can’t stay here.”

“Don’t leave. Stay here with me. With us.
Cheryl and the kids would love to have you around.”

She shook her head miserably. “He’ll take my
baby away if I live here.” Her eyes clouded with pain. “I couldn’t
bear it, Jeff. It’s mine. It’s all I’ve got.”

Jeff watched her distressed face unhappily.
“Jessica, Steve loves you. I know it’s not my place to tell you
this…”

“No, it’s not!” She brushed away the sudden
tears that sprang to her eyes. “He doesn’t love me, he never did.
And now he has Ida.”

Her brother frowned. “Jessi, I don’t know if
you’ve read the papers, but Ida is back with Senator David. They’re
spending New Year’s Eve visiting cancer patients.”

Her eyes dilated briefly in surprise before
her shoulders slumped once again. “It doesn’t make a difference.”
She squared her shoulders bravely. “Look, I’m going to be just
fine. You can visit me whenever you want.”

Jeff gave up the argument reluctantly. “All
right, go. But after Christmas.”

She nodded her head, going into his secure
arms. She was glad for his support. Glad he respected her decision.
“I’ll miss you,” she whispered, “I’ll miss you a lot.”

***

“Are you sure it’s okay with you?” Cheryl
asked anxiously, leaning out of the car.

“Relax, Cheryl, we’ll be just fine”, Jessica
replied, holding onto Mallory and Jamie. She smiled down at them.
“Won’t we, champs?”

Mallory’s blonde head nodded vigorously.
“Yes, mom, we’ll be okay.” She kissed her mother and nudged Jamie
to followed suit.

Cheryl groaned, almost getting out of the
car. She was stopped by Jeff who put a comforting arm around her
narrow shoulders. “Honey, we’ll be gone only a couple of days.
They’ll be fine with Jessica.”

“Please go, mom!” Mallory pleaded, “You’re
gonna make Jamie cry.”

Jessica stood with the children waving at
the car that disappeared down the drive. Jeff and Cheryl were off
for an emergency visit to Cheryl’s mother in Cleveland. Old Mrs.
Diana Stuart had slipped in the bathroom and suffered a fractured
hip. Jessica had immediately offered to look after the kids while
they were away. Mallory and Jamie were well-behaved children and
fond of her.

It was still only the second week of
December and she planned to leave for Paris sometime soon after New
Year’s Eve. Over the days since her honest talk with Jeff, she had
spent her time packing slowly, taking time to choose the
essentials. The process was painful especially when she came across
her wedding gown. She had just sat staring at it with unshed tears
when the urgent need to throw up had rushed her to the washroom.
That was one problem that she found difficult to cope with.

Pregnancy had made her stomach strangely
hypersensitive to any unexpected emotion along with her favorite
foods. A sudden rush of tears and it all came out. Hot pancakes, a
whiff of Chinese food and she was doomed. The kids, especially
Mallory, were very curious of her plight. They were particularly
alarmed when she ran away with a disgusted look at the sight of
popcorn. Jessica convinced them her case was not as bad as it
looked and that she was only ‘a bit unwell’. They seemed to accept
the explanation well and gave it no further thought especially when
she announced their itinerary for the next few days. Since school
holidays had begun, she thought visits to several adventure parks
were surely the right places to keep them busy.

The trips went down well with Mallory and
Jamie, although Jessica stayed away from the monstrous rides where
most people turned green after a single round. With Jeff and Cheryl
having to stay with Granma Di for a while longer, they paid several
visits to malls and movies in succession and soon got bored with
too many outings.

***

As the weekend approached, Mallory came up
with a suggestion of a picnic at Dana Point Harbor, a small port
town mid-way between L.A and San Diego. She had ‘searched’ for
Santa on the net and had come upon the town’s website that
announced an exciting cruise with Santa and his elves. The
suggestion sounded refreshing and Jessica found herself piling them
into her car, early on a Saturday morning to head for Dana Point
Harbor.

The kids were excited and sang almost all
the way to the port town. Jamie was strapped safely in the back
seat while Mallory sat in the passenger seat reading signs that
told them how much further to go. Jamie, who was only five, fell
asleep after nibbling on peanut butter sandwiches. Jessica was glad
for Mallory’s constant chatter that relaxed her mind enough to let
her enjoy their day out.

When they arrived at Dana Point Harbor, she
was not surprised to find it under siege by the holidaying crowd.
She drove into the parking lot of Dana Wharf Sportfishing and
easily located the ‘Seahorse’, the boat that was to take them for
the ride with Santa and his elves.